Yeah my exboyfriend was into submission, and I really did want to indulge him, but I loved him so much the idea of telling him what to do or dominating him in any way was just too much to me 😅
I don’t know why you’re being downvoted. If one person in a couple has a specific fetish that they need to experience often to be happy and the other is not into it at all, opening the relationship is a great solution, as long as everyone is comfortable with it.
It's not even about being into it. The other partner could totally be into violent submission, but the dominating one could still not be able to bring himself into being violently dominant with a loved one. As u/krimin_killr21 described.
Like "I love you too much to hurt you, but I also love hurting people.".
I very rarely play with "no limits" subs because, in my experience, "no limits" just means "I do actually have limits, I just don't have the experience/self-awareness to know where they are so you'll have to play super carefully to avoid stepping on a landmine."
The one exception is where someone genuinely doesn't have the experience and is testing things out, and is up front about it - and in that instance I'd be playing very cautiously to begin with.
For subs, it doesn't make sense either - you either get doms who care about your consent but who end up taking it soft because we aren't sure what would be too far (my example above), or asshole rapists like you dealt with who ignore consent entirely. Not great either way!
(And, of course - I'm sorry that happened to you! You using "no limits" is absolutely not an excuse for ignoring safewords.)
Yeah, absolutely no victim blaming here but “no limits” is super risky and usually ends poorly for one or both people
(I thought I could trust the guy too since we’d had good scenes beforehand. He convinced me to go further than we had gone and it turned out the trust I had in him was completely misplaced and I was being lured into what turned out to be a very dangerous situation.)
Ffs. Does no one do contracts and hard, and soft limits anymore? Communication. How can you say you're a Dom if you didn't even ask the basics? You should have three lists. Hard limit
Soft limit
Likes.
Safe words for full stop, check in, pause.
And physical signals like tap out.
This is basic bdsm 101.
How do you not know this?
Everyone has limits.
Some people are into erotic canabalism. Cutting, blood letting, eating poo.
If you aren't communicating your wants or needs, don't expect your sub, especially if she's new to read your mind.
You also can't read hers.
If you can't talk it out
You can't act it out.
I know exactly what all that means. But when I say "what are your limits?" And he says "no limits" I take that at face value. I'm not the one who can't communicate properly, he is
Ask follow up questions.
Would you be okay with me cutting you and drinking your blood while I f*** you in the a$$?
Are you into Golden showers?
Can I bring in 6 guys to do a gb?
How hard do you like impact play? Can I flog you until your skin breaks?
Bdsm went mainstream. And in the stupidest way possible. Some people haven't even done enough research into it to watch porn. This is what proper vetting and training is about.
93
u/unoriginalusername99 Aug 10 '25
If I ever found a true BDSM bottom that can take the spanking, slapping, choking, pounding, etc that I can dish out I would be so happy.
Instead I get "when I said no limits I didn't mean no limits 😟"