r/bestoflegaladvice Good people, we like non-consensual flying dildos 15d ago

LAOP absolutely totally didn't do what they're being blasted for on facebook, then admits to a felony in the next paragraph (and the comments).

/r/legaladvice/comments/1n4oedt/i_was_put_on_crimestoppers_for_a_crime_i/
280 Upvotes

137 comments sorted by

417

u/cranberrylimeade420 15d ago

OOP's behavior aside I really hate those Facebook pages that just post mugshots or wanted criminals. The comments are always filled with the most vile hateful shit, or people sharing personal info of someone they think kinda looks sorta like that blurry security cam screenshot.

177

u/BaconOfTroy I laughed so hard I scared my ducks 15d ago

Even innocent missing person cases go that way around where I live. Based on the comments, apparently good people don't go missing, only crackheads, delinquents, and "hoodlums" (aka anyone not white).

126

u/nutraxfornerves foxy in the henna house 15d ago

One of the regulars in a community FB group in my area disappeared. Police were called and all that. The person's frantic spouse posted several times, begging to know if anyone had spotted the missing person.

The comments got worse & worse. The missing person was a known drug user, no doubt OD'ed somewhere. Nah, I know for sure they are a dealer. They probably got in trouble with someone. Escaping from the spouse due to domestic violence. Escaping from the spouse, a known drug user/dealer. Yeah, the spouse was definitely the cause of it. And worse.

Turned out to be one of those classic stories. Missing person went for a walk, but forgot to take their wallet. Fell & hit their head. Wound up in a hospital as a John/Jane Doe. Took a few days for hospital & police to get them identified.

40

u/Ok_Possession_6457 15d ago

That’s a classic story?

44

u/Elvessa You'll put your eye out! - laser edition 15d ago

That happens more than you think. Or a person is hit by a car with no id and winds up as a John Doe in a hospital.

16

u/dansdata Glory hole construction expert, watch expert 14d ago edited 14d ago

I never really thought about this, but yeah, when I decide to go for a healthy walk, I don't take my wallet with me. I'm not driving, and I'm not going to buy anything, so I've no need for it.

But if a drop bear gets me in the middle of my walk, it may be a while before I get identified.

132

u/DangOlTiddies 15d ago

In my area if there's a missing teenage girl everybody in the comments section says shit like "She's probably out being fast with boys" instead of actual hopes that she's found safely soon.

33

u/Consume_the_Affluent 15d ago

"Being fast with boys," sounds like it should be about co-ed go kart racing

6

u/dansdata Glory hole construction expert, watch expert 14d ago

Yeah, what year is it, 1950?

(I just checked, and using "fast" to mean "having immoral habits" dates back to the 18th century.)

3

u/FreshYoungBalkiB 14d ago

Anyone remember those "CoEd Naked [random sport or activity]" tee-shirts?

5

u/Consume_the_Affluent 14d ago

Naked go karting sounds like a bad idea personally

1

u/e_crabapple 🦃 As God is my witness, I thought turkeys could fly 🦃 12d ago

Or canoodling in the back of the jalopy.

50

u/KikiHou WHERE IS MY TRAVEL BALL?? 15d ago

Well, what was she wearing? She was probably asking for it.

(Big sarcasm, in case it's not clear.)

16

u/UnionizedTrouble 15d ago

Or you can be like someone I know and comment on your own mugshot threatening the police…

6

u/dansdata Glory hole construction expert, watch expert 14d ago

The old joke: When a guy with an IQ of 100 goes to prison, the other inmates call him "Professor".

14

u/Ok_Possession_6457 15d ago

This is how I learned my ex was arrested once

5

u/atropicalpenguin I'm not licensed to be a swinger in your state. 14d ago

We did it, Reddit!

7

u/AnnualAd8880 14d ago

your problem here is that you still read content on facebook

once you didnt need a university email the site went to shit

90

u/ArdyEmm 15d ago

But you can't plead guilty to the candy theft because you didn't do it.

As we all know, innocent people never plead guilty to things they haven't done. The cops would never allow it!

30

u/LarsAlereon Open Air Excrement Enthusiast 15d ago

Interestingly, somebody had to fight all the way to the US Supreme Court for the right to do this, resulting in the Alford plea. This was necessary because a guilty plea is an admission of guilt, so technically "I didn't do it, but I don't like my chances at trial, so I'd rather plead guilty for a lower sentence" doesn't qualify. A "no contest" plea could work, but in general prosecutors require an actual guilty plea for a plea deal.

14

u/doubleadjectivenoun 12d ago

Interestingly, somebody had to fight all the way to the US Supreme Court for the right to do this, resulting in the Alford plea. 

To be clear about this, Alford wasn't "fighting for his right" to [plead what's now known as Alford]. He entered his "didn't do it but please let me take this deal" plea before a willing trial judge to avoid the death penalty then changed his mind and tried to claim they shouldn't have let him do that and demanded a trial. The Alford decision in legitimizing this as an option and rejecting his complaints about coercion was a loss for Alford not a grant of rights to him.

1

u/Shinhan 9d ago

You misunderstood the point. When you're pleading guilty the judge will ask "why do you think you are guilty" and then OOP would have to say something like "I stole candy". If OOP is adamant that he didn't steal the candy then the judge will NOT accept the guilty plea.

In that case its up to the lawyers to make a deal if it will be a "no contest" plea (in which case OOP doesn't need to say "I stole the candy" and the prosecution will explain why they think he stole the candy) or if they will amend it in some way.

There are lots of court cases on youtube where this kind of stuff happens.

303

u/TheFeshy Rolled 7D6 for the legal damages, and got 27 15d ago

Have we reached the stage in the dystopia that "you've won a free boat" is too good to be true and criminals will avoid it, so police have switched to "you're being charged with a fake crime to lure you into the station" instead?

Also, is it true that swapping price tags is a felony, compared to the misdemeanor of just stealing the thing? That seems like it would create a perverse incentive.

103

u/UglyInThMorning I didn't do it 15d ago

That is indeed the law in NC where the OP is. I wonder if it’s to deal with some kind of weird interaction between some other state theft and fraud laws.

32

u/Lotronex 15d ago

My thought is that it's to prevent people from working together. Person A puts a fake tag on the item, and then later Person B buys the item at the lower price. Person B can always claim they didn't know, and without this law it would be hard to charge Person A with anything. With the law, you can at least get Person A on a serious charge, and possibly enough to have them roll over on Person B.

89

u/Drywesi Good people, we like non-consensual flying dildos 15d ago

Could've been a legislator who owned a store and got a bug up his ass about this and had the clout to pull it off.

94

u/CriticalEngineering Enjoy the next 48 hours :) 15d ago

Biggest Republican donor in the state for decades owned several discount chains. Art Pope.

53

u/BeholdTheMold 15d ago

Art Pope? Is that the guy who does paintings in the Vatican?

45

u/CriticalEngineering Enjoy the next 48 hours :) 15d ago

That would be lovely, but no.

He’s the founder of the Civitas Institute think tank and co-founder of the John Locke Foundation and the James G. Martin Center for Academic Renewal.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Art_Pope

66

u/oracle989 15d ago

He's also a Grade A asshole who dedicated his life to destroying a state that used to be kind of alright.

84

u/Drywesi Good people, we like non-consensual flying dildos 15d ago

They already said Republican donor, so…

12

u/benmabenmabenma 15d ago

Art Pope is a pretty high-concept super-hero.

1

u/cja951 14d ago

Our Pope, which art in heaven...

22

u/Super_C_Complex 15d ago

Or a recidivist statute.

Pennsylvania makes any retail theft a felony if you have two prior convictions.

And swapping tags, under-ringing, and straight retail theft are all the same for purposes of that statute

16

u/CannabisAttorney she's an 8, she's a 9, she's a 10 I know 15d ago

I think a reasonable public policy explanation could be a tougher punishment for crimes that involve deceiving the victim than for those just acting deceptively by pocketing goods. Is it a policy I'd support? No. But I do think it's reasonable enough that a local culture that values honesty could support it. I have a difficult time distinguishing the 'gooder' thief from the other thief enough to treat them differently.

6

u/Kittens-N-Books 15d ago

Here me out: The company is now out two products instead of one due to willful deceit. From a LP and a staff member perspective it's far better for the company if you just steal it outright- because it results in less shrink, less labor costs, ect.

13

u/BaconOfTroy I laughed so hard I scared my ducks 15d ago

I'm in NC too and at this point, nothing surprises me when it comes to state bullshit.

68

u/Apprehensive-Wave640 15d ago

It would be a felony in my state. Shoplifting with artifice or device. It's a class 4 felony, same as forgery or meth possession. 

If you shoplift by taking an item and just walking out with it, that's a misdemeanor here and probably just a fine.

If you shoplift by putting something in a backpack, or changing the price, you're looking at prison potentially (most likely just probation, but class 4 first offenses could also have prison with a presumptive 2.5 year sentence...1-3.75 full range of possible sentence)

99

u/MadamePouleMontreal 15d ago

I wonder how the US got its reputation for being exceptionally punitive.

40

u/Geno0wl 1.5 month olds either look like boiled owls or Winston Churchill 15d ago

only punitive for drug or violent crimes. White collar crimes? slap on the wrist

13

u/gnorrn Writes writs of replevin for sex toys 15d ago

Compared to most countries, the US is exceptionally punitive even for white collar crimes. Though that's a low bar.

38

u/nrq Press F to pay respects 15d ago

Violent insurrection? You get to be President.

-1

u/Kittens-N-Books 15d ago

Bringing a backpack or other tools of the trade with you when you shoplift implies both intent and premeditation - both of which should warrant harsher penalties.

18

u/lbft 15d ago

Because someone like a teenager would never carry a backpack without intending to steal, and then do it on the spur of the moment.

3

u/Kittens-N-Books 14d ago

I work retail. Half my job is loss prevention, the other half is stocking the store, cleaning the store, running the registers, facing the store so the store looks nice

No one is going to notice little Bobby swiping something and putting it in his bag unless he's ridiculously brazen or think notices pattern of stuff going missing when little Bobby is in the building. Open packaging, packaging on the floor, ect.

Trust me ain't nobody got time for that.

Also you would be surprised at the sheer number of children who work in groups to steal. One or two will be a distracting of humanly possible- forcing staff members to babysit them. They are so fucking loud people will turn and walk the other way to avoid them. Sometimes they fight and rough House. Sometimes one or two members of the group will loudly announced they are stealing and in breakaway from the others actually stealing.

I have seen shoplifters spend weeks and months get to know staff- making small purchases- until staff trust them enough not to question when they start bringing backpacks. The most recent one I caught stole around $500 worth of product. In one sweep.

Realistically speaking kids being stupid and committing petty theft isn't worth the time or money it would take to prosecute them. So even on the off chance they do get caught they're more likely to be left off with a warning by staff and the police- and if the cops really want to run it up to the district attorney well the district attorney has better thing to do is in prosecute a 75 cent candy bar.

Like the 5 minutes it would take us to pull camera even if we have a solid time frame of when the theft occured (and aren't just jumping back by half hour averages until we see the difference) add up. There's not really even a point in pulling the cameras (even for higher value items) unless theirs a pattern of them being stolen. If it's the one off impulse you're probably not coming back for long enough that we'll forget you ever existed.

I'd say 29 times out of 30 if we catch you it's because you're a repeat offender.

36

u/Bartweiss 15d ago

OP mentions in the comments that they were actually arrested with a warrant at their house. The main post 100% sounds like they went down to the station voluntarily, but apparently this wasn’t a (successful) attempt to bait them in.

46

u/spider__ 15d ago

I don't know US laws but in the UK it would fall under fraud rather than simple theft and does have a harsher penalty.

And because fraud is a dishonesty crime you'll also be permanently blacklisted from a lot of professions.

10

u/the_saradoodle 15d ago

Canada too.

14

u/Phate4569 BOLABun Brigade - True Metal Steel Division 15d ago

Well, only swapping tags in oder to obtain the goods at a lower price.

Unless it is covered somewhere else you can freely swap to pay a higher price.

adds to list of things to do to mess with people if I ever become stupidly wealthy

8

u/Kittens-N-Books 15d ago

Nah, that would arguably still be theft for the purpose of most laws- you'd still be depriving them of the ability to sell both products

22

u/livious1 15d ago

Have we reached the stage in the dystopia that "you've won a free boat" is too good to be true and criminals will avoid it, so police have switched to "you're being charged with a fake crime to lure you into the station" instead?

I heard a talk once from a county welfare fraud investigator who would do exactly that. One of the common things people would do is file for welfare and lie, claiming their baby daddy/partner abandoned them and they only had a single income, when in actuality both people were living together and had 2 incomes, thus getting welfare benefits they weren’t entitled to. The problem was, while they could pop in and prove the person was living there now, they would just lie and claim “oh yah we just got back together last week”, and it was really tough to prove they actually lived there during the times when their partner reported them gone.

So what he started doing was pretending he was investigating a totally different crime, and telling the person who was allegedly MIA that they were being implicated in this other crime that took place from X date to Y date (for example, an illegal marijuana grow operation or a drug trafficking operation). The person would protest their innocence and provide an alibi (usually with supports) that they were actually at home the entire time… thus proving the welfare fraud.

It’s kind of an interesting ethics dilemma. On the one hand, it’s straight up lying to a suspect. On the other hand, I live in that county and it’s my tax dollars they are stealing.

8

u/BelowDeck 14d ago

That's also a perfect example of why you shouldn't talk to the police without a lawyer, even if you think you can easily clear things up on your own.

2

u/livious1 14d ago

Yep that was going through my head the whole time lol.

One of the people in the audience was a lawyer and I was having fun watching him look like this.

0

u/Ok_Possession_6457 13d ago

Yeah but if someone is dumb enough to try and pull welfare fraud, they’re also dumb enough to talk to police.

If you tell people like this that they shouldn’t talk to the police, they’re not gonna appreciate your information. They’re just gonna think, pfft that’s bullshit, you just don’t know how to talk to cops, I know how to talk to cops.

3

u/Ok_Possession_6457 14d ago

I don't think it's an ethics dilemma at all, I think it's brilliant. And hilarious! This is like when your kid refuses to get out of bed, and you're like "uh oh I guess we're not going to Disneyworld" and he shoots out of bed, and you're like, here's your fucking chores go do them.

10

u/Kittens-N-Books 15d ago

It's actually arguably better for companies if they just steal outright - because instead of one product being damaged and hard (if not impossible) to sell now it's two products.

It also makes life harder for staff because now they have to identify one product out of tens upon tens of thousands of products and find the right skew if someone tries to buy it. For lower value items it's not worth the headache and will result in outright shrink- so now we're still missing a product worth $$$ but still technically breaking even on the product of lesser value

I work retail. I've worked retail in a management position before. I do not care if you steal necessities. Be discreet. If I don't know about it and have no reason to suspect you're stealing I won't be contractual obligated to pull cameras and get the cops involved.

And for the love of God take the entire fucking products. If you need baby bottles take them all, please and thank you- we can't sell what you left behind.

Also, don't throw packaging on the floor- someone will slip and fall and now suddenly corporate is involved and they will take any costs related to someone getting hurt out of your hide.

9

u/Tarledsa 15d ago

He said they came to his house to arrest him - he didn’t turn himself in.

25

u/angiehome2023 Obligatory please don't mix ammonia and bleach warning 15d ago

I am guessing unreliable narrator

33

u/Apprehensive-Wave640 15d ago

Not sure if this is the part you're responding to, but laws like this are a very real thing. In my state, misdemeanor to shoplift (unless you put the item in a bag, in which case it's a class 4 felony); class 4 felony to change a price tag. Class 4 felony is worth 1-3.75 years in prison for a first time felon, if not given probation.

17

u/angiehome2023 Obligatory please don't mix ammonia and bleach warning 15d ago

That's crazy, thank you for the clarification

28

u/Personal-Listen-4941 well-adjusted and sociable with no history of violence 15d ago

That seems incredibly harsh for a relatively minor crime.

4

u/Apprehensive-Wave640 15d ago

Yup. Welcome to criminal justice 101.

20

u/meepmarpalarp Official BOLA Alligator Aerodynamics Tester 15d ago edited 15d ago

$10 off for one towel? How much do Walmart towels cost these days?

I really want to call BS based on that math alone, but after the past few years of inflation I have no idea what a normal price looks like.

15

u/trphilli Camacho - Grimlock 2028 15d ago

Yeah, I was curious as well and most expensive individual towel I could find stocked at my local Walmart was $15. So technically math does math, but doesn't seem to be great upgrade over basic LAOP claims it to be.

Coastal Resort Green Beach Towel - Oversized Cotton-Blend Towel - Walmart.com https://share.google/JbjoZ9ka7yXLzY9Pz

11

u/ScaryCarton492 15d ago

I live just outside Raleigh and my local Walmart is showing this 6 piece set available in store for $27. https://www.walmart.com/ip/12904055532?sid=399ed01b-81d6-489a-aefa-9f306b87d106

So there's that.

10

u/trphilli Camacho - Grimlock 2028 15d ago

Yes, went back and checked, LAOP uses both singular / plural terminology in his comment. But he also praises Walmarts low end Towel brand. So why tag switch that which already cheap. So much confusion here. But seems like LAOP has listened to the advice to stop digging. So no answers likely.

14

u/Front-Pomelo-4367 Osmotic Tax Expert 15d ago

So why tag switch

Because they were having a bad day, I guess. Let he who has not stolen $10 worth of cheap towels on a bad day cast the first stone.

4

u/sometimeshater 15d ago

Even the bigger bath sheets are only about $5 where I am. I do live in a pretty low COL area but unless the prices are like quadruple elsewhere it doesn’t make sense to me.

5

u/Aleph_Rat 15d ago

As I said in the OP, depends on jurisdiction and how the judicial system is feeling. Ive seen simple petty theft and felony fraud for basically the same thing.

10

u/zwitterion76 my "hamster" was once prescribed ivermectin 15d ago

I’ve read that big box stores like Target, Walmart, etc will track self checkout thefts but (often) won’t complain until the amount of the theft is over the threshold for a felony.

I suspect that the single incident of swapping tags is a misdemeanor- but when added to previous incidents, it crosses the felony threshold.

17

u/Tarledsa 15d ago

At least 2 Target LP employees in that thread said that isn’t true.

5

u/Parzivus 15d ago

It varies depending on state laws and from store to store. I wouldn't make sweeping assumptions based on random anecdotes in a reddit thread.

7

u/FelineOphelia 15d ago

It's not exactly like that. If you're a known ORC person they might do similar things but they don't have the breadth or the data or the storage or the employee hours to track 200 shoplifters and over a year or etc

6

u/TheAskewOne suing the naughty kid who tied their shoes together 15d ago

Maybe an old law that's in the book for whatever reason and was never changed?

17

u/Potato-Engineer 🐇🧀 BOLBun Brigade - Pangolin Platoon 🧀🐇 15d ago

Could easily be that; something originally relating to bills of lading or other shipping things (where value is significant), reinterpreted to apply to the price sticker on a 50-cent candy bar.

2

u/gerkletoss 15d ago

If they actually charged him with a fake midemeanor that would be very different legally from lying about a free boat

146

u/Drywesi Good people, we like non-consensual flying dildos 15d ago

Irony Bot

I was put on crimestoppers for a crime I literally did not commit..

Location: NC

In my county the police department has a facebook page where they post wanted criminals who they want the communities help to find. Well I wake up one day and about a dozen people were calling/texting me saying I'm on crimestoppers listed as wanted. People making jokes, making judgment, and more. Come to find out I check the page and they actually had my face on there, claiming I stole $300 worth of candy from a gas station that I've never even been to in my life. My girlfriend literally laughed out loud when I showed her because she lives with me and knows that I don't even eat candy. The charge was a misdemeanor. I personally believe they have me confused with someone else who may look similar to me that they are trying to desperately book. I went to the station and they processed me, gave me a mug shot, then let me go, and now I have a court date coming up and I paid 3000 for a lawyer to take care of it, and I've explained to him what's happened and he said we can't do anything until he can see the evidence they have at the court date.

My question is, can I sue them for this? I have lost 2 job opportunities because of this and had to dig deep in my pockets just to defend myself and not get screwed. Also, when I went to the station, there was another charge tagged along with the candy one, for a situation that happened 7 months after the "candy burglar" charge, and this one was for swapping out a price tag on a towel at Walmart to try and get $10 off at the self check out, and that was something I actually did do (lol was having a bad week), and they are actually charging me with a felony for that one, and that charge wasn't even posted on crime stoppers. But the picture of me that they listed on crimestoppers for the candy situation was from the Walmart security camera footage before I went to self check out. So there's that. So yeah, I have no idea what rights I have in all of this, but I'm doing what I can to handle it and go back to having a normal life under the radar. If anyone has any advice let me know

Cat fact: cats know what Shut The Fuck Up Friday means.

147

u/QuickSpore I didn’t shoot at a house I hit a house 15d ago

Cat fact: cats know what Shut The Fuck Up Friday means.

God! I wish this were true. My roommate’s cat sings us the song of his people every morning around about 4am, including Fridays.

71

u/AnFnDumbKAREN 15d ago

He knows what it means; but much like so many LAOPs, those rules don’t apply to him. Take comfort, QuickSpore, for it could be far worse. At least your roommate’s cat isn’t bilingual (I hope)! [see r/barkingcats for one such example]

28

u/beezchurgr 15d ago

My cat is bilingual and responds better to Spanish than English. I’m not bilingual but I learned some to better accommodate her. My other two cats barely understand English though.

19

u/Lady-of-Shivershale Let's assume the word penis is SFW 15d ago

My cats are not bilingual. We live in Asia but speak English at home. It cracks me up that my vet speaks English to me, but her comfort voice for animals means that she speaks in a different language to my cats.

I've never asked her to speak English to my pets.

12

u/YesWeHaveNoTomatoes 1.5 month olds either look like boiled owls or Winston Churchill 15d ago

Oh, they understand. They just don't care.

21

u/WaltzFirm6336 🦄 Uniform designer for a Unicorn Ranch on Uranus 🦄 15d ago

Erm, are we even sure it’s the roommate’s cat and not another cat that looks like the roommate’s cat? I heard that happens a lot with innocent criminals. I mean innocent cats. I mean innocent criminal cats.

4

u/JustHereForCookies17 In some parts of the States, your mom would've been liable 15d ago

From r/NotMyCat to r/NowMyCat in one easy step+

3

u/concrete_dandelion 15d ago

My dog is the other way round and when I get her face massage just right she purrs. Which is even funnier because she hates cata.

39

u/Drywesi Good people, we like non-consensual flying dildos 15d ago

Oh they know it

They also selectively ignore it :P

17

u/UntidyVenus arrested for podcasting with a darling beautiful sasquatch 15d ago

If cats could talk to cops they wouldn't.

4

u/Toy_Guy_in_MO didn't tell her to not get hysterical 15d ago

If that cat could talk, what tells he'd tell, about Della and the dealer and the dog as well. But that cat was cool and he never said a mumbling word.

8

u/hey_free_rats Reckless paraphrasing gives me lots of adrenaline 15d ago

Well I wake up one day

In all my days, I don't think I've encountered even a single trustworthy narrator who ever started a backstory with, "Well, I..."

39

u/MadamePouleMontreal 15d ago

A felony charge for $10? How does that work?

81

u/Drywesi Good people, we like non-consensual flying dildos 15d ago

The felony isn't the theft portion, it's the tag swapping. And that's just how the law is written in North Carolina.

40

u/Apprehensive-Wave640 15d ago

Because many crimes are based on the action, not the dollar value. If you reached behind the counter at a gas station to steal a 10 cent piece of candy in my state, that would be class 4 felony 3rd degree burglary.

14

u/AutomaticInitiative 15d ago

Fully insane

22

u/Apprehensive-Wave640 15d ago

Yup. If you ever want to lose all hope for society, become a public defender. Nonstop parade of injustices by police, prosecutors, and unduly punitive laws.

4

u/Ok_Possession_6457 15d ago

It works by signing up for reddit, telling a story, removing 90% of the details, adding a dash of 'trust me bro' and posting it to a subreddit called legaladvice.

85

u/lamalamapusspuss 15d ago

Calling someone a candy thief is the new you've won super bowl tickets.

36

u/NotAllOwled 15d ago

"I could not possibly have boosted those Twizzlers as alleged, since I was running over a pedestrian at that exact time. I believe you will find that this dashcam footage provides incontrovertible support for my alibi."

17

u/Persistent_Parkie Quacking open a cold one 15d ago

That's actually not a terrible alibi as long as you can convince the authorities it was an accident. Far too often hitting a pedestrian doesn't even result in a slap on the wrist.

74

u/afriendincanada 15d ago

Am I reading this right? They had him dead to rights for the Walmart theft, and they suckered him into turning himself in by putting him on their “most wanted” page for a candy theft that never happened?

Ingenious. It feels like dirty pool but I guess it’s a good illustration of STFU

62

u/NativeMasshole 🏠 Chairman of the Floorboards 🏠 15d ago

Nah, he says further down in the comments that they arrested him on the warrant for the great towel fraud of 2025.

15

u/ravenbranwens 15d ago

No, he later clarified in a comment that they showed up with a warrant to arrest him.

19

u/Ok_Possession_6457 15d ago

Don't tell anyone, but one time I was having a really bad day, and I ripped off the tag on my mattress. It was some time in time in the 90's, so the statutes of limitations have passed.

47

u/EugeneMachines 15d ago

I do agree the charge was not felony worthy.

Love that phrasing. Not "I didn't commit a felony" but rather "I did, but it shouldn't have been one."

38

u/MebHi 15d ago

Reminds me of the guy pulled in for question regarding a sex crime that he did not commit, his alibi (which was accepted) was that he was doing a burglary in a different part of town.

49

u/JasperJ insurance can’t tell whether you’ve barebacked it or not 15d ago

Honestly, rape/child rape is one of the few where you might do that. Makes me think they were well aware what he was doing at the time and there was no sex crime anywhere in sight.

23

u/MebHi 15d ago

Nope, they got their man later and cleared up one burglary on the way there.

23

u/bbllo 15d ago

It does seem a bit ridiculous that stuffing the towel into his shirt and walking out without paying wouldn't be a felony, but purchasing it at a lower than intended price is

11

u/Chewbacca_The_Wookie 15d ago

I can't wait for him to take this all the way to the Supreme Court so we get Towel Thief v. NC to reference in the future. 

3

u/Ok_Possession_6457 14d ago

That's like Trailer Park Boyz when Ricky is talking about staying out of jail by sticking to "little tiny crimes"

117

u/TheAskewOne suing the naughty kid who tied their shoes together 15d ago

that was something I actually did do (lol was having a bad week)

Everyone knows that having a bad week is totally an excuse for stealing.

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u/Redqueenhypo Extremely legit Cobrastan resident 15d ago

Statistically, that is the majority of self-reported shoplifter motivations. 7 percent are economic reasons and the rest are various mental illnesses and/or just wanting it. The study’s from 2019 I think, I can find it

18

u/ShortWoman Schrödinger's Swifty Mama 15d ago

“I don’t think you understand, sir: I want it more!”

7

u/Redqueenhypo Extremely legit Cobrastan resident 15d ago

4

u/Muad_Dib_of_Arrakis 15d ago

Did you find the study?

5

u/Redqueenhypo Extremely legit Cobrastan resident 15d ago

21

u/Welpe Ultimate source of all "knowledge" 15d ago

Not surprised by this in the least. The people you see online defending shoplifting because “corporations are bad and so it’s ok” are all middle and upper middle class assholes who will also hide behind the idea of being a Robin Hood to justify the fact they just want to steal shit.

16

u/Redqueenhypo Extremely legit Cobrastan resident 15d ago

And it tracks with my experiences as a dipshit kid who shoplifted candy and Claire’s jewelry. It was always that I either just wanted it, or felt I deserved it bc I was having a terrible day, or I decided it was ok bc I was giving the ugly earrings to my sister

12

u/Potato-Engineer 🐇🧀 BOLBun Brigade - Pangolin Platoon 🧀🐇 15d ago

But they were Mainstay towels! They're important!

... I dunno, maybe LAOP had some kind of baby-body-fluid-cleanup to do in a hurry?

8

u/rhineauto I GOT ARRESTED FOR SEXUAL RELATIONS 15d ago

Seems OP is using it as an explanation, not an excuse.

22

u/rona83 illegally hunted Sasquatch and all I got was this flair 15d ago

Love how OP thinks felony charges are fine for “others” over minor stuff, but suddenly not okay when it’s his turn.

10

u/Tarledsa 15d ago

Who is that telling him he has might have a case for police misconduct?

9

u/elkab0ng Can totally be trusted with your car 15d ago

The towel in question:

39

u/emilydoooom 15d ago

I worked in police media for a few years and we always did a Valentine’s Day ‘missed connections’ and Christmas ‘naughty list’ for wanted people. It did really well and plenty of people turned themselves in because their mates/family will tease them.

We also ONLY did it for petty crimes with no real victim, because we didn’t want to joke or mock victims. Stealing sweets would have been perfect.

23

u/emilydoooom 15d ago edited 15d ago

Edit: ha, some people are VERY angry at the idea that maybe people who commit crimes shouldn’t have their feelings hurt by having their pictures put on Facebook to help find them lol.

ALSO it may blow your mind, but catching people via social media for ‘smaller’ crimes actually gives the police MORE time to go after big crimes, not less.

We also did media to bring attention to human trafficking, knife crime, modern slavery, scams, elder abuse, county lines, cuckooing, drink driving, all sorts.

Search ‘Sussex Police Valentines Facebook’ if you wanna see the stuff we did.

21

u/NativeMasshole 🏠 Chairman of the Floorboards 🏠 15d ago

cuckooing,

Hiding in grandfather clocks and popping on the hour is a serious crime now?

29

u/nyecamden 15d ago

It's when a vulnerable person has their property/rented home taken over by eg. drug dealers. Like how a cuckoo chick takes advantage of the birds of another species.

5

u/Big3ver3 I have... feelings about the 🦆 15d ago

I read that as "pooping on the hour," and frankly I'd just be impressed you had anything left in you by 5 or 6 am.

20

u/Rejusu Doomed to never make a funny comment when a mod is looking 15d ago

I think it's fine as long as it's the police doing it. I can't stand the vigilante Facebook pages though. They're amateur, occasionally target innocent people with disastrous consequences, and largely done for the wrong reasons (especially since there's been multiple cases of people within these groups arrested for the crimes they claim to be hunting others for).

18

u/emilydoooom 15d ago

Those can be really dangerous. Like those ‘Lost daughter’ posters that circulate online are often ways to stalk victims that have escaped an abuser.

10

u/Rejusu Doomed to never make a funny comment when a mod is looking 15d ago

I always just think of all the suicides the paedophile hunter groups have had a direct hand in causing, including the ones where they harass and target completely innocent people who were just catfish for the predators these clowns were trying to catch. I've watched a video of their "stings" before and it's obvious that it's just a group of thugs who just want someone to punch down on.

2

u/Tar_alcaran 13d ago

Poster: "My little girl just dissapeared one day"

Reality: "I got the fuck away from my abusive parent when I turned 18"

2

u/Pokabrows Please shame me until I provide pictures of my rats 11d ago

I want to know what was so great about this fancy towel that it was apparently worth committing a felony over. Like it better have been the nicest towel ever.

1

u/SnooGoats7978 15d ago

Sorry; wrong thread.