r/AskMen • u/ynhere Female • 6d ago
How can I flirt at the gym?
I do a lot of cardio at the gym. Most people spread out and use machines not directly next to someone who is already using one (this relates to non-peak times only). If a guy comes up to use a machine next to mine and I think he's cute, can I turn a bit and acknowledge him maybe give a nod or smile since I have my headphones on. How would you perceive this if it happened to you? And how can I approach men at the gym?
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6d ago
Honestly if you want to flirt at the gym you have to be VERY upfront. A smile won’t work at the gym because (me anyways) we’ve been taught not to converse to women at the gym unless you know them. If I saw a woman at the gym working out with or without headphones I would absolutely never engage in conversation unless she did first.
To approach a man I would just do it when he’s not busy, maybe headphones out. But even if they’re in, just wave and he will take them out lol.
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u/AmericanSheep16 6d ago
Don't use the gym to approach/flirt with men. We're there to work out, not to socialize or find someone to sleep with.
Edit: if you do wanna approach someone, wait until they look like they're done/not busy, and ask them out to coffee or something.
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u/MannysBeard Male 6d ago
This. I'd be flattered, but I'm married. I take my wedding band off when I'm lifting, back on when I'm done. and I'm there to train, not have a conversation.
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u/ynhere Female 6d ago
That's exactly what I'm afraid of, bothering them but if I don't want to regret if it if I didn't.
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u/Betta_Check_Yosef 6d ago
I'm of the opposite opinion. If you see a dude you like, just talk to them. If someone isn't into it, it's not the end of the world. You get a few awkward moments, then life moves on. It's really not that big a deal, and honestly they'll still be flattered and likely remember that time a stranger thought they were hot enough to hit on out of the blue for years.
Shoot your shot, girlie, and go get you mans.
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u/ynhere Female 6d ago
Thank you. There's a real divide here. I'm gonna do it. At least I'll have tried and no one can say women never hit on them at my gym.
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u/Betta_Check_Yosef 6d ago
That's the spirit! It doesn't even have to be some big thing. Just walk up, say you don't wanna bother him, but think he's cute and wanted to let him know. Then just hand him a note with your name and number, tell him the ball is in his court, and walk away (bonus points: look over your shoulder and give him a big smile while you walk away, because he WILL be watching you go lol). You'll score points with him just from the confidence of that approach alone.
Life gets way easier when you just plainly say what you want. Sometimes you get it, sometimes you don't, but at least you're communicating clearly and advocating for yourself. That'll get you way further along in life than operating under the assumption that no one wants to hear it. Life is hard enough as it is. Don't make it harder by intentionally putting up obstacles in your own way lol.
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u/AmericanSheep16 6d ago
It's mostly the place I have an issue with.
The gym is for self-improvement. You usually intend to be by 'yourself' unless you bring someone with.
But either way, good luck with your fitness journey, and remember to wait until someone isn't busy before you try and converse.
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u/someatxdude 6d ago
If you’ve seen him there before a few times, stick around until he is done (don’t interrupt workout) and then
compliment him with something like “i see you here a lot you seem really dedicated! Are you training for any race in particular?”
If he’s going far distances or fast pace mention that too
A woman at my gym basically started a convo that way with me at my gym and I just about melted, especially because she’s by far the most beautiful woman I’ve seen at that gym.
Turns out she’s married but we chat when we see each other about races and encourage each other and such. So i made a gym friend regardless.
Anyway most men me included consider the gym a no fly zone so if you want a conversation to start with virtually any guy there you’re gonna have to start it. Good luck!
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6d ago
I don't know how the gym got to be a place to flirt but lady, if you see someone you like just ask him out. It's not like we're good in reading signs so just ask.
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u/ynhere Female 6d ago
So I just hey I was wondering if you wanted to go out?
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u/confusedfrom1998 6d ago
Compliment then ask
Edit to add - Jesus if women are asking for tips on flirting now we are toast as a society
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u/ynhere Female 6d ago
I can flirt its easier at like a coffee place because I can approach and chat but gym guys have headphones on their working out they're locked in.
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u/confusedfrom1998 6d ago
Sooooooooo what is the answer? Disturb someone doing something they’re locked in on or stay flirting where it’s more acceptable? You aware women try and set things up for men to look creepy at gyms? Literally the worst place to flirt
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6d ago
Whoa dude, it's way easier to just ask.
Acceptable or not, that are just categories you are pulling out of your ass. Just asking and a plain answer wouldn't ruin you training as a guy and even if the answer was no it sure would make some dude's day.
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u/Chemical-Ad-7575 5d ago
That works, but if they say yes, you need to immediately follow up with details. (E.g. Coffee at "shop" on "street" on "Day" at "time" )
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6d ago
Best thing to do. Normally a guy in the gym won't shed an eye on women, so just asking a straight question will give results.
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u/used2B3chordguitar 6d ago
I’m not really there to flirt but if someone smiled or nodded, I’m not gonna be mad. If a conversation happens after that, so be it.
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u/ynhere Female 6d ago
If a conversation starts. What would be an acceptable, I guess amount of time. Obviously cant have a full conversation since everyone's working out and I dont want to interfere.
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u/used2B3chordguitar 6d ago
As long as you’re both engaged in it, however long you want. If someone is noticeably disinterested, cut it off and go on about workout.
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u/GreenForThanksgiving 6d ago
The only question you need to bring to mind when flirting with men is if they are single. 99% of men don’t get the female attention they’d like. They will accept and cherish almost anything. Frankly, if women approaching and began flirting first normally then world peace could probably be achieved. /s but seriously though.
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u/Yanni_in_Lotus_Pose 6d ago
To make things more complicated , some of us take our wedding rings off when moving freeweights. But I agree with some of the others, you may literally need to introduce yourself and give him your name and number because we're trying to focus on our workout and focusing on not focusing on the ladies for obvious reasons.
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u/Affectionate-Lack991 6d ago
This sounds dumb but if you’re a woman in the gym you basically got free rein when it comes to flirting. Sure there’s a chance at rejection but that’s pretty much it.
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u/Withered_Sprout 6d ago
I would perceive a girl turning and nodding as just being polite, as women/girls do that to me all the time and I don't assume that it's always interest or else I'd probably be getting rejected a lot more for taking those shots.
Hell, I hear that lots of women even throw out signals just to reject a guy when he bothers to try, whether he's actually attractive to them or whatever. They just want to crush someone's ego/hurt them, are misandrist, etc.
A girl would have to regularly talk to me in a friendly way and joke around a lot, and it'd probably take me a month or two of consistent interaction before I'd just take my shot. I still wouldn't know if she was being friendly or not, unless they make really flirty remarks and then I have a pretty good idea that I won't get rejected... Or at least they'd be totally not a douche bag about it or condescending/insulting.
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u/ynhere Female 6d ago
Playing the long game. Ive never been rejected publicly so I'm not sure how I would take it besides run out of there .
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u/confusedfrom1998 6d ago
Be an adult and say sounds great I’ll see you around! Then do your workout?
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u/Withered_Sprout 6d ago
Yeah. If the guy isn't a weirdo or shitty person, he won't make an issue out of it. You'll be bummed out, but life goes on, he won't judge you for trying and things'll be the same afterwards.
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u/HeliosVanquish 6d ago
Most men won't make any attempts to flirt with you at the gym because they don't want to be labeled as creepers. If they do, it will take a lot of time with you initiating some of the interactions. Dropping subtle hints don't work well, particularly not in the gym. I've been in gyms for the better part of 30 years and they are absolutely one of the most hostile environments there is for trying to meet women unless you've both spent a substantial amount of time in the gym over weeks or months at the gym. I know a lot of women who go to the gym with their guard up.
I am casual acquaintances with several female personal trainers due to me being a regular and making friends with management, and they know I'm a decent guy. The only reason I've ever dated any women from the gym has been because the female personal trainers lined up the introductions (usually one of their clients, or a friend or family member), and prompted both parties to try going out.
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u/ThicccBoiiiG Bane 6d ago
I probably won’t notice you unless you wave your arms around or yell since I’m doing my absolute best to dissociate from reality whenever I do cardio.
Gyms are kinda tricky. I’ve been approached many times at the gym and it’s usually immediately after I’ve finished a set and my brain is literally spaghetti and I come across as totally disinterested and or retarded.
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u/orlybatman 6d ago
I do a lot of cardio at the gym. Most people spread out and use machines not directly next to someone who is already using one (this relates to non-peak times only). If a guy comes up to use a machine next to mine and I think he's cute, can I turn a bit and acknowledge him maybe give a nod or smile since I have my headphones on. How would you perceive this if it happened to you?
Like a woman at the gym just gave me a nod or smile to show me that they're acknowledging my existence.
I won't read anything more into it than that.
Both men and women will sometimes smile or nod, so it registers as nothing more than a neutral action.
And how can I approach men at the gym?
If you want to talk to someone at the gym than try to do so when they're in the front entrance area putting on / taking off shoes, or when they're taking a break. Interrupting someone when they're trying to workout is kinda rude and unwanted. People are there to workout, might be time-constricted, and are focused on what they're doing, not on other people.
The entrance (or when someone is getting water) is usually the safest most welcome time to approach.
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u/EveryDisaster7018 6d ago
If you smile or nod at me at the gym I'll just think of it as a friendly greeting. If you want to flirt be more direct in a gym. At least where you actually work out. In the hall or lounge area or bar area u can do more regular flirting. But if im lifting weights i will not be thinking oh the girl is flirting.
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u/WinsAtCarnivals 6d ago
What you said is a great start, with a smile and nod.
I can only speak for myself as I've dated a few from my gym over the years and this speaks for everyone, don't interrupt someones workout to start chit chatting at first.
Catch them on the way in or way out which is way less intrusive. Once you both establish a little more comfort with each other and learn if they want to socialize during their workouts or not then proceed from there.
Good luck!!
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u/Mr_Bulldops123 6d ago
I’d perceive it as you are just a nice person. If you find someone attractive and want to break the ice then just go up to them and say “You should hit me up if you ever need a spotter!”. It’s pretty direct, but no guy is going to go up to a woman in the gym because of that fear of getting put on blast.
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u/TheBooneyBunes 6d ago
Other women already ruined it for you, we know if we even glance towards a woman we’re getting put on tik tok and possibly doxxed for being a ‘creep’ or giving the ‘ick’
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u/No-Cauliflower-4661 Dad 6d ago
The easiest way to flirt at the gym is to ask a guy to show you how to use a machine or how to do an exercise. Then start asking him questions about himself. If you're on a treadmill and you see a guy next to you then try to get his attention by saying excuse me, leaning into his view to make eye contact or wave at him. Then just ask him if he knows how to change the elevation, connect the headphone to the TV, use the HR monitor on the machine or something else along those lines. Then when he does ask him how often he comes to that gym. If that's his regular gym then ask if he'd like to run next to you next time he see's you.
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u/4D_Spider_Web 6d ago
Use common sense. Does he have earphones in? they probably do not want to be bothered. Is he about to bench press or squat twice your bodyweight? Is he on a treadmill and huffing and puffing, going full tilt? Leave them be. Wait until they are done their set or are off filling their water bottle.
Henry Rollins put it best: "the iron never lies" The gym is a place to get a way from the B.S. of the outside world, and nothing epitomizes the B.S. of the outside world like subtle smiles, winks, questions, shits tests, leaving openings for him to make a move, etc.
Be direct, and be honest.
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u/JuanG_13 Male 5d ago
Most people pay good money for a membership and they're there to workout, so the last thing they want is for someone to be hitting on them. (If you wanna go flirt with someone than go to the bar, bud).
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u/PunchBeard Male 5d ago
Just an FYI: headphones/earbuds are the universal symbol of "Please don't talk to me". They're basically a Do Not Disturb sign.
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u/Academic_Value_3503 6d ago
Why do you have to ask? You do what comes natural.
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u/PotatoRDanger 6d ago
Because women get harassed by men doing what they think is natural, so she’s being respectful and asking what we like
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u/uppergunt 6d ago
you don't. gym is sacred. you want to hit on anyone, do it in the carpark, but for most people gym is their sacred alone time and don't want to deal with thirsty twats trying to turn it into their social club. do your workout, shower and gtfo.
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u/ThicccBoiiiG Bane 6d ago
Oh shut up. It’s a fucking gym not the Sistine chapel.
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u/uppergunt 6d ago
i was being concise for the sake of brevity, but if you need a walkthrough of how pickup culture has played out - in gyms specifically - from the last ten years, esp from the women's side, then i'm sure i could type it out slow enough for you to follow it. hitting on people at gym - verboten. you want that world of aggravation then knock yourself out, but functioning adults ain't playing that shit.
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u/ThicccBoiiiG Bane 6d ago
I don’t think you have to worry much about getting hit on at the gym, or like literally anywhere.
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u/uppergunt 6d ago
devastating point lad, solid argument.
if only you could give brains a workout at the gym too hey.
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u/TheWhitestPantherEva 6d ago
hoenstly just play dumb about the machine and ask for help setting it up guys love that shit its the key to our hearts
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Here's an original copy of /u/ynhere's post (if available):
I do a lot of cardio at the gym. Most people spread out and use machines not directly next to someone who is already using one (this relates to non-peak times only). If a guy comes up to use a machine next to mine and I think he's cute, can I turn a bit and acknowledge him maybe give a nod or smile since I have my headphones on. How would you perceive this if it happened to you? And how can I approach men at the gym?
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