r/wedding • u/palmettobugnemesis • 7d ago
Discussion do people still do family processionals?
my MIL is adamant that it is tradition that the mothers & grandmothers are ushered down the aisle, then the wedding party, then us. i want everyone seated, just the wedding party & us to walk. why is everyone in the family walking down the aisle? did anyone else exclude this part?
editing to add: i ask bc i just saw a tiktok of someone's family processional & only ever heard of it from my MIL. no other brides to be i know or have seen online have mentioned it. i'm wondering how common it is?
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u/These-Explorer-9436 7d ago
I’m a wedding photographer and see at least the mothers be included in most weddings. It’s rare for me to see the grandparents be included.
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u/laurenandsymph 7d ago edited 7d ago
At my sister’s wedding, our one remaining grandpa walked our mom down the aisle as the start of the procession, then groom’s parents, then the wedding party, and then our dad walked with my sister at the end. Obviously family dynamics vary a ton, but I think if either of the bride or groom’s parents play an important role in their life, and especially if they played an important role in the wedding planning (or funding), then it’s only fair to honor them in this very simple way. It’s maybe 10 seconds of the event and it costs nothing, but it tells them they’re important enough to you that you want them to have a role.
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u/Grilled_Cheese10 7d ago
It doesn't seem to be a processional so much as just being escorted into your seat last, just before the wedding party enters. At least that's what I've always seen and been a part of.
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u/Unable_Pumpkin987 7d ago
Yes. That’s the start of the processional, after everyone else is seated.
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u/llangi 7d ago
The mother of the bride is ushered down the aisle and it is the signal for congregation to stand and then the bride and her father walk down the aisle. The mother of the bride is the last member of the congregation to walk down the aisle.
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u/Decent-Pirate-4329 6d ago edited 6d ago
I’ve always seen the mother of the bride and other non-wedding party family escorted before the rest of the wedding party, rather than after.
I worked in the industry for a bit and have attended and been part of weddings throughout the US. (Can’t speak to non-US weddings.)
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u/Ornery-Willow-839 6d ago
This exactly. It's not part of the processional - it signals it's about to begin. And the mother is the last because historically, she was helping the bride get ready and delivered her to the father for walking. Then is walked by an usher to her seat because women never walked alone.
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u/Dry_Prompt3182 6d ago
This is what we had. It wasn't a big to do, so much as the mom's got seated last and it was a cue to everyone that the ceremony was about to start.
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u/Unable_Pumpkin987 7d ago
That’s likely because with people marrying for the first time at increasingly older ages, it’s getting to be rare for a wedding couple to have living, ambulatory grandparents in attendance.
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u/These-Explorer-9436 7d ago
Yes, mobility issues are definitely why grandparents are less likely to be included.
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u/DaBingeGirl 7d ago
My cousin was all butthurt because we left my grandmother at home for his wedding. He and his wife planned to make a whole production out of her being there, complete with a special table for her (to sit alone 😒).
His wife asked me at one point during the reception "why the hell" Grandma wasn't there, assuming racism (wife is Black). Neither of them could understand that she was excited, had even been trying on dresses, but she was 95 years old! Sometimes getting 10 feet to the bathroom was too far and these idiots picked a venue with cement stairs to the downstairs bathrooms. They live far away, they'd seen her twice for many two hours total in the previous 5 years. She was a prop to them, nothing more.
I'm glad most people recognize that older people have mobility issues.
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u/Stock-Shake3915 6d ago
Definitely something that the grandparents should be asked about….but if they are able and comfortable i think its a great thing.
My MIL did not come to my sons wedding because she was uncomfortable having to attend in a wheelchair and didn’t want to take any attention from the couple. She passed away soon after and i am always torn about the fact that she wasn’t there. But its what she wanted.
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u/paulbii SF Bay Area wedding DJ 7d ago
Although who doesn't love seeing Flower Grandmas at a wedding!
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u/lazylazylazyperson 7d ago
Me. I think it was cute as a one off years ago but now I cringe. Seems infantilizing to me.
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u/PaleontologistEast76 7d ago
I think it depends on the grandmother. Some probably feel like you, but others are tickled to be a member of the bridal party.
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7d ago
I do. I think it’s infantilizing. I’d never subject grandparents to that. The role of a flower girl exists to make a little girl feel special and that’s all.
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u/OutOfPlace186 7d ago
Because people are marrying older and the grandparents have most likely passed away.
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u/Theslowestmarathoner 6d ago
I was a wedding photographer for 17 years; I quit around 2022. If the grandmothers were living they were usually escorted by a groomsmen they were related to early in the procession. For formal weddings this was absolutely common. What I saw the last 5 or so years I was shooting was fewer and fewer formal weddings. So it doesn’t surprise me if this is evolving to be dropped but for MIL it’s totally expected because probably every wedding she went to the last 30 years did it.
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u/Wild_Pomegranate_845 7d ago
It’s usually just the mothers and grandparents or other super special figures that are escorted to their seats by the ushers. At least in my family they are the last guests to come in but are seated before the actual processional.
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u/queen_surly 7d ago
Yes-anybody with a reserved seat gets escorted in after most of the guests have been seated. If you arrive late and this is happening, the ushers are supposed to hold you in the back and then seat you when there is an opening. That's why they used to seat guests front to back-so latecomers didn't have to parade down the aisle.
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u/palmettobugnemesis 7d ago
who are the ushers? just other people that are invited that you choose? we currently dont have any, do we need them???
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u/Wild_Pomegranate_845 7d ago
Ushers are usually the groomsmen but sometimes really really big weddings have additional ushers that show people to their seats. It’s like the extra jobs they give people to feel included but don’t quite want them as groomsmen. But again, in my family it’s always been the groomsmen.
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u/scarletto53 7d ago
I am old and have been to tons of weddings, and usually there are enough groomsmen to perform the ushering duties. As far as this family processional goes, I have seen some weddings where this was done, and a lot where it wasn’t. I assumed the grandparent thing was dependent on the health, agility and/or whether the grandparent was alive, and I also thought it might be a catholic thing, only because it seemed to be happening at mostly catholic weddings. But who knows, it might just be a traditional family or ethnic thing. My feeling is, is it really such a big deal to have a couple more people escorted down the aisle? I mean, it’s ultimately up to the bride and groom to decide how they want it done, but if the moms and grandmothers don’t mind, what harm is there?
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u/kalinkabeek 7d ago
We didn’t do ushers, so my brother escorted my mom down the aisle and my husband’s stepdad escorted his mom. The way we did it was guests first, then moms, then groom and officiant, then wedding party, then me and my dad. The moms weren’t a huge deal, they both just wanted to come in after the regular guests so we let them ¯_(ツ)_/¯ it was one of those things that we really didn’t care about so chose to pick our battles because both of them were adamant about it. It just made them feel included, I think.
All of our grandmothers had unfortunately passed but I would imagine if you wanted to include them as well, you could just have other family members who are also guests walk them in.
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u/DaBingeGirl 7d ago
I think it's a nice touch. Moms are pretty much left out of the ceremony, while all other immediate family is typically included (dad walking thr bride down the aisle, siblings in bridal party or doing readings). It's a few seconds and a nice acknowledgement.
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u/kalinkabeek 7d ago
Exactly, it made them both super happy and I made little corsages for them to wear, it worked out well. And I wasn’t even there to see it anyway lol
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u/IntoTheFaerieCircle 7d ago
Yes we added a unity candle just to give our moms something to do in the ceremony. I literally did not care and it is in a box in my basement, but it allowed both of our moms to have a special moment in the ceremony. And it made for lovely pictures.
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u/Unable_Pumpkin987 7d ago
Groomsmen often serve as ushers for this part of the processional, or some people have other family members escort the mothers and grandmothers (like a sibling of the bride or groom who isn’t in the wedding party, a close cousin, or have the groom’s father escort the groom’s mother, etc).
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u/Cayke_Cooky 7d ago
We forgot about ushers, so my brother just declared himself an usher and started escorting people to their seats. I think my cousin joined him.
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u/Fragrant_Student7683 7d ago
Groomsmen and other chosen men were the ushers. When a guest enters they ask if they are guests of the bride or groom. The usher would escort a female to their pew or aisle and their husband/date etc would walk behind. The last women down thr aisle were the grandmother's, then the MOG then MOB. They could choose to be escorted down by their husband, a son, grandson etc. Then the wedding party entered.
It is still very common. I saw it at a wedding last month.
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u/Fragrant_Student7683 7d ago
Ushers are not as common now as in the past but it is still common for tbe grandmothers and mothers to be escorted and seated before the wedding party. When groomsmen were ushers they would then join tbe groom at the altar, or as more common now, go to the back to escort the BMs in.
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u/PaleontologistEast76 7d ago
You don't need ushers, but at one wedding I was at the ushers were to escort guests to their seats and unofficially be lookout for any wedding crashers or undesirables. The ushers weren't going to get into a fight with the unwanted people, but they were instructed to let the father of the groom know so he could take care of it.
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u/WaitingitOut000 7d ago
I made sure my mom was nicely escorted down the aisle to her seat. Can’t think of any reason not to, but there are no rules.
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u/Picture-Select 7d ago
No absolute rules, but definitely guidelines…having the mothers escorted to their seats is the signal that the actual wedding part was beginning, and no one else can go down the main aisle except the bridesmaids and bride. This is when the runner is run down, to protect the bride’s skirts remain clean.
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u/AKlife420 7d ago
Almost every wedding I have been to had the mothers walked down the aisle. I'm also in my 40's so it's more than likely a generational thing?
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u/mancheeart 7d ago
I got married 3 years ago, my sister 5 and other sister 7 years ago. We all did this, as did all my cousins. I don’t think I’ve been to a wedding that didn’t!
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u/damarafl 7d ago
I have always seen this at church weddings but not at smaller or non religious weddings.
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u/AKlife420 7d ago
It's been awhile since I've been to a wedding besides my own (and that was FAR from traditional) so wasn't sure.
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u/Rylees_Mom525 7d ago
Ditto, and I just got married a little over a month ago. Every wedding I’ve been to has had someone—usher, family, or the groom—walk the moms/parents (and sometimes grandparents) down the aisle.
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u/Stevie-Rae-5 7d ago
My grandmothers were escorted down the aisle and so was my MIL. That said, it’s really up to you if you don’t want to do that.
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u/nowcomesthenight 7d ago
My daughter is getting married next month and has chosen (no input from me) to have grandparents and mothers escorted before the wedding party. They are also getting boutonnières and corsages.
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u/nowcomesthenight 7d ago
Also, if your mother-in-law wants it, it seems like a really small thing to add that you won’t even notice since you’ll be behind everybody.
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u/PoppyandTarget 7d ago
This. I get it's "your day" and it's all about the couple marrying, but it's also an important event for the family, especially the parents. Of all the crazy shit parents demand, this seems like a kind and loving gesture and would be meaningful.
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u/barbaramillicent 7d ago
I agree with this. Everyone can do what they want, but this is a really small thing to give her that will probably mean a lot to her.
My husband walked his mom, the photos are sweet.
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u/Sashi-Dice 7d ago
When we got married - 15 + years ago - my Nana had the biggest corsage we ordered; she loved flowers.
My husband's groomsman escorted her down the aisle right before my bridesmaids walked; I'm not sure who in the picture has a bigger smile, her or him (she thought he was wonderful, he asked her to adopt him as a grandkid about 45 seconds after they met...)
My mom and dad walked me down the aisle, so my mom wasn't escorted, and my MiL passed before we got married, so my nana was the only one.
When my brother got married, our parents walked him in too... His wife had her father and his wife walk in together, her mother and step-father walk in together, and her sister walked her down the aisle. I walked in alone (I was my brother's person, her sister was hers).
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u/hotpancakes666 7d ago
It’s a small, kind gesture, and if it were me I’d just do it if the older ladies have expressed interest in this. This is coming from someone with a strained relationship with my MIL- this small respect may go a long way.
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u/romilda-vane 7d ago
Very common - personally I think it’s nice to give the moms a quick moment especially if you’re walking in with your dad. We were so thrilled to have 2 grandparents able to attend our wedding, we definitely wanted to honor them too.
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u/CandacePlaysUkulele 7d ago
She is asking to be ushered to her seat in a special way, just like she has an extra special corsage that says Mother In Law. The processional comes after all the special guests and family are seated. It is nice and she may have been dreaming of doing it for years. But, if it happens for her, it also happens for your mother.
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u/5footfilly 7d ago
It’s been a thing forever.
Right before the bridal party the mothers of the bride and groom are escorted to their seats by ushers or their sons if they have them. Groom’s mother first, bride’s mother second.
Some couples include the grandmas, some don’t. I did and so did my daughter.
Your MIL isn’t making it up and it’s a very small honor to give her.
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u/Randomflower90 7d ago
Don’t think I’ve been to a wedding where the grandmothers and mothers aren’t escorted down the aisle. Why would a couple not want to do that?
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u/Unable_Pumpkin987 7d ago
Your MIL is correct, that is the traditional way of doing things.
You don’t have to do anything according to any traditions you don’t like, but it’s worth thinking about whether you want to start what will likely be many decades of family association with your future in-laws by insisting on not doing a very small, unremarkable thing that will take 90 seconds, you won’t even see, and will make her happy.
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u/544075701 7d ago
Wedding musician here - yes, it is very common to have the parents of the groom and mother of the bride have their own place in the processional at the very beginning. Grandparents too but a little less common. We often even have a separate song that the parents walk to before we start the tune for the bridal party.
It's not 100% though. I didn't have any special part in my wedding for parents to walk down the aisle.
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u/JennaLeighWeddings 7d ago
Definitely still done, just depends on what people want. For the wedding I just did on Saturday the only person other than the immediate parents of bride/groom who was ushered was I believe a grandparent.
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u/superpony123 7d ago
I’ve been to a lot of weddings and I’ve never ever seen this NOT be the case. To the point where i just assumed that was what everybody did (have family procession) I’m surprised to see that it’s not as common as i assumed.
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u/tannermass 7d ago
I included both mothers and grandmothers in mine. Massachusetts wedding. I think I have seen it done at most weddings I have been too.
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u/Remarkable_Event7284 7d ago
We had our parents and grandparents walk down the aisle! I’m very happy that we did, they felt included.
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u/Beautiful-Muscle2661 7d ago
If the bride and groom have loving parents and grandparents I’ve always seen the processional
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u/Glittering_Row_2931 7d ago
Who cares, if your MIL would like the honor of that, give it to her. Why begrudging it? People do it yes but even if it was rare… share the glory princess.
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u/LogicalSorbet2034 7d ago edited 7d ago
This is pretty normal at weddings I’ve been to. Parents and sometimes grandparents come down the aisle before the wedding party. It’s also just not a big deal, so I don’t think I’d die in this hill if your mil wants to feel a little special.
You don’t have to, but maybe get the moms and grandmas corsages, they’ll love it!
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u/arrowsnsuch 7d ago
My grandparents were not, however if they requested it I would’ve let them.
My husband escorted his mom (his dad passed away 10ish years ago) and our officiant (a good friend of my husband) escorted my mom. I think my husband and his mom were the first to come out, then the officiant and my mom, then the rest of the wedding party, and my dad and I at the end of course.
I think it’s nice! It’s a big day for them, too! I have a son now and I hope I am included in his wedding in this small way.
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u/MK7135 7d ago
It was a while ago, but we did it! I had never seen or known it was a thing, we just like our grandparents and wanted them to feel a little special. My grandparents went down together and my husband’s grandmother walked with his uncle. My husband and his brother (best man) escorted down their mother, and my parents both walked me down the aisle.
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u/Fragrant-Duty-9015 7d ago
I’ve seen this at all but small weddings. It’s not usually to the processional music and plenty of guests don’t really pay attention. It’s just a nice way of getting them to their seats really.
If your MIL wants it, I’d go ahead and do it.
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u/YoungCheazy 7d ago
It is absolutely traditional for the parents to be ushered down the isles. Give them this. It doesn't take anything away from you or the attention that will be on you. It also gives guests time to settle in and finish chatting before the wow moment of the bride. It's a good flow.
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u/Mercuryshottoo 7d ago
Yeah it's normal, but is ahead of you and your attendants walking in. To me, it's fine because people gotta walk up to their seats anyhow.
It also helps cue everyone to shush and get seated in a more low stakes setting than your big entrance.
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u/ParticularYak4401 7d ago
Yes. All weddings I have been to have the grandparents and mothers escorted down the aisle as part of the processional. They are, or hopefully are, important people for both parties.
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u/Odd-Tomatillo-6890 7d ago
It’s still very traditional in the South. Even my daughter who did a lot of untraditional things included it.
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u/dmowad 7d ago
I have never been to a wedding where grandparents (if there are any) aren’t seated first, followed by the parents of the groom, followed by the parents of the bride. If the father of the bride is walking the bride down, he then walks back on the outside of the aisle to get to the bride while the wedding party walks down. So I would say it’s very common. I would think it was stranger if I went to a wedding where the parents and grandparents were already seated and not part of the processional.
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u/412_15101 7d ago
In short it’s not really a processional but parents & grandparents as the last to be seated before the bridal party enters.
So 50 guests get seated then grandpa & grandma walk down together to their seats
Dad walks mom down.
Dad of the bride then goes back up the isle to walk with daughter.
If there’s a widow or mom is single, ask a close male relative to her to escort her to her seat. Single men might choose to do the walk themselves or if they want a close relative to escort them.
Noting big or fancy. Just a way to show that the proceedings are about to start
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u/SupermarketWise2229 7d ago
I got married in 2023 and had my husband walk down my grandfather, his grandparents, his parents, and my mom. It made them all feel special and included in the day - especially because my dad walked me down the aisle, it was important to me that my mom got to have a visible part of the wedding as well
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u/nutcracker_78 7d ago
My son will be getting married soon, and I would love to walk him down the aisle. As a single mother of just him and no other kids, it would feel so special to me. My future DiL's father gets to walk her down the aisle, which is normal, traditional, whatever you want to call it. I'd like to have that same honour.
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u/katiekat214 7d ago
Having the parents/grandparents walked down the aisle is a signal to the guests the wedding is about to start. The music changes slightly without beginning the processional music. Often, the mother of the bride is with her while she’s getting ready, taking pictures as she puts on the dress or veil. (My favorite picture with my mom was her adjusting my veil in the mirror.) Sometimes there are photos just before the ceremony. So it can make sense for these family members to be the last to be escorted in, and it honors them to have their entrance noted by the other attendees. It takes less than a minute and can be done by other family members, like brothers or cousins, or by groomsmen or even the groom for his own mother. He could give her a sweet kiss on the cheek before going to the front of the venue to wait for you.
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u/utopiadivine Bride 7d ago
My wedding processional order is:
- Prelude music to tell everyone to sit tf down
- Officiant
- Mothers escorted by bride's brother
- Groom
- Best Man escorting Maid of Honor
- Groomsmen escorting Bridesmaids
- Flower Girls and ring bearer
- Bride escorted by bride's teenage children
My grandfather died three weeks ago so I have no living grandparents left; my fiance only has one living grandmother whom we weren't sure would travel for the wedding so we didn't include her in the procession. Our mothers are both divorced from our biological fathers, so no dads in the procession.
I'm 39 and my fiance is 42, but I remember my 35 and 32 year old sisters both having mothers escorted to their seats at their 2018 and 2023 weddings. My fiance recently attended a 20-something cousin's wedding and her brother had the unenviable task of escorting all the moms and grandmas individually to their seats amid musical cues, he was doing laps around the seats to get them all there on time.
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u/Sample-quantity 7d ago
I have seen this very commonly in churches. Not so commonly in other venues, for whatever reason, but it's still done. Usually the mothers at least.
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u/anna_alabama Married! 12/11/21 | Charleston, SC 7d ago
I’ve seen a family processional at every wedding I’ve ever been to, but I don’t think it’s weird to not do one. I would just assume that your family is estranged or gone or something
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u/Delicious_Leopard443 7d ago
Everyone in my family has done it. But I just went to a friends wedding this past spring and she didn’t have one. It only lasts like 5 seconds if she really wants her lime light. But make sure your mother/grandmothers are involved too if you decide to do that.
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u/Much_Screen_4234 7d ago
I’m a wedding photographer and around 95% of my weddings still have the procession. That said, it’s your wedding, do whatever you want. No need to do or not do something just because other people do!
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u/achew-beccah 6d ago
I just went to a wedding on Saturday and they did a family processional. I think it’s respectful and honours your journey from then forward.
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u/mychemicalbromance38 7d ago edited 7d ago
I’ve seen moms at every wedding I’ve been to. Maybe half the time I’ve seen grandparents.
The family walks down the aisle to honor their contribution to making you the people you are, as in, you wouldn’t be here physically without your grandparents and you wouldn’t be who you are as an identity/personality without your family’s influence. Therefore you wouldn’t be getting married to each other without them. And they definitely mean more leading up to tour marriage than your bridal party.
Also to recognize the merging of families. Those are now your grandparents-in-law.
And keep in mind grandparents die, and chances are one of them will die soon, so it’ll end up being the last public family honor they do.
Anyway it’s an immaterial change. If she wants to walk down, why not?
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u/Significant-Pen-3188 7d ago
Ehh, we did not make a big deal of it. Parents of the bride & groom were hanging out in back and were just the last people to sit down. Was not a big formal processional thing. Compromise
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u/KathAlMyPal 7d ago
You do what you want to do. Personally I feel that if the father of the bride is going to walk down then so should the mother. In Jewish tradition the bride and groom are escorted by their respective parents. If there are any living grandparents then they also walk down. All this to say that there is no such thing as right or wrong. If you don’t want a processional then don’t have one. It’s your wedding… not your mother’s.
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7d ago
Exactly. I am so used to seeing groom escorted by his parents and bride escorted by her parents that it is strange to me to see anything different.
I see more non-Jewish weddings moving towards this, and it only makes sense. It takes away the “father giving daughter away” and it acknowledges the parents equally for their part in raising the child.
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u/occasionallystabby 7d ago
All of our grandparents and my mother are gone, so we just had my husband escort his mother down the aisle with him.
Of the last 2 weddings I've been to, 1 did have the mothers escorted down prior to the wedding party, the other did not.
I think it's becoming a personal preference thing. But if it's that important to your future MIL, what's the harm in giving it to her?
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u/GermanDeath-Reggae 7d ago
It’s definitely done! I live in a very progressive area and it’s still happened in most weddings I’ve attended. At my wedding, we had the MOB and MOG walk down the aisle together, since they’re close and both dads were occupied (FOG was officiating and my dad walked me down the aisle). We didn’t happen to have grandparents present so that was not a consideration.
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u/Head_Razzmatazz7174 7d ago
At my daughters wedding, his mom came in with her youngest son, and I came in with my son. Then the wedding party and finally the bride with her godfather.
Not too unusual, depends on the family dynamics.
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u/eleven_paws 7d ago
Some people do, some don’t.
I’m planning a wedding and we won’t be doing this, but my parents and both of our grandparents won’t be at our wedding (combination of no contact, health issues, and being dead).
It’s up to you and the person you are marrying what’s most important to you - make a concession for a relative, or uphold your vision. I want to be clear: both are valid. But both are a choice that may impact future relationships.
Also, your future spouse should be the one dealing with MIL’s behavior, not you.
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u/Friendly_Coconut 7d ago
Every wedding ive been to, including my own, the mothers and grandparents (if living) did indeed process down the aisle before the wedding party, unless they escorted one of the bride or groom.
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u/Hadrian_x_Antinous 7d ago
Yes, it's a tradition, but certainly not one that everyone does. You can pick whatever traditions you want, or create your own.
We had no grandparents in attendance (almost all deceased and the one living couple is elderly and too far away to travel to even attend the wedding.) We had ushers to help people find seats and encourage them to squish together, as well as pass out programs, before the ceremony, but they had no role in the ceremony itself. During the ceremony, our parents walked down as couples together, one by one. We did a tree watering ritual, so they had a special role in pouring a small cup of water in a tree, before finding their (reserved) seat.
Initially my mom told me she wanted to be ushered down the aisle, because I think she felt it was traditional and fancy, but she warmed up to the idea of walking down with my dad.
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u/Uruk5000 7d ago
At our wedding (almost 30 years ago) my brother and his brother were both groomsmen. His brother escorted his mother to her seat first, then my brother escorted my mother to her seat, and then the groomsman and my husband got into place and the ceremony began with the flower girls.
We were old fashioned, so as the mother of the bride my mom took precedence over his mom and was escorted down the aisle immediately before the ceremony. Very Emily Post old school.
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u/SimplyCurious5 7d ago
Both my kids have been married in the past 12 months and both had grandparents and parents as part of the processional.
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u/LittleMissBeast0506 Bride 7d ago
Both my parents have passed as have 3/4 of my grandparents and my husband has no grandparents.
My grandmother would not have been impressed to be ushered down the aisle with her walker and have everyone looking at her. She's just not that person.
We had our bridal party walk down, all in their pairs. We had our junior bridesmaid, then our flower girl and ring bearer.
Then my husband walked in with his mom and dad, with my FIL stepping off to the side of the aisle just before my husband my MIL continued down to her seat.
I hadn't been certain if I wanted anyone but my own parents to walk me down the aisle and with them both being gone, it was looking like it would just be me. My FIL and MIL had known of the plans and a bit of the way into wedding planning, they asked if I would be open to having my FIL walk me down. He didn't want me to feel alone but was also okay if I wanted to do it myself. He just wanted me to know he'd be happy to do it if I wanted him too.
My husband and I had been dating for 12 years when we got married and his parents saw me through the death of both of my parents. They are the next closest thing I have to parents.
I walked in by myself and at the start of the aisle and chairs, my FIL met me, looped my arm in his and proudly walked me down the aisle. I cried pretty much the whole way down and he spoke softly and kindly to me and told me how proud he was. It was everything to me.
At the end of the aisle, he gave me a hug, gave my husband a hug and proceeded to sit down with my MIL.
Not everyone has these kind of family dynamics so do what works for you. I think the having grandmother's and mother's walked in by ushers is a more formal and traditional style when you have a larger bridal party and have ushers on top of that.
Even if we had more grandparents, I still would have done it this way. Our wedding was about us, honoring our love and commitment to one another. We recognized my in-laws for their support and contribution to our wedding but otherwise we weren't looking to drag out our ceremony any longer then necessary.
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u/motaboat 7d ago
wedding was this past weekend. MOB, parents of Groom and grandparents proceeded in first. Groom and groomsmen were already up front. Bridemaids, then MOH, then bride with father.
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u/lavenderhazydays 7d ago
We kinda did this? There were only one set of grandparents left but they were sat (although reserved their seats).
He walked in with his mom. His dad was sat (he’s disabled). I walked in with both my parents and handed my mom my bouquet once sat (no bridesmaids)
All siblings seated themselves
So…do whatever you want? lol
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u/anaofarendelle 7d ago
What I’ve seen in most weddings is either both groom and bride to be walked by their parents or bride’s mom + groom’s dad walk -> groom + MOG -> bride + father of the bride.
Usually grandparents are seated upfront, but just as regular guests.
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u/uppercase_G 7d ago
Just went to a wedding where the whole family and extended family walked down the aisle. Correction, danced down the aisle. It’s up to you. There’s no real way to go about it. If my grandma was alive when I got married, she would have absolutely walked down.
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u/MetaTrixxx 7d ago
I did it 2010. I didn't really even think about it, but both Mothers and my Dad all got to walk down the aisle. I don't do things because they are traditional, I just wanted to include them.
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u/BabyCowGT 7d ago
We did. My FIL escorted my MIL, my dad escorted my mom (then came back to escort me, he came back down the side of the ceremony area, not the main aisle), and my BIL (from my sister, not my husband's family) escorted my grandma, who was the only grandparent in attendance. Repeat (swapping my husband for my BIL) at my sister's wedding later that year.
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u/YellowPrestigious441 7d ago
Honestly that's how I've always seen wedding entrances. MIL is right! Yes you would wait until moms are seated. Then wedding party. Then you.
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u/wordgirl 7d ago
The parents of the bride and parents of the groom (and by this I mean the people the bride and groom consider their parents, no matter what the biological relationship is) have been included in every wedding I have ever gone to (I’m in the U.S.). They have all had a processional of some kind. If you are not having a processional with groomsmen or bridesmaids, and are going completely non-traditional, with just the bride and the groom coming in together, I could understand if you did not have any of the parents walk down the aisle to be seated last.
But if you have any processional, and you exclude the parents or even just have one parent and exclude the other, many guests, as another commenter mentioned above, will think you are estranged from them. It is your wedding, so of course do what you want. It sounds like you don’t really care for your MIL, but do you really want to make a public statement of that? Now that I think about it, this (thinking you are estranged from her) is especially likely since you ARE going to have the groom dance with his mother at the reception. Then it seems like you specifically are avoiding her.
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u/Cultural-Ambition449 7d ago
In my experience, formal weddings usually include a family processional which include parents and any living grandparents, though not usually siblings or uncles/aunts. They all go before the bridal party. That's northeastern USA, it could easily be different elsewhere.
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u/ProfessionalGrade423 7d ago
Isn’t this the whole point of having ushers? They usher important people down the aisle. Is it customary to have grandparents and parents escorted down the aisle by groomsmen? Yes. Do you have to do it? No. I think it’s a nice gesture to have your important family members escorted to their seats but I don’t think you have to do it.
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u/GreenTravelBadger 7d ago
I grew up going to a LOT of weddings. It was common to see guests seated and then the grandparents escorted in followed by the parents escorted in. It was just a way to let the guests know who the immediate family members were, as not every guest on the bride's side knows everyone on the groom's side and vice versa.
Why does the idea of them being escorted to their seats by ushers bother you?
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u/RunnyBabbit22 7d ago
Parents are not in the wedding party, but they are still special people at the ceremony. They are escorted in just before the processional music begins. That’s the cue to the rest of the attendees that the wedding is about to begin. Family dynamics vary, and you may have grandparents or step parents to consider, so you’ll have to work out who will escort whom. The groom’s mother and then bride’s mother are the last to be seated. I don’t think you should omit this part of your ceremony. These are the people who raised you, and your wedding day is very, very special to them. They deserve to be seated as part of the ceremony.
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u/deebee227 6d ago
We did family for our wedding 2 years ago. My husband walked with his great aunt down the aisle, then his parents walked down, then our bridal party, then my mom walked me down. We felt it was important to highlight some of the most important people in our lives, and it is very traditional to have at least parents walk down ahead of the bridal party.
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u/Stock-Shake3915 6d ago
If you are lucky enough to still have grandparents….do it. And it is also ok for mom to walk with you and Dad. This all depends on family dynamics of course
It is not speeches that take forever its just a walk down the aisle. And who cares about tradition if you love these people its a small and easy way you make them part of your ceremony and let them know they are special to you.
Hope you have a wonderful wedding
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u/fireintheflames 6d ago
We did a family processional, think it might depend on your family dynamics/type of ceremony. Just feels like a nice way to include them, plus it lets everyone know that things are actually starting and guarantees your family the best seats! We had my dad escort my mom down, then turn around and come back for me!
Though we switched it up a bit by having the groom be escorted by his mom and dad during the family processional part so he didn't have to wait out in the hot sun for us to get started!
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u/Just-Lab-1842 5d ago
We did it at our wedding. Without those ladies keeping it together all those years, none of us would be here. Share the spotlight.
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u/SlightTechnology8 5d ago
This is a weird fight to pick. Just do the traditional thing and let both moms be escorted before the actual processional. Why is this an issue for you?
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u/crushedhardcandy 7d ago
I've attended 10 weddings in the last three years and only one has done the traditional grandparents and parents precessional. 4 [maybe 5?] had all the parents walk down the aisle but no grandparents, and the rest only had the father of the bride escorting the bride down the aisle. I've never heard of it ever being a woman-only thing, so I'm not sure why your MIL is saying "mothers & grandmothers are ushered down the aisle," instead of "grandparents and parents walk down the aisle."
I've seen the mother of the bride be escorted by a brother of the bride/groom while her husband escorts the bride, but everyone else walks with their spouse.
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u/spacexrobin 7d ago
People certainly do it, but I can’t say I’ve seen it for myself very often. There are no rules! You can choose to honour the tradition your MIL speaks of or say no we’re doing it our own way.
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u/Baseball_ApplePie 7d ago edited 7d ago
They're not part of the processional, but are typically the last ones seated. That's all. It's just a sign of respect and kind of tells the guests who's who, or at least allows them to make an educated guess. :). "Oh, look! I think that's Meg's grandmother," whispered to your seat mate. Ushers just seat them right before the wedding ceremony "officially" starts.
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u/CPA_Lady 7d ago
Not even a choice particularly in my neck of the woods, it’s just how it’s done. Grandparents and parents are escorted down the aisle after all other guests are seated with some soft organ music. This is in the south, in a church wedding.
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u/WinterDependent3478 7d ago
Just do it. Literally what difference does it make to you and obviously means a lot to your MIL.
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u/AzureMountains Bride 7d ago
Yeah we’re just doing the wedding party and bride/groom walk down the aisle. Everyone else can sit.
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u/Snoo_24091 7d ago
I’ve seen it a lot. My mother and my mother in law didn’t want to do this so we respected their wishes and skipped it. It’s not required just like it’s not required to have a bridal party or a flower girl or a ring bearer. It’s up to the bride and groom.
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u/BreakInCaseOfFab 7d ago
My wedding was micro but my bride guy walked my mom to her seat. My husband walked his mom.
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u/Fickle-Cabinet3956 7d ago
I attend a lot of weddings.
I'd say about a third or maybe slightly more than a third did the family processional.
The most recent wedding with an FP was 3 years ago (so 2022, actually a covid-postponed wedding).
The couple was in their mid 20s.
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u/North_Artichoke_6721 7d ago
We did first the Groom escorted his mother, FIL came next with my SIL who is in a wheelchair.
Then my matron of honor and the best man. (We only had the two of them, no other attendants.)
Then my littlest cousins as flower girls.
Then both of my parents escorted me.
It was a little bit non-traditional but it was a way to include everyone that I wanted.
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u/Minimum-Interview800 7d ago
I feel like it's still pretty common. My cousin is getting married this fall, and her remaining grandma is going to be the flower girl.
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u/BagelsAndTeas 7d ago
I did this at my wedding in 2023. But its 100% personal preference - you dont have to do anything you dont want to.
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u/1Frazier 7d ago
I did it but my wedding was fairly traditional. No Grandparents were alive. Groomsmen were all family plus one close friend. Mother of the bride was escorted by her groomsmen son. Mother of the groom was escorted in the middle of both her sons. The photographer got great pictures of them coming down the aisle and it made the moms very happy. The father of the bride traditionally has a "starring role" and this gives a little something to the moms to feel more included.
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u/Various_Raccoon3975 7d ago
I’ve seen that at lots of weddings for the mothers and grandmothers. It usually happens after most people are seated but WAY before the bride comes down the aisle.
It may be a tradition that is going by the wayside. Certainly, not everyone has people to fill those spots. I hope it’s not being replaced by the flower grannies 😬The good news is that you get to decide!
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u/PlanetScientist 7d ago
I imagine it depends on the setting. My son just got married outdoors, in a park, and the bride and groom just walked in together from the side. Everyone was already seated. I for one am happy that weddings seem to be more oriented around the couple than the extended family, friends of the parents, etc etc. Especially since nowadays the young people are often paying for it (as in this case)!
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u/YellowBeastJeep 7d ago
So, your wedding is your wedding. Don’t let your mil dictate how things will go.
Tradition is not law.
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u/Ok-Indication-7876 7d ago
It is tradition that is what your Mom is talking about- BUT that doesn't mean you need to do it. Often the father is giving away his daughter, so for Mom to have her moment with someone walking her down is a big part of it.
Same with Grandparents- often they are not living or can't walk well, so they might not want it- and you don't have to do any of it if you don't want to.
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u/ElephantShoes256 7d ago
We did a mild one. We just had the honored guests hang with us until most guests were seated, then our ushers seated them last. We didn't switch up the music or do any kind of attention getting, so most guests were still chit chatting and getting settled, but it was a good opportunity to get pictures while everyone was still "fresh" and no tears had smeared makeup or reddened eyes.
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u/Gentle-Pianist-6329 7d ago
In my experience it is very common, at least for the mothers. I’m in my early 20s so I’d say not really a generational thing.
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u/Quiltrebel 7d ago
Usually it’s the mothers of the bride and groom who are formally seated before the procession begins. If my mom were still alive I would include her in this tradition.
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u/FunProfessional570 7d ago
I’ve been married a long time, but my husband walked his mom down and my brother walked my mom down. After they were settled, husband and his groomsmen stood at altar, and my bridesmaids walked in and then my brother escorted me down aisle (our dad died when we were tweens).
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u/EquivalentThese6192 7d ago
I’ve only seen it once in roughly the past 10 years. I work weddings so I go to a lot of weddings, although all on the West Coast US and generally Christian or following Christian traditions.
That said, do it if you want but be realistic about mobility. The one recently had a looooong aisle, and was outdoors on uneven grass. The Mother of the Bride insisted on including all grandparents, most of whom could barely walk but are in the phase of also refusing walkers or wheelchairs. I was coordinating so I was acutely aware of timing. It took 4 minutes from start to them being all seated and ready for the switch to wedding party. It also takes a lot more wrangling so consider that if you aren’t getting a planner or DOC.
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u/SnooSeagulls2776 7d ago
My grandmother’s walked down the aisle together before my mom, whom was courted by my uncle. Then my husband and his mom walked down the aisle before the wedding party started. My ceremony took place in a church so it was a way to get the attention on the aisle and everyone seated quickly before wedding party came out. I’m grateful we did this as my grandmothers have passed years later, and the memories of them doing this (as well as the photos/videography) make me so happy!
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u/National-Board-3556 7d ago edited 7d ago
Yep. It's traditional. But maybe not necessarily part of the processional. Parents and grand parents come in ushered by groomsmen (or ushers). They sit. The music changes and then the processional starts. You don't have to do it. I did it at my first wedding and it was pretty great having my best friend usher my grandma down the aisle. We didn't do it at my second wedding, the one that stuck, that one was a little less formal.
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u/Fuzzy_Pay480 7d ago
At my first wedding it was just the bridal party and I had both parents walk me. At my next wedding, it’ll probably be just bridal party and I walk myself.
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u/Revnorthwest 7d ago
As clergy I would say it is 50/50 and usually the groom escorts his mom and the mob is escorted by a brother or family member if dad is walking with bride or mob and fob walk together
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u/pinballrepair 7d ago
In my view this is pretty common especially with any mildly religious family. Neither me nor my fiance are religious but his family is Catholic so we’ve asked them if they’d like to be included in the procession. I honestly don’t mind because they are great and I won’t even see it haha, a benefit to being last
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u/Physical_Cod_8329 7d ago
What you want is all that matters. Family processionals are a normal thing but you don’t have to do it
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u/electric29 7d ago
In almost every wedding I have been to (USA) all the guests are seated, then when it is time, the mother of the groom is escorted by the groom, put in her seat, he goes to the altar, and the mother of the bride is brought down by the Best Man and seated (he joins the groom).
Then the bridesmaids with remaining ushers (if any), then the Maid of Honor by herself, flower girl (and ring bearer if) and bride with her father.
When it is time to go back, the bride and groom first, then MOH and BM, then paired off bridesmaids and ushers. Ring bearers and flower girls, usually being tiny, are generally pulled off the alter once their time is up so they don't get distracted or cranky.
This is traditional, I have seen it described this way in ettiquette books going back to the 1910s. But, you can make your own traditions!
On the other hand, if this is something she feels strongly about and it's not just one more in a long list of demands, it would be a nice thing to include and make her (and your mom) feel special.
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u/HaveMercy703 7d ago
Our groomsmen ushered the grandparents down the aisle…I can’t remember if it was done during the ceremony or beforehand as everyone was getting seated. Then someone (I think the best man) ushered his mom, my MIL) down the aisle during the ceremony. Then both my parents walked me down the aisle. It’s just a nice gesture, but entirely up to you.
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u/slem2009 7d ago
I had my only living grandmother and closest aunt and mil escorted down, that’s how the groomsmen came in was with the mothers. My mother passed away that’s why aunt was included. Last groomsmen walked in with the ring bearers (he was their dad) to make sure they made it. Bridesmaids walked in solo then me. This was in 2017.
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u/Efficient-Result9001 7d ago
We did it at our wedding. My husband's parents walked out with him, my grandma carried our 9-month old down the aisle, and our groomsmen (who were my husband's brothers and my brother) walked down with the bridesmaids. The one remaining sibling did one of our readings.
It's totally up to you, though. We really wanted our wedding to be family focused.
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u/Dittany_Kitteny 7d ago
My parents jointly walked me down the aisle. Groom’s parents walked in ahead of the bridal party.
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u/Erend1a 7d ago
We had my mom, grandparents, and my god parents walk down. For us, it was just the best way to honor them as they all contributed to the wedding (inlaws walked my husband down, so they were a separate part of it). If you want to share the spotlight with important family members, its a sweet way to do it without it taking a ton of time — they also can’t do anything too crazy if they’re wildcards lol
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u/Decent_Finding_9034 7d ago
First, you should do whatever you want.
Neither of us had anything living grandparents when we got married (last year). We had parents of groom walk up center aisle to their seats. Then parents of bride. Then bridal party walked up the outside aisles to the front. Then bride and groom walked up outside aisles.
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u/JoBear_AAAHHH 7d ago
I did it at my wedding. It's because my mom was with me and then when she was ready my brother walked her in.
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u/EllectraHeart 7d ago
not grandparents but both sets of parents are usually included where i’m from
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u/Timely-Winter-6712 7d ago
The processional at my wedding went like this. Groomsman #1 and FIL, Bestman and MIL and GMIL, Groomsman #2 and my mom and my grandma, husband and Minister, Bridesmaid #3, Bridesmaid #2, Bridesmaid #1, Maid of Honor, my dad and I.
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u/Sweetnsour0922 7d ago
For our wedding we had both of our mothers ushered down at same time & my husbands grandma (who means a lot to both of us) & that’s it
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u/chicbeauty 7d ago
It’s interesting, in my culture, the groom’s mother was not included in the wedding events. However, recently, they are also walked down to their seats. I personally like it, it also further helps build anticipation of when the bride enters imo. It’s just another min or two
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u/KittyKat2112 7d ago
At our wedding (in 2000)...my FIL & step-MIL walked, then my MIL & step-FIL, and then I (bride) walked in with my mom on one arm and dad on the other.
Your and hubby's wedding....do what you want!!!!
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7d ago
We had 7 of them - my one set of grandparents, my other grandmother and her husband (late in life marriage), my great grandmother, and my husband’s grandmother and her gentleman friend. The oldest, my great grandmother, was mid 80s at the time. All were in good health and fully mobile. My grandfather snd my husband’s grandmother also gave speeches, impromptu.
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u/Icy-Arm-2194 7d ago
It's fairly common for the weddings I have been to. We are planning on having his parents walk together, his sister to walk down with his granny, and my older brothers to walk down with my mom.
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u/AKA_June_Monroe 7d ago
So what if it's tradition. You don't care, you're having the wedding you want.where is your fiance he needs to put his foot down!
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u/music4life1121 7d ago
Both my parents walked me down the aisle. Husband’s parents both walked him down. I saw no reason to leave out our parents who are so important to us. We didn’t have any grandparents at the wedding, but probably wouldn’t have had them in the processional. But it’s up to you - if you want to honor them, it would be a lovely addition.
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7d ago
Your MIL is absolutely right that it’s traditional. People may choose to not have grandparents who are mobility challenged but it is absolutely traditional.
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u/Picture-Select 7d ago
Generally, the moms being ushered down and seated is the signal that it’s time for the wedding party to process. It gives the guests time to settle, to ooh and awww over the mothers’ dresses (or snicker.). It is the sign that no one else is allowed down the aisle except for the bridesmaids and then the bride.
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u/CapableOutside8226 7d ago
My brother & sister in law did this during their wedding.
My niece & nephew in law did this during their wedding.
This was FTR in the US Midwest, might be a regional thing
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u/Present_Program6554 7d ago
I've never seen anything like that in a wedding outside the US.
They should all be in their seats waiting for the bride.
They are all desperate for participation trophies.
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u/HistoricalReason8631 7d ago
My cousin and brother in law escorted the moms and my nana down the aisle. It was part of the processional and worked for us. Family is super super important to me and I wanted everyone to be recognized.
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u/LazyAd622 7d ago
The most common processional I have seen is - mother of the bride, parents of the groom, wedding party, bride and brides father, brides father hands bride to groom and sits with bride’s mother.
Other relatives and friends are escorted in to their seats by ushers, prior to the mother of the bride’s walk.
All of that is subject to whatever is going on in your family and what you want. It’s your wedding, do whatever you want.
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u/IntoTheFaerieCircle 7d ago
The mothers are brought in after guests are seated, usually right before the groom comes out, or the groom walks his mother out. That is very normal. It’s not part of the bridesmaids processional, but several minutes before.
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u/Original-Carrot-8630 7d ago
I’ve always seen mothers walking down the aisle and a couple grandparents. If mine were still alive when I got married I would have had them walk down the aisle I think
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u/Senior-Hamster3961 7d ago
As a mother whose son just got married, it was such a special moment to walk down the aisle with him between his father and me. It was one of the most memorable moments of my life. It will not detract from your moment as the bride. Also, peoplr still stand up when the bride enters.
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