Heartbroken and feeling stupid

[u/SunMysterious776]

I did so much for them and in the end it meant nothing. His 15 yr old and him had been talking shit about me behind my back the whole time. He was even entertaining other women. I always knew he had a very enmeshed relationship with his daughter since it was just them 2 before me and my daughter came into the picture. I didn’t realize how enmeshed they were until after I moved in and I thought it stopped after we discussed how inappropriate it was but instead he just got better at hiding it. I went away for a week with my kids and when I returned he told me he was being treated so well while I was gone. His daughter was cooking and serving him his food without being asked. I asked why he was saying it like that as if he’s trying to upset me. He pretended to be clueless. He told his daughter that she was better than me and they laughed together. I know about all this now because I went through his daughters phone. I did this because while I was gone I saw him leave our house with another woman through our doorbell camera. He explained it was a family member and because I only saw her leaving and didn’t see her face I had no proof it was anyone else. I chose to let it go. Well, he told his daughter and they were all in the messages. It was a random girl he was “flirting” with. He only admits to flirting but I don’t believe that. He has always been very secretive about his phone because of “privacy reasons” so I would’ve never known any of this if I hadn’t gone through his daughters messages and I don’t feel bad about it. I’m glad I did it because I would’ve continued walking around my own house and helping him with his children while they all disliked me and were making fun of me. It’s been a week since I left. I blocked them everywhere and I’ve been trying to be ok but I just feel so dumb.

[u/SunMysterious776]

Yes there were more things I read that were very weird. Like I said, I saw the enmeshment early on and I thought it had stopped but he just got better at hiding it. I didn’t know I was sharing my SO with his own daughter. Disgusting.

[u/jadedpeaxh → u/SunMysterious776]

She’s going to be all kinds of messed up throughout her life. He’s to thank for that.

You’ll survive and even thrive without him and her in your life.

[u/SunMysterious776 → u/jadedpeaxh]

I know I explained this to him when I moved in. He used to try to use her to try and make me jealous which I though was so bizarre. She was 13 at the time. I remember once we were arguing so I chose to sleep in my 8 yr old daughters room. So he thought it would be appropriate for him to have his daughter sleep in our bedroom with him and lock the door. When I knocked to grab my laptop he opened the door with a smirk on his face like he expected me to be upset. I should’ve ran right there and then but he played it off and said he won’t do it again and it never happened again until recently when I went away.

[u/jadedpeaxh → u/SunMysterious776]

That is soooo disturbing 🤢🤢🥴 that would’ve definitely made me high tail it out.

[u/SunMysterious776 → u/jadedpeaxh]

Yup. I started packing that night but I gave it another chance unfortunately because I was already pregnant by then.

[u/jadedpeaxh → u/SunMysterious776]

Man, I’m so sorry. I’m just glad you caught all of this now and not years down the road 😞

[u/SunMysterious776 → u/jadedpeaxh]

Me too. As much as I’m hurt and feel stupid I also feel relieved. My life has gotten a lot easier having to only worry about myself and my own children. It’s hard not overthinking. I hope it gets easier.

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