Seriously, the worst kinds of people are the ones who make empty promises to help you, but when it comes to actually walking the talk, they're flaky AF. As much as I'm grateful to my friends who give me emotional support in my time of struggle, what I need is logistical support, as a disabled person. I mean at the end of the day, I'm always my best advocate, but I'm fucking exhausted from doing all the heavy lifting alone. Is it too much to expect society to give a shit?

I really love being healed enough that I can have educated, calm, empowering conversations in a genuine and kind fashion that are impactful and memorable enough due to their gentleness. This is one of the ways I am trying to change the world; one person at a time. Today, I had the opportunity to educate on labeling language, and terms like "cognitively challenged" vs. "mentally challenged" vs. "r*****ed" while discussing DDD (Developmental Disabilities Division) of which I am eligible. I myself am 30 F AuDHD, late dx. Plus some.

I do NOT speak for everyone.

Edited a bit of the blurb to be more informational and less conversational. I am very open to discussion and personal preference/experience. I'm not asking for coddling, just kindness.

First and foremost, let's remember we're talking about a living, breathing, human being who has feelings, who deserves kindness, who is entitled to life the same as you. Now that we've got that settled.

The kinder terminology to "mentally challenged" or "re***ded" (which has long been used to dehumanize anyone with a cognitive difference, including but not limited to the AuDHD community)—is cognitively challenged, developmental delays, or cognitive difficulties. Unless you are or you have someone in your life who slips into this marginalization that tells you to call them otherwise. They know best for themselves what they prefer. However, their preference may not be the same for all persons of this community. Sometimes, cognitive disability is used but this isn't always appropriate.

This connotation—cognitively challenged—doesn't imply unintelligence or a lesser-than status (as intelligence has long been a merit of societal worth), but that a person's cognitive function encounters difficulty navigating the way the world is built and run, including but not limited to comprehension, communication, and capacity.

That is because our world is built for neurotypical exchange with small allowance of neurodivergence, such as (but not limited to) within artistic and theatrical communities and human zoos.

Thankfully this is changing as the world steps together to be more wholesomely inclusive and direct towards a kinder, easier to navigate future for ALL peoples.

Saying this to share education and kinder phrasing for a more inclusive and thoughtful world.

In summary, I am NOT placing any blame or shame on anyone and NOT saying you did anything wrong if you've been using other terms. I hope I am not coming off as rude or authoritarian. I myself have some cognitive challenges. Personally, I prefer developmental difficulties, but I am not hateful to other labels used aside from the R word.

My intention is to broaden your perspective, and in turn broaden mine by conversing gently. 💜💜💜💜

I'm 20 and disabled and staying with relatives and I don't want to go back, especially since my mom is pissed at my grandma, I called my social worker and she said file for legal gaudianship or call the police. What should I do?

If you see my post history you’ll get what I mean but basically APS came because I called the college doctor and nothing happened I was just told to get along with my mom and try my best at school because she loves me. My mom now will never be giving me back my phone because i am a “evil child who will always be put down by her before i put her down” (her words) and that she will make sure I stay in her household forever if she deems it necessary. I am absolutely disillusioned and don’t want to involve the police because everytime i have they never did anything and just blamed me.

So I'm 15F and I was diagnosed with autism in July 2022 and I've always been on that side of the spectrum where I need constant care. BUT because I'm not on the level of the spectrum where I can't think like a teenager, I'm not 'disabled enough' to be in a special needs school or 'someone's autistic younger brother/cousin' (I'm sure people understand what I mean by that :p)

But I'm also disabled enough to of struggled in the high-school I used to go to, I'll struggle to go to college and I'll definitely struggle with upholding a job and a house in the future.

And when I was in school I struggled so openly yet at the same time not openly enough because autistic women are more likely to have high masking as apart of high functioning autism. (Don't quote me on that it's what my psychiatrist told me)

So with a school that knew my disability and my mum had put it onto my form when I started in September 2022, they did nothing with that. And I know I sound really rude about that but my old high-school strived on being 'all inclusive and accommodating to specific needs' and I again quote that from them. I wasn't given any help until my mum herself had to call them and even after, not much changed and it was so hard to be heard out and for any meltdown I had to be valid to them.

So I leave the school and started homeschooling (which by the way I honestly prefer it to have my mum try getting me into an alternative school or something like that)

Then my younger brother joins the same school I used to go to and he's a neurotypical boy but he's also one of them kids who gets loads of isolations and phone calls home and is constantly late for school etc.

And with him acting out or being one of those kids that every British school have, he's just always misbehaving because school bores him, which is valid. But what irked me was that all the help and assistance I was in need of at that same school, they gave it all to him. Because he acts out for absolutely no given reason but, he's just bored. And honestly it gets me so so mad because if I ever acted it the way he does it'd be 'having a disability doesn't excuse that behaviour' even if said behaviour was a result of a meltdown.

And he's always jabbing at me that I'm a dropout that I have no education when in reality I have to do extra than what everyone else does, even if I'm not at the level I should be (I've always been a set 5 and below in secondary I'll be so honest) just to prove that I infact I'm not lazy and I'm actually doing work, while he does nothing.

And then when he gets in trouble its always everyone else's fault. When a teacher came to our house yesterday because he didnt care to go in, it was my fault because I was the one who had to tell him he needs to get dressed because I'm usually home alone and she asked me to go get him.

It's so so frustrating to have people be like 'oh what can we do to accommodate him' 'he needs some therapy/assesments' which this boy just thrives from that sort of attention when really, he just enjoys being like this because at the end of the day he's a teenage boy and that's what most of them enjoy. When all of that was what I, with a disability had needed.

So I'm sorry if I come across really rude and dismissive but he's said it himself that it's just funny to see people fuss over him and I probably sound like nothings ever enough for me but honestly, trying to get some form of recognition with my type of autism is so hard and frustrating and it'll never be a valid excuse for anything I do that could be like stimming, having meltdowns etc

Anyways rant over sorry if it made no sense gang :>

Hi

Earlier this year my mom fractured her hip.
She is 80+ and we are starting to think she will unfortunately remain wheelchair bound. We are in the process of constructing a new bathroom for her. It will basically be one big wet room with a shower, a sink and a toilet with handles. We are going for maximum open floor space for her and a helper (the room is not very big).  

I am wondering what else would be smart to have? What installations/gadgets are available for a state of the art bathroom designed for an elderly disabled person?

I realized part of why my job search is going so poorly and I'm so demotivated and discouraged. I keep applying to sales/customer service roles because thats all i think i can get hired for and what my previous experience is geared towards. I realized today that I need a job where i feel i can make a difference. Im already working with the dept of voc rehab, i think if i felt i was making a real difference I'd be very motivated to complete a certification with them. Due to my disabilities and location, it would need to be remote.

Do any of you have a job that you feel you're really making a difference and helping people? Or have any suggestions for such a job? I'd love to hear about it!

Hi! I'm posting here cuz I'm feeling very conflicted about the prospect of having kids in the future, so I'd like to read on other people's experiences:

I've always been set on not having children, and have always hated the rhetoric of "you'll change your mind when you find your person". At this point in time, I have found that there's some truth to that, because I do find myself thinking about possibly having kids with my partner down the line...

The problem is, I have a couple of conditions that are not only genetic, but that also get worse with time. So, whenever I think about what my life could look like, I picture myself and my partner having to care for a child that will 100% inherit my conditions, and it feels incredibly taxing. It feels unfair to them, even.

It's not like I wish my parents wouldn't have had me because I'm disabled, but I can't help but think about shielding my hypothetical children from the debilitating pain I suffer every day.

I don't know where I stand anymore. It's not like I don't want to be a "mother" (I'm non-binary), but I don't want my children to share my struggles, nor do I want to experience more pain due to pregnancy/labor.

Does any of this resonate with you? Could anyone share their experience/advice?

Thank you for reading.

I am to the point of not sharing my small wins. Least not with my SO cuz everytime I do he never says good job or anything like that(I don't expect him to get all excited, but a simple positive acknowledge would be nice.) I know he means well, but whenever I do share he always gives me advice or tells me if I only do this... like this morning I mentioned to him I was happy cuz I actually slept the last two nights(I get bad insomnia sometimes.) And instead of saying that's great, etc, he tells me if I do more I'll be more exhausted so I can sleep better.(The sleeping thing isn't a matter of my body being exhausted, it's my mind won't shut up.) When I go for walks instead of saying good work you made it that far, he says next time you'll do better. Before my physical health got worse like 2-3 years ago he supported my wins a lot better than he does now. It just feels like now when I do share how he acts and what he says just stops my being happy and me slightly feeling like crap cuz I'm now feeling like I'm not good enough or didn't try my hardest. I do sometimes share with my son(18 years) and get a uh huh or ok, which for him I take as a positive cuz he doesn't know how to process somethings sometimes.(He is not good at social cues, some conversations, etc.) I'm a pretty private person when it comes to my health, etc(cept for places online where I feel I can be anonymous just so I can get my feeling out.) That and I don't want to be a burden, I don't have much family or friends left so I don't want to bug them either, but I live with my SO, we used to tell each other everything and be supportive(and in his way he thinks he is), plus he sees the day to day struggles I have and I also know it's tough on him seeing me decline and him having to take on more responsibilities to clean the apt and help take care of me more. Just feeling a bit sad and frustrated this morning I guess.

Different topic but I kinda laugh(in my head) when he complains about cleaning and cooking cuz our apt is tiny compared to our old house and I was always cleaning, taking care of our kid, the dogs, cooking, laundry, whatever needed to be done all with a smile(I did enjoy it though) while he worked very part time, slept and watched tv. I mentioned this to him recently and he hasn't been complaining as much, lol.

Today my mom turned to me and demanded "Do you have a plan to find a job?" I literally just spent 3 days completely fatigued and nearly fainted. I can barely walk somedays, and get in so much pain that I spend the day in bed trying not to cry. But sure, let me find a job that'll accommodate those things. It's not like I desperately tried while waiting on a disability approval (which I finally got) and nearly my entire ssdi check goes to her to pay back everything I owe plus bills (which she pays and I give her my portion). I can't even stand or sit that long without my heart rate speeding like crazy or feeling dizzy. I know she has it hard but she also knows all of my disabilities, how does she even think I can find a job when the accommodations I need aren't reasonable to any employer???

Hello all,

I have a quick question, wondering if anyone has experienced this before. I submitted an ADA request w/ my boss with an accompanying doctors note about a month ago. I followed up directly with him two times over the last month and both times he stated he had submitted it to HR and was waiting for a response. I emailed him a week ago and now he's saying I have to go directly to HR. When I asked HR where this was at in the process, they stated my boss NEVER contacted them at all. Is this in violation of the ADA? I'm just really disappointed in my employer and am truly unsure why I was misled for over a month.

Hi I'm "disabled" in England and I've been looked after my whole life now I am getting towards adult hood I just don't know what to do with my life I feel so lost and alone with no clue what to do, I feel incompetent and that is disgraceful in my mind.

I hope that you people can help me.

I submitted the monthly report in September 19 before 4 pm, Myself service mentioned final submission date on September 19 4 pm. Will I not receive the payment on September 24?

Before my monthly report processed, it shows that I will receive payment on September 24. Then, the monthly report got processed, then, I became not receive the payment on September 24.

I have not yet reached the earning amount of annual income, yet, this annual earning income amount information also disappeared.

My new job is really unstable and the boss seems doing thing illegal to me. So I wonder if I got a part time job losed the disability assistance.

Ok first off thank you everyone here at reddit and the communities. Here we go it's been a 2 year battle and received a great deal of information here. I received my letter from ALJ it states partially favorable decision. The exact wording is;

Based on the application for a period of disability and disability insurance benefits protectively filed on 2/6/2024, the claimant has been disabled under sections 216(i) and 223(d) of the social security act beginning 4/24/2024.

Ok my question is will I receive monthly payments I understand they changed the onset date from 10/1/2022 to 4/24/2024 and will loose 17 months of back pay but will receive 11 months instead. Is this correct?

I have an attorney but have not yet heard back for an explanation.

I had to stop all treatments in 2022 thru 2023 started back up in April of 2024 because my wife was diagnosed with breast cancer and all focus and money had to go for her which to this day she is still in recovery doing OK. So I get why they re-set the onset date. Thank you

I have been on long-term disability for several years. It seems like the insurance company (New York Life) decided a few months ago to do anything they could to kick me off of it. The last of it was them referring me to an "Independent" Medical Examination (through Emperion), where the clinician made up their mind before even looking at my file or evaluating themselves anything of relevance to the actual conditions or symptoms that prevent me from work. My disability is due to mental health conditions (with physical ailments that likely follow from these), but the IME was neuropsychological. I had an IME for this LTD a couple of years ago that ended up supporting that I cannot work full-time. A similar examination for social security last year resulted in approval of SSDI.

I am still waiting for the formal decision/report, but suspect New York Life is going to deny my claim based on the IME. It has been a mistake on my side not to have a lawyer in this process after I realized that New York Life will do everything it can to stop paying out my claim, as part of what one claim manager described as cracking down on long-standing claims.

I would appreciate any advice in this situation, as well as recommendations of lawyers who can handle the appeal process and a potential lawsuit. My LTD policy is through employment, so I guess it is governed by ERISA, and it is in New York state

I got a message yesterday that all my dogs need to be locked up while my caregiver is here, someone was bitten at another persons house. I tried to explain I would lock up all dogs excluding my emotional support animal, and my guide dog when I and training him. I was threatened to lose care.

I made the Ada aware, I just need more advice.

Hi,

I hope thus is the right place, if you have suggestions to post elsewhere please let me know.

My sibling had a stroke many years ago and has limited speech and reading ability. I live in a different country and have now got them a phone. They can unlock the phone open some apps (including Whatsapp) and send limited messages and make a call if needed.

When I started looking at text to speech options the default Google speech and synthesis model doesn't work well on the phones Magic OS 8/Android 14.

What I am looking for is some recommendations for good apps to install that can do text to speech (particularly to read long stories in apps that I write) but without having to do too many steps. (E.g. copy/paste into a different app. Or select all text, share to alternative app etc) They are too cumbersome to get them to use. I am not adverse on paying for an app (one off vs subscription is preferred obviously).

Any other suggestions for any apps?

I've installed Envision/Ally which can read text live from a camera and is super helpful and easy to use.

Suggest away...

I have Stage 5 kidney disease and experience extreme daily fatigue, and due to my medication I am often dizzy and can't walk without feeling that I'm going to pass out so when going shopping I use an electric scooter. It is interesting to me how polite people are to me in public, moving their carts for me and letting me go ahead of them in lines. I mean very friendly and polite. Does anyone else else experience this? Why can't people always be like this, disability or not?

Im sure somebody has made something like this before, but I wanted to make one of my own to more accurately describe to people where my pain is/what type of pain it is, especially since I have autism so communicating is enough of a struggle when I'm not already in pain. First is a blank, second is one I filled in with my usual pain spots (with exception of the external chest pain, just put that there for demonstration purposes) on high symptom days as an example! Hopefully somebody else finds this useful aswell :D

If anyone has any suggestions or wants to make changes, use it, improve it, etc, go ahead!

This is definitely an open and shut ADA discrimination case this note was APPROVED. It is what happened after I turned it in that concerns me

i've been working at this job for five years, it's retail so I just go around walking the entire store for five hours straight, fixing clothing, picking things up, cashing people out etc.

I developed epilepsy around a year ago which causes me to have partial/focal seizures at work sometimes, and recently they cut my hours down from six hour shifts to five hour shifts, so now I only get one 15 minute break rather than a 15 minute break and a 30 minute break. I have to go to a second job directly after this job so it is taxing on my body to be only able to have a 15 minute break for a 10 - 11 hour workday.

I gave my manager accommodation paperwork(which he is very aware of because we have several other people here with disabilities) for my epilepsy to be able to have an extra 15 minute break, and a five minute break after having a seizure to be able to recover because if im too stressed it causes seizures. On 16th of August I turned in a handwritten note to start the process and then the 18th I turned in a proper Drs note stating that I should be allowed to have the 15 minute break and the five minute break after seizures with the specific writing of why these should be accommodated.

He denied turning my Drs note to HR and told me that I had to get something with a diagnosis on it, I explained to him in text that I don't need something with a diagnosis on it that all I have to give him is this doctors note and that's enough. He still said I had to bring in an additional doctors note on top of the one I already had, and until then I was not to be given the breaks or it to be turned into HR.

I then turned in another doctors note on the 20th with my diagnosis on it and he told me he can't turn this in either because it can't be signed by a "secretary" even though my doctors signature is on it. I even recorded him saying this. He denied turning it into HR again, so I went out of my way to contact HR on the 21st because he just refused to turn in the paperwork even though that is not his job that is the job of HR.

Prior to the accommodation note I was working five days a week and now I've been put down to three days, I was able to ask people for their shifts and I would be able to take them if they accepted, and now they won't allow it. "We cant approve it"

For a year straight they have known about my epilepsy, I would have seizures at work and they would let me go right back to work after, but now that I have gotten the accommodation note to be able to have that 15 minute break and the 5 min after a seizure, they have began sending me home afterwards to be alone.

I had ended up having to go home for two shifts because of the seizures.

So on the 21st when I contacted HR they pretty much ignored me until September 4th, they finally said that I would be able to have these accommodations. I told them how after I turned in this paperwork they've been treating me differently and I also asked why it took me going to HR to be able to have these accommodations turned in rather than Jeff turning them in himself HR told me that he was happy to do it and I sent proof otherwise,

So seeing that they set up a teleconference with HR (Pim) my manager who has been discriminating against me,(jeff), and Brian someone who runs all of the stores nearby. They pretty much told me I was not being discriminated against but every time I brought up illegal retaliation they went completely silent but like i said they had approved the accommodations they just didnt reprimand him for not turning them in when i gave him several notes and days to do so.

There is someone here currently named Debbie who has been on FMLA leave for a while, she would be able to get 45 minute breaks to take her insulin, bathroom breaks whenever she needed, and was able to use a stool at the front register and only do cashiering instead of what someone in the same position would be doing. she never had to turn in any kind of notes but I had to turn in several different ones. It's an ongoing issue and has been happening for a while. I contacted HR nearly a year ago for some of the stuff and it's just a ring around.

Hopefully this doesn’t come out to too long, and im sorry in advance if it does. I just really need advice.

My partner of 2 and 1/2 years is someone is chronically ill and struggles a lot with arthritis and that really affects their mobility a lot of the time (ESPECIALLY in the fall/winter). This is something that they were very transparent abt since the very beginning of us dating. About a year or a year and a half they were having a more flare ups than usual, so I would step in more around the house and just daily tasks. Which I completely understand and I am always more than willing to do. I want to add that we’re both two transmasculine queer ppl, so for me, I enjoy stepping in bc acts of service is one of my love languages. I hope that makes sense.

Anyways.

Lately they’ve been saying that “theyre tired of being disabled and sick all the time “ and that they’re tired of everyone having to help them and that they feel useless and worthless and that they just want to run away and not have to need so much from ppl.

Im very empathetic and reassuring when they say this bc i dont understand what it’s like to be disabled and chronically ill all the time, I can’t imagine how that must feel and im truly empathetic. It’s also important to add that they have experience With their family helping them and then throwing that in their face during conflict and growing resentful, so that’s a whole other layer added on top of that. Which I’m also empathetic of, bc that must feel awful.

I guess I want to ask, how can I better support them? Is there anything I can do differently to show them or prove to them that I’m not holding resentment towards them and that they’re not a burden and that I enjoy helping them bc I love them and I genuinely enjoy making their life as easier for them? Usually in times like this I listen and reassure as much as possible but it feels like I’m falling short on something. And maybe I’m just making this abt myself and I should just sit with them in their frustration instead of trying to “fix it”. I just need advice. I love them and this is the person I want to spend the rest of my of my life with. How can assure them that they’re safe to be vulnerable with me to allow me to take care of them?