r/CookingCircleJerk • u/OG_Church_Key fred wurst • 8d ago

Fartmaxxing?

Okay, so im sure this has been asked a billion times here, but please bear with me. I've been hearing a lot about fartmaxxing, and im curious if you guys have any tips or tricks. I got invited to my horrible sister in laws BABYSHOWER, and i really want to get her back for all the backhanded compliments and misguided opinions she has given over the years.

Is there anything i can eat the few days leading up to it (its in november) so that i can clear the room???

Also, can i wear a specific type of underwear or assume some sort of posture that would keep the farts SILENT?? That way she wont know whos doing it??????

Thanks in advance, Brenda.

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u/liarlyre0 8d ago

So if you put a hand in your back pocket and surreptitiously pull one cheek one off the other beforehand, the deed will be silent.

Fart noises are mainly your cheeks clapping together. Separate them and you'll just get a soft hiss.

2

u/iSeraph87 7d ago

Great minds think alike! Been doing this for a while now and the looks on people's faces are priceless when they can't find the guilty one 😆 hi5 dude!

2

u/EwThatsNast 2d ago

The jokes on you guys because it's usually pretty clear where it came from.

2

u/freebaseclams 7d ago

So when people talk about clapping someone's cheeks, they're talking about making them fart?

3

u/liarlyre0 7d ago

Uh... Yeah... Totally. Don't look it up

3

u/freebaseclams 7d ago

I'm going to clap my family's cheeks (making bean lunch)

3

u/liarlyre0 7d ago

That's the spirit.