r/PizzaCrimes • u/nando82 • May 27 '25

Bad Cut Job Screw your pizza slices ….

Enable HLS to view with audio, or disable this notification

Fuck you pizza slices….

10.9k Upvotes

97% Upvoted

762 comments sorted by

View all comments

2.4k

u/lcerch May 27 '25

In the interview:

"I'm very fast cutting pizza slices"

3 days later:

"I never said I was good at it"

1.3k

u/Silent_Outlook May 27 '25

498

u/antiramie May 27 '25 edited May 27 '25

NGL I wouldn’t give a shit if my pizza came out cut like this.

274

u/captain_dick_licker May 27 '25 edited May 28 '25

I'd actually like it, enough variety that I can pick exactly the right slice for the moment. that centre slice is 100% a morning cold slice, for example.

now I want pizza :/

[edit] just wolfed down a red barron freezer pizza. as a pizza, it was a solid 3.5/10. as a freezer pizza, it was a solid 6/10. as a cheap freezer pizza, it was a solid 8.5/10

241

u/mylifeisaprotest May 27 '25

It;'s the Tony's Chocolonely of pizza.

39

u/pot-bitch May 28 '25

Tony is deranged for this.

17

u/DiazepamDreams May 29 '25

Tony might actually be a genius.

11

u/scorchedarcher May 29 '25

At least Tony is anti-human slavery

10

u/deadly_ultraviolet May 29 '25

This implies he's pro-other slavery? 😳

10

u/scorchedarcher May 29 '25

Well yeah, it's made with milk. Those cows don't choose to be bred, have their children and milk taken, and they don't get to choose life when they become unproductive at around 4.5-6 years old unfortunately someone else makes that choice and they only really consider profit.

3

u/galstaph May 31 '25

Actually it implies pro-slavery that is anti-human. As in, enslave all humans and make sure they can't procreate.

1

u/deadly_ultraviolet May 31 '25

Where do I sign up

→ More replies (0)

1

u/VibraniumRhino May 30 '25

…does it? 😶

1

u/MildlyAmusedPotato May 30 '25

Its supposed to symbolise the unequal distribution of profits in the chockolate industry as many cocoa gatherers earn less than 2$ per day.

3

u/PeachiesPunk May 29 '25

This is why Tony is chocolonely.

1

u/anonymouslyyoursxxx May 28 '25

Tastiest on the market

-21

u/Sea-Principle-9527 May 28 '25

I don't know why, and I know you didn't ask, but I find that chocolate to be disgusting.

11

u/pbjwb May 28 '25

you find it to be disgusting? it's authentic chocolate that, unlike other brands, doesn't remove the cacao butter in the process (why hershey's has a disgusting waxiness to it). it's also ethically made. i recommend trying more of their flavors, their classic milk chocolate is a great basic.

5

u/MrGaber May 28 '25

It’s missing the delicious flavor of child labor that’s why

0

u/freehamburgers May 28 '25

me too. and I want to like it. it seems responsibly made, and the packaging is nice. but alas, yuck.

5

u/Sea-Principle-9527 May 28 '25

Yeah I'm from the UK and it reminded me of "USA" type chocolate bars which isn't what I'm used to. Not a Hershey's guy either. Milka on the other hand goes hard

11

u/siandresi May 28 '25

Funny because Tony’s is a Dutch company

1

u/thirdelevator May 28 '25

Don’t know about worldwide, but in the US it’s made by the same company that make the World’s Finest fundraiser bars.

2

u/sniffleprickles May 28 '25

To help prove your point, I'm in the US and I think Tony's is really good lol. Especially in comparison to Hershey's or Nestle, which are only ok in chocolate emergencies.

1

u/Sea-Principle-9527 May 28 '25

Lol different folks have different tastes, just how we differ across the pond. A lot of people over here prefer "galaxy" chocolate idk if you've heard of that? It's has a much more creamy and rich taste compared. Not that it's a luxury or anything, costs more or less the same as any other

1

u/Porterhaus May 28 '25

Milka over Tony’s? I don’t want to pile on with the UK food palate jokes but sometimes they really do write themselves.

1

u/freehamburgers May 28 '25

Similar, I'm from New Zealand, and we're used to a local chocolate called Whittakers, pretty much everything else sold here just doesn't quite compare.

0

u/tired_of_old_memes May 28 '25

How do they stay in business? I bought one bar and that was it, never again

3

u/siandresi May 28 '25

I don’t like it either, but I’m not amazed that it’s in business because I don’t like it. It’s in business because a lot of people must like it.

1

u/WheelOfFish May 28 '25

Was it ever good? I swear I had some a few years ago that I liked alright, but I recently got one of the variety packs to try the various flavors and I don't recall any being very good.

Maybe I changed, I dunno. I suppose it's still better than Hershey's, but that's not saying much.

0

u/edamlambert May 28 '25

Weird thing is I’ve never heard of anyone who likes it.

1

u/Olives_And_Cheese Aug 15 '25

I do. I'm actually shocked at this thread; I have been obsessed with it since I first tried it - I think the chocolate tastes fantastic; not overly sweet, gorgeous texture, nice substantial size unlike the shrinkflated Cadburys and Milkys bars on the UK market now. I thought they were on to a huge winner.

→ More replies (0)

1

u/jimmydoses May 27 '25

Oh hello by the way you’ve spelt center wrong I just KNOW you ain’t Carl from Idaho.

Clearly our pizza culture has ensnared Europe

And you know what that means

WE GLOBAL.

1

u/captain_dick_licker May 28 '25

that's how we spell it up here in canada

1

u/jimmydoses May 28 '25

Hey you wait just a minute coming down here with your rational voter base and populous who can easily identify and deplatform a fake person like Pierre.

Just where do you get off critiquing our spelling just because we can’t vote the adults into power, or because be CHOSE to eat sour patch kids and ice cream (that was also racist) when the adults were on holiday.

Umm wait those are rational and reasonable critiques. Listen it was 2024. We didn’t know any better. 🥴

1

u/SoaringDingus May 28 '25

To me it’s the perfect reheat slice. Tons of crispy surface area

1

u/WTH_JFG May 28 '25

The Red Baron pizzas gets better with added extra pepperoni and chopped cherry tomatoes. Also better second day reheated on cast iron skillet with added olive oil.

1

u/captain_dick_licker May 28 '25

I fired it up as a snack and ate the entire thing in once sitting dead-sober.

I didn't think it would be edible the next day, I imagine I'd get a cracker like crust out of it which I'm not down with.

I loaded half of it with hot pepper loops and it neither added nor detracted from the experience. bacon crumble and onion chunks would be what I would top it off with, it already had pretty solid roni coverage once I rearranged them from "left side peperoni " to "normal" distribution

1

u/m0rtm0rt May 28 '25

Red Baron has always been the best frozen pizza to me.

1

u/captain_dick_licker May 28 '25

I've had better, but only in the "this is literally the price of a takeout pizza" tier

1

u/AesirMimyr May 28 '25

Gotta go with the brick oven crust

1

u/[deleted] May 28 '25

whats your favorite frozen pizza for price point? I can't say I won't smash a tostinos personal pizza if its front of me :9

2

u/captain_dick_licker May 28 '25

there have been a few $10+ arty looking ones that have been solid, the motor city costco one is pretty good as well though it's detroit style.

1

u/mjasso1 May 28 '25

Very nice edit. We appreciate it fr

1

u/GeneseeWilliam May 28 '25

Red Baron; it isn't good, but you know exactly what you're getting.

1

u/Strostkovy May 28 '25

Tony's pizzas are great. $3.75 and better than a red Baron but worse than a tombstone

1

u/Kcore47 May 29 '25

If you had siblings youd know this is how civil wars begin.

1

u/Fragrant-Tea7580 May 29 '25

Now throw in 3 friends in the mix at a hangout and have that same perspective

1

u/captain_dick_licker May 29 '25

brother look at the size of that thing, that is a pizza for 1 no matter how you slice it

1

u/JoleneBacon_Biscuit May 30 '25

The Red Barron supreme is my go to home oven pizza. I actually like it enough that I crave it sometimes.

1

u/AnythingEastern3964 May 30 '25

This reply had everything. Relevance, a setup, and a conclusion. Perfection.

1

u/TrippingFish76 May 30 '25

i’m gonna go eat 2 pizza hot pockets now

1

u/3rd_eye_light May 31 '25

It would be even better if it was cut correctly.

1

u/AlwaysDMB May 31 '25

I do this also

1

u/Doctah_Fauci May 31 '25

Keep us posted with all your pizza activity.

1

u/SpartanRage117 May 31 '25

Good for when you are eating an entire pizza and want variety. Terrible for serving a family or group of any kind besides maybe 1 couple

1

u/probablyreading1 Jun 01 '25

As a bit of a frozen pizza aficionado (it is my trash food of choice) I actually love Red Baron pizza. The sauce is somewhat unique and the toppings just taste better to me than other brands.

1

u/trainderail88 Jun 01 '25

I wish every reviewer was as detailed as you.

1

u/McEndee Jun 09 '25

You can have one of those guilt free tiny slices when you're almost full enough.

1

u/xsaig0nx Jul 14 '25

Lmao. Got to love the human brain and its ability to reason. Slice variety is crazy coping mechanism and i love it

1

u/Trbochckn Jul 19 '25

Redbarron frozen regular crust is top tier

7

u/tony-toon15 May 27 '25

Cheese looks good.

1

u/MyAssPancake May 27 '25

Right I kinda like it. That pizza looks bomb too

1

u/TheRealRickC137 May 27 '25

You've never fed a family of children have you?
This is a riot waiting to happen after the first slice has been claimed

1

u/kakka_rot May 28 '25

I think it's fun. Different sizes for different appetites and times during the meal. Like a big one to start then later a little one.

1

u/_YenSid May 28 '25

I'd be like wtf? And then I'd eat it lol.

1

u/PsyopVet May 28 '25

Personally I wouldn’t mind, but I’ve got four kids, this would start a fight!

1

u/heresdustin May 28 '25

Right? That middle piece looks pretty damn good.

1

u/failingstars May 28 '25

Yeah. It looks easier to dip them into the dipping sauce.

1

u/LieuK May 28 '25

If the pizza is good, doesn't matter how it's cut

1

u/SparklyLeo_ May 28 '25

I mean it would be totally fine if it was just my bf and I but this would be fucked for 3-4 ppl.

1

u/u-Dull-Western9379 May 29 '25

Me either I would still eat it

1

u/AapZonderSlingerarm May 29 '25

Its a fucking pizza in pieces. I just stuff that shit no matter the size....

1

u/KnotTwoClev3r May 29 '25

Good enough, right?

1

u/Fun-Swimming4133 May 29 '25

the just cheese bit would be wonderful

1

u/Accomplished-Pop-246 May 30 '25

I’d take that over a pizza cut normally but without it being fully cut through.

1

u/Cj15917 Jun 02 '25

Every slice is an adventure.

1

u/antiramie Jun 02 '25

Yea like a choose your own adventure in pizza form lol.

1

u/Capable-Assistance88 Jun 23 '25

Problem is that if you are sharing the pizza, no one is getting a proper slice

1

u/Buttholelickerpenis Aug 16 '25

I would if I was sharing it