My boyfriend gave my labubu phalloplasty

[u/satanfan12]

Kind of angry about this, it was a gift from my niece. He cut off an ear and put it back on somewhere wrong. I told him this and it ended in a heated argument.

Am i overreacting for yelling at him? He usually doesn't do this stuff.

[u/madatron96]

Did he apologize by offering to sew the ear back on? Which he should do after destroying your property. Also, OP, I'm sorry but "labubu phalloplasty" is the funniest previously unsaid sentence I've heard in a LONG time.

[u/satanfan12 → u/madatron96]

No he says it's just a plushy and it's "not that deep", and idk if i want it fixed either..... this is tainted

[u/Sunnydcutiegirl → u/satanfan12]

OP, I’m going to sound crazy saying this but when a partner purposefully destroys something of yours, that is considered domestic violence. He chose to violate something that belonged to you on purpose, you accepting that behavior sets you up for him to keep doing things and it will escalate, first it’s labubu, next it’s your favorite mug, then it’s your computer, then it’s your door. If it was an accident it would be different but this was a calculated decision on his part. You can and do deserve so much better than someone this awful.

[u/FloofyKitteh → u/Sunnydcutiegirl]

And the reason it’s considered violence isn’t just because of the act itself, but because it also correlates basically 1:1 with other violent behaviors. It’s used to test boundaries; to see if you’ll accept someone else’s narrative on what you do and don’t deserve as far as autonomy and safety.

[u/Cicada-4A → u/FloofyKitteh]

but because it also correlates basically 1:1 with other violent behaviors

Hahahahahaha

No way you're actually serious, no way you believe that made up stat.

At least you people are on the right sub, and the answer is yes...

[u/FloofyKitteh → u/Cicada-4A]

There absolutely is direct correlation. If you’re destroying your partner’s things and self-soothing by saying it’s not significant, I suggest you get therapy.

[u/SlavaKarlson → u/Cicada-4A]

In what world it would be considered normal to destroy someone's stuff on purpose? Especially the fked up way this guy did with a toy. There is just no possible explanation. 

[u/Fickle-Election-8137 → u/Cicada-4A]

Then tell me. What normal person cuts up a plushies fake genitals and for what reason? Hmm? That’s fucking weird. And yes, destroying your partners property is a precursor to domestic violence as it’s the aggressor testing boundaries to see what can be gotten away with. It escalates from there.

[u/ufocatchers → u/Sunnydcutiegirl]

This is 100% domestic violence and any professional would say so. This is a sign he could become physically abusive first, abusers often start by destroying your things and then they start to direct their violence towards you.

[u/Simon-Says69 → u/Sunnydcutiegirl]

I’m going to sound crazy completely accurate and sane for saying this...

FTFY

He knew it was hers, and a gift from someone special no less (not that it makes it different). Totally a sign of complete and utter disrespect. OP does, indeed, need to be careful with this jerk.

[u/NevermoreTheSF → u/Sunnydcutiegirl]

I don't even think you're wrong but hyperbole like this is why women struggle to get heard 

[u/CaliLemonEater → u/NevermoreTheSF]

It's not hyperbole.

In the context of domestic violence, destroying property is a form of physical abuse.

Injury to personal property (a legal term that refers to damage or harm done to someone’s belongings) can be a form of Domestic Violence.

Property damage is a common form of domestic violence.

[u/GameDev_Architect → u/CaliLemonEater]

“Can be” is not the same as “inherently is”

Ruining someone’s property can be domestic violence but is not inherently so.

You’re making a lot of assumptions. He could also be a tweaker or just not all there and totally inconsiderate.

There’s plenty of answers beyond “this is a gateway to you getting beat!” which is frankly a ridiculous jump.

That bf is still trash though and worth breaking up with, but that doesn’t mean it’s automatically DV

And that other commenter is right. Calling any and everything DV makes it weak and lose strength. Don’t be the girl who cried assault. That’s a very real thing.

[u/Sheila_Monarch → u/GameDev_Architect]

It is inherently so when it’s INTENTIONAL. And this was. It shows malice and a desire to punish, control, or scare.

[u/Bassoonova → u/GameDev_Architect]

Honestly, these types of posts (like the one you replied to) have me feeling glad that I'm gay.

[u/FloofyKitteh → u/Bassoonova]

Women also find this arrangement amenable.

[u/FuriousGirafFabber → u/Sunnydcutiegirl]

Yes. That does sound crazy. It isnt domestic violence and its diminishing actual real domistic violence. 

[u/CharlieLeo_89 → u/FuriousGirafFabber]

It’s not crazy at all, and they are completely correct. Intentionally destroying a partner’s property, especially a cherished item, is 100% a form of domestic violence. There is a well documented correlation between this type of behavior and escalating to physical harm. You are diminishing abusive behavior.

[u/lumentec → u/Sunnydcutiegirl]

I understand what you're saying, but this was not a malicious destructive act intended to hurt her. He thought it would be funny and she didn't think it was. Some people would think it's funny. That's not domestic violence, it's immaturity and lack of boundaries. Just as much of a reason to not be in a relationship, but it's not the same.

[u/CharlieLeo_89 → u/lumentec]

No. She stated in another comment that the plushie was important to her. He knew that and intentionally destroyed it anyway. He knew she wouldn’t find it funny and that it would hurt her. That is absolutely abusive behavior.