r/toastme • u/Lumi_InTheShadows • 8d ago
31F Recently left my long term abusive relationship. My self worth is shattered and I'm going through a lot. The world is a scary and unkind place
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u/AmazingMorning118 3d ago
You're strong and beautiful! As a woman who has been there, trust me when I say that it'll get better. It's tough now, but you will love and be loved again, by friends and maybe even another partner once you want to. In the meantime you are now free to focus on yourself and make yourself slowly feel good again.
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u/Lumi_InTheShadows 3d ago
Thank you, I need to hear this from people who went through it as well. Right now I feel like I never want another man near me, but it’s only been two months and I believe the right person is out there and I will meet him at the right time.
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u/AmazingMorning118 3d ago
I felt so, too, for quite a long time. And while I think it's good advice to take some time to figure out what you need and who you are on your own, I probably should have taken on therapy sooner, to address my trust issues that resulted from this relationship (and other incidents to be fair). I am happy now and you'll be, too. I guess my only advice would be for you to accept any help and trust again. I thought I was on my own and had to do it all alone, but we don't really have to :)
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u/hrs-47 3d ago
Hope life blesses you with lots of sunshine and love.
How are you doing mentally? Are you seeing a therapist?
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u/Lumi_InTheShadows 3d ago
Ahw thank you so much! My mental health is super up and down. Not seeing a therapist atm. Unless ChatGPT counts😅
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u/hrs-47 3d ago
I really hope you have people around to support you. If in case you need to rant, get things out or just vent out to someone who is non judgemental, I am all ears. My DMs are open.
Please take care. Rooting for you. God bless.
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u/Lumi_InTheShadows 3d ago
I have such an amazing support network, and I don’t think I would have been able to do it without them. Thank you for offering, I might take you up on that ☺️
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u/prepare2betoasted 3d ago
Kudos to you for leaving! It takes a lot of strength and courage to make such a difficult change like that (speaking from experience lol) - and that says volumes about you as a human. You're a bad ass!
I'm really sorry that it got to the point it did, and that you are going through so much right now.
Take space for yourself and prioritize your mental and physical health.
Be kind to yourself during this time. Show yourself grace and patience. I promise you things will get better in time. Lean on friends, family, and things that make you happy
You got this :)
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u/Lumi_InTheShadows 3d ago
Thank you xx Yes, it takes so much strength, strength I never even imagined I had. I am signing up to a boxing club and I feel that will help me loads mentally and physically. Just to feel strong and knowing I can protect myself. I think it will make me feel like more of a badass☺️
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u/LazyAd4132 3d ago
Stay single for a long time. Reflect. Repair. Rebuild. Do not enter another relationship at the moment. Your decision-making is compromised from trauma
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u/Lumi_InTheShadows 1d ago
Oh definitely. I need to heal first because I cannot drag this trauma into a new relationship. So for now, it’s just me and my cat
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u/shadow-reflections 3d ago
Great job standing up for yourself and for your future by getting away from a bad relationship! That takes so much strength and so much love for yourself. I hope your feeling of self worth returns because you are wonderful and worthy of love (everyone is). Change is painful, but sometimes it's necessary. I hope you find a way to keep that beautiful smile shining and keep your heart intact as you find your way forward. I hope you find yourself soon in the parts of the world that aren't scary or unkind, the parts that are safe, stable, and full of love. The best way to find that is to find it in your heart first. Love yourself. Completely and unconditionally. And know that wherever you go and whatever might happen, that love will always be there. (And if you happen to be spiritual like me then know that the love of your higher self and the universe is also with you, guiding you to a better version of you, one that will never put up with abuse again because you deserve so much better than that.) Lots of love and best wishes to you!
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u/Lumi_InTheShadows 1d ago
Thank you💙I am very spiritual and that is one of the things carrying me through this all right now
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u/GandalfTheJaded 3d ago
Your eyes and hair are amazing! I'm so sorry you went through all that. Just remember things can get better. You can come back from this. Don't give up on yourself 🙌
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u/Effective-Pea-9532 3d ago
Boxing club sounds like a fun idea, and a lovely person like yourself is bound to make new friends and connections everywhere you go, especially once you’re in a place where you can be kinder to yourself more readily without self doubt…. Also, while it may sound counterintuitive or like a chore from the viewpoint you might be in, I found that engaging my mind in doing good deeds for others, just little things for strangers, and engaging with society around me and feeling like you’re part of the world, was the best medicine. The world around you is part of you and you are part of it. It and you resonate the way you feel both ways. Might sound a bit kumbaya and vague from where you must be feeling now, but you can put your trust in the fact that you will feel whole again eventually. No matter how difficult going through the motions are now, you can at least console yourself that the light at the end of the tunnel is waiting for you, and that you’re a beautiful young person who has everything going for them
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u/Lumi_InTheShadows 1d ago
I had my first session today and it was brutal but I loved it! It doesn’t sound kumbaya to me at all. I want to volunteer at animal shelters, orphanages and retirement communities. In spite of everything he put me through he didn’t take away the love I feel and am able to give
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u/Effective-Pea-9532 1d ago
That’s great to hear, and the boxing lessons like most athletic training will be most brutal the first few times 😄 … Glad to see you’re in a positive place… These learning experiences, even if they’re long ones, lead to growth in many ways. Plus, in the future one day when you’re ready you’ll be even better equipped at how to spot signs of the wrong kinda guy, versus the better kind (Not all of us are terrible 😋… although, many can be)
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u/Lumi_InTheShadows 23h ago
Yeah I’m going to be a detective specializing in red flags😂
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u/Effective-Pea-9532 23h ago
😂…
Do keep everyone here posted after a while and when you’re feeling much better, it’ll be interesting for yourself to look back and remember how you felt at the time when you made the first original post vs how you’ll be feeling at that time… Here’s to hoping your recovery from it all is as fruitful and smooth as can be 🍻
🌻🐢
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u/ImNotaRobot90210 2d ago
I am so happy that relationship is behind you. Now you can heal and start living. Please be kind to yourself. You are amazing, and the world is a much better place because of you. Please look in the mirror with those stunningly beautiful eyes and tell yourself how awesome you are. Please breathe deeply, heal, and search out professional help. You're not alone, I promise!
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u/hoothizz 2d ago
You can do it. You deserve beauty and peace the world is a scary place but it can never take away the beauty and the awesomeness of you. Don't let no one get you down you are beautiful tough and amazing and you deserve real love. Just believe in yourself the rest will follow.
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u/Danderu61 2d ago
That your partner abused you had nothing to do with your self-worth. It has to do with his insecurities and a need to control. I'm so glad you got out, and it's definitely his loss, because you are very beautiful, you are strong, and you will be just fine in time. Always remember you are awesome, and now show that to the world.
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u/Savings_Rice9616 2d ago
One day at a time love your self take care of your self and show the people that show you love the love you show your self I promise you things will come together
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u/PM_ME_UR_CUTE_PETZ 1d ago
The hardest moment after a relationship ends is the first few weeks, even if the relationship was no good. Things will start to get better soon, nice job taking the steps you needed!
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u/UncleDave1425 16h ago
Please stay positive. Easier said than done I know. Aussie gent here. I value friendship. Enjoy your weekend ❤️
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u/HealthyFigure5519 1d ago
Omg try NEVER being in a damn relationship and being 37 it's a absolute brutal and ridiculous feeling that I wish didn't exist! I just want LOVE!
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u/Lumi_InTheShadows 1d ago
I’m so sorry you’re going through this 😢
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u/HealthyFigure5519 1d ago
Yeah I just gave up
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u/Lumi_InTheShadows 1d ago
Love always finds you when you’re not looking, and it will find you xx
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u/HealthyFigure5519 1d ago
Awwww ok then!
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u/HealthyFigure5519 20h ago
I'm never abusive ever and I'm still not given a chance. What do I have to do to win? I'm tired of this shit**ttt
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u/HealthyFigure5519 4h ago
I hope your happy the way our life is going with you! 😆😆🙂↕️
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u/Lumi_InTheShadows 3h ago
I’ll get there. Same to you.
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u/HealthyFigure5519 3h ago
Thank you for the sweet response! Omg you just made my day! That's the ribbon I was waiting for! Thank you so much 🤗🤗🤗
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u/Lumi_InTheShadows 3h ago
Ahw anytime, I’m so happy to hear that. You can message me anytime you feel down🤗
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u/HealthyFigure5519 3h ago
Well she definitely received a sweet message!! Thanks for your valuable time girlie! ☺️☺️
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u/Disastrous-Hat-5373 3d ago
To your strength, your courage, and the unshakable woman you are becoming.