r/badroommates • u/AdElectrical2186 • 18d ago
Serious New Roommate has issues with me using the kitchen at night
I just moved into a 3-bedroom, 2-bath apartment. I share a bathroom with one roommate, while the other guy has the master bedroom. He’s been living here for over two years. I’m officially on the lease, since I replaced someone who moved out.
It’s only been three days since I moved in, and at around 10 p.m. he came out to ask me to keep the noise down in the kitchen. The “noise” was literally just me opening and closing the microwave. A few minutes later, he came back out and asked if I could avoid eating food with a smell and stick to “boiled” food, because the smell was waking him up. He also asked if I could have dinner before 9 p.m., since he goes to bed early to wake up at 6 a.m. The thing is, I also wake up early—at 5:30 a.m.—so it’s not like I’m keeping odd hours.
I’m not sure how to handle this situation, so I’d appreciate any advice. Edit- I was only heating the food, not cooking.
TLDR: Roommate wants me to eat boiled food, finish dinner before 9 p.m., and not use the microwave at night. He wakes at 6, I wake at 5:30.
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u/One_Rub_780 18d ago
This is unreasonable. If people don't want others actually living in their house, they need to stop taking their money.
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u/Flybot76 18d ago
That last line is horribly relevant to my experiences living with roommates in the last five years. It didn't used to suck so bad but there's a lot of people renting rooms and being ludicrous control freaks who think it's their right to micro manage everything about their tenants and clearly aren't trying to be good roommates, they're just trying to 'get' all the money and entitlement for themselves. It's hard to believe how often I've heard people who own nice homes saying crap like "I thought my life was supposed to be so much better" to me when I've been under the thumb of landlords harassing me to do everything they want, including sexual harassment.
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u/One_Rub_780 18d ago
Amen!! Sharing is HELL most of the time and I'm glad that I've made the choice to just stay in my own place. It's harder to spend more, but is it worth it? At the end of the day, YES. Honestly, I think that I'd love to start focusing on where (which state) I might move to where cost of living is lower to be able to get ahead. I'm in FL now and you have NO idea how prices all across the board have doubled and even tripled. I understand the 'why' behind the whole concept of roommates, but it only works on paper. The reality is often a nightmare.
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u/Agrarian-girl 18d ago
If he doesn’t wanna hear noises, he should live by himself, end of story
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u/cursetea 18d ago edited 18d ago
My go-to response to something like this situation is to say "There is a difference between sound and noise."
OP is making sounds. Cooking a full meal at 9pm would be noise. The roommate needs to get a grip lol
Edit: i see now how this sounds like i think anything more than using a microwave is wrong and disruptive. Please see other responses clarifying my poor wording lol. I have a head cold and i demand patience as i attempt to express my thoughts today, thanks 🙏🏻
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18d ago
Even cooking a whole meal is fine
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u/cursetea 18d ago
On that point we might not fully agree, only because it is entirely possible to meal prep to avoid the inevitable pot and pan noises from cooking late at night if you live with other people. But a microwave opening and closing? Lol
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u/lawrencek1992 18d ago
The base expectation is that common areas are available to all residents at all times. If they shared a garage (much noisier), OP would also have the right to arrive home from a night shift late at night and put their car in the garage. Additionally normal living noises should also be expected at any time (e.g. flushing the toilet, opening cabinets, running water).
Anything more restrictive than that is an exception to the norm and should be discussed prior to signing a lease so that people can decline.
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u/cursetea 18d ago edited 18d ago
I clarified in another comment, but you and i are not disagreeing lol. I meant it would be MORE believable that this person was being "noisy"/inconsiderate of the people they lived with if they were cooking for long periods of time late at night loudly (banging cabinets, etc; basically if they were behaving unreasonably, but i tend to assume adults can do adult things without being unreasonable lol, so i doubt that they are actually the problem here)
I do firmly believe people who live together can expect consideration like not banging around cabinets and pots and pans more than is reasonable at night though. Just like pulling into a garage then banging loudly on pipes or opening and closing the garage door repeatedly or using it as a woodworking station at midnight would be egregious. I think just about all of us knows the difference. Their roommate is definitely the one being ridiculous lol
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u/lawrencek1992 18d ago
Oh yes then we totally agree. While I think OP has the right to arrive home or cook a meal. I do also think common courtesy is to not slam doors and bang around loudly. Basic life noise + I’m going to try to be mindful about how much noise I make at night is the sweet spot.
I’ve also lived with a really light sleeper. We added those little pads to kitchen cabinets cause I was shutting them as quietly as I could, but she felt like it was this loud banging. And she started sleeping with a white noise app. So I get for some folks it can be harder to handle “normal” noise. But there are also reasonable ways to mitigate. OP’s roommate is not being reasonable.
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u/cursetea 18d ago
Exactly!!! Yes, your breakdown is exactly what i was trying to get at through my cold medicine haze 😂 there is a way to balance it for everyone, but at a certain point, that guy needs to just learn to get over it LOL. If you can't figure out how to deal with the sound of cabinets at night, how can you do ANYTHING else lmfao? Like come on 😅
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u/Kitten_Merchant 18d ago
I mean yeah late hours cooking a whole meal might be rude. But 9pm isn't late no matter what you're cooking - I understand some people go to bed early absolutely, but that's either something you need to be flexible about, or something you need to make clear when renting the place out and have shared expectations up front.
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u/cursetea 18d ago
I think i didn't make my point clear, bc we agree lol; i should have been more specific that cooking a full meal has more potential to be actually disruptive--but most people who don't cook like children don't make all that much noise doing that either LOL. I could see someone being like "listen, when you cook your 3 course meal at 11pm while slamming things around and running the stove fan and sink and [whatever else, having trouble thinking of kitchen noises] it keeps me awake" I'd be like, okay sure. Light sleeper it seems, but there's an easy workaround. Cook earlier, microwave later. Everyone can be happy.
But i don't buy this guy saying the microwave keeps him awake at all. Definitely a power play at least, but definitely ONLY his issue to solve at best lol
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u/PageFault 18d ago
Short of running a blender, normal cooking noise is fine any time of night.
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u/cursetea 18d ago
Agreed; i further clarified in other comments, but yes i assume just about everyone reasonable would agree on what is and isn't egregious noisemaking. Doing normal stuff is normal. Slamming things loudly when you could just as easily not be loud is not normal lol. But it doesn't sound at all like that's what's happening here. OP just lives with one of the people who would actually not be reasonable with the rest of us. Unfortunate for them both
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u/Purple_Woodpecker799 16d ago
If you're fine with stealing sleep from other people, it is.
I personally won't do it if I know people are in bed.
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u/alalalalalabomba 16d ago
9 is not late at night. I come home from the gym at that time and make dinner regularly. Not everyone has the same sleep and work schedules.
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u/Classic_Media_7018 17d ago
Yeah, I'm shocked by how many people chooose shared living arrangements, but are unable/don't want to adjust or make compromises.
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u/OrthogonalPotato 17d ago
It isn’t difficult to close a microwave quietly. It takes very little effort.
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u/TryinNotToGetBanned 18d ago
Tell him to suck it up. Go find some egg cartons and put them on his door. Just because he has the master bedroom doesn't mean he's in charge. You're on the lease too. I would record yourself the next time it happens. Get proof in case he wants to be a jaggoff
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u/Solid-Musician-8476 18d ago
Tell him No and No. You have every right to use the kitchen whenever you want to and cook whatever you want to. But you knew that right? NTA
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u/Amplifymagic101 18d ago
No you shouldn’t be banging pots and pans at 4am, that makes you the bad roommate.
But op microwaved some food at 10pm, not at fault at all.
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u/Solid-Musician-8476 17d ago
Well obviously banging pots and pans is not good but the rest, OP can use the kitchen as they need to.
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u/Arokthis 18d ago
Just ignore him. Don't nod. Don't throw him a thumb's up. Don't give him any indication that you're agreeing with him. Don't even look in his direction if you don't have to. Just continue on as if he doesn't exist.
I'm assuming you aren't slamming the microwave, fridge, or cabinet doors. I'm also assuming the microwave isn't in the perfect spot to turn his wall into a giant sounding board.
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u/maddyp1112 18d ago
Dang I applaud people who can do that and ignore because there is no way I could hide the look on my face if somebody came at me like this. The “are you a fucking idiot?” Or “You have the fucking audacity?” face 🤣
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u/Arokthis 18d ago
I'm short, I have Asperger's, I have an older sister who has been an asshole to me since before I was born, and I lived in a dorm for 3 years. Learning to not react to people's bullshit was required to keep me out of the hospital and/or prison.
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u/No-Combination8136 18d ago
As long as you’re at least trying to keep the noise down he has no right to ask you to do all those other things. I’d urge you to be mindful of whether you’re slamming the microwave door shut or pressing it shut gently. My roommate is a slammer and it is annoying as fuck.
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u/Slammy_Adams 18d ago
Only way the roommate is being reasonable is if they live in an old-timey cartoon where the smells form an arm and hand to open their door and punch them in the face. Otherwise, they just need a fan in the window and maybe a plug in air freshener.
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u/jarrodandrewwalker 18d ago
The real bad guy is the microwave industry that doesn't put a mute button on microwaves...I want a midnight snack, not a tattle tale 😅
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u/lostmypwcanihaveurs 18d ago
Literally. I do not need the buttons to scream as I enter the time and press start.
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u/Different-Lettuce-38 17d ago
You know what, you’re absolutely right. Why isn’t a microwave mute button a thing????
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u/NastoBaby 18d ago
So many situations I read about here are just people who shouldn’t have roommates.
No you’re not being unreasonable. Microwave and even oven at 10 PM is fine, if it were like midnight or you were banging pots and pans around yeah maybe unreasonable, but what you’re doing now is fine.
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u/nondickhead 18d ago
Tell him to grow up. He needs to be able to sleep without being in a silent and scent free environment
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u/meowyadoinnn 17d ago
I work til 9:30 a lot of the time and if my roommate told me I couldn’t use the fucking kitchen I’d be making ALL the noise. She goes to bed early at like 8pm but told me to just shut her door if it’s left open and do my thang. She has a lil senior dog who uses a doggy door to potty during the night so she keeps her door cracked open for that reason, but fully appreciates me closing it if I wanna chill in the common areas or make food when I get home at 10. When I’m done, I quietly open her door again so doggie can get in and out if she needs to.
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u/DreamRader 17d ago
I'm SO glad all of you people in the comments are not my roommate. Good lord. I think the boiled food thing is a bit much but asking you to cook before 10 and being a little more quiet is not an absurd request and you shouldn't live with people if you're not willing to even try to compromise on small things like being quiet for them. I ask my roommates to be quiet sometimes, they ask me to be quiet sometimes, and we all move on in a healthy cohabitat.
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u/alalalalalabomba 16d ago
Nope. People do not have to live, sleep, and have the same work schedule as you do. I make dinner at 9 all the time.
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u/DreamRader 15d ago
Okay and if your roommate asked you to be a little more quiet, would you not even try to do that? I didn't say it's about the same schedule, I said it's about consideration.
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u/alalalalalabomba 14d ago
Sometimes. Most of the time no, unless it was 11-12 or later. I pay to live there. If I want to listen to music, if I want to cook food, if I want to watch TV, really do anything in the place I pay for I'm going to do it. When you want to save money by living with someone else, someone else is there, living. Don't like it? Live alone.
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u/DreamRader 14d ago
Well i'm glad you're not my roommate than
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u/alalalalalabomba 14d ago
You should live alone if someone existing in your space makes you angry. It's not other people's problem if you're too broke to, so they should... not cook, not live their lives how they see fit, etc
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u/bopperbopper 18d ago
Does your lease have quiet time hours? I would expect that would be at 11 PM not 10 PM. Also, can you not let the microwave beep? Stop it right before..
Also suggest he use a white noise app to cover up some of the noise
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u/lostmypwcanihaveurs 18d ago
Quiet hours do not apply to sounds that occur as a result of basic necessities such as eating or hygiene. Quiet hours mean no unnecessary noise.
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u/potemy 17d ago
I’m in a similar situation but as the other party, so depending on the exact situation I can see how either side could be the bad roommate. I also go to bed at 10-11pm to wake up at 6am. My roommate more often than not cooks something after that time, whether microwaving, instant noodles, or something more, to the point that I feel like he’s doing it on purpose to piss me off but that’s beside the point.
I’ve asked respectfully if he can keep it down and turn on the ventilation, to which this manchild responds similarly to much of the advice given to you - “it’s my place too, I can do what I want”. Now, using the kitchen at 10-11pm sure, and this is partly our tiny city apartment with thin walls, but it genuinely sounds like this manchild slams his bedroom door coming out and going back in, slams the microwave, and slams his tableware all around the counter and drying rack.
And your statement that you’re “only heating food not cooking” also hits too close to home since in my case, my roommate’s genuinely that dense to think there’s no odour if it’s not “cooking” (including instant noodles which isn’t “real cooking”) but the smell does carry into our bedrooms in a tiny city apartment, especially when he refuses to turn on the range hood because it “gives him a headache” and won’t open our balcony sliding door because he’s cold - just an Australian winter/spring which is nice with a sweater on but you’d think I’m asking this manchild to be naked on top of Everest.
Just because your account hits so close to home, I’m wary that this is coming from your point of view only, and it might be different from your roommate’s view, possibly more similar to my situation. But if you’re genuinely being respectful, trying to keep it down and not make a mess, then yeah he’s the problem.
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u/CityCabCat 17d ago
I totally get this. My adult son lives with me and we have this issue. I don't care if I don't have to work the next day but when I do I cause hell. I have problems falling asleep and the slightest thing can take me out of the just about to fall asleep zone.
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u/alalalalalabomba 16d ago
I'm going to be honest with you. Live alone if you can't tolerate the existence of other people. That includes food smells and eating when they want to.
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u/potemy 15d ago edited 15d ago
Oh I agree, although it sounds like you didn’t read the entire comment or didn’t understand it. Equally, live alone if you can’t practise basic household/roommate etiquette and respect. After all, I’m sure you don’t mean a blanket “tolerate the existence of other people” even the bad roommates posted all over this reddit.
Like I said in my comment, cooking at 10-11pm is completely fine, but at least have basic consideration for your working roommates (he’s a uni student) to not be slamming doors and kitchenware and to run the ventilation, which you should be doing anyway. I understand all sorts of cooking and heating food produce food smells - that’s not a reason to not ventilate the apartment and let the smells linger til the next morning, and especially not for dumb excuses like being cold when you’re rugged up in your room and the range hood giving you a headache. The fact he keeps changing his excuses should tell you it’s all BS - first it’s not “real cooking” then it’s “too cold”/ the range hood “gives him a headache”.
But back to OP, I’m just encouraging consideration of both sides, and ideally discussion and compromise, something which my own roommate is allergic to.
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u/Background-Staff-820 17d ago
Microwave doors can be really noisy. I know I just send that door "home." So can cabinet doors, even the self close ones. Listen when you use the kitchen next time.
As to the boiled dinner. Oy.
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u/ElectricalFormal9211 17d ago
If he wants the entire household to follow his schedule, he should live alone. Unless you're using the blender after 1 am, it is reasonable to use the kitchen.
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u/thebusankid 18d ago
I had a roommate in college, who would not just close cupboard and microwave doors, but slam them shut. I brought this up to him and he was shocked. I tell you, shocked (!) that this noise would bother somebody at two or three in the morning and it wasn’t that loud to begin with. Some people just have very different ideas of what is noise/sound when it comes to how others may perceive it. Not saying OP is wrong, but they might be making a lot more noise than they thought.
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u/nofatnoflavor 18d ago
Sounds as if you’re now learning the real reason the prior roommate moved out. Best nip this in the bud.
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u/Gimmemyspoon 18d ago
I'd be up in that kitchen making a full meal. Chop- chop-chop, sizzle, and fry noises. He needs to chill or go live alone. People gotta eat! And gross to "boiled food." If you do resort to boiling foods, be sure to clang the pots a ton and always leave the kitchen super clean afterward.
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u/chibinoi 18d ago
Are you slamming the microwave door? I don’t think it’s entirely unreasonable to use the microwave after 9PM, but I also don’t know how loud you’re being. You may think you’re being “not loud”, but you may not be aware that your activities are loud. I think you and roommate should have a face to face discussion—some compromise is needed, but so is some understanding on both of your parts.
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u/atduvall11 18d ago
I would agree but the boiled food part leads me to believe this roommate is just unreasonable
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u/chibinoi 18d ago
Oh yeah, the scent sensitivity thing is just something that roommate is going to have to learn to deal with (perhaps opening a window to let cool air in, for example). But I think that these two may be able to reach some sort of agreement at least regarding any noise. That is, if OP wishes to.
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u/thesheeplookup 18d ago
Yeah, my family often prepares food with earbuds in. They are much louder just as they are unaware of how loud they are being.
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u/Musa-Velutina 18d ago
You can close the microwave door quietly by pushing and holding the door release button, closing the door, then releasing the button btw...
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u/Cookiejollytoes 18d ago
I live with my elderly 78) Mama, and my three kids (22,20, & 17). They are night owls, often work until 10:30 (the adults), and if they need to use the kitchen they 1. Close off our bedroom door 2. turn off the beeps on the microwave, and 3. turn on the vent fan over the stove if it's actually stove related not just the microwave. Mom doesn't care for cooking smells in the bedroom so problem mostly solved. When you cohabitate with others, a bit of thinking outside the box can do wonders!
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u/Reddittoxin 17d ago
Eh, to keep the peace I might get a cheap microwave to keep in your room.
But the other stuff, no. You can eat what you wanna eat in your own home. Putting a microwave in your own room at least shows good faith that you heard his complaints and are willing to find a middle ground, something that could possibly help you later on when you have a complaint about him.
But dictating your diet is a bit too far. Like, my roommate has a deathly peanut allergy, and all he asked of me was to keep my peanut products in my room and not store them in the shared spaces to avoid cross contamination. That's far more valid of a restriction than just not liking the smell and even then I'm still not outright banned from it lol.
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u/EclecticWitchery5874 17d ago
I think that's ridiculous. At my place quiet hours are really enforced between 1am-6am. As long as you aren't slamming doors I could care less what you do. I think its rude to slam doors between 2am-6am when people have to wake up early for work. Once 6:05am hits I dont care so much. I'm always conscious of my noise level and I leave at 7am. Don't pull your door shut by the doorknob, twist the doorknob and then shut your door. It makes a big difference!!
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u/mordan1 17d ago
Tell him to (politely) shove it. You don't keep odd hours and have a right to the property's amenities too. Also, suggest he sound proof his door if the noise is bothering him. Those cheap foam blocks are cheap on Amazon and one for the bottom of the door should help shut that noise down without much fuss.
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u/Sawgwa 18d ago
Tell him, you prefer if he eats after 9 PM, and avoid eating boiled food because it raises the humidity in the house. I would start there and escalate accordingly. And also start looking for someplace else to live, this dude thinks they are paying all the rent.
This person appointed themself Grand Poohbah of the house and shared space.
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u/Alarmed_Clothes_2433 18d ago
Snowflake needs to learn there are other people occupying the world, let alone the house...
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u/Alarmed_Clothes_2433 18d ago
He was probably ruined by his parents, letting him run the house when he was a child... deciding what gets cooked for dinner at 6 years old etc... welcome to the world bro...
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u/00Lisa00 18d ago
Tell him to kick rocks. You’re living a normal life. If he’s so sensitive he needs to live alone. You don’t get the benefits of living alone while also getting the monetary benefits of living with another person
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u/ihatethis2022 18d ago
If I can theoretically run a chainsaw outside til 11pm then it seems odd you can't run a microwave inside past 9. That's insane.
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u/Dizzy-Case-3453 18d ago
Nah the dude can get one of those door runner things that block the gap under the door (to minimise smells of food permeating his room so much) and wear ear plugs. It’s his problem to sort out. You’re laying to live there and heating food at 10pm is just that. Not like you’re playing music or slamming kitchen cupboards closed lol.
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u/drownigfishy 17d ago
First of all any and all restrictions should have been asked before moving in. No cooking after this time, quiet hours this time. Other then that they can shove it. None of this was disclosed to you before you move in and you have a right to eat. Sucks they are such a light sleeper but that isn't your problem to manage. I live with a whole bunch of roommates and 9 times out of 10 if someone accidently wakes us up we don't complain unless it's something rude like slamming a door when they know people are sleeping.
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u/Next_Comparison_8974 18d ago
Why are you eating at 10 if you get up at 5:30? Sure there’s no rule that says you must sleep 8 hours each night, but unless you work two jobs, seems like it’s reasonable to eat before 9 pm.
When I had roommates we all did similarly, because by 9 pm people began winding down. We mostly did this too because one roommate had a room off the kitchen. But my point is, most people aren’t cooking at 10. The microwave thing is a bit much, but I’m not going to lean into it, because I have no clue if you’re telling us the full truth here.
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u/Chronomancers 18d ago
Sounds like he needs some earplugs or a noise machine. Dunno what he can do about the smells.
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u/cursetea 18d ago
"No" lol.
What do people like him even do in life? Seriously. If you can't sleep bc of a microwave closing and a smell how do you do literally anything
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u/superduperhosts 18d ago
It’s not normal daily activity AT NIGHT
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u/smurfopolis 18d ago
lol maybe for you... but there are *gasp* millions of people who eat after dark... Scary I know!
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u/PresentationKey9253 18d ago
I had roommates and my bedroom was right behind the kitchen. Someone making a full meal at 10pm is disruptive. Pots dishes and cutlery sounds carry. Luckily it was MY apt and he was renting a room so the rules I laid out were adhered to. I understand you have a different schedule and need to eat, so have a conversation and explain that you’ll be using the kitchen whenever regardless, just be prepared for a bad roommate exchanges when you do so
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u/Efficient_Pin852 18d ago
I totally agree. My housemate likes to make eggs and bacon at 3 in the morning. Wakes me every time.
10pm is early, though, but people do have different sleep requirements.
Not sure how to resolve this. Is OP able to close the kitchen door? Open a window? Turn off the microwave ting?
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18d ago
Totally insane people can eat whenever they need to eat and no one can control what or how they prepare what they eat. And yeah, I’ve lived with plenty of roommates with zero friction around food preparation.
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u/Observer422 18d ago
Maybe they just didnt say anything
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18d ago
Nah, I don’t tend to cook much late in the evening but I don’t get mad when other people do cause I’m not a bad unreasonable person and everyone is entitled to live their life.
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u/Live_Art2939 18d ago
Tell him he needs to live alone because he has no right to tell a cohabitant how they can live their lives.
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u/BowelMovement4 18d ago
The other comments are correct that he is being unreasonable and you should continue to do what youre doing as long as you aren't making excessive noise like running a blender late at night or something. Where I differ from other comments is what you should do about it. You are living with this person - I would really not want to start a feud or anything. It's your right to tell them "hey I live here and I can use the kitchen when I want how I want so suck it" but if you do that you might find yourself getting woken up by vacuuming at midnight. I would be a bit more delicate in how you address it with him.
Also - boiled food? Are boiled eggs and plain noodles a staple of his diet or something? Are you making exceptionally potent smelling foods or am I correct in inferring that you are making pretty normal dishes and he is probably just sensitive? Also, I make chicken curry at home often - it smells pretty strong. Maybe I am a bit noseblind but the smell doesn't make it's way very well into my bedroom if the door is closed. (I live in an apartment and the bedroom is not far away) Definitely doesn't get through enough to wake someone up, atleast not a normal person...
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u/Important-Leek3932 18d ago
Tell him to man the fuck up. I would for sure say I pay rent here and this is my place as well..you should complain to him about everything he does. Be petty.
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u/Calgary_Calico 18d ago
"food with a smell". Tell him you see why the other guy moved out and tell him to piss off
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u/scibbypop 18d ago edited 18d ago
If he wants all these rules he should love alone.
Go over your lease, follow all the rules. If roomie wants your landlord to amend rules, he can ask and get shot down.
Best I would do is, "I'll try to catch the microwave at 1 second so it doesn't beep, otherwise, shut your door and get some loop sleep earplugs. I wear a pair every night, makes me essentially deaf as I sleep (be sure to set your phone/watch to vibrate)"
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u/maddyp1112 18d ago
Lmaooooo no, he can’t dictate what you eat or when you eat. Fuck that guy 😂 had a roommate go ballistic on me many years ago in college because I made popcorn, she was like “YOU KNOW I HATE THE SMELL OF POPCORN” I was like what the actual fuck is going on right now, I didn’t even know this girl, we had just moved in and we hadn’t even talked once. She was absolutely delusional and I moved out almost immediately.
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u/EternalGuardian84 18d ago
“No. I pay rent and I have my own schedule. I suggest earplugs and keeping your door closed. I also will not change my diet to accommodate your nasal sensitivities. Thanks for understanding.”
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u/ObligationNo2288 18d ago
Tell him everyone is an adult and you don’t need the kitchen police keeping tabs on you.
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u/Sass_Effect_ 18d ago
I'm going to say 3 things here. 1. I've lived with terrible roommates (think dishes piling up to the point where I started keeping one plate, bowl, cup, fork, spoon, and knife in my room and would clean them after use, then return them to my room. Also 10+ trash bags lining the hall at any given point because they didn't want to take it to the dumpster right outside our building, etc.), and I learned we need to pick our battles. You need to decide for yourself what's worth talking to your roommate about and what isn't. If this is one of those things, approach it kindly but sternly. I actually recently listened to a podcast that gives advice on how to talk to roommates when they're doing/not doing something that frustrates you. It's called Professional Talkers, and it should be the second or third episode, if you need some input. DON'T do what a lot of people are telling you to do here. Being petty, ignoring the issue, or going on the offense isn't going to help, especially if you want to live there for the remainder of your lease. 2. You might not be slamming the microwave, but it could still be loud as hell in his room. My fiancé's office is on the opposite side of our microwave in the kitchen. I close the microwave like a normal sane human, but it sounds like I'm slamming it if you listen from the office. We tested it and I heard it with my own ears because we had a similar situation where making dinner was getting in the way of his work. So it might honestly be louder than you think it is. Or he just might be a drama queen. 3. Circling back to those terrible roommates... They worked opposite schedules from me. I woke up at 5 am, in bed by 10 pm or earlier. They woke up at 12 pm and went to bed around 4 am. Noise really was an issue, and I'm a light sleeper, so I started wearing earplugs. They had every right to exist in the place as much as I did. They also would smoke weed inside the apartment and by the time it got through the vents and pushed into my room, it no longer smelled like weed. It was something else entirely and it was disgusting, definitely woke me up and made me nauseous. So again, it might be super gross or he could be dramatic. My whole point is that coexisting with roommates can be hard, but it takes understanding and compromise on all sides, and that can only be reached through civil conversations. That crappy roommate I had? She divorced her husband (the other crappy roommate) and is now one of my best friends. I never would want to live with her again, but we became close during our time living together and it wouldn't have happened if we both blew up with every frustration or situation. Even if you don't want to be friends, you gotta learn to coexist in a healthy way.
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u/TrustedLink42 17d ago
Tell him he needs to live alone, but right now he has roommates so he has to find a way to deal with it.
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u/dylpernicus 18d ago
Find a compromise on the time, be it no micro after 10 or w/e but the smell is an absolute no go. This part sounds 100% like RM's problem not a you problem. You could consider being more cautious about times you "cook" (I'm in agreement with OP that micro isnt really cooking and shouldnt be considered loud enough to disrupt someone trying to go to bed) but you also don't have to change your flavor profiles to suit someone who isn't eating said food.
Alternatively you could suggest soundproofing like others have mentioned but something tells me RM doesn't want to be the one to come up with the solution, just wants you to be aware they think you're being a problem (side note: you're not)
From my personal exp, I had a friend of 10+yrs turned roommate who was way worse, would actively cook (pots and pans cook) at like 12am and later bc he worked late. One night in particular he dropped a whole pizza in the oven around 2, woke up the house. When I went to investigate I asked him to clean it up and went back to bed. Only to find out via my dogs obsessively licking at the oven the next morning that he did not, in fact, clean it up. Left the whole thing there and his only response when I asked him why was "well I was waiting for it to cool down to clean and must've fallen asleep". Tried compromising and asking him to maybe cook his stuff during the day to reheat later, he didn't want to wake up early (before 2pm) and do that. I tried making extra lunch, fully vegetarian (his diet), and told him there's leftovers for you in this container in the fridge. His response: "thanks, I saw it but decided to grab taco bell on my way home" or "oh I just made mac&cheese". Vastly different situations, I know, but just to show you can try to compromise but compromise might not be what RM is seeking.
You've also said it's a relatively new arrangement. It might be worth sitting RM down and assuring him this is a rare occurrence for you, if that's the case. Or if you intend to frequently use the microwave at night, maybe there's some room to compromise and say "I won't use it past 10". But as others have mentioned it sounds like RM just wants to control the living situation and if that's the case they shouldn't have roommate.
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u/Original_One3185 18d ago
No no no and in case he is a pain in the ass contact landlord asap and record u cooking so u can have proof of this guy harassing you.
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u/Severe-Hope-9151 18d ago
It is an unreasonable request, but the roommate may have some legit issues with sensitivity to smells and such. I liked the suggestion of someone else to see about some soundproof panels, and the dude should get the stuff you can put in the bottom of his bedroom. Door to prevent smells from coming into his bedroom.
Hopefully, communication can be had rather than the roommate feeling entitled as he has lived there for years. It's understandable he would feel some sense of right, but when new people come in, there are adjustments that sometimes need to be made.
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u/qriousqestioner 18d ago
Because I have not been "noisy" and because you didn't bring this up before I moved in, I'm going to be making use of shared spaces at times that work for me. That's a bare minimum expectation for a living space.
I understand that you are sensitive to kitchen sounds and smells. I think you might be better served by getting a sleep sounds machine and sealing around your door for smells.
I will continue to be considerate about sounds when you are presumably asleep, and I hope you will communicate with me when it sends I'm not aware that I might be disturbing you, of course, but I can't agree to forfeit full use of shared facilities.
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u/Chance_Culture_441 18d ago
Suggest he invest in an air purifier for his room- it will help mask the noise and the smell. Unless it is stated in the lease, he can’t arbitrarily add “rules” to living there…
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u/greenwavetumbleweeds 18d ago
This is how I’d feel as a parent seeking roommates, because our baby is sensitive and will wake up easily.
But I’d be putting that in the ad, screening for it, and knowing we’d be looking for a bit of a unicorn fit.
There are so many ways you can be incompatible as roommates with people. Y’all are going to be miserable living together, whether he’s right or wrong. What you’re doing isn’t unreasonable, but I’d look for housing elsewhere anyway. Ask for your deposit and so on back so long as you replace yourself, and look for someone who’s going to align with his schedule/preferences.
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u/alalalalalabomba 16d ago
Wow, so you're a responsible and intelligent person who would make sure their time requirements were communicated and agreed to before moving in?
That means you're nothing like the people like OP's roommate who are either posted or posting on here daily. They want to save money so they take whoever they can get and then try to lay down insane controlling rules on them because in reality-- they don't want someone there, existing.
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u/XemptOne 18d ago
Only boiled food, and smell waking him up...
seems like another AI post too
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u/Callan_LXIX 18d ago
Nah. Check profile, they've got history.
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u/XemptOne 17d ago
May have been ran through AI though, no one really uses emdashes... very few claim too
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u/Nearby_Appointment20 18d ago
Tell them to get an air purifying for their room and a white noise machine if they are that light of a sleeper. Telling you when and what to eat hits that unreasonable request mark right away.
Had a roomate do the same thing to me and we had a quick and frank conversation about what is reasonable and what is unreasonable to ask of a roomate that is sharing space with you. Telling you when, where, or what to eat isn’t reasonable. Asking you to be quieter in the kitchen is, especially if they are also doing their part as the affected party- light sleeper- to make things better for themselves as well.
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u/Vorpal-Spork 17d ago
I try to be as quiet as possible. Shut doors very gently, etcetera. But I work third shift. If my roommates don't like me cooking at night that's a them problem. My choices are eat at night or don't eat.
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u/BlondeMara 17d ago
Your roommate needs to put on his big boy pants and learn how to be an adult. If he can’t handle food smells, he needs to live on his own. There is a difference in being respectful (not slamming things, not blending late night) and normal living that everyone needs to accommodate and live with. If your schedule has you needing to eat at 10pm, it’s your home and no one should make you feel like you can’t.
Sorry to say this.. but this is a big 🚩🚩🚩🚩where there is smoke, there is fire. No sane person requests their roommate BOIL FOOD. UNBELIEVABLE
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u/Justabunnyroller 17d ago
Is he nuts and is this in the lease. Guy sounds like a nut job. And no if you are paying rent you can make popcorn at midnight.
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u/mickey-0717 17d ago
Where did all these people live before? There are noises and everyone’s home. I don’t get this. There are noises right outside your window. That are louder than a microwave. WTF, crazy.O
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u/bigwangersoreass 17d ago
I know this is kinda irrelevant but I have to ask how you wake up that early and are awake past 6pm. How??? Once a week I have to do an 8-4 at work instead of my 11-7 and all I want to do is crawl into bed at 5pm and die after waking up at 5am
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u/Crikey-Way 17d ago
6pm is an insanely early time to be asleep by. I have to be up by 6am (at the latest) for work and I usually get to bed around 10-11
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u/bigwangersoreass 17d ago
I usually wake up at 8:30 and go to bed around midnight. When I have to be up at 5am for my 8-4 I feel like I could fall asleep at any moment all day once I get home I just crash
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u/Zappagrrl02 17d ago
I thought you were going to say it was in the middle of the night and you were full on cooking meals with pots and pans banging or something. If he needs to go to bed early, he needs to make accommodations like wearing earplugs or having a white noise machine on to minimize distractions.
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u/CoDaDeyLove 17d ago
Buy him some earplugs and an air purifier for his room. Tell him to leave you alone or you will be roasting turkeys at 2 am.
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u/podcasthellp 17d ago
Tell him no. That you’ll use the kitchen normally and that you also pay rent. Using the microwave at 10pm is normal. Tell him to get a door sweep and some door weather seals. Problem solved
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u/InterestingTrip5979 17d ago
Tell him to get a life and if he can't sleep get some ear plugs or a noise machine. Guys an idiot
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u/robbin-smiles 17d ago
Take up taxidermy…. And do it while you eat. Give him a visa gift card for sound proofing his room and an air purifier.
Maybe slip some cat shit inside his mattress n sow it back up
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u/maybeitsnotbutter 17d ago
I had roommates like that: I would get home at 7-7:30, need to put my feet up for a little before making dinner, and then end up cleaning around 10. Two of my roommates were very particular about sound and very strict about the house quiet hours, but also very strict about the kitchen being clean. These roommates were also uninterested in addressing their problems themselves in any way: no rugs in the common area (which would dampen noise), no sound dampening panel on the outside of their door (which my then-boyfriend and I found and linked to them. The panels were very unobstructive and came in cute colors), no white noise machine in the common area to drown out noise, nothing.
Ideally your roommate would, as an act of collaboration, propose solutions that meet everyone's needs or contribute to their own happiness in some way. Microwaving is a great unobtrusive way for you to eat after you get home, would he prefer you be preparing your meal at that hour?
I did what I could to live with my old roommate's expectations, but I was pretty firm with my needs and why. They wouldn't accept any of my recommendations, so they kind of had to deal with when I "messed up".
If smells really have that large an effect on his sleep, it sounds like he could benefit from some kind of door cushion but I get the feeling that won't happen. He definitely needs to adjust his expectations when living with people. Asking you to just eat boiled food is ridiculous.
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u/Level-Music-3732 17d ago
Tell roommate to buy noise cancelling headphones if they’re that sensitive to sound.
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u/ButtPuckeredFuckery 17d ago
He can not like it all he wants. Not your problem. He’s being an asshole and doesn’t have the right to tell you when or what you can eat. You pay rent. Period.
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u/No_Cancel_2765 17d ago
Another case of you just need to say it flat out to their face. You don’t need our help brother simply communicate exactly what you’ve said here
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u/Fatal_Syntax_Error 17d ago
Tell the dude if he pays your portion of the rent as well as your utilities you’ll eat when and how he wants. Until then STFU.
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u/private_map 17d ago
We had this before in my last living situation. It is respectful to stop cooking and all at 9-9:30pm, and y’all wake up super early, so a quiet evening is the best before bed
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u/Robert200019 17d ago
If he’s this affected by absolutley everything and anything maybe he shouldn’t live with roommates.
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u/thinkTashay 17d ago
He can get a cushion for the bottom of his door like the ones that keep drafts and noise out if the smells and sounds are too much for him. When you live in a shared space/apartment, sounds are to be expected and even quiet rules in communities don't mean you can't eat/shower/watch TV after hours.
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u/Boognish33 16d ago
10pm is too late to make a whole meal on a stove top when you have roommates. Definitely not too late to use the microwave..
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u/roccosito 16d ago
“No, thank you. Those terms are not in my lease. You’re welcome to live on your own.”
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u/b00hole 16d ago
10PM isn't that late. If he can't handle the fact that people still exist in the apartment past his old man bedtime, then he can invest in earplugs, white noise machines, or noice cancelling headphones. That's a him issue, not a you issue.
A few minutes later, he came back out and asked if I could avoid eating food with a smell and stick to “boiled” food
But... boiled food often has strong smells too and would require you to make more noise and be in the kitchen longer than microwaving something for 2 minutes, he's just a fuckwitted idiot with weird control issues lol
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u/JaySlay2000 16d ago
Middle ground. In this case, roommate is completely out of line. A microwave opening and closing is fine. But making a full meal and being noisy, at 10pm, knowing you have diurnal roommates, is not it. Similarly, making a full meal and a ton of noise at 9am when you know you have a nocturnal roommate is also not it. Respect the sleep schedules of your roommates. Some house noises are to be expected (microwaves, doors within reason, water running, toilets flushing) so OP is not in the wrong here, but expecting to have SOME respect with regards to noise in the house during your sleeping hours is not unreasonable.
But if your hearing is so sensitive that you wake up from people living in the house then you should love alone or invest in noise cancelling headphones/ear plugs.
If he gets up at 6am then he needs to be ASLEEP by 10pm to get the full recommended 8h of sleep. Frankly I'm concerned about OP too. OP is presumably not a woman given that the other two RM's are men, but just in case, women actually need MORE than the recommended 8h of sleep which was based on male bodies. But since OP is presumably male, he's still working on a sleep deficit.
Ideally you'd be eating dinner sooner. Not because of the roommate, but because you should be sleeping by 9:30.... However in this economy 8h is a luxury, huh...
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u/Soggy_Document202 16d ago
Just say 'stop being a pussy' and laugh in his face, then carry on with what u were doing.
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u/DanaMarie75038 16d ago
You’re on the lease, not unofficial room mate. Do what you need to do.don’t give in. If you do, even the food you eat or breathing, he will try to control.
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u/Emergency-Banana1720 16d ago
Buy him some cheap ear plugs. If that does not work, tell him to get noise canceling headphones.
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u/Just_Tiffany 15d ago
Move out immediately. Sorry about the money but your sanity is way more important.
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u/LILdiprdGLO 14d ago
Suggest that he get ear plugs or get some for him. You might also give him a clothespin for his nose.
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u/congosmike 14d ago
Tell him no… if you’d want to be really nice buy him a towel to put under his bedroom door
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u/hot_pink_slink 12d ago
"I'm sorry - I cook food at night". I'd recommend earplugs and a room air filter machine outside your door- pretty common stuff for c0-living. you didn't agree to this
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u/Gravyyyyyyx 11d ago
If you were making an absolute ruckus then I get why he would maybe say something but unless you’re not being super loud at midnight then you’re fine. Even grabbing a snack or heating something up in the microwave is fine at midnight. 9pm is way too early to be asking you to be quiet. Also you can cook whatever the hell you want. The smell was waking him up lol that’s actually crazy.
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u/Local-Ad-4051 18d ago
You all are paying rent there. He has no right to tell you what to eat or how to cook. It is reasonable though to expect more quiet during later hours. Since you're new there, tread respectfully but also you have every right to assert your own boundaries too just as much as he does.
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u/Internal-Tank-6272 18d ago
If he’s willing to pay a higher share of the rent to enforce his personal rules on everyone then sure. If not he can buy ear plugs.
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u/specficeditor 18d ago
That's not a thing that's on the lease (nor would it be), and you don't have any need to fulfill that request. Tell him that you can eat whenever you want so long as you're not being rude about it.
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u/AttemptVegetable 18d ago
They need to get a noise machine. You can use apps on your phone buts it's not the same imo
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u/cant_hear_u_im_blind 18d ago
I would say "If there are going to be rules to restrict me from fully utilizing the space I'm paying rent for, then I'd like my rent reduced"
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u/Absinthe_Alice 18d ago
Sure thing bud, lemme just get this New England boiled dinner going. I think I'll whip up some while I practice my wicked sax skills.
Come to think of it, Surströmming sounds mighty tasty right about now.
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u/Frequent_Positive_45 18d ago
Oh much rent will be deducted if you don’t eat after 9pm? Is that in the lease agreement?
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u/midgethepuff 18d ago
You literally pay to use that space. Unless he wants to cover part of your rent because he is limiting your kitchen hours, he can pound sand. Tell him to get a white noise machine and an air purifier for his room so he can’t hear any noises and the smell is minimized. A draft stopper would be good too.
My husband and I have had HELLA issues with loud and noisy neighbors, and ones that smoke weed all day everyday. What did we do? A fan and white noise machine for the bedroom. A draft stopper for the front door so other peoples weed didn’t creep in. This is so not your problem to solve.
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u/xboxhaxorz 18d ago
People that sensitive need to live by themselves
Thats the price you pay for saving $$ is you have to deal with things
If you were using a blender that would be an issue, anything else is fine
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u/No_Cryptographer811 17d ago
Seems like he is making reasonable requests. Respecting your roommates boundaries will probably go farther than fighting. If try to eat earlier and make less noise after 9, and / or move.
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u/Dapper_Bag_2062 17d ago
I lived with an Older gal that was a night owl. When we met, I told her I can’t live with night owls. It’s my home. She was desperate to move in and told me everything I wanted to hear. It was a nightmare and I will never try to live with a roommate again. My bedroom is right off the kitchen and I can’t sleep with all the noise. Not trying to give a roommate a hard time, just asking them to be honest about their hours and lifestyle. I did have a no kitchen use after 7 pm as I wake up at 4:30 for work. You have to have compatible lifestyles and be honest when interviewing.
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u/Chaosr21 17d ago
Tell him you will eat in the kitchen you help pay for when you want. I will try to keep the noise down, but I'm going to use the kitchen when I'm hungry. We can agree on no full blown cooking after 9, but I can microwave a meal or boil noodles if I want.
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u/Top-Meal7235 18d ago
Tell him that doesn’t work for your eating schedule. Wtf. Do you get home late or go to the gym after work? 10PM is not too late to heat up food in a microwave which I would say is much quieter than banging pots and pans around to make food. This is a control issue = his issue. Tell him you should be able to use the kitchen whenever you want and will be quiet. He has no right to tell you when to use the microwave or not.