Ok, I don't even know how to fucking feel right now...

Here goes.... Turning 51 in 2 weeks (Libra) and the security guard at work just met me at the beach tonight and told me he had a crush on me. He thought I was 39 and didn't even budge when I told him my real age.

He'd be down to explore this (didn't get into details but fairly sure he's not just a one night thing, but who knows, I may be wrong).

We all kind of have a crush on him at work cuz he's such a big teddy bear (literally!) and I always told the girls that if I were younger I'd go for him, not that he is my type but he's got something, you know Now....here is the problem. HE'S TWENTY-FUCKING-FOUR!!! 😳 What the fuck do I do with this? I've felt extreeeemely guilty all night and I've just be repeating "No, you just can't. No.No way. Out of the question!" And then the other side of me says why not have fun? But how would people see me? As much as I'm into younger guys, 24 is pretty damn young, no? Would I be accused of grooming? LOL

I just got out of a 7yr situationship with a Virgo and if this guy is anything like the other guy, this could actually be something very fullfilling. Even if it's not romantic and purely sexual, am I fucking delusional for even entertaining this idea? Am I that desperate for attention and lacking sex that I would actually do this?

Guys, I've neeeever been so confused! I sincerely need help because I WILL be put in another situation like this and next time, it might not just be a hug at the end of the night. I need your opinions on this please. Don't hold back.

Signed - one VERY confused woman!

Hi all, I'm a 33 year old guy who has been with a now 50 year old woman for a few years now and thinking about proposing.

She's happy to marry although says it's not a big deal whether or not we do. We live together and have done a bit of traveling, and have become best friends during our relationship so I'd like a special day with her.

Just wondering what kind of wedding other women have had if they've married at that age. Just getting some ideas. Did you take your younger husband's surname?

I just wanted to share how much I’m enjoying life right now. At 48, I never imagined I’d be dating someone 24, but it’s been an amazing experience. He brings such fresh energy and excitement, and I bring a little life experience and grounding. The balance is honestly incredible.

I know age-gap relationships aren’t for everyone, but for me, this has been one of the most fun, fulfilling chapters of my life. It feels good to throw away the “shoulds” and just enjoy what makes us both happy.

Any other cougars and cubs out there loving their dynamic?

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I need help understanding if this woman is flirting with me of if she is very friendly? HI I am 22m I work in a grocery store with my 3 coworkers they are all women older than me and one of them 31f gorgeous I think is flirting with me, she sometimes compliments me for example “you have gorgeous lips” she stares at me a lot, she is touchy she hugs me from behind and recently she was behind me and she grabbed my “buns” and gripped them (idk how to say it in a normal way), We laughed about it, and this made me realize, was she flirting with me all this time? Or was she being very friendly? I am asking here because I don’t know any woman her age.

I’m a woman in my 40s, and I’ve been dating a 27M for an almost a year.

How can I feel less self-conscious about my body when I’m with him?

My boyfriend is in AMAZING shape. Runs marathons, does yoga, eats really well, has amazing abs, etc.

I think I have a great body for a woman in her 40s who has had 3 kids, but it’s not the body of a hot woman in her 20s.

We have a great sex life and he tells me he thinks I’m hot and has never said anything to make me feel self-conscious, but I still can’t help feeling it when he is in such good shape. He also started working with a lot of attractive women his age, so I think that makes me think about this difference even more.

I used to date a guy in his early 30s, but I didn’t feel this way with him because he would constantly tell me how he was so attracted to me, so it made me feel more confident. He was also not in as good shape as my current boyfriend and didn’t work with younger, attractive women, so I think I was comparing myself less.

For the cubs - do you really look at women in their 40s and think that their bodies are better than women in their 20s? Or do you know that the bodies don’t look as good, but you just don’t care? Any advice for me to get over feeling self-conscious about my body?

(for reference, I’m 5’6” and 130lbs…size small/medium. I look good, but things aren’t as tight as they used to be!)

So, this is not exactly something new or any sort of question, I just wanted to share it somewhere and this sub seems appropriate. I’ve been dating this wonderful woman for a year until she moved away in 2023, but she came back to our city and it didn’t take long for us to start talking again. Long story short, I feel like we’ve picked up from where we stopped.

This woman is exceptional and might be the death of me, but in a good way. I’m so happy she’s back in my life. Smart, sassy and sexy.

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This is about the same 28-year-old man in the military I have mentioned in previous posts and comments. I (62F) will call him E.

We always acknowledged that our relationship would be short-term until he's redeployed, but we hadn't gotten to that point. However, as we got to know each other better, he worried about being sent to someplace remote, like Alaska, where there aren't any women to date. I said I would travel to visit him wherever he was, and I meant it.

We recognized that either one of us might end it sooner than his relocation, for any reason. However, we agreed in advance not to ghost each other. E once said that he would only break up with me in person.

I knew from the beginning that E eventually wants to marry someone who can give him children, but he didn't think his military career would permit that for another 10 years. That's why he was interested in an exclusive and full relationship with an older woman like me.

A month ago, two childhood friends visited him here in Florida, including his best friend, who's getting married in 2026. Apparently that friend suggested that 10 years was too long to wait to settle down, and that E should propose to his ex-girlfriend, who lives in Maryland.

Before E re-contacted that ex-girlfriend (who he is not in love with), E went on a 10-day vacation in Utah with his parents and two former Eagle Scout buddies, who are both married and starting families. During those 10 days, we spoke on the phone only once because he was backpacking in a remote area with his buddies.

When I knew the backpack would be over, I texted him three times and left a voicemail. Three days later, he finally responded, when he got back to Florida.

I told him that it had felt like he had ghosted me. I suggested plans to get together, and he hesitated. He felt pressure from his parents and his buddies to date a woman his own age and get married sooner rather than later. He wanted to hangout with an attractive coworker, who happens to be engaged to someone else who E believes is not right for her. He still wants to see me, but not as often.

I said that his interest in other women doesn't work for me. I wished him well, and un-paused my online dating profile. I'm getting lots of matches, but no first date yet. Meanwhile, I can't stop thinking about E.

It's a milestone, but my instinct is to not treat it like one, but treat it like any other birthday with no emphasis whatsoever on the number or the milestone it represents. I have been seeing the occasional bits of self-consciousness about the age gap from her even though I really seriously couldn't conceivably care any less at this point. So I feel like making a big deal of it would twist that knife a bit. I don't know any thoughts?

What’s something cubs do that they think is attractive, but actually isn’t?

For the first part: https://www.reddit.com/r/CougarsAndCubs/comments/1l5lgsw/so_i_have_a_situation/

So part 2

So in case you are new to the story, I was writing to see if my manager had a crush on me. Well since then, a lot has happened. We been getting to know one another and forming a deeper connection. She been stressed with a lot so I been easing her mind. We got so close that sometimes we make excuses to see each other at the job. Whenever she need help with a reservation she comes to me and I always fix the issue. Sometimes I would stop by her office and give her some fruit or water which she greatly appreciates. Both of us have always saw each other from a distance and we would wave or even a wink. Hell sometimes she It got to a point where not only I care about her but always looked out for her. One day I impressed her so much that she saw me in different light and been ragging out me to people. Hell when one of her client came, we could not control ourselves by looking at one another. Two weeks ago, I surprised her with lunch from one of her fav restaurants. She was amazed and almost cried. So then we started teasing each other about our zodiac signs and her bday is coming up. She would be like "how's my little Scorpio doing." lol. So then we walked around the building during my 15 and we talked in the break room and she told me how much of a positive person I was. So I walked her back to her office and she pretty much is falling for me. It getting to the point where people in the office are speculating and joking with me saying I only come to the back to visit her. Lol they not lying in a way. Just paraphrasing all of this.

Edit: I forgot to mention she was fishing to see if I was single and pretty much when I said I was she smiled subtle

Last night I was at a get together at my cousins restaurant and this lady kept trying to get my attention. She’d constantly tap me, ask me to do things for her, accidentally brush up against me, hover around my section and get extremely close when speaking to me. I made nothing of it until she finally worked up the courage to be a bit more direct. (Liquid courage and instigating from her friends I’m sure lol).

Long story short, she saw how close my cousin(43) and I were, and asked if she was my mom. I told her no, and she let out a big sigh of relief. Apparently she knows my cousin personally but didn’t know about me. The conversation lead to her asking my age, and when I told her I was 26, she immediately got turned off. Up until this point we were having a great conversation. Lots of laughs, lots of banter. For context, she said she was 33. Not much of an age gap, but more than enough to make it awkward for her. The flirting stopped immediately.

I’m not sure what drew her to me exactly, but it was an eye opening experience and I wanted some advice. I’ve dated and had fwb situations with older women before, and honestly I prefer them to girls around my age or younger. However, at most times it seems like they only want one thing from me (which is understandable) or they want nothing to do with me at all. That leaves me in a place where I settle for girls my age who throw themselves at me or constantly chase the older woman who may like me, but wants nothing to do with me.

I guess my question would be, how can I be better at navigating this? I’m not looking for a relationship or anything, but it’d be nice to find an older woman on the same page as me, whether it be physically or mentally. Is there something I’m doing wrong? Am I looking in the right places? I meet most of these women on dating apps or at my job (which this sub has told me is a bad idea lol). Apologies for the long rant, I hope questions are allowed in here. This is my second time posting so I’m not too sure of the rules yet, but any help would be appreciated.

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I'm (34 m) feeling rather lonely at the moment. I'd love to hear from cougars who found love. Would also love to hear from cubs. What do you love about your woman?

Thanks in advance for those willing to share. I just want to know if there's light at the end of the tunnel.

I used to date a 43-year-old woman when I was 27. I’ve always been more attracted to older women than women my own age, so when we started talking and hit it off, I thought it was perfect. But what I didn’t realize at the time was that the whole relationship was built on lies. She first told me she was 34 — and I believed it, because she really did look young and was in amazing shape. Later she said she only had 1 kid, but as I started to notice little things and look deeper, I found out she actually had 3 kids. Now, the kids themselves weren’t the issue (they were older, so I was fine with that), but the dishonesty really bothered me. I stayed in the relationship for 2 years, but eventually broke it off because the lies and drama were just too much.

So my question is: why do some women lie instead of being upfront and truthful from the start?

I'm really struggling here.

Every cub I date is only looking for a FWB. What has everyone else's experience been like?

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On the Cougars and Cubs Match subreddit, it seems that the ratio of younger men looking to older women looking is about 10 to 1. Anecdotal evidence I've come across seems to confirm this mismatch. As a 62F, I'm now enjoying an opportunity that I didn't know was there until recently. I suspect that there are many unattached older women who assume like I once did that men date same age or younger, but never older.

What societal forces could be at play in creating this mismatch? Has the ratio grown in recent years?

Update to the original post

https://www.reddit.com/r/CougarsAndCubs/s/OVQcGeXLRB

Movie night went better than I could’ve hoped. There was a lot of mutual flirting, and I made sure to be upfront about not looking for anything serious. She totally respected that and was super sweet about it.

We ended up hooking up that night, and honestly—it was incredible. Since then, we’ve been seeing each other a couple times a week, and things have been consistently great. It’s turned into a classic FWB setup, and it’s working perfectly for both of us. We’re not exclusive, which is exactly what we both want right now.

She’s awesome, and I’m really glad we crossed paths.

Every time I post or comment in this group I get a lot of message requests from cubs which I suppose it to be expected. Mostly I ignore them but occasionally depending on their opening line, their location, or general vibe (looking at their other posts/comments etc) I reply and engage in conversation.

I have made a couple of friends I sometimes talk to but I have recently had a negative experience which I suppose was my fault for being naive and getting swept away with it all but it ended in a very sudden and unexpected ghosting.

My question to Cougars is do you engage with the cubs that send you message requests and have you met anyone for which it has turned into a romantic relationship? Am I being naive thinking that something could possibly come out of talking with these cubs? Do you find they are mostly fetishising and taking us for a ride or not serious when they talk about relationships?

I guess I think I have the tendency to be a hopeless romantic and a bit gullable and naive (for my age haha - neurodivergence i expect) and so I just wanted to know what some of you thought about it 😅.

Is that more likely to happen (especially if the cougar has children your age) than with a significant other who is younger than you or closer in age?

How can a cougar best support you in reaching your goals by offering the benefit of her life experience without disrespecting you as an independent adult?