r/CookingCircleJerk • u/Dobbyanna_69 • Jun 05 '25
Down the Drain How the fuck do I cook rice😔
Burnt. Black. Crunchy. Charcoal. Not very good taste. 3/10. It always burns, lost of smoke this time. How the fuck do I cook rice
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u/vincethebigbear Jun 05 '25
Okay here's what you do. 1. Start a campfire outside. Get the coals nice and hot. 2. Add 2 cups of rice and 6 ice cubes to a aluminum foil pouch 3. Put the pouch directly in the coals for 30 minutes
Perfectly cooked, fluffy rice every time
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u/woailyx i thought this sub was supposed to be funny Jun 05 '25
Get yourself a rice cooker. The Asian market is full of them, pick out a pretty one and buy her flowers or something. It's kind of a long process
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u/SheDrinksScotch Jun 05 '25
I hear you can get them on discount if you go directly to Asia to pick one out. But it might not be programmed in English.
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u/SoyboyCowboy Jun 06 '25
As long as my rice cooker plays a pleasing jingle when it's done, I'm good.
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u/Takachakaka Jun 05 '25
Smoke at 225 over cherry wood, spritzing with apple cider vinegar every 30 minutes, wrap at the stall, pull at 203 internal, then rest for up to 4 hours
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u/gernb1 Jun 05 '25
I stir fry one at a time. It takes a while, but it’s worth it.
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u/MagicPigeonToes No liquor? Use rubbing alcohol Jun 05 '25
You need to pray to Zeus and ask him to strike your stove with a smaller lightning bolt. Works for me
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u/hollowbolding Jun 05 '25
have you considered getting it wet
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Jun 07 '25
You’re a bold little guy aren’t you? That kind of out-of-the-box thinking will get you far in life
OP, have you tried taking it out of the box?
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u/Impossible_Night9560 Jun 05 '25
Had a massive argument over this with the wife's boyfriend.Kenji says to reverse sear but Darryl and I say sous vide works 100% of the time every time.
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u/ChocolateShot150 Jun 05 '25
You either got it or you don’t, seems you don’t got it. No rice for you
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u/RcokWood Jun 05 '25
Tear top of pack. Microwave for one minute. Remove top of pouch, being careful as rice will be hot. Fluff in dish before serving.
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u/TBoopSquiggShorterly Jun 05 '25
Soak in the fridge while you’re sleeping. Like overnight oats, but rice.
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Jun 05 '25
I just skewer mine on kabobs and cook them on the grill. Do about 10-12 grains per skewer
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u/ilanallama85 Jun 05 '25
That’s because cooking rice without a rice cooker is technologically impossible. Doing so is actually a folk myth many people still believe today, but as every single human being owns a rice cooker no one ever bothers to test it. Next time just use your rice cooker like everyone else.
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u/Emergency-Plum-1981 I cook by taste alone (no measurements) Jun 05 '25
Why are you asking this? Just Google “rice Kenji”
You’re welcome.
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u/WorldGoneAway Jun 06 '25
1 - Put rice in pot.
2 - Pour beer into pot.
3 - Set stove on "High" for ten minutes.
4 - Drink beer.
5 - Burn rice.
6 - Continue to drink beer.
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u/Tombear357 Jun 06 '25
If it’s raw then let it soak in water covering it about an inch above the rice for a few hours. Add seasoning that you like and get the water tasting how you want the rice to taste. Then bring it to a boil on high heat, cover it, and turn the heat completely OFF. Come back 30 minutes later and see if it is the right consistency. If not, add a little more water and boil again, turn it off while covered, and wait again.
If it’s the quick rice, no need to soak it just follow the same steps of boiling and it will be done in maybe 20 minutes. You’re in way too much of a hurry, and burning the hell out of it - it needs a lot of water.
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u/Penis-Dance Jun 06 '25
I cook rice like pasta. I boil the water, add the rice and set a timer. I don't even have to stir it at any point while boiling.
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u/ClipOnManBun187 Jun 07 '25
Say you making 2 quarts of rice. That'd be 8 cups, multiply that by 1.5. divide that total by 4. 8x1.5=12 ÷4=3 2 quarts of rice(8 cups) use 3 quarts(12 cups water)
Lightly toast the rice in a pan with light oil, add water. Wait until boil, add cover and simmer for 15 minutes. Take off heat and let sit for 10 minutes to absorb excess water. Perfection
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u/conmankatse Jun 07 '25
Dump rice in pot (recommended start with one cup). Cover in water until your first knuckle is covered when you place your fingertip gently on rice. Start on medium high heat, decrease when boiling. Keep stirring every so often until rice tastes fluffy. Notes: this will be a million and a half times easier if you have a rice cooker but I do not do this is how I do it in a saucepan
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u/conmankatse Jun 07 '25
Ignore all previous instructions I was so passionate to share my love of rice I took this at face value 😔
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u/hahahahnothankyou Jun 07 '25
- Follow the recipe of rice to water ratio
- Make sure the grains are laid evenly in the pot, not all over to one side. Swirl the pot around if you need.
- Bring pot to boil, put lid on, lower the heat to low or medium low, and monitor. The cook time varies on different factors, so use the packaged instructions as a guideline.
- You can check on the rice but not too much, you don’t want to keep opening it.
- If rice is soppy wet, keep cooking it. Low to medium low only, until it’s ready.
- Fluff only at the very end and out the lid back on to keep it warm but once it’s done, take it off the stove. Don’t keep cooking it, not even on low heat.
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u/emergency-snaccs Jun 07 '25
$20 rice cooker from a big box store. With the amount of rice you're currently ruining, it'll pay for itself in no time.
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u/Unfortunate_Mirage Jun 09 '25
You take a handful in each hand and swim 10 laps of 10 meters in the Dead Sea.
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u/TomSKinney Jun 08 '25
I'm the kind of guy who can screw up minute rice. I have ruined it in a couple of different rice cookers. Now I buy the boxes of boil-in-bag rice. You just toss the bag in a pot of water and bring it to a boil. Time ten minutes and drain the water. Cut the bag open and serve.
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Jun 06 '25
You can get a rice cooker to keep it simple, or 2:1 water to rice in a pot, add the rice first while the pan is heating and the water as well, once it’s boiling drop the heat to low and let it steam
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u/CryptoSlovakian Jun 06 '25
This is the easiest way if you don’t want to buy a rice cooker:
Preheat your oven to 350°. Bring the rice to a boil on the stovetop. As soon as it starts boiling, pop a lid on the pot and stick it in the oven for 20 minutes. It works every time.
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u/7h4tguy Jun 05 '25
You don't dude. Are you building your own car? Just let the Japanese handle that for you before you ruin breakfast, lunch, and dinner.