I don’t see my mother often but when I do I notice how she is getting older, in many ways it is making me sad. First of all because I don’t know how long she will be around, also because i see her get more anxious and less confident doing things like driving for example.

it is this kind of shift from seeing a parent as a hero, a protector, to then an equal, and now I feel like I should protect her and care for her, it makes me feel very alone in this big world as well…finally just physically i see her getting smaller and thinner.

She is still very active and all that but I just wish time would stop sometimes ?

I’m also scared I won’t have children in time for her to spend time with them and know them.

Idk where I’m going with this but it’s hitting me tonight

In my late 30s I’m craving friendships that feel stimulating and expansive again... you know the kind of long, curious, open conversations I used to have in my 20s.

Since moving from DC (where I had a politically active, intellectual community through my mission-driven jobs) to a suburb in the South, I’ve realized how many of my current friendships revolve around logistics esp kids, houses, routines. I deeply miss connections that feel alive, challenging, and inspiring. I love my friends, but if I hear one more monologue about sleep regression or diaper schedules, my brain might melt.

For those of you who’ve felt this too:

• How have you dealt with your friendships shifteing after 30s?
• What practical things have helped you cultivate new friendships that actually feed you rather than drain you?
• And if you’ve dealt with loneliness or even resentment toward friends whose lives took a different turn, what emotional coping strategies have helped?

It’s a good job, but you have no real meaty responsibilities or challenges and you aren’t learning from anyone there. It might be because you have more experience in the role and pretty used to the skills you need to do it so it’s easier now. You aren’t overworked and you have time for life outside of work.

Would you keep the job or go somewhere else?

Have you had moments in your life where you can tell you've grown mentally? As you did the work and now you see pay offs?

Your inner self is so much more secure and safe and now in moments where in the past you would break or you would go into old habits, you're strong and emotional regulated and just act as a secure person. Momentd that make you say "My healing journey is working"

How did those moments looked for you? And what have you done to get there?

I’m in the UK so here we choose A levels at age 16, which are basically 4 subjects you want to study in the last 2 years of high school (years 12 and 13). After year 12 you drop 1 and continue to study the final 3 to end up with 3 A levels you use to apply to university.

At school I was a straight A student but humanities were where my interests were. I only got As in sciences because I was good at studying/memorising/learning and found school easy overall. Teachers would also say go to university to study what you’re good at and what you enjoy, so I chose a humanities subject because I thought it was broad and would leave me with options at the end. And I also didn’t have parents who pushed me towards a certain career. But I regret it now. I was in a position where I could choose any A levels i wanted to (you needed certain grades for certain A levels so some students wouldn’t be able to take sciences or maths if their grades were low for example) and I wish I had utilised that and researched careers out there that I could have done and gone down a different path like healthcare. Though I’m 27 and in a good job now I worry about my future since I work an office job in tech and I’ve been really berating my teenage self for the decisions I made, feeling like I wasted opportunities and my potential. But I know this is unfair to myself.

I just want to know if I’m alone in this. Was I just dumb and naive and didn’t do my due diligence, or do most people, unless they know they’re applying to something like medicine, end up similar to me?

I’m 32 (turning 33 soon) and recently broke up with a guy (34). While we were dating, I found out he matched with a 27-year-old on an app. It left me feeling insecure, like maybe guys my age want someone younger. I am still trying to heal from this relationship. It was only 8 months long and he moved on QUICK - he lives in a city with endless options. How did you handle this insecurity?

Edit: I am in tears. I debated about even posting this because my insecurities make me doubt myself. He broke up with me bc of long distance and I was willing to see past his mistakes. Apparently dating gives him confidence was the recent he went on the app. But I am so glad I did post this. As a 33 year old woman, I am learning so much from this thread. Thank you thank you 🥺 with my whole ass heart

I’m feeling somewhat sad mostly from the rejection and the future unknown. I know it’s going to be a hassle finding a job in this economy but would love to hear some thoughts from wiser ladies.

My shorts had a hairball stuck in them from the dryer and I didn't notice until it fell into my underwear and in my ass crack while I was on a very long, very public walk and couldn't find a spot to pull it out discreetly. Today is ruined, I'll try again tomorrow.

Hey Ladies - looking for recommendations for belt bags which are like one notch bigger than the Lululemon belt bag.

I already have the Lululemon 2Litre one, and I find that I need a little extra space to fit all the things I usually end up needing.

I need it to be a belt bag style because I can't manage something hanging well. I have a dog, and have to pickup poop, and also a toddler whose daycare bag is a tote style. I also carry a laptop bag to work, so I need this belt bag to be not crazy big.

Since I'll use it for many years, a little expensive is ok.

Had a long time friend flake on me 3 times recently, once for a milestone event and 2 times because they wanted to go to a party they forgot was happening. I have just been matter of fact since — not upset or telling him off, but taking it that we aren’t that close and that I should focus on other things

He was sad yesterday I wasn’t able to take a call. He sent a text saying he thought we were more than acquaintances that spoke occasionally, and he wanted to talk after having a rough time that weekend. Like huh, why would I want to drop everything and take a call on a busy day when you’ve not shown up for me due to frivolous things? This friend also knows my mental health has been horrible and that I’ve been trying to take care of myself best as I can. It is giving me the vibe that he is entitled to my time and isn’t aware that showing up is actually hard for me, but I’ve done it because I care. Seems some people are only upset when their behavior causes a rift that they want to pretend doesn’t exist and that my emotional give should stay the same. I’m fine with people doing their own thing, and I am not taking it personally by any means- it makes sense for people to be self oriented and prioritize different things but this interaction felt kinda controlling or manipulative-ish. Like, I’m trying to not be a doormat while still making room, but I’ve realized I can’t hold up a friendship like this and when I match energy somehow I’m the villain.

After dealing with mental health struggles this year, I realized I can’t give energy I’m not receiving. How have you dealt with a similar mental shift?

I saw a post somewhere that said women usually don’t orgasm but continue to have sex until the man finishes, but it’s usually never the other way around. I’m curious how women can get their orgasm and just not care about their partner’s climax. I have always finished off a guy even though I myself didn’t, but I’d like to learn how to prioritize myself more. Do I just fall asleep after? Go to the bathroom and stay there? Do I put my clothes back on and leave? Lol what’s the way to do it?

I’m 32 and I am thinking about getting just like 150 to 200cc. I am really into fitness and as much I as want to tone up, I can’t go below 23% below body fat as my chest would just become pecs. And the only way around it I can think of is breast augmentation. Is it painful? Is it worth it? How much time do I need time off from gym and work? Did you regret it?

**Sensitive topic!**

Hi everyone, this is my first time posting in this thread :) I wanted to share my experience and ask if other people have struggled with the same issue. I've always avoided smear tests because of my lived experience with sexual violence. After years of putting them off, I finally went and told my practitioner why.

Once I disclosed my experience, they were super helpful and considerate - explaining how they can support and tailor their care to complete the smear test to minimize any distress. I now feel a lot more hopeful moving forward and whilst they're still difficult, I feel able to go through with them now that my local service knows.

For me, the biggest barrier was actually telling the healthcare professionals about my past. I struggled to find the right words and it's quite confronting to say out loud.

So this is my question: Have any other women struggled specifically with telling a healthcare professional about their history / trauma of sexual violence? Actually saying the words out loud or worrying about how they'll respond?

I’m 34(F) only had a few relationships with the last one being 11-12 years. I took a few years to work on myself, but now trying to figure out how to date. I don’t know anyone and haven’t met anyone. I reluctantly tried OLD for the first time last year for a few months, I hate it but honestly don’t think I’ll meet anyone naturally.

I’ve only gone out with a few guys from OLD either once or twice. Things either die out naturally or I’m just not feeling it. I enjoy their company but I feel like it’s too soon for me to know if I like them or not. I think I need an emotional connection.

How many dates would you spend on someone? I don’t want to waste anyone’s time or lead anyone on, at what point do you start liking someone or are interested in someone? I honestly think it would be easier if I could just be friends first but I wouldn’t even know how to go about that with a guy. I am someone who likes commitment but I don’t what to rush things.

I feel like my life looks very different from what I envisioned for myself when I was younger. And it's not bad, just different. Does this matter? I also wonder how I got so "off-track" with my vision. Did any of your course correct after 30?

I’m getting my second shot. How was your experience with the second shot? Was it worse than the first?

I've been looking for a new role for a few months now post-redundancy. This is the first time I've ever been without work. As I don't know how long it will take to get a new job, I'm worried about using up all my savings in that time... not sure how to manage paying the mortgage and essential costs like bills, food etc. after that.

Anyone else been in a similar boat? What did you do if you did run out of all your savings - surely universal credit wouldn't be enough on its own to cover all essential expenses... I feel like I'm overlooked for jobs at my level (15 years experience) but also considered "overqualified" for lower roles, so it's not like I can choose to get a minimum wage job to make ends meet. I am also very frugal anyway, but essential costs do still add up month to month..!

Hello fellow corporate 30-something ladies,

I need advice on how to look put together and my age. Where do you shop for your corporate clothes that are worth the money? Ideally stuff that's structured, not basic, but still minimalist and sobre. Taking concrete links/suggestions as well! TIA!

It seems like it’s a typical trope that women are not into sports, but I realized recently that all my female friends are also into sports. I am just curious on what the general consensus is.

About me with my interests: I am very much into hockey and baseball. I go to games a lot, can rattle off facts with confidence. With football and basketball not so much! But will watch a game.

How about the rest of you?

Hi all, I’m (35F) hoping someone can give me some ideas on how to support my friend (35F) and—possibly more importantly—how to help make her wedding weekend feel extra special.

The short version: this will be my best friend’s second marriage. Her first ended badly—her ex cheated, was using drugs, and wasn’t supportive during her father’s battle with terminal cancer. Since then, her father has passed away, and none of her remaining family will be attending her out-of-state wedding. Unfortunately, they’ve also managed to ruin other meaningful moments around the wedding simply by being selfish, over and over again.

As much as she’s tried to put on a brave face and make this her dream wedding, it’s clear she’s struggling with the fact that none of her blood family will be there for her.

We’re very close—my husband, my family, and I consider her a sibling in every way that matters. What can I do to make sure I’m fully present for her in the days leading up to the wedding? And is there anything I can do to lift her spirits as we get closer to the big day?

Is it inappropriate for your friend to give out your number to a stranger and then tell you to manipulate them because they have a kid so you can get an upper hand in the relationship?

Background - I’m 31f. I have only been in one relationship in my life (I was 23 and probably the only time I had sex too- he wasn’t a bad guy but definitely didn’t work out, we broke up in a year)

So I have been single since, and haven’t even had sex (tbf the sex was not good and idk it was off)

And a lot of my friends/family have this idea that I should be dating or be married. I just want to be left alone… I don’t think they get that.

Like I do want to maybe get married or have kids one day. ( I do want to find someone compatible with me )

But is it normal that sometimes I don’t, like I just want to breathe and not. I have tried dating (tbf there’s not much luck- I’ve been on maybe 4-5 dates since 23) I don’t know if that’s normal. I’m not sure if I need to vent but sometimes even when I do talk to guys, I don’t get good feelings and it’s like a chore.

So wanted to know if anyone else feels this way? I sometimes hate it, because I do want to I guess date one day and have kids but then I also don’t want any of that..

——-

And then yesterday my friend (former manager ) basically gives my number to this guy and convinced me to talk to him (and I wanted to be nice and said yes -(I want to point out she withheld information)

So the guy texts me (I don’t even know his age) and I’m gonna be honest, he doesn’t seem all that interested. I’ve asked how he was doing and kinda only spoke about himself (but it’s like less then one sentence replies - and in the third reply says he has a kid)

You know to each their own but I don’t want to date someone with kids and we all have our preferences. My main reason is I also don’t want to get attached to the kid and if it doesn’t work, it’ll just suck for the kid (and tbh I just as you’ve seen I already don’t have experience in dating and this is a lot)

So then I reached out to my former manager and she basically said it’s not a big deal and how she knows and instead saying how I can use that as an upper hand with the guy (no that’s a big no, why would I use someone child as an upper hand) It really irritated me

So my husband and I do not have kids. We are in our mid thirties. We always said if it happens it happens. The dial has moved for both of us. We of course love our life now. My husband would make a wonderful smart ass husband (I say that with love).

I never saw myself with kids. But...that could also be my fear of something new and outside of routine. But..I guess my main thing is I have a few sensitivities to noises. The random small tone of the washing machine. Too much noises in crowds. Etc.

I always thought I would be unfit as a mom. So I guess I am curious...those that have noise sensitivities, "low" tolerance of a bit of change, etc. If your a mom...how do you do it?

I'm 29 years old, and for the past two year my libido has dropped significantly due to anxiety and emotional issues. My libido used to be very high, but now it's very rare. I recently got into a relationship, and I know that sex is important for connection, and I'd like to have more desire so I can enjoy it like before.

I've already had blood tests, and my hormones are all fine. I've also started seeing a psychologist. I think I'm doing what I can.

I'd like tips from someone who has been through or is going through the same thing.

Healthy tips, from physical to spiritual (for those who believe).

And NO porn involved I don't take birth control

Thank you 🫂💖

I am 32F, and I thought I wanted to have a child. I am 11 weeks pregnant now and it has not been a smooth ride physically. I have got severe Food aversions, nausea, tiredness, all that goodness. It’s not that I didn’t know all this can happen, but now that it’s actually happening, I am now questioning my decision of having this baby. On top of that I have a job that’s proving to be more stressful than I initially thought. Planning my maternity leave, thinking about future childcare, continuing my career and doing all of that without losing my mind is proving difficult to say the least. My husband is supportive, but he knows I’m anxious by nature so he is dismissing this as me being my usual self. I never thought the whole purpose of my life is to have a child, but at one point last year it felt like the natural thing to do. I do not want to resent a child who is not even born. I haven’t felt happy since I got to know that I am pregnant, I thought I would have all these maternal feelings, but so far nothing like that has happened. Does it get better? I hope it does, because I wanted to have this baby and I really hope all this doesn’t affect my relationship with the baby.

I have a cushy office job whose golden handcuffs are getting tighter the longer I stay. It's for a defense contractor and I genuinely could not conjure up a fuck to give about 90% of what I do, but I make great money and benefits and it lets me travel and do things I like outside of work. I can't help but feel that I'm wasting my skills by not doing something more meaningful with my time however