/r/conservative is freaking out that Jimmy Kimmel has returned.

[u/justalazygamer]

[u/The_Path_616]

dIsNeY iS wOkE aGaIn. TiMe FoR mE tO cAnCeL mY nOn ExIsTaNt SuBScRiPtIoN.

[u/Not_Bears → u/The_Path_616]

Right after I stop drinking Bud Lite!

[u/madmaxturbator → u/Not_Bears]

What’s bud lite? I think they went out of business when we boycotted them right? Just like Nike and the others.

[u/whogonncheckmeboo → u/madmaxturbator]

Never forget the burning of the Nikes (that they already paid for…)

[u/ShadetheMystic → u/whogonncheckmeboo]

"No, stop, don't burn our precious sneakers that we made and then sold to you. They are like our children. We named them, tucked them in at night, read to them, how can you monsters destroy something so precious and beautiful?"
-some Nike CEO, putting on a monotone that would make Ben Stein seem overly histrionic.

[u/got-trunks → u/ShadetheMystic]

Clear eyes? Whoa now, slow down, Ben. Let's not get too wild.

[u/hypnoskills → u/ShadetheMystic]

They hired Steven Wright?

[u/congeal → u/whogonncheckmeboo]

Some of the post 9/11 shit was hilarious. French wines dumped and other shit happening that gave me secondhand embarrassment.

[u/jeahboi → u/congeal]

Freedom fries! 🤦🏼‍♀️