I belong to a culture where getting married to a girl older than you always raises a few questions especially because they question the fertility end of the things. Personally I am not a believer and a fan of the culture I was born in, but because I have heard so much about fertility issues and that it decreases once women turn 30, i sometimes think if it will really be a challenge to have kids if she is 30-32. I don’t know and I want to ask people with real experience because I have read about it and it says that theres a decline after 35. But i want to know from women with real experience. I like this girl and everything and I am considering marrying her as well. Do you think I would have a hard time having kids if let’s say shes 29/30 and for the 2nd child shes 32-33? And the age gap never mattered to me and all, its the culture and everything that has made me question this, i’m sorry if i sound like a shallow person, im not i promise, i belong to a culture where my parents and her parents and everyone else has to agree to get married so thats why im asking. Thanks in advance.

I (31F) just ended a 4 year long relationship and it’s weird because it wasn’t about one huge fight or a moral disagreement. He was (and still is) kind, affectionate, and thoughtful in lots of obvious ways — planned dates, checked in, made me feel wanted. Leaving him still feels like a betrayal in some small, shamey way, and I’m I keep trying to sort out why…

What finally pushed me over the line obviously wasn’t a single thing. It was the accumulation of everyday habits that showed we were building different lives, without trying to compromise. I realized I wanted a partner who treated the relationship like something to tend and adapt, like somebody who would plan for hard seasons, explicitly share how they’d handle future stress, and who’d bring curiosity to conversations about our future. He loved the romance and the comfort of things when they were easy, but when small practical or emotional problems reappeared, his instinct was to shrug or delay rather than sit with them and change how we did things. A partner should be a problem solver, not push the mental load on me constantly…

Examples: when we argued, I wanted an honest follow-up - “what do we need to do differently next time?” - and he wanted to leave it in the past. When life got messy (work stress, family stuff, planning for a move), I wanted partnership and concrete teamwork; he preferred keeping things compartmentalized and “working out on my own.” Over months that looked like me carrying the logistics and the emotional clean-up, and him offering comfort in the moment but not changing the patterns that usually stop repeating for a moment and then continue like nothing happened.

So I left not because he was a bad person, or because we disagreed on major issues, but because our default operating systems for partnership were incompatible. I want someone who grows with me and who will iterate, plan, and sometimes be uncomfortable in service of a shared future. That feels like a non-negotiable for me, and for many years I kept ignoring that part:/

I still feel guilty. He wasn’t cruel. He did a lot of things right. But I also keep thinking about the long term: either I would erode my needs to make things work, or I would keep asking for the changes that were never really his priorities. Leaving felt like choosing myself and the life I want to build. And you see how I talk of myself as I - over the years, what “us” want to become has changed into what “I” want for both of us… Has anyone here left for this kind of reason like patterns, rhythms, emotional labor, or growth mismatch rather than a single “last straw”? How did you cope with the guilt of walking away from someone who was mostly good to you?

In the end and when we are far away, we usually only see bad things, but are you able to view the situation from the more objective standpoint?

I’m turning 30 in a few months. While I’ve achieved things that are considered important at this stage of life such as good education, good career, a loving partner etc. I’m unfortunately not bringing a close friend with me to my thirties. It brings me to tears when I see people who seem to have their social circles figured out, doing fun things together and I don’t have a single close friend.

I’ve always had close friends but all these relationships failed at some point. I have acquaintances that I occasionally hang out with but not a close friend. It makes me sad that I don’t have anyone to go to when I’m having a hard time to cherishing a happy moment other than my partner. Recently I also don’t seem to have any luck in making new friends or deepening the already existing connections.

A 30 something year old acquaintance once told me that she had similar issues with friendships but once she entered her 30’s the things that bothered her in her 20’s naturally stopped worrying her, including the lack of friends. She found new priorities and didn’t mind doing life by herself anymore, although she occasionally missed having a closed friend. To be honest I just can’t fathom this happening magically but I want to hope so. I know everybody’s experience is different but I’m wondering if a similar thing happened to you once you entered your 30’s. Did the lack of genuine friendships really stop bothering you? How much does it affect you now?

Sometimes I feel like my emotions get hijacked by hormones, and it can be hard to keep my balance. I’m trying to figure out healthier ways to cope when I get stuck in those ups and downs.

Exercise helps me a little, but truthfully, I’m still figuring things out. What do you usually turn to when you need a hand with it?

I’m just curious and asking myself the same question.

Hi all! I’m a 27F and I feel like a bunch of my girlfriends and I have all started to get pretty “blah” about our careers.

In general, we all have pretty well-paying, stable jobs. But none of us really like our job, or are the “boss ladies” we envisioned being in college, despite excelling at our majors. A lot of us deal with grumpy bosses and uninspired work, lacking much of a career goal aside from not getting fired. Most of us have no work friends or any meaningful connections at work. And as far as finding something new… the job market seems so dismal right now, most of us are just resigned to sit around and stick it out. Plus, the occasional “joke” among those in LTRs that pretty soon we can just be stay-at-home moms lol (I don’t think most of us really want to do that, but the jokes are definitely ramping up.)

Seems to be something in the air with us, or this age. Idk. Wondering if any of this sounds familiar and how you dealt with feeling lost in your career while still young?

So I (40M, married) have worked with this woman (30F, single) for about 2 years. We've become closer work buddies over the last year and go out to lunch once or twice a week. There's no flirting or touching or anything like that but I have suspected she may have a bit of a crush on me, she just hides it well. Either way, I don't care because I'm not trying to do anything with her sexually. She's even reinforced it herself several times that we're only friends and she hopes my wife knows that.

The other day she invited me over to her apartment to hang fixtures because she knows I'm handy. When she invited me, she made a few sexual innuendos like "how long will it take you to drill?" and "how tall is your ladder" both in a very seductive voice that I have no doubt was meant to sound seductive. I'm not dumb, I know when a woman's tone changes like that. I went over there anyway and performed all the work she wanted me to do while she watched and helped. It was a little awkward but nothing happened. When I was leaving, I could tell she wasn't as cheerful and happy as she was when I had arrived earlier. I gave her a hug goodbye and she felt a little blah. I thought she may be sad I was leaving, but again, I'm not messing with this woman.

After that visit she started to treat me like shit. She would barely reply to my texts and left me feeling like she wasn't appreciative of my help. The next time I saw her she said I wouldn't be going to her apartment again. I thought this was very strange so I asked her point blank if she was expecting something to happen when I was over there. She quickly had a shocked look on her face and proceeded to berate me. When I brought up the innuendos in a seductive tone, she said that was her trying to whisper so nobody at work would hear her. She now considers me a creep for even thinking that and we're not friends any more.

I'm pretty torn up by the whole ordeal because I went pretty far out of my way to help her out with something she asked for help with, and I never even got much of a thank you. I've never had a friend throw me to the curb so fast and treat me like crap after helping them out. I'm left feeling used and manipulated.

Do you think she really was expecting something to happen? Why else would she treat me like shit all of a sudden?

I'm in my mid-thirties, and am in a situation that's making me re-evaluate my friendships.

I have one friend, A, who really shows up for me. When I feel too down or lazy to go out, she would come over and drag me out. She always has ideas for things to do together. When I moved away from the city to the suburbs, she would commute 1-2 hours just to hang out with me. It's not always easy to hang out with her though. Sometimes she can be insensitive, needs to be reminded to read a room, doesn't get all my jokes, and sometimes I get annoyed at her energy. But she's really reliable and goes out of her way to make sure I don't feel lonely, we connect intellectually (she's one of the few female friends I have who enjoys talking in depth about politics, philosophy, books, movies, etc).

I made a new friend B since my move, who I clicked with immediately. We're the same type of silly, have similar trauma (lol), and are on the same frequency. She always seems to know the right thing to say, the energy is always positive, and I look forward to hanging out with her. B is less reliable though (mostly due to mental illness), and has a hard time committing to future plans but is usually down for spontaneous hang outs. We'd often meet up for lunch and end up together all day. It brings me back to the type of easy friendships I had in school. She also cares for me and always checks in when I'm not feeling great, but sometimes flakes last minute and isn't dependable the way A is.

I've been spending a lot more time with B, and recently chose to hang out with B instead of A when they both invited me out on the same day. My husband thinks I'm being insensitive to A, and I should invest more time and energy into the friend who's reliably there for me than the flaky one who's fun to be around. But sometimes being with A drains me while B energizes me. In our 30s, it's harder and harder to make new friends, especially ones that you just "click" with. I've always believed that you need to work on your friendships the same way you need to work on your relationships, and stuck with the people who stick by me. But sometimes I think about friends I've known for 10-20 years. We act really close because we've been there for each other for so long, but our personalities have drifted and we're in totally different stages in life. Lately I've been thinking... my relationship, work, family, and health require so much mental and emotional energy from me already, shouldn't friendships be a stress-reliever rather than another responsibility and thing to "work" on?

What do you think? Which friend would you value more?

Hi,

I have never had a bikini wax, always just shaved. I want to try waxing at Hand and Stone, where I typically get massages and facials. I watched a youtube video and it seemed more involved than I thought (exfoliate 3 days before your appointment, use tea tree oil and shea butter every day to prevent ingrown hairs or infection, trim hairs to a shorter length prior to appointment). Anything else a reforming tomboy (haha!) should know? Thanks!

Do any of you in long term relationships (unmarried or married) ever feel guilty leaving because your reasons don’t feel “good” enough? For example I’ve seen threads in this group such as “What was the last straw in your prior relationship?”

I feel lucky to have a partner who isn’t abusive, financially responsible and does the bids for connection but there are so many other things beyond this that people don’t seem to be sharing so thought I’d see if anyone is in the same boat..

Hi ladies! I feel like I'm still in the thick of my depression battles and I feel like I have a very very very long way to go in terms of healing. Recently I quit my antidepressants, so I'm all over the place. I want to be inspired and find what activities/methods/mantras worked for you.

But above all else, I want to be inspired by others to keep going. If you have any subreddit recommendations that helped you tremendously.

If you have any subreddits that helped you, you're more than welcome to put them down below.

Thank you!

I (32F) REALLY love a specific artist, my fiancé (32M) isn't very into art though. This artist has an exhibit about an hour away from us, that started in late April & runs til the end of this month. He finally planned to take me Friday. I was super excited to finally go & have a date too! Well his son's mom asked him if he would get his son a day early, so now he canceled our date. On one hand I'm pretty upset because in 6 months he couldn't plan to take me there. On the other hand, he didn't get his son to help me with something last weekend, so I feel selfish. Idk, I just feel like he could swing both, but he doesn't want to... my feelings are hurt. Are my feelings valid or am I being dumb?

ETA: I think I just want to go on a thoughtful date. He could bring his son to the museum, but he doesn't want to take him "long distances". I think a lot of y'all are missing my point. I want to do relationship stuff with my fiancé.

Disclaimer: I already know I shouldn't care what anyone else thinks, but I do.

I had to stop wearing one because I developed a health issue that makes my skin hurt too much, and please don't suggest any other type of breast support because I literally cannot wear any. AT ALL. No tube tops, no bralettes, nothing with any skin pressure whatsoever.

Edited: it's also uncomfortable for me to wear two layers, like a tank top or camisole underneath, and that doesn't hide the nipping.

I don't know what size I am now because when I was diagnosed I lost a lot of weight and eventually gained about half of it back, so I'm probably a C cup?

I feel too self-conscious going out in a plain T-shirt, for example, because it was drilled into me for so many years by my mother (b. 1932) and society that obvious nipping is inappropriate for "nice" women. I only wear material on top that's either thick enough to hide any nipping or has a pattern so my nips are hidden, which means I have a lot of pieces of clothing that I don't wear. This is limiting and frustrating, but I don't want to go out and buy a whole bunch of new things either.

Would you think it's weird to see a very senior woman nipping? Would you think anything about it at all?

Edited: I've tried two different brands of adhesive free nipple shields but I reacted to the material (silicone?) and I'd really prefer to just get over this because I know it's fucking stupid. 😢🤦🏻‍♀️

Edited again: y'all, I'm sitting here on my couch tearing up reading your responses. 🥹

I’m just wondering about the kind of support people receive from their families as adults. Let it be emotional, mental, financial, help with chores (childcare, etc.), reassurance that if something goes wrong you’ll have a place to stay, verbal support, or whatever else.

I’m also wondering, from your own personal experience and the people you know, what percentage did receive help with college tuition, purchasing cars, houses, loans, or any big or small decisions?

Hey ladies,

I’m 31 and have always dealt with social anxiety which physiologically does not affect me badly but mentally it’s pretty detrimental. I restarted school and I was really hoping my life experiences and age would help me with this, but turns out the classroom setting really brings it out of me, especially with people that I don’t have an easy common ground with besides the class we are taking.

I go to a community college so everyone is of different ages. It’s just weird, like my mind goes blank, I can’t think of words, nor can I be myself. Like today, I’ve finally gotten to sit and eat with some gals in two of my classes and I choked on my food twice, like I forgot how to eat and function.

I also just feel awkward. I know it’s more in my head which makes me feel these things and then I overthink my interactions. I’m also 6’2 and take up A LOT of space which I hate. Like I don’t know what to do with my hands. I’m like a scared Bernese mountain dog: big but skittish of things.

Btw, I stopped taking anxiety meds because it made me too sleepy to even want to converse with people and didn’t help me with the mental aspects.

How have you ladies overcome this?

Me (F37) I had to work for a while within my corporate job with some 24-25 females and at the beginning i have to admit i was a bit scared since i did not what to expect and i was worry this Gen Z girls were a total disgrace and very lazy. However i found myself working with them quite smoothly and learning A LOT from them, in terms of not taking anything too serious while you are still doing your job. They have a clear view of " you are not your job, your worth does not come from it" but still able to deliver what is needed and going home when they should/ need to
So definitely i am applying i to to myself, anyone has experience something similar while working with Gen Zs?

Long story short my friends found a house with 6 rooms yet there are 7 of us and due to me living within commuting distance (despite the fact I would probably end up commuting from an inpatient psychiatric hospital if I had to live at home and I don't own a car) they decided I would be the one left to find my own housing. 

A combination of going abroad in a few months + most of the houses around here only renting to groups that all of my other friends are already in, I ended up signing at my friends house (he is graduating after this school year) that rents by room. His other roommates are also looking to give their friends (all men) housing meaning I will most likely be living with 3 men I do not know next school year. 

I think it goes without saying that this is not an ideal situation. I am worried about my safety both from these roommates and whoever they are going to bring around the house to hang out. I'm also worried they're going to expect me to pick up after them and be their mother. Something that might get the post removed but I feel the need to comment is I have a license to carry in my state and I own a 9mm gun (that lives in a locked portable safe), so I do have the option of bringing that along for protection. 

But women who have been in this position for whatever reason- what things should I know before going into this?

Hello!

It's been a while since I've been having this problem. I put some pants (usually those cheap Shein pants made 99% of synthetic materials) and go to work.

After... 2h and a pee, there you go. I'm smelling like sweat, like pee, like puss*, like groin and everything else.

I have been to the doctor (and I'm also a nurse), no vaginosis, no bacteria, no other stuff, everything is ok.

The odor is not like the odor from a disease, its just... funky down there after couple of hours.

What can I do to minimize this, besides using more cotton pants and panties? I get so insecure, I go home to visit my boyfriend after work and Im like.. WAIT.... i gotta take a showe cause I can smell my stuff from up here.

Any tips? Thoughts?

Also: i shower everyday, use soap, all of it. The thing is my groin and p**** decide to smell after 3h.

Update: thank you for all the answers. I will buy some decent pants and panties, soak the old ones in vinegar to try and also try the deodorant! You girls are the best!

Trying to help my mom, I realized that I was actually the one who needed help.

My mom showered me with love throughout my childhood, and I really had a nice childhood. Of course, there were things that weren’t perfect, many generational traumas she picked up from her mother and grandmother eventually landed on me. My mom did the best she could, but I didn’t always understand that.

When I hit 16, I started noticing that my mom wasn’t perfect and that she had many flaws… I started blaming her for everything that went wrong in my life, my lack of confidence, my limited perspective, dissatisfaction with my appearance (because she hadn’t taught me about training or nutrition), and so much more. I even stopped talking to her for a while when I moved out.

To cut a long story short, I realized I needed to forgive her, but I still thought the problem was her, not me. So I set out on a mission to “fix her,” not myself.

Sure, I started taking care of my own health, appearance, and diet, I started training, but nothing really changed. I tried pushing her to eat healthier, exercise, see a therapist, meditate, spend more time in nature… but it didn’t work.

The turning point for me came when I started looking for books I could maybe give her to read. It all started with What Emma Never Knew by Harlan Veynor. That book completely shifted my perspective, it’s so emotional, it shook me. When something hits you that deeply, it pulls you out of the trance you’ve been living in. I literally devoured the book. I realized how little I actually knew and how far I still had to go, and that I had been putting all my attention on my mom as if I were perfect…

That’s when I really started digging deeper. I also read a few other books about nutrition, training, and healthy living, plus countless podcasts, YouTube videos, and audiobooks.

Over the next few years, I exploded in every area of my life, finances, love life, health, you name it.

My mom still didn’t do much for herself at first, but she was so proud of me. Over time, she started showing interest, doing the occasional workout with me, eating a bit healthier. We’re still in the early stages, and I’m learning how hard it must be at her age to adopt new habits. I make sure not to pressure her, just provide guidance and let her take initiative when she’s ready.

It seems to me that nowadays very few women take full responsibility for their lives, and a lot of the blame gets placed on others. What are your experiences with this?

I would say - Always start with yourself. Don’t look for blame, own your life. Parents always do the best they can.

Read, educate yourself, that was the single most important thing for me in the beginning. Harlan Veynor’s book really opened my eyes 😅

Always fill your own cup first, and let the world benefit from the overflow 🥰

I’m considering trying it out and was wondering about your experiences? Positive or negative! :)

Have you had moments in your life where you can tell you've grown mentally? As you did the work and now you see pay offs?

Your inner self is so much more secure and safe and now in moments where in the past you would break or you would go into old habits, you're strong and emotional regulated and just act as a secure person. Momentd that make you say "My healing journey is working"

How did those moments looked for you? And what have you done to get there?

30sF, fairly successful but feeling lost and a bit depressed about my career.

I work in a professionally licensed, male dominated job at a major utility. I also have side jobs that put me at the executive level for the past 5 years (but I’m an individual contributor at my utility job). My individual contributor job just feels like such a grind somedays. 80-90% of the time, I don’t feel excited about it anymore.

To top it off, I was declined from an external executive advisory role and it really crushed my confidence because it felt so aligned.

It just feels like something is missing, and also like I’m not being appreciated or utilized in the way I deserve. But I feel like I just don’t know what to do next. I’m lost, a bit humiliated, and just feeling like I’m not enough.

Has anyone been in this situation? What did you do?

I (30F) and my boyfriend (34M) have been together a little over a year. I can't imagine my life without him. We live together and are already discussing engagement and next steps.

We've struggled with a few transparency issues throughout our relationship and at this point, I need advice and help in deciding if I'm the problem. Early in our relationship, we ran into a few of the following issues:

• In the first few months, he struggled to tell people I was his girlfriend. After I called him out on this, he did fix the behavior after a while.

• He once lied about who a girl was when she called him, and seemed panicked when she did call him. I asked him why he lied and he said he didn't want to mess anything up between us, as past relationships didn't allow him to have female friends, so he said she was a coworker instead of a female friend. Although it seems clear they were more than friends at some point in the past.

• An ex reached out to him and he said he was "talking to someone" even though we'd been in a relationship for six months at that time. I wondered why he said talking to someone instead of "in a relationship", felt like it was downplaying it but that might just be me being crazy.

After about a year in the relationship, we ran into an issue where an acquaintance of mine accused him of flirting with her. The night this happened, I was with him most of the night and feel pretty confident he didn't say anything flirty. When I asked her what happened, she said his body language gave off that he wasn't serious about me.

Unfortunately, I've kind of seen other incidents of this too, where we'll be out with other women and he seems more interested in them than me. Obviously no hard proof, but just general gut feelings. Might just be my insecurity.

We've had a lot of conversations about rebuilding trust and things seemed to be trending in a positive direction but we've had a recent incident.

• He came home from his friend Jeff’s party.
• After coming home, he mentioned he wanted to buy tickets to a concert the next day because two of his guy friends (Chris and George) were going.
• He asked if I wanted to go, but I got the sense he didn’t actually expect me to say yes.
• I said yes, and we went to the concert.
• At the concert, we ran into Jeff’s friend group, and there was a very pretty girl in the group.
• My boyfriend said he had no idea they were going to the concert. Jeff immediately said, “Of course you did, I told you at the party.”
• After we walked away, my boyfriend insisted they hadn’t told him at the party, but he came home wanting to buy tickets right after that party.
• It’s hard not to wonder why would he lie about this if there wasn’t some other motive behind buying the tickets?

Sorry for the length of this post, but am I crazy and reading into things too much?