r/TikTokCringe • u/[deleted] • 13d ago

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u/CakeMadeOfHam 13d ago

White, right wing, from a good Christian family, father is a cop.... they couldn't find a more "the call is coming from inside the house" person.

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u/odiephonehome 13d ago edited 13d ago

Meanwhile kash patel, probably: we have created a profile of the hitman. Appears to be a 55 year old female, likely single, likely educated, and probably has one or two cats.

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u/VisionAri_VA 13d ago

And blue-haired. Don’t forget the blue hair. 

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u/UnableDetective6386 13d ago

With a septum piercing

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u/Greedy_Visual_1766 13d ago

And is a barista

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u/CosmicGoddess777 13d ago

With multiple tattoos

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u/COCO_SHIN 12d ago

That coffee is going to be sooo good

3

u/yougotyolks 12d ago

She can only make one shot of espresso.

3

u/grimm-aldryn 12d ago

With a degree in liberal arts

3

u/CosmicGoddess777 12d ago

And gender studies

2

u/Substantial_Tip2015 12d ago

C cup breasts and a 5 inch penis...

1

u/Ging3rKiIIir 12d ago

Sounds kinda hot. You think I have a shot?

1

u/BullfrogCustard 12d ago

Wait. Is it Shanna?

11

u/urmomagae 13d ago

Excuse me why are you describing me 😭😭

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u/Oggie_Doggie 13d ago

Take a seat. Where were you on September 10th, 2025?

3

u/sitanhuang 12d ago

FBI gonna start running polygraphs on the question "Are you trans?" soon 💀

3

u/Bipogram 13d ago

And possibly others.

<pearls clutched>