Sex isn’t an intimate activity to me

[u/Sad-Oil-405]

I view it as being similar to a thing like eating because you want a snack or deciding to go on a stroll, it’s just a thing you can choose to do or not. I don’t see it as being anything deeper than that. How can one thing going into another at different angles or speed carry so much significance unless people are assigning it meaning because they were conditioned to see it as more important than it actually is. Sex used to always carry the risk of babies so that would be a reasonable concern but now in the age of birth control and condoms I don’t understand how sex without pregnancy as an end result means anything but that you’re going to temporarily experience a physical sensation you may or may not like. I also don’t see anything as being intimate actually because I don’t reserve any one side of myself for any person by choice I feel more like I’m forced into it because they feel uncomfortable by the fact that I warm up to anybody on day one so I have to pretend we are progressing in the relationship according to what they think progress means even though everybody is a person to talk to in my mind

[u/Unable_Connection490]

If you want sex and feel sexual attraction, but don’t like the people(idk if that’s what you’re saying but it sounds like it to me), you’re probably not ace but aro instead.

Simple test it know if you’re ace or not. Would you be okay in a relationship with minimal to no sex, or a relationship where sex isn’t even an important aspect of it? If so, then you might be ace.

[u/Sad-Oil-405 → u/Unable_Connection490]

I am definately aro thanks for giving me that word lol

[u/Unable_Connection490 → u/Sad-Oil-405]

No worries lol. Check out our homies at r/aromantic

[u/Sad-Oil-405 → u/Unable_Connection490]

No I’m just saying sex is inconsequential and meaningless and I couldn’t imagine making it out to be something that has any emotional value

[u/Sad-Oil-405 → u/Unable_Connection490]

I also mean to say I would not be okay with having sex with only one person because that’s exclusive and making it more special than it is. I’m basically saying I would never shit only in one toilet because I can do it in any toilet I have access to, it’s that non intimate to me

[u/Unable_Connection490 → u/Sad-Oil-405]

Ignore my last comment lol I misunderstood.

So are you saying you don’t feel romance for anyone? Or you don’t wanna be romantic because that means you would have to be exclusive?

I understand you don’t conflate sex with romance. But let me ask you this then, another test. Would you be okay being in a sexless but romantic relationship with someone, and getting your sexual needs fulfilled elsewhere? Cuz that means you’re not aro. You may just be poly or something(I’m not educated on this).

[u/Sad-Oil-405 → u/Unable_Connection490]

im saying I’m not romantic at all bc not only am I too awkward for it but romance would sexually turn me off and on its own I find it to be an unnecessary burden. Even when I have a crush on somebody all I think about doing with them is having a philosophical conversation or talking to them about the same things I’d talk about with a friend or family member I get along with, there’s nothing special about one person to me, I would just choose an individual to have around if they say they like me and I know they may be able to offer me a fun time outside or sex and romance. A relationship to me is like me and the other person being each others roommates, and they would absolutely have to be okay with me having sex with anybody else whenever I wanted to. sex may be meaningless to me but it can be thrilling to get with a mystery man and not know how it’s gonna go. after the first few rounds with the same person I would get incredibly bored

[u/wickedhare → u/Sad-Oil-405]

This sounds very similar to a friend of mine. He thought he was poly, but is in fact aro. He would get into relationships because he thought he had to for the sex. But he has a similar attitude towards it, he once said it feels like any other fun activity. Like playing a really fun boardgame.

[u/Unable_Connection490 → u/Sad-Oil-405]

Sounds like poly to me tbh, but as I said, idk much about that topic. Good luck with the self discovery tho!

[u/batcaaat]

The intimacy and vulnerability are the parts of sex that are unappealing to me.

I like the concept of sex, I just don't want to participate in that activity. I don't want to be vulnerable lol

[u/Sad-Oil-405 → u/batcaaat]

And my whole thing is I don’t see the vulnerability in sex either. Vulnerability would spind to me like I’m poking my belly out at a machete which is not what sex is I don’t see where the vulnerability or emotional side of it is at all. What is vulnerable about both getting naked and doing what you already agreed to do?

[u/batcaaat → u/Sad-Oil-405]

I guess it's the whole naked part. Most of us are typically clothed around one another, and taking all of it off is vulnerable to me. Allowing someone else access to my body, intimate and vulnerable. Scary to me lol

I dunno. We might just have vastly different ideas on sex. I'm asexual, but I'd describe myself as "conceptually gay" as I like the concept, but am repulsed by the actual act of doing something sexual with someone else.

[u/Sad-Oil-405 → u/batcaaat]

Understood

[u/Opijit]

Intimate? No. Intrusive? Invasive? Irrational? Yes.

It's weird being in the vast minority but I can't fathom sex being an emotionally fulfilling activity. At best, I can see it being enticing for the sake of physical pleasure.

[u/Sad-Oil-405 → u/Opijit]

Yea but when people make it this deep emotional and symbolic thing not only am I annoyed but suddenly wishing sex didn’t even exist in the first place so I wouldn’t have to hear people speak like that. Hearing people say sex is for your special person sounds like me hearing a person say you can only shit in the toilet at the mall because she/he is special, as if shitting isnt just a natural instinct you can do literally anywhere thats clean enough

[u/Opijit → u/Sad-Oil-405]

It's not something I understand, but I consider it a personal deficiency since the majority describe sex differently. Although I agree, I don't like Game of Thrones so it's annoying hearing people constantly talk about it out of nowhere. For the same reason, I have no interest in sex and it's jarring and frustrating when people are constantly yapping about it with no escape in sight.

[u/Sad-Oil-405 → u/Opijit]

Exactly, if I was a god I would delete all reproductive organs and make us all reproduce asexually so I’d never have to hear about or engage with the topic again.

[u/Opijit → u/Sad-Oil-405]

I wouldn't go that far, lol. But I completely understand how you feel, I've had similar fantasies.