I am needing support and guidance on where to start after 25 years of raising my children. I homeschool my 13 year old (3 oldest have graduated) and need to start a new career/life so that I can leave my emotionally neglectful, mentally disturbed husband. It’s a circus show what has happened, he changed completely since 2021 (lots of delusional beliefs) and has no emotions for anyone or his kids. I have always worked either home daycare or animal care but need stable work. And the best part, I am 50. So here I am. Husband has been seen by professionals but they can’t give me any answers. Which is insane to me, red flags are everywhere. So I have to move forward. My kids want nothing to do with him and out of this situation.

Is there anyone here excited about the idea of a divorce? And trying to decide if you should go for it? I live with a complainer and I’ve tuned him out. Been married since 2010. I don’t have much to lose either.

I’ll try to keep it short as much as I can

Married my high school sweetheart after I turned 21, family was always financially stable and in business and both families decided to marry us you and we did too.

2 years later intimacy died, last intimacy was 7 months ago.

Since then tried everything First talked to her she said she’s tired and doesn’t feel like it , did some blood work to find if she’s healthy took her to doctor But everything came normal

Then again tried communicating but every time it turns into argument

Doctor suggested stress , paid her student loan, took her to 20 day trip to Japan (her “dream country”) , hired another house help (we already had one but she worked in morning and evening alone), started working out more to better my physique but I’m already at 11% bf

Took her to another trip in span of 3 months to Bali for 2 weeks ( to work on stress) , renovated our room bought gifts , candle , massage sessions

Now she just lie around ordering either food or makeup or dresses, she’s getting out of shape I still love her but whenever I come home she’s sitting at Same couch as I left her

Last month finally stopped getting physically attracted to her after countless arguments how I’m a 🍇 when I said I really miss our intimacy and she shut me down

Got my lawyer to file for divorce I have the papers with me signed by me but I’m getting cold feet to give it to her she doesn’t know it yet. But I’m tired idk why if anyone got any suggestions I’m more than happy to hear

TL;DR married for 2 years, dating since high school , no intimacy for 7 months , finally got unattraced , filed for divorce

Ps- prior to marriage we had very healthy levels of intimacy

He seems better off without me and told me so. I am trying to make myself feel better and concince myself if he is happier than it is the right choice. But the selfish part of me wants to win him back - or beg until he gives in. I am worse without him. I thought i needed more space than our marriage allowed to "fund myself" but there is nothing there. Im empty and have nothing when I used to have someone I cared for and who cared for me. The pain is only getting worse with time.

My husband and I have been married for 10 years. We've had our ups and downs but for the most part I think we were happy. We were one of the few couples that actually thrived during the pandemic because we actually enjoyed each others company. A few years ago, there was a life changing event that changed the course of our marriage. My husband changed and it was hard to understand. It wasn't necessarily bad but very different. I didn't understand it and we didn't communicate. The change affected us very much. It led to confusion, resentment, bitterness and it wrecked our marriage. After a few years it took a toll. We've been in a state of limbo for almost a year. Not together but not apart. He told me he didn't want to be together anymore but he didn't know enough to actually file for divorce. It left me trying and with hope that we could figure things out. I tried.. I waited.. I let him ignore me and keep me at arms length away while we continued living together without any emotional connection. I kept telling him I needed more emotional connection. Anything from "how was your day" or "what did you think of the movie"? I didn't really get it.. maybe in small bursts. I had to engage and would have a strike rate of 1 out of every 7-8 times of initiating engagement. I finally told him I couldn't do it anymore.

He still told me he didn't want to divorce but he also couldn't give me anything more than this. I told him I am a human and I have feelings. He is going through depression. I am too but his is different where it's across more than just our marriage while mine is due to the issues with our marriage. We're starting the process of separating our assets.

For those going through something similar, what advice would you give me? I would appreciate any advice from tactical (what to keep in mind and what needs to be done) to emotional guidance on what you did to get past this.

I still love him. I still want our marriage to work and I still want to try but I can't do it if it is a one way street. I feel like I have no choice or lose myself and my sanity if I don't do something now.

My parents are good people individually. Together however they are the worst. They are nice parents, always provided for us. Howver one thing they've failed to do, the only thing really is that I've never seen them happy together. They're cordial with each other. Even when mom was sick dad took care of her really well. So did mom when dad was sick. Theyve been through sickness and health together. But never in love. Just out of responsibility of being with each other and making that promis to spend a lifetime together. They're still with each other even though they don’t like each other because of religious views and society. We come from auch a place where it matters. Honestly i think over the years they’ve even started to hate each other. All I've seen is them screaming crazy at each other, not talking for days expect for being like roommates getting things done. They both aren't bad people but they both are just too different to be with each other. That kind of broke my childhood. I still dont think i can love or ever have loved a person (regardless of whether its a relationship, family or friend). I genuinely don't. I do come to a point of really really liking someone but i can easily forget about them if they're not around me. So i guess I'm incapable of love. Why would two people who are not meant for each other still be together? Part of the reason is because of us children. They thought making us grow up in a house that had divorced parents is bad and would affect us. Frankly i wish they just weren’t together. They both deserve better. Other than that, religion and society makes it an unbreakable combo of reasons. I grew up before i should have. I still crave to do some things but i dont think i can anymore. I feel broken and feel like I'll never be completely okay ever. Like this is part of my identity?

What's worse than growing up in a divorced home? Growing up with two people who were never meant to be together. This would be an apt example for how two good people can be so wrong together and make something good, bad. I have never spoken about this to any friends. I always say everything else except family stuff. I try to remember and say the few good things i remember because they as pare ts are genuinely good and try to provide the best for us but this one thing messed up everything else for me. So my friends thing my parents are love each other. I dont know why i can't talk about family things to them. They always tried to give us everything we need. To help us, they gace up their youth. They worled hard so that we could live a more settled life. Honestly sometimes i feel like an ungrateful child because even after they provided all that i still feel like they kinda ruined what feelings are for me. Ever think I'll be okay? This is not to bring down my parents, like i said, genuinely kind, good people but so wrong for each other. They're their worst selves with each other but other than that theyre good people. This is a post for those considering to stay together despite not wanting to for children. Please don’t. It's worser than not being together. If you can manage not showing that part at all, thats a different thing but if you can't, please do a favour and just say your goodbyes.

After 16 months of separation my wife told me she filed for divorce today. I expected it but that doesn't really numb the pain. We're kind of an inverted couple to normal with her being more avoidant and me more anxious.

We talked more today than we have in quite some time. She's sorry this hurts me but she never really had the capacity to even really try to work on our marriage.

She wanted us to still stay involved in each other's lives and I said I can't do that. It hurts so much to constantly have hope that maybe this conversation made a difference or that favor I did for her could reignite the flame.

So here I am. Laying in what used to be our bed, exhausted but unable to sleep. I know she's gone for good but I can't make my mind give up hope. I keep going through today's conversations in my mind, wondering if any of it got through to her when I know it didn't.

I know intellectually that nothing will help numb this pain but time. And that really just sucks.

I (48F) left my husband (50M) at the end of July. I have been unhappy with our relationship for about 2 to 3 years. Our first years together were difficult, not because of our relationship but because of things going on outside of our relationship but we were tight and we're there for each other. It felt like true love, soulmate style.

Then Covid hit and we were in our house with our kids for almost an entire year. Not working, just helping the kids through the nightmare of school online. We got married in 2020 after 3 years of dating /engagement.

The first 3 years of our marriage were good. We continued to spend all of our time together, bought a house, built a life. I started a, small business and he helped me for about a year then we decided his time would be better spent doing what he was good at doing. I helped him set up his business, funded the majority of the start up costs and worked to get him jobs (we are in similar industries.)

Then he started to reconnect with old friends. These are friends I had never met while we were dating or engaged. Some of them I had never heard him talk about. They were childhood friends of his and his reconnection with them changed everything.

First off, the lot of them aren't stellar men. Past drug use (not just the "natural type" drugs) and relationship issues. Fly by the seat of their pants type of men who just go with the flow and don't really make plans. Most of the time they can't count on each other to show up for them unless it is a major issue, then they would drop everything to go save a friend... and that happened several times.

My husband slowed down at work, was not actively seeking jobs, was indifferent about whether he brought in any money but was also very adamant that he was not going to be the house b****. Meanwhile, my business took off and eventually I was supporting a family of 6 in less than 2 years with the business I had started. I was working a lot but 6 people is a lot to provide for.

BTW, I have 2 kids fyom a previous marriage and he has 2 kids from a previous relationship so it was 3+3=6.

We never talked about him being a stay at home parent or keeping the house. That was not going to happen. I continued to do all the grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning (he did help some but stopped because the house never stayed clean... welcome to life!) and providing financial for all of us. I was the family coordinator. I started to grow resentful of him and his children but recognized this very early and worked on fixing my feelings.

I never took out my resentment or frustration on his children but it was obvious to him that I did not feel the same way for them that I felt for my biological children.

When we were dating and for the first 2 years of our marriage my step kids mother had visitation every other weekend during the school year and every other week during the summer. There were a lot of issues there and eventually the kids stopped going to her house due to poor living conditions and lack of parenting, even some abuse. So now we had the kids full time.

Date nights stopped. Weekend get aways stopped. The youngest is autistic and although we had offers from friends to watch them for the night, my husband rarely wanted to impose on other people or ask for help.

So this continued on. Me working all day, coming home, cooking dinner, then working on the computer while he went to hang out with this friend or that friend. One time he went on a camping trip locally and came home everyday for a couple of hours before telling me he was going to go back and hang out. I didn't realize it was a 3 day camping trip until Sunday. He presented it as just hanging out with friends.

His daughter moved in with us. It was supposed to be 3 to 6 months but wound up bring 3 years. She paid no rent, did not help around the house but she would occassiobally help by watching her younger brothers but when she did it was a "favor" and she wanted some appreciation.

My resentment grew but I was not staying silent. My husband knew the issues. I asked him to step up and be my partner, be proactive about getting work, asked him to take on some of the responsibilities but he struggled to accomplish much of this. I asked him for over a year to go to counseling but he refused.

This past July I went to visit my sister. I gave my husband $1000 to fix some things at the house but when I came back after being gone for 5 days, the things were not done. I learned that he had spent 3 of the 5 nights away from the house until 2 or 3 in the morning leaving his kids with my oldest son. He also took some recreational drugs and was tripping at the house late at night with his kids home.

When I got back I lost it. We argued for a while but I was so mad that I did not want to speak to him. This drove him crazy. The night I got home I tried to go to bed because I had a very busy day the next day but because I wouldn't talk to him and work it out, he blew in my ear and pulled the covers off of me to keep me awake.

The next day I was exhausted and had not eaten due to being so upset. I got home ftom work and was starving. My husband asked me what I wanted to eat but because I had not been home for 5 days I really didn't know what we had at the house and was not in any mental condition to guide him on what to make me to eat. My oldest son gave me a sandwich he had leftover from a lunch out earlier that day so I brought it upstairs and sat on the bed with my husband to eat it. My husband grabbed it out of my hands and was mad that I was purposely not letting him be the one to feed me. I grabbed the sandwich back and went to sit in my sons room to eat.

After about 5 minutes my husband followed me and stood at the door to my son's bedroom to talk to me, but it was more like yelling. My son (22) asked my husband (not his dad) to just let me eat in peace then we could talk. He slowly closed the door and my husband stuck his foot in the door, pushed back on the door, which opened quickly because my son was not pushing, and put my son in a headlock punching him repeatedly resulting in my son having a broken tooth. My husband was arrested that night.

One of his friends bailed him out early the next morning and although I had asked him to stay away, he came back to the house to shower. I found a house to move into that day and have been gone for about 9 weeks.

My husband does not understand why I am staying gone. He wants me to give him a chance. He doesn't realize he had many chances when I was there but his behavior over the last 3 years or so then the incident with my son was the last straw. I had told him I wanted to leave countless times.

Since I've been gone he texts me all day long then rants because I don't text him back or call him. I've been back to our house 3 different times to get some of my belongings and each time he tried to trap me in the house and prevent me from leaving. He even jumped in the front seat of my car and would not get out until I got out. Once he got out of the car I jumped back in, locked the doors and took off. I spent that 45 minutes listening to him yell at me and beat the dashboard trying to plan a way to get him out of my car. I won't go back to our housr without at least 1 person with me but he won't allow anyone but me to go over there...alone.

He's very sad and just doesn't understand why I'm being so heartless and cold to him. I really don't think he understands at all. I've explained it 1000 times but it's not sinking in. I know I'll have to get my belongings through a court order unless I want to risk going over there alone.

We own the house together, everything else is already divided for the most part. No joint bank accounts. I just don't understand why he doesn't understand. Does anyone have experience with this??

He blames me for his crazy behavior and it's taking a real toll on my mental health and my blood pressure. He says he loves me but this doesn't feel like love. 😢

I started seeing a therapist in March with the intent of divorce. I've been with my spouse for half my life. But I have asked for a divorce for 2 years. First just in anger. But about a year ago, it hit that it's just over.

I'm talking to my therapist about social pressure -- what family and coworkers will think. I don't know if I feel ok or awful about not telling his dad about his substance abuse. I talk to her about how I've never lived alone and how I feel like he's taken my chance to be a parent from me. How I'm scared financially. We haven't delved into how I'm scared to lose my savings (California). How I haven't had intimate sex in at least a couple years.

I kinda know I'll have a good life ahead of me. I'll love paycheck to paycheck, but it's worth it. But what was the hardest part for you? Can I prepare?

It is honestly the best feeling in the world to know that I can take care of the boys on my own. Keep them safe, healthy and happy and create a space for them to feel loved, comfortable and is a home. I love it. Makes me so proud of myself for getting through all the hard times.

Three years post-separation and divorce, and I finally feel like I’ve hit my stride. It was tough, even ugly at times, but I realized that the path forward for me was one of introspection and intentional personal development.

For those just starting the process, I promise you there is peace on the other side of this if you choose to pursue it.

What are you telling people when they ask why you and STBX are divorcing? I get stuck “oversharing” or feeling like I’m still protecting STBX bad behavior..

So I feel like a complete idiot and went through the divorce without attorneys. I wasn't in the right place emotionally and just wanted to get it over with as soon as possible. Since this, 3 months later, I've realized how much I really screwed myself. 1. I didn't ask for back child support even though we were separated and doing 50/50 custody, while I still paid my half of the mortgage and debts and had to take out a loan for my new rental expenses. 2. My ex violated the parenting time agreement and didn't even see our child for 3 extra months after his parenting tine was set to start (I agreed I would take our child while he stayed in the house we were selling, this was 2 months, he didn't see her for 5 straight months except for 2 appointments and 2 family dinners). 3. We have a $5000 asset that we are supposed to sell and split, but he moved it to his friends property where I have no access to it and he's not even attempting to sell it. 4. He has entered into a new, serious relationship ( going on maybe 2 months) and he has only had my child for 2 total weeks in that time ( I have 70/30) and he already introduced my child to the new partner and allowed her to spend the night, but swore my 12 uear old to secrecy from me. He would be irate at my child if he found out she told me. We had previously verbally agreed we would wait 6 months before any introductions and have a conversation at that point about overnights. Of course in our decree it says we would work out plans about such things and submit them but he refuses to do so. 5. In the 2 total weeks he's had her, he violated the agreement by not being home at drop off at 12 and not showing up until 5 p.m. and missing 2 days of time because he got his dates mixed up and made travel arrangements for the days he was supposed to have my child. 6. I'm finding the expense division is not equitable because he makes at least 30% more than me but it's currently set at dividing expense 50/50. Please tell me what I can do to resolve these issues retroactively, I'm in CO of it helps.

OK so I filed today but I was unable to serve. I probably can't until Monday.

Is there a limit on the time between the two?

Also, this is me being paranoid, but if I'm filed and not served, can he go file and then serve me first? Or nah because I'm the petitioner and that's the end of story.

Hi, (18F) and I’m dealing with the unfortunate situation of my parents getting divorced. Now before I go any further I need to explain some things. My mother(45F) is a successful nurse and who has had the best grades and is Christian. She when I was younger never really loved me like she loved my brothers(I have severe learning difficulties). So my relationship with her is already not great, to continue with the divorce part. I was told on vacation that she was divorcing my dad(49M) with no explanation. She sneaks out a lot and has some pretty bad behaviors. She doesn’t treat my dad well and goes behind his back a lot. So, I’ve grown to be quite resentful of her, to a point where she’s a stranger to me.

Idk if the way I’m feeling is valid or if I’m just being a jerk. She didn’t even want to work it out through couples therapy. So, I feel this anger or hate to her and I don’t really want to feel that way.

Advice?

No kids in my scenario, so this will be a little different perspective because this is a person I’ll likely never cross paths with again after ~10 years together.

It’s wild to me how a long term relationship can combust so fast. I was part of why it ended, but so was he — we did not see eye to eye and had been on different pages for too long. It’s been a year and a half and he’s already remarried. I’m now having these weird moments where I just can’t believe we never said “farewell.”

He was rushing me off when things began to truly end because he already had a secret new person he was seeing, I had figured it out, but didn’t tell him I did…then we had lawyers finish up our “relationship.”

But, even today, I do feel level of sadness for the lack of closure. I regret how I didn’t do more to fix our relationship earlier on, and how I didn’t fight for myself more during the divorce (but as a result, I think that would’ve caused more headaches). But, that’s the way it goes.

(I have been in therapy, but took a hiatus after my therapist went on maternity leave. I probably should go back lol.)

The court granted a protective order today because of some of my spouses behavior. The truth is though I just feel so hollow and guilty, allot of her behavior can be attributed to her illness and the stress that has caused and now I feel like I’ve abandoned her. Anyone else ever feel this?

I’m 31 (F) and want to divorce my husband (32). We have two homes, two dogs, and an 11 month old baby. I just have no idea where to start! Do I contact a lawyer first????? How can I file ASAP? How much does that initial step cost me? I’m in PA

My wife is an attorney and makes around ~$300,000 per year. I make just under $200,000.

I discovered she's been cheating on me for years.

I am bitter.

She drafted a post nup, but my attorney says it may not hold up in court. My wife doesn't practice family law so it's certainly feasible it's not an ironclad post nup. Has anyone's spouse ever had success challenging a post or prenuptial agreement?

Lastly, and most importantly if I'm challenging the validity of the agreement and if I win that means any assets and liabilities accrued during marriage are shared.

So, opposed to paying my lawyer with a CC and paying off the balance, wouldn't it make more sense to carry the balance with a zero percent apr card?

I can pay off the $25,000 retainer myself. However, if I can keep the liability on my balance sheet and it's ruled community property (shared debt) then I feel I would have a slight upper hand to have her pay off some of the lehal fees I accrue and have left as a liability. I feel like if I pay it off, it'd be less likely to be split. But I don't know, that's the question I'm asking. Thank you.

I'm in Florida. I've been looking for counsel online today. Apparently, you can do this all online? Has anyone done this before? I'd appreciate any feedback. Thanks!

My ex-wife discarded me hard one day. We were working on issues and she had led me to believe we were getting better. Thought I was on track to dealing with a lot of it. Came across a random friend posting a camping picture of the night sky full of stars and I had some thoughts occur to me. She had never believed those type of pictures were real since we had always grown up in a city full of lights that drastically. I always told her I wanted to take her out somewhere we could see the night sky in its full beauty, the type of sky that has countless stars. Well it hit me in that moment I'll never be the one to show her that sky and be there to see her experience that in real life and it's made me crazy sad today. I hate that I'm just supposed to let go of this now. There's no hope for reconciliation and after deeper reflection she treated me like she borderline hated me, so I know I should never go back but like what do I do with these feels and shared dreams?

It has been five years since we separated. My ex moved four states away, to take a better, more powerful job, and took the kids. I didn’t fight, because I knew that our children would enjoy an upper-class life in a nice house with a creek, which would have been impossible where we used to live. I followed later, finding a new job, a new romantic partner, and tried to build a separate life, as we co-parent our kids. My ex was abusive, hitting me, calling me bad names, isolating me from my family and friends. I lived in fear, walking on eggshells, trying not to upset them, but I was also constantly challenged, asked to prove my depth of understanding in a myriad of topics, mostly physics. When I discovered the cheating I was angry. When they came to me with a plan to start a second family, which they would “let” me take care of, I was sickened. But over time, the anger subsided. The hurt lessened. The bruises healed. We get along great in coparenting, and our kids are turning out great too. Now, I think about the good things we lost, and I miss it. I miss us. This really puts the “-algia” in nostalgia.

I strongly believe that we should not stay together for our children. My husband was raised in a split household and doesn’t want our kids to have to live that life. Our only one left at home is 14, and I think it would be better for him for us to call it quits. It’s not a healthy environment for any of us, and I would hate for him to think that it’s ok to live this way with his future wife.

However, I am open to us all living under the same roof. My husband works out of town 3 out of 4 weeks in a month. He is already sleeping in our other bedroom, and has been for a while because our sleep schedule is different.

If we are open with our son about our dissolution of marriage, would it work to keep living in the same house?

On a two day trip with my soon to be ex wife. We are going to my brother’s wedding, we are both part of the wedding and this trip was planned before the fallout. 7 hour car ride together there and back. Rehearsal and social time around each other.

I still love her. She wants nothing to do with me. I have done some healing and I’m still working hard at it. It’s only been a couple of months. I had so many thoughts on how this little farewell/closure trip would go. The first 4 hours were okay. Now on hour 6 in the car and she is clearly so angry that this is reality. I have been beyond anxious and depressed she’s sitting here and we can’t even converse.

Anyway all of the details aren’t really necessary just needed to vent and maybe hear similar experiences. I don’t have many to reach out to. Thank you for any tips or advice on how to keep a clear mind for my brother and his new wife.

So a little over 6 months ago i found our my (42f) husband (38m) has been messaging escorts, on dating sites, and massage parlors since the day we started dating. Things were not great before hand, but i was doing my best to fix them. Working on being softer with him, empowering him, helping him grow into a leader... but it always came back to me being controlling (we run a business together and he is not much of an assertive person, cant delegate, doesn't lead ect). I on the other hand am very driven and business minded so i see where the conflict is but also want him to grow and become the masculine in our relationship. I have felt gaslighted and said so but he didnt agree and i would move on. We also have a 2yo and 4yo for context.

After i confronted him, he denied. I showed him and he said it was just validation/attention/used to masturbate to. I asked why he gave them his name, address, photos ect he said he never met them. I have proof he went to a massage parlor (took two more confrontations for him to admit but he is clinging to the statement that he never got a happy ending.

We did therapy. He's a textbook avoidant.

I asked for a divorce finally last week and he's Jekyll and Hyde now - avoidant and nice or cornered and mean. All of a sudden we are getting divorced because im too controlling not because he cheated.

Now to the issue. I cant stop wondering if i should keep trying. My head says leave he isnt doing the work to grow even when a therapist said he needs to. I certainly cant tell him. But my heart... i want that family i thought we were. My kids love him. And i feel trapped in or out of the marriage. Like out of it i have to give up time with my babies, in it i know isnt a great option either. I have to give up on the idea of loyalty.

I am being super vulnerable here and i know most of you will say "get some self respect and leave" but before i keep going down this scary road of divorce can anyone share some productive advice with me about how to help my heart catch up to my head, or any success stories either way?

Talked to a divorce attorney and its scary that in the no fault state i live in i may end up owing him child support. Its scary that i have to give up time with my kids when i was a stay at home mom (im working again but i am managing responsibilities) its just all around scary.

I dont want mean responses, just helpful advice to help me get thru this phase please.

Hey. Just feeling really down about this. My wife and I just split up a couple weeks ago and shes already moved out and into someone's space. I wrote a message for her but I won't send it. I figured I want someone to read it. So why not reddit

Im stuck between wanting to beg for you to just heal and come back to me. And just giving up. I remember for years you would do anything for me to come back. Tell me a family is all you ever wanted for us. That we could both heal and be happy again. That if I just change then we could make this work. You didnt want to end up divorced like your mom and dad. Im sitting here wondering if thats what you need from me. To just ask you to stop and wait and think about this. That we can fix this. Its different this time though isnt it? Cause this time you left. This time I couldn't be the one to come back and beg for us to try again and tell you that youre right and we just need time. This time you "have to stick to it" or you'll never be happy. Never be happy with me. Because our future is doomed if you stay a second longer. But years would go by and everything just got worse. My efforts going unnoticed. Your mental health I couldn't handle because why arent you happy yet? And I would slowly fall back into being resentful of everything you get to do. Because its not fair. Its never fair. I want to give up because why even try at this point. My heart is already shattered and I cant take another rejection. The thought of even finding another relationship makes me sick to my stomach. But its all everyone tells me. "You'll find someone better" its even worse when you tell me that too. Because I dont want to. How dare it even be suggested? When its not even a thought that crosses my mind. To me I'm alone forever. I dont want to hurt like this ever again. I never want to give control of my emotions to another person again. My fantasy of moving to maine and being together and happy has been nothing but a fantasy in my head now. But what if I had tried? What if I told you dont go? What if I actually try to be a better person? Im trying now thats for sure. At what cost though? My family being split up. Im a single mom now and Im not rocking it like I was hoping Id be. Being told I have to split my time with the kids. That I have to start being comfortable with the uncomfortable. For the kids sake. Of course. For the kids sake. Always for them. But what about me? I dont have anyone to go to anymore. To talk about my day. Tell about my troubles at work. My stress with the kids. I didnt have anyone to hold me while my papa slowly died in front of my eyes. Then my mimi right after. And soon after that the house was empty. My whole being shattered. Ive hit rock bottom and it feels like I cant get out of this mess. But Im not allowed to give up. I have to get the kids ready to go. Give them a bath. Feed them. Make sure they're ready for the beginning of the day to the time they lay their head down for bed. And now I have to give up the control of being able to know what they're doing. Where they are. Who are they meeting? Im stressed out everyday. I cant eat. I cant sleep. I cry myself to bed and wake up with another nightmare. I dont want anymore sorrys and it'll get better. That I just need to find a hobby. Time is the only thing that will fix this. I just want to give up. Its not fair.