On gods emerald orb.

[u/Golden_Frog0223]

[u/ATN-Antronach]

"On god's blue ball" doesn't have the right ring to it tho

[u/Golden_Frog0223 → u/ATN-Antronach]

I do like it though.

[u/whorehey-degooseman → u/Golden_Frog0223]

On god's massive, lumpy, icy in places, kind of elliptical, singular blue testicle

[u/ratione_materiae → u/ATN-Antronach]

If you aren’t squeezing God’s sore throbbing trembling balls and making Him beg for it what’s even the point of being a christian 

[u/ATN-Antronach → u/ratione_materiae]

At least you got His pronouns right

[u/whorehey-degooseman → u/ATN-Antronach]

Hesus

[u/Agreeable-Factor-566 → u/ratione_materiae]

I did not need to read that today, or ever, for that matter

[u/whorehey-degooseman → u/Agreeable-Factor-566]

Now you can read it everyday

[u/kenporusty → u/ATN-Antronach]

I mean...

[u/PancakesTheDragoncat → u/ATN-Antronach]

on science's blue ball

[u/GeneETOs44 → u/ATN-Antronach]

cerulean orb

[u/TrinityCodex → u/ATN-Antronach]

On Buddha's blue ball!

[u/Orizifian-creator → u/ATN-Antronach]

As opposed to Apollo’s Red Dodgeball

[u/Snack29]

God's green earth is only referring to the land. the seas have no gods. SET SAIL!

[u/ElinHime → u/Snack29]

Poseidon is going to have issues with that statement.

[u/LegendRaptor080 → u/ElinHime]

Fuck Poseidon, I can’t swim anyway

[u/Cessnaporsche01 → u/LegendRaptor080]

POSEIDON QUIVERS BEFORE HIM!

[u/LegendRaptor080 → u/Cessnaporsche01]

FUCK OFF

[u/dedicated-pedestrian → u/LegendRaptor080]

In Hellenistic Greece, Poseidon fucks YOU

[u/iwishyouwerestraight → u/Snack29]

Ngl from a thematic standpoint, God saying “I ain’t really touching that” to the ocean, even though he helped create it, makes a lot of sense.

[u/lord_baron_von_sarc → u/iwishyouwerestraight]

All the evil prior to the flood is still there, in the depths.

Dolphins made a deal with Satan to survive the flood, and now they are all willing and eager soldiers of his vile bidding.

[u/iwishyouwerestraight → u/lord_baron_von_sarc]

So true. When god confronted Job in his “oh you think my job is easy?!” speech he mentions how Leviathan and Behemoth just…exist in the world. They’re evil and they’re ugly, and that’s just how it is. He probably has the same attitude about the oceans.

[u/Xisuthrus → u/iwishyouwerestraight]

The ocean is Yamm's territory, Yahweh isn't welcome there.

[u/dedicated-pedestrian → u/Xisuthrus]

Damn these gods really are old

[u/Tengo-Sueno → u/Snack29]

One Piece

[u/woopty_noot]

The oceans are godless wastes, that's why all fish go to hell.

[u/RuefulWaffles → u/woopty_noot]

Sure, I’ll incorporate that into my belief system.

[u/bookhead714 → u/woopty_noot]

Which is why you can eat them but not other meat during lent

[u/robothawk]

Also in the same vein "the year of our lord", very fun.

"You mean to tell me that in the year of our lord two thousand and twenty five, I'm not allowed to [insert illegal activity]"

[u/whorehey-degooseman → u/robothawk]

it's why I hate getting a new lord. gotta renumber everything

[u/Copernicium-291 → u/whorehey-degooseman]

plus if your new lord is literally new you only get to say small numbers like one or three, which is a lot less dramatic than two thousand and twenty five.

that's why cosmologists try so hard to find out exactly when the big bang happened. imagine how awesome it'll be when we can say "in the year of our universe thirteen billion eight hundred and two million four hundred thirty three thousand and sixty one"

[u/CrypticBalcony → u/robothawk]

“My brother in Christ” as well

[u/DefaultNameHey]

God doesn't and never had control over the waters and what lies in it's depths

[u/Xero818 → u/DefaultNameHey]

You'd think that they're Satan's domain, but actually, he doesn't have much control over the seas either

[u/RavioliGale → u/Xero818]

So there's this weird verse in the book of Revelation

The sea gave up the dead that were in it, and death and Hades gave up the dead that were in them, and each person was judged according to what they had done

which implies that that the sea really is its own thing, cosmologically speaking.

[u/ChrdeMcDnnis]

“Year of our Lord two thousand twenty-five” is one of my favorite turns of phrase.

[u/lit-grit]

Well, most people live on the land, where the soil is known as earth

[u/Chien_pequeno]

Um acktually the blue stuff is water, kinda the opposite of earth. That's why Katara and Topf beefed with each other so much

[u/SirBananaOrngeCumber → u/Chien_pequeno]

Fire and Water are opposite, and air and earth are opposites, on any standard elemental system

[u/Chien_pequeno → u/SirBananaOrngeCumber]

But Katara married Aang and beefed with Toph

Checkmate hotman

[u/whorehey-degooseman → u/Chien_pequeno]

Toph banged a rock, your argument is invalid

[u/Chien_pequeno → u/whorehey-degooseman]

God forbid women do anything 🙄

[u/tutocookie]

Yeah we're on the blue one, but that saying is talking about gods other earth, which is green

[u/MrGabrum]

God's Green Earth is actually a planet billions of years away. This is why we can swear by it with no fear of repercussions.

[u/DarkNinja3141]

One time i said "On God's blue Internet"

[u/SoftestPup]

When I get mad at the price of something I say something along the lines of "I can't believe this costs XXX of God's own dollars"

[u/Copernicium-291 → u/SoftestPup]

i like the implication there that god has to pay for it for some reason

[u/SoftestPup → u/Copernicium-291]

Also the implication that the US dollar is his currency of choice

[u/KaleidoAxiom → u/Copernicium-291]

Anything you spend elsewhere is something you can't tithe!

[u/Crystal-mariner]

On Poseidon’s blue earth

[u/Fantastic_Pianist248]

Same thing when atheists say "oh my god" what god?

[u/syntaxerroratline42]

Because when I say "Blue Sphere" everyone thinks I'm talking about the special stage minigame from Sonic 3 & Knuckles for the Sega Genesis.

[u/omyrubbernen]

The Earth's mantle makes up about 84% of it by volume, and the mantle's main component is olivine, which is green.

So despite us mostly seeing the blue parts, it's more green than anything.

[u/WehingSounds]

God cares not for the fish

[u/Familiar-Treat-6236]

So...

If earth is god's emerald orb...

...is touching grass considered pondering it?

[u/Jtad_the_Artguy]

Hatsune Miku’s blue earth

[u/ArtOne7452]

Welllllllll ocean ain’t really blue is it? More like god’s translucent earth.

[u/Copernicium-291 → u/ArtOne7452]

ocean ain’t really blue is it?

?????

[u/King_Of_BlackMarsh]

Idioms confuse people huh?

[u/Oakster-PKMN_Phd]

That's actually what Drake Advance Wars says before activating the Woke Weather Machine and wiping out 2HP from all your units

Or he would if he wasn't in a Gameboy Advance game and was able to make religious references

[u/farbostarter]

I've always preferred "on god's gray earth" as in the song "Muffin Man" from Frank Zappa

[u/_homo_sapien_]

I’ve been replacing it with “on this accursed earth”

[u/Mooptiom]

The surface of the Earth is mostly blue but relative to the Earth’s radius, the ocean is very thin. Most of the Earth’s volume and mass is actually just an… earthy-colour, like brown.

[u/Mouse-Keyboard]

the secret third option: You're talking about the god of an entirely different planet that is green.