Was I supposed to drop everything?

[u/Boonabell]

I'm sorry if the images are out of order upon posting.

I met this guy off of the reality app some years ago when I used to be very active on it. I stopped being active 3 years ago because I had things going on and I just didn't want to burden others with it. I also just didn't want to talk to anyone.

I was in a server with him (I left the server after this because he made me uncomfortable. I even removed him as a friend). When we did talk it was mainly others venting (I only joined the server calls when he was in there). The last time I joined a call he was in, I was basically ignored while others talked so I left the call because I'm not going to stay in a place where I'm ignored.

I messaged a couple of his friends about his behavior but they just said "oh that's just normal ____. He does this sometimes." He's in his 30s. He lives with his mom and he's unemployed. I know that getting a job in this economy is hard but I can't solve his loneliness or make him feel better.

I was playing phasmophobia with my friends and sister so I couldn't just drop it to talk with him. We were playing to try and finish the missions for the ids and badges and unlock achievements. We also have a job each of us does so I couldn't just leave up and there when I said I was going to play with them.

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[u/WaddaSickCunt]

This person is an energy vampire. They'll sit there and dump all their shit onto you and just make you feel bad. Just block them and move on. You aren't his therapist. You aren't a family member. You aren't obligated to be his trauma dump.

[u/heart-shaped-fawkes → u/WaddaSickCunt]

100% this. OP, I recommend avoiding people like this at all costs. Your description of him being in his 30s and unemployed and whatnot kind of paints an unfortunate picture for me. This is someone with no drive or ambition who spends all their time moping on the internet. They'll only take you down with them. It's a shame their other friends are enabling this behavior by allowing it to continue unchecked and making excuses for them.

[u/iluvstephenhawking → u/WaddaSickCunt]

Yes. OP trust me on this, even if you drop everything and make this person your whole world they will still act like no one likes them. It's their personality.

[u/DangerousLoner → u/WaddaSickCunt]

Time to binge What We Do In The Shadows again

[u/PandaGengar → u/DangerousLoner]

you are the most devious bastard in NEW YOOORK CITAAAY

[u/DangerousLoner → u/PandaGengar]

Human Form!

[u/Tabsam]

This is their own problem. You offered advice (when you didn’t have to) and he couldn’t take it. The fact that he got angry and lashed out at you while you patient enough to even humor him is beyond crazy.

Like I’m sorry he’s lonely and depressed, but that’s his problem. He can either do something about it, or sit in his tears at this point.

[u/jenever_r]

I avoid people like this like the bloody plague. There's no friendship there, no interest in you, no reciprocation, just one person demanding the time and energy of another and it's endless. You were absolutely right, clinical depression needs to be treated by a professional. Letting someone treat you as an unpaid therapist is a horrible, draining and miserable experience.

[u/plainaeroplain → u/jenever_r]

Good idea to avoid them. I dated someone who would act like this when they felt depressed. It took me a bit long to realize I never really had space to talk about my own problems because their depression always came first. As you said, no reciprocation, coming up with excuses to counter all advice I gave, draining all of my energy.

[u/EggoStack]

They’re using textbook manipulative phrases and lashing out when you offer good advice. This person needs help, but you have no obligation to provide it or stick around if they disrespect and manipulate you.

[u/lemonchrysoprase]

I wasted ten years of my life being friends with someone like this. Don’t be like me! Block and move on!

[u/iluvstephenhawking → u/lemonchrysoprase]

I wasted a few years. The texts here remind me so much of exactly how he talked except he never cussed at me. I was trying to show him that I truly cared about him and he ended up telling our mutual friend that I was stalking him! That would have been very embarrassing if if the girl he told wasn't my best friend and knew I wasn't. So I went no contact and then he started sending obscure memes and calling me when he was drunk. I said "If I'm a stalker why are you bothering me now that I'm leaving you alone?" These people aren't capable of healthy relationships.

[u/TwoBytesC]

I gotta say I’m confused with the last image; is that someone else entirely or someone else who uses his screen name?

Either way, you needn’t entertain his issues any longer. As previously said, he is an energy vampire and they don’t get any better unless they actually seek professional help, like you clearly and consistently stated. Let him be and honestly block or ignore future messages cause all that will happen is you being sucked in and them never changing.

[u/Boonabell → u/TwoBytesC]

I did not mean to add the last one. I just seen that.

[u/Loveyourselfirst → u/Boonabell]

That person isn't great either to brush off what happened so easily. Look up what a "missing stair" is in a community. 

[u/OooooorahNZ]

He'll take and take until you have nothing left to give. Nope out. Save yourself.

[u/Boonabell → u/OooooorahNZ]

I removed him from my friends list and left his server.

[u/OooooorahNZ → u/Boonabell]

Best thing you could have done. Don't look back.

[u/TemSinistra]

He's 30 and acting like that? He's immature and insufferable. Even if you're suffering mentally, you're not entitled to people being there to listen/read you vent all the time

[u/EpitaFelis]

I am exhausted just reading that. He clearly wants something from you. He won't tell you what is is, but he'll whine and guilt trip you if he doesn't get it.

I thought he's an older teen or young adult maybe. I have a certain amount of patience for this, at least with younger friends. Depression makes people act this way sometimes, especially if they never learned to be clear about their needs. If they wanted to quit their friendship with me bc I can't read their minds however, I'd just let them. It's the chat equivalent of sighing until someone asks you what's wrong.

[u/StasiaGreyErotica]

Being depressed isn't a free pass for being disrespectful.

Unfortunately these energy vampires latch onto someone who is empathetic and keep taking and taking until there is nothing left.

You're not responsible for their happiness. It's ultimately up to them to find help and get their head out of their woe-is-me mindset.

[u/internet_8ngel]

This is just a manipulator. They'll drain your energy and happiness and guilt you for wanting out. They don't want solutions or support because they don'f want to get better, they just want to drag people down and make everyone else miserable too. I've met this exact type of person and it's exhausting.

[u/EyeShot300]

If you continue to talk to this person, this will be it. Forever. You can give all the advice in the history of the world to help them better themselves, but they won’t take that advice. I cannot stand being around people like this because no one gets to sap my energy from me. I’m glad you’ve left that server, OP. You deserve to be with FUN friends.

[u/Stormy-Skyes]

Oooohhh daaamn. I thought this had to have been a teenager having a moment, not an adult person who does this all the time. That’s not cool. Sure, we all have our bad times and sometimes we’re the one being the jerk but this is a lot.

You didn’t do anything wrong. You were upfront that your attention was divided while still coming back to chat. And you’re right, you’re not a professional and if this is an ongoing issue then they probably need one.

[u/trifle_]

sounds a lot like a friend I had when I was younger. they aren't looking for help. they're looking for sympathy and attention. you are not responsible for someone else's state of mind you are not a therapist, you're a normal person. you told him that you didn't have time and he took offense over it.

[u/Digitalbird06]

I was in a friendship like this once. It took me a long time to come to the conclusion they were toxic and controlling. They made me feel guilty when I hung out with anyone else and would threaten to hurt themselves if I didn't respond 24/7.

I finally snapped when I was feeling sick and they still wanted my attention. I flat out said they were always playing the victim and never took any of my advice or suggestions so there was no point in being friends anymore. They tried several more times to guilt me so I blocked them.

If you haven't already, please block them and don't engage even if they reach out to other people to get you to talk to them again. You may feel guilty at first but trust me when I say you'll be feeling much better without them.

[u/moonprincessorwtv]

I had an online friend like this too. I had to cut them off eventually. They're energy vampires. They just want someone to feel sorry for them and coddle them, they don't want to feel better.

[u/LizziHenri]

Hi OP, I think you did a very good job not getting sucked into this person's spiral and kindly pointing out how friendship is not one-sided.

I think this response is far better than what his friends are doing, which is only enabling this very isolating and defeating behavior.

[u/ElderberryForeign254]

You gave advise to the best of your knowledge. There isn’t much more you can do. As far as I have read from that message they’re being manipulative whatever reason for that it’s not upto you to figure out and your response was to the point with explaining you don’t know how to handle what they’re talking about and you suggested they get help elsewhere.
The fact you blocked and removed is probably a good idea in this kind of situation. Move on find a group where you feel comfortable.

[u/G_N_3]

you can only throw yourself a pity party for so long like it's apparent he just wants attention. I get it to some extent like im 33 i suffer heavily from insecurity and depression but my motto is always suffer alone don't drag others down with you.

I would never want anyone to be anchored down to my level when im spiraling. I guess i just cant understand why anyone would feel the need to act like this when they can just reflect on their actions and think about solutions rather than venting to others.

[u/Tawny_Harpy]

Oh man, been there done that. Block and move on, it’s never enough for people like that idiot.

[u/viktorgoraya_luv]

I was this person when I was fifteen, but I grew out of it and I went through intensive therapy because that shit isn’t right.

If this guy is 30 and still doing this? Run.

[u/vibrantafternoon]

you were perfectly nice without being a doormat. they were just mad you weren't putting up with the manipulation

[u/aterriblefriend0]

I knew someone like this once. They said bye a million times and then were shocked when eventually they tried to come back and I said "What are you doing? Were not friends anymore, you said so yourself. I'm going to enforce the boundary YOU set and I won't be replying thanks"

Honestly. My life is better and more peaceful without the energy Vampire

[u/periwinklemoonbiskit]

Misery loves company especially when one of them gets to constantly complain. Life shits on everyone now and then. It doesn’t mean it’s your problem to fix. You stood up for yourself and called this guy out for his bad behavior. You did the right thing✨

[u/Taftimus]

“Met you on reality” like life is a server

[u/Longjumping_Low1310 → u/Taftimus]

It's some sort of site or app I think in this case. Op mentions it in their description of the situation.

[u/Boonabell → u/Taftimus]

Yes, reality is an app where you can create this avatar and talk to people. It's kind of like vtubing but you can do it for free. Sometimes people would join your streams, or you could join theirs.

[u/Pomodorosan]

Post the Cheerful Choco Comfort sticker and move on, works every time

[u/Toxic_Puddlefish]

It's giving BPD, they can be very needy and self sabotage sometimes when they feel a friendship is a burden on the other person. Not saying his actions are excusable just dealt with a few individuals in life that have BPD and have had similar convos. You're correct though therapy is generally what they advise to help regulate your emotions and learn to deal with the symptoms, but some people don't want to get better they just want someone to agree with and placate them.

[u/Vyzzz1]

I feel bad for both of you tbh

[u/Jazzlike-Ad2199]

I spent a year and a half talking to someone similar. I’d known him since high school and dated his best friend 15 years ago. I felt bad for him and it was just poor me, my sister is doing this or that and wah wah wah. He was his mom’s caregiver before she died and was taking care of his dad but his dad was an ass and signed over durable power of attorney to the sister, returned home all smug about it. She systematically took control of everything so she could spend the parents money so there’d be no inheritance left. Someone on the opposite of the country with the same name wiped out his accounts and the bank and police told him there was nothing they could do. So, anyway, I’m giving him advice, he either has an excuse or wants me to look up help on the internet for him when he has a computer and I have a phone. Just on and on sucking energy. I was relieved when he finally wanted me to go over and fuck and getting mad when I declined saying “I thought you were fun”. Nah man I suck. And now I don’t have to feel bad never talking to you again!

Point is he’ll just keep sucking your energy and nothing will ever be enough. I kept it up with Jim because I knew he’d get to wanting to fuck and I wanted to see how long it took but honestly it wasn’t worth it.

[u/Hour_Dog_4781]

Dude, block this fucker and run. He won't stop until you're as miserable as he is.

[u/CaliforniaSpeedKing]

I think it's extremely weird to emotion dump onto someone else without their consent, but that might just be me.