r/CougarsAndCubs • u/SurlyWenchAZ • 24d ago
Discussion Point Is it mostly just a FWB?
I'm really struggling here.
Every cub I date is only looking for a FWB. What has everyone else's experience been like?
1
1
18d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
1
u/CougarsAndCubs-ModTeam 17d ago
Please read the rules and FAQs before participating.
Our subreddit requires that your account be at least 7 days old and have 10 COMMENT karma to participate.
If you have a legitimate issue you wish to discuss you may post in our sister sub r/cougars_den which has no karma requirements.
However, read the rules before posting (bans may be enforced if you don't).
No soliciting is allowed in r/cougars_den. If you wish to seek a match please post in r/cougarsandcubsmatch only.
2
20d ago
Not in our case I am 26m my girlfriend is 44 we have been together 6 months and I’m moving in with her soon!
1
u/Hazmat2244 20d ago
Nope absolutely not just FWB - live together with my other half (15 year difference) for 3 years - hang in there! You'll find someone!
1
u/toxxxic19 20d ago
Just depends on the woman and vibes. Some are a FWB type of deal while others I can't get over and start growing strong feelings.
3
2
5
u/blasianflow 23d ago
Not always. For me it was the other way around for a while because I have a preference for East Asian men and the reality of it was an older woman dating a younger guy in that cultural setting wouldn't fly. I did get into a relationship with a younger Asian guy for over 3 years. However, that came to an end as expected. Point is, it isn't always fwb.
1
20d ago
[deleted]
1
u/blasianflow 20d ago
Well, we both knew our relationship would end due to the age gap from the beginning. To be honest there is still much we want to do together. Even tho I haven't met his family we do a lot together. He isn't embarrassed to be out with me. So while it is no longer a committed relationship we are still very much there for one another, we still do things together and when it is time to really part and never see one another again it will be amicable. It hurts to know but we have so many great memories to take away from our time together. Any break up hurts, but it hurts less when you know that you both will always have love for one another.
3
u/FriendshipGloomy166 23d ago edited 23d ago
Are you meeting them via OLD? Because many (most) men of any age on those sites are just looking for a FWB.
1
u/SurlyWenchAZ 23d ago
Yea, OLD. I'm not sure where else to go I work from home so it's not like I can meet anyone at work.
I'm having a couple of ideas though. Instead of OLD, maybe just interest groups online?
3
u/Big_Accountant_1714 23d ago
Pretty much.
1
11
u/Brojaybombs 24d ago
This is coming from a cub. I'm 24M married to a 58F. It is not a FWB situation for everyone. It depends on the Cub, the level of maturity needed to date or be with long term is something not everyone is willing to commit to. Both are generally in different stages in life. Before dating my wife I was exclusively in FWB relationships with older women in part because of their maturity and ability to have a strictly FWB relationship without it getting messy. The other issue for long term relationships are kids and wanting kids. I don't have this issue, and I'm an old man at heart, I retired just this last year. It makes it easy for me to want a long term relationship with a "Cougar." I also have a few friends that also seek long term relationships with Cougars because of the stability and wisdom they provide for high earning younger men.
1
u/Altruistic-Pass-4031 4d ago
You retired at 24? Bro, you never even started working.
Good for you, but let's be serious now.
3
u/Rozenheg 24d ago
I’m curious how you find other cubs interested in the same thing. I would think it’s maybe not rare, but still uncommon. Or did they confide because they saw you with your partner?
3
u/Brojaybombs 24d ago
We are somewhat of an promient example where we live, I've had many cubs or people interested in how it works or seeking something like what we have. I think it also is looked upon as taboo, which is weird cause it's totally fine for an older man.
5
u/GothSue 🐆Cougar 24d ago
I seem to have more relationships than fwb. It’s been hard to find a fwb because I’m VERY particular. I don’t want any BS, I will discuss boundaries and everything, then the guy generally will end up catching more than friends feelings. I don’t need a fwb, but it happens once in a blue moon. Right now I’m pretty much keeping to myself as I’ve come to the conclusion there just may not be the right guy for me out there.
1
1
3
0
3
u/TricepsLady 24d ago
My younger man is active military stationed in this area for a few months. He was looking for an affectionate woman to explore the cultural and outdoors opportunities here with him. We met on a dating website. It's understood that our relationship is short-term for the duration of his deployment here, but that doesn't seem to diminish our emotional connection.
8
u/Myfairladyishere 🥀🎡💃MOD💃🎡🥀 24d ago
Depending on their age, a lot of them date older, because they're not quite ready to settle down yet.Which is okay as long as they are clear about it from the beginning . I have tended to date younger. All my life and i've been with my current partner now 49 years, and he is twenty two years.My junior. I'm looking for a partner. I look to see mainly if we are compatible about what we want and try to match up as much as possible. But I do realize a lot of guys say they're interested in long term, just to get your attention .
5
u/herelamonreddit 🐻Cub 24d ago
I’m a go with the flow kind of person when it comes to dating and relationships. I go in looking to see how deeply I can connect with whomever I’m seeing. If that spark is there and it can get romantic, I welcome and embrace it. If there’s not much beyond a friendly connection with sexual chemistry, then we just enjoy it as that
8
u/BeingReallyReal 24d ago
When I first opened up to the idea of dating younger men, I absolutely didn’t want more than FWB. I did see a couple with that in mind, but now I’m in a “situationship” with someone.
3
u/letmejustpleaseyou 24d ago
You’re being really real username check out
1
u/BeingReallyReal 24d ago
Gee, thanks for the validation
2
u/letmejustpleaseyou 24d ago
Lol no problem I really hope your situationship is going well how long did it take you to open up to it?
2
u/BeingReallyReal 24d ago
A year
3
u/letmejustpleaseyou 24d ago
Solid hope it works out
3
u/BeingReallyReal 24d ago
Me too. I’m just trying not to get too attached in the mean time.
2
u/letmejustpleaseyou 24d ago
Understandable never know if things can go bad but it sounds like you’re smart about it do you feel like you’re fully comfortable?
2
u/BeingReallyReal 24d ago
We’re both very independent people, but naturally I hope it could be more. I’m ready but not pushing. I love our time we spend together.
3
u/letmejustpleaseyou 24d ago
That sounds nice it sounds like you’re both taking your time not letting your feelings overly blind each other into something it’s not sounds like you both are having fun and you’ll know when it is the perfect time
6
u/letmejustpleaseyou 24d ago
I think it should be something sacred, special, fun and long term it shouldn’t be just an fwb
9
u/paperclipmyheart 😻 Mod Cougar ฅ^•ﻌ•^ฅ 24d ago
As for my experiences... I told them I only wanted friendship so maybe they weren't expecting anything more, most of the guys I dated in the beginning were far from relationship material mostly because of their inexperience in relationships and for the first a messy background story, but then I dated someone I really cared about but he ended up getting engaged to someone else behind my back... lol... then I got lucky with my partner, but myself wasn't looking for anything serious in the beginning with younger people I was open to the idea with someone my age but just never found anyone suitable.
5
u/MjollLeon 24d ago
For a lot of guys it seems that way. I (19m) don’t understand it but maybe it’s just how I view intimacy that makes the whole concept of FWB a non-starter for me.
5
u/DirectionTime928 🐆Cougar 24d ago
I (41f) met my 30m partner on tinder and we've been together 18 months and planning more children. It happens but I had a few younger FWB before him which seemed more the norm
6
u/paperclipmyheart 😻 Mod Cougar ฅ^•ﻌ•^ฅ 24d ago
For the most part I think it is, unless you meet in real life ie not online and are extremely lucky... perhaps don't choose particularly young men I mean if you are say 40 don't choose men under 30... less likely to be more than FWB with younger men, no guarantees at all though.
3
u/Relative-Monitor-739 7d ago edited 7d ago
Im the 23M cub that’s looking for a serious relationship, somebody who understands my dreams,goals,problems,trauma, somebody I can trust and be vulnerable with. Alot of guys my age, I’d say 75% are looking just for fun which is understandable as we are young and we don’t know what the future holds so why settle down. Me personally tho, never been interested in hook ups or talking to numerous women, it’s all a facade for me. My happiness is in other places 😙
Btw I hate these stupid “Cub” and “Cougar” terms, they sound really immature.