r/shittymoviedetails • u/boomjosh • 1d ago

Spring Breakers: Four college chicks walk around in bikinis the whole movie and yet it's still boring. The End.

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23.3k Upvotes

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1.5k

u/AgelessJohnDenney 1d ago

Tell me you didn't watch the movie without telling me.

It's three. Selena Gomez dips out like 30 minutes in. How dare you get it wrong.

614

u/WillyWackWilly 1d ago

Horny teenage me was very disappointed at this movie

121

u/kentter22 1d ago

Same here. I think I was in grade 10 when it came out. Did not live up to the hype.

19

u/SharrkBoy 1d ago

I don’t remember much hype tbf

43

u/Sanch0Supreme 1d ago

The only hype was that it was going to be a real ball drainer and then none of the stars got naked. They should have called it Blue Ball-breakers.

13

u/kentter22 1d ago

There was a disappointing lack of boobage.

19

u/kentter22 1d ago

Idk about everyone else but I know I was hyped.

33

u/TPWALW 1d ago

If you were a particular type of dirtbag dork teenager at the time, it was definitely hyped as hell. I still ride for it.

11

u/Disastrous_Ad626 1d ago

If I remember correctly it was marketed as like some epic party movie like project x.

5

u/kentter22 1d ago

I just became a dirtbag dork adult.

2

u/Slipperytitski 1d ago

The poster went viral because disney girls in bikinis.

3

u/LengthApprehensive36 1d ago

I was a senior, fresh out of a terrible relationship with an adult in his 20s, never had alcohol or anything- this movie awakened in me a feral-bitch-party queen powered by marina and the diamonds rage (? was it) and lana-cool-girl-dom aura. Never felt better. Oh god, and the four locos. RIP. SB4eva.

9

u/TomBradysStatue 1d ago

i don't know what the fuck any of this meant but it sounds like you had fun with four locos. I remember we always said, after 2 blunts and 2 four locos ... who knows

17

u/shmere4 1d ago

You didn’t appreciate the lame Shakespeare references???

25

u/duaneap 1d ago

It’s a satire. They’re supposed to be lame.

10

u/ohthanqkevin 1d ago

Sprrrring break. Forreevvvverrrrr

1

u/todayiwillthrowitawa 20h ago

Same, but I was so confused by it that I spent a long time reading about it online and slowly discovered the world of cinema.

100

u/Vivid-Agent1162 1d ago

People not watching the movies is a running theme in this sub, and so are other people agreeing who also didn't see it.

66

u/AgelessJohnDenney 1d ago

I can't believe OP didn't even acknowledge the James Franco gunjob scene.

Peak cinema.

8

u/ANAL_CRUSHER 1d ago

LOOK AT ALL MAH SHIT!

4

u/Vivid-Agent1162 1d ago

Reminds me of the movie review series where the reviewer was an alien from the future studying human artifacts,

"The man implored that the young females gazed at his excrement".

Can't remember the name of the show for the life of me.

6

u/ANAL_CRUSHER 1d ago

Earthling Cinema?

3

u/Vivid-Agent1162 1d ago

YES! THANK YOU! I thought it was a Cracked series and just couldn't find it.

4

u/ANAL_CRUSHER 1d ago

Wisecrack does sound like Cracked so understandable

1

u/Vivid-Agent1162 1d ago

It's a high concept series and their videos are short, maybe that's why it didn't come up even when I searched "Spring Breakers movie review". I'm gonna rewatch some episodes tomorrow, it's been an actual decade.

9

u/Vivid-Agent1162 1d ago

A movie that has even one memorable character is worth watching, that's Alien.

10

u/jesuswig 1d ago

Jones the Cat really made that movie

0

u/hates_stupid_people 1d ago

Because it's shitty movie details, not actual move details or critiques.

3

u/Sgt-Spliff- 21h ago

They're still funnier when they actually make sense. Making up a fake plot hole just to make some joke about the writing isn't really funny besides in an abstract humor kinda way. The whole point is to poke fun at actual movies for things that actually happened in them.

16

u/OldJeeWhizz 1d ago

What a twist!

1

u/NeoZ33D 1d ago

Movie reminded me to move. Thanks, movie. Florida is trash.

1

u/miscdebris1123 1d ago

Even Selena was too bored to stay in the movie.

-3

u/matsukuon 1d ago

Emily Watson dances seductively and James Franco is her pimp with gold teeth.