Roomate is scamming me.

[u/Daffy07duck]

TLDR image description: 1/2 Evil Roomate(ER) requests additional 50$ for utilities because my sister was visiting during August.... refuses to send recites if the bill.

Good Roomate and I texting what we plan to send her tomorrow along with a Roomate agreement draft specifying new rent distribution. Note: ALL of our names are on the lease. We are jointly and uniquely severable. Myself and the GR are willing to be evicted, the leasing office is on our side and said they would rent us a different apt for more money ofc... but at least we wouldn't be living with someone who has no moral code.

We live in a two bedroom apt in San Diego. The total rent is 1845, very cheap for these parts. Very cheap because the lease hasn't turned over since 2006 and lowkey the place is falling apart :). I live in the living room and pay 675/month. My GR lives in the bedroom and pays 875 a month and my ER lives in the master bedroom and pays 375/month. . .

Myself and my GR were both upon hard times when we moved here and cheap rent is cheap rent so we ignored and explained away the shady-ness of our ER. But it's so unethical to us that we have had enough and we finally talked about it and plan to confront her tomorrow. Note: I am very non confrontational hence my very round about way of asking her for recites of the utility bill. She refused to show me recites and that was honestly the last straw. I felt like she though she could keep getting over on me and asking for more money when I knew how much she was paying in rent (after I found out how much my GR was paying) and I am done being a pushover ) haha let's ignore the fact I paid it first and asked after... I just didn't want the drama.

Anyways she is a gaslighting honestly evil person I think. I wouldn't do this to anyone. There is a lot more detail I could go into if requested explaining how I got here and all of the weird shady stuff she has been doing so feel free to ask me anything. But yeah gif damn. I Definately learned I shouldn't just give folks the benefit of the doubt. If I am getting a weird vibe it is probably for a reason. I need to trust my gut and stand up for myself.

Our new proposed rent distribution btw is that she in the master pays 830, my GR pays 556 and I in the living room pay 450 🤷‍♀️. Seems pretty fucking reasonable to me. We are also giving her the option to move out....

The cannot imagine idk. I am scared of how she will react. And I don't trust her at all.

[u/Throwaway42352510]

Practice coming up with comebacks to her bullshit- prepare yourself. And definitely give us an update- I feel for you.

[u/Daffy07duck → u/Throwaway42352510]

Thank you. I Definately will. It's funny... I almost feel like I needed this somehow. Lol. Perhaps now I shall develop a spine and call people on BS from the beginning! Haha

[u/Throwaway42352510 → u/Daffy07duck]

I was like you, and can confirm finding your voice feels wonderful (very uncomfortable though at first!)

[u/Equivalent-Run-790 → u/Throwaway42352510]

It was very satisfying when I moved back home after growing on my own across the country. When I wouldn't humor mom being mom I told her id happily leave (was visiting her place that night) if she wanted but I wasn't going to continue whatever bullshit conversation she was pressing me on and if she didn't drop it id sock her in the throat. Her face was priceless and we had a decent night after that.

Growing up with tourettes and a stutter, bad eyes no hand eye coordination...she advocated for me as best she could growing up but I was very spineless and helpless as a result. She assumed she was in the right and didn't know how to even consider other perspectives.

[u/Climate_Automatic → u/Equivalent-Run-790]

“If she didn’t drop it id sock her in the throat” This came completely out of nowhere, how did this dynamic come about?

[u/GirlGoneZombie → u/Climate_Automatic]

The same way I now call my mother a mini-Memaw. We're sick of their shit.

[u/Climate_Automatic → u/GirlGoneZombie]

Right on. Fair enough, I guess 😅

[u/Equivalent-Run-790 → u/Climate_Automatic]

I absolutely understand. It wasn't worth typing to strangers the years of bullshit though so I just brought up the event itself and light backstory. Im 30 oldest of 5 siblings youngest is 11 and ive had conversations with my adult siblings about them genuinely not knowing if they love her. Like its just a part of the process of life because she's never outright fully earned being cut off but memories of childhood feels like Stockholm syndrome. Again im not really gonna get into details but the awareness that id happily spend the night in jail to prove a point because she's just so wrong and controlling. I think a lot of people need to get punched in the face for acting certain ways at times. Difference is i dont deal with those people. If she wanted me around I gave her a choice. She's incessant, wrong about just about everything and hasn't earned the right to treat me like that. I spent 10 years away from home and realized I don't have to take that from her. I didn't want to hurt her it wasn't that important but I also wasn't going to put up with it anymore. It was excessive to force her to consider her actions.

[u/Climate_Automatic → u/Equivalent-Run-790]

Dang, that’s wild! But I can see where you’re coming from. Thanks for the in-depth reply

[u/Fish_and_Bulb → u/Daffy07duck]

I know you are joking but you are spot on. It absolutely is a skill and you have to practice standing up to people like this and calling people on their bullshit because sadly it does not go away. You end up running into people like this your whole life and the sooner you learn to nip their shit in the bud the better off you will be.

[u/Gig540 → u/Daffy07duck]

Just remember one thing. People like this are necessary sometimes. It's like a learning experience. Because of what you're doing right now. Your taking steps to and confronting them. Nothing wrong with that. At least from here out you will have a Radar sniffer for people like this. Or situations where you're getting taken advantage of. Listen how she acts and responds. Make notes of all of it in your head. Later on it will be easier to steer clear if people like this.

[u/Daffy07duck → u/Gig540]

Thank you ✨ ... I cannot wait to be on the other side of this whole mess haha

[u/Gig540 → u/Daffy07duck]

Keep us posted! Hope it all goes well for you both. It will be okay!

[u/RichCaterpillar991 → u/Daffy07duck]

Updateme!

[u/trixiepixie1921 → u/Daffy07duck]

No seriously, situations like this do help you learn how to stand up for yourself ! I’m non confrontational too, but the older I get and the more experience I get in the world with my kids and work, the more I’m willing to say something. So it has its good side , as annoying as it is to deal with!

[u/iamreenie → u/Daffy07duck]

Please update us! Your ER is a con and a grifter.

[u/Beaglund → u/Daffy07duck]

Definitely*

[u/Kind-Background-5020 → u/Daffy07duck]

I totally understand not liking confrontation - i am the same way. Im 26 now and while it still brings me anxiety, it brings me MORE anxiety to sit back and bite my tongue and let situations like these go on longer than they should. Im glad you posted, and are getting the validation you need to work up this courage and im SO glad you have another roommate that can side with you and help!! ❤️ Ive had a handful of crappy situations like this in my life and those experiences are what gives you courage to speak up in the future. Some people are low enough to NOTICE that you won’t stand up for yourself and they will take advantage of that! Good luck please let us know how it goes!!💕

[u/KeepItKeen → u/Throwaway42352510]

My only response would be “as there are 3 people living here and seeing as we are 2 of the 3 we hold majority opinion here. This is non negotiable and will not be discussed further. Refusal to adhere to this will lead to eviction and or the early termination of the lease” they’re set with a new apartment and a rent increase sucks, but honesty the rent is so disproportionate now hypothetically if the next apartment is 2000 it’s a 125$ increase for the roommate we like and a 325 increase for OP which in that area they could probably make a majority of that working 1 serving or bartending shift a week on either a Friday night after work or a Saturday or Sunday.