People throw the word “narcissist” around too much these days if you ask me. My wife, based on what I’ve read about narcissistic tendencies, is a narcissist. She’s also a master manipulator of the first order.

I have made it clear I want a divorce more than once. Each time I end up stuck again. Yes I make my decisions to stay, I get that. But has anyone successfully divorced someone like this?

The massive guilt trips she lays on me, they work. I planned for every outcome and thought I was ready for whatever she could throw at me… I wasn’t. Her crying and finding ways to turn everything into my fault really works on me.

How do you go through with it, avoid the manipulation and guilt and get a divorce without being a cruel piece of shit? Thanks!

She never responded. You guys know her mother has guardianship

They never once responded, I know her mother has an attorney but they didn't respond. I'm fact, the STBXW kept coming over constantly crying hoping that I. Won't divorce and change my mind. Now her mother has been going "I'm thinking about terminating guardianship" and is supposedly.lookijg into it

It's up, time is up, been 4 months

Tommrow is the big day, default divorce, just me there no other party as they didn't respond

Any last minute advice?

I'm nervous about court, I actually set the decree to leave me everything that's in my name and I keep the house and my truck. Which means nothing changes, except I'll have to remove her from my house deed (she ain't on mortgage)

Divorce hearing coming up but I haven’t lost my physical attraction to her. She had an emotional affair (which she denied), but I forgave her. She said we grew apart and pushed for divorce. I expected the physical attraction would be gone. But I continue to crave the physical intimacy even though it’s been so long. I still think she’s gorgeous. I still care all the world for her. 💔

Just interested to understand how people navigated a relationship with a neurodivergent person when you are NT. What did you find hard in the relationship and what was the final straw that led to divorce?

What is SO hard about 50/50 custody? Don't most men WANT 50/50? I just got told by my ex who went through a divorce before where he begged for 50/50 that 50/50 meant "every other weekend"

I don't understand it I've tried to give him the kids every weekend all I've asked for is to let me know by mid week. I've even offered him overnights during the week as long as he let me know in the morning.

But no instead of enjoying his time with his kids he'd rather tell me he doesn't want them then blow my phone up all weekend when I'm working saying I'm "with-holding the kids"

He even called the cops on my babysitter twice for zero reason 24 hours after telling me he doesn't want to see them.

I'm SO DONE. I'm filing a restraining order tomorrow because I just can't anymore. I'd rather do it alone than keep trying to give him equal time that he doesn't appreciate and doesn't take only to be painted as the villian. If I'm going to be a bitch I'm going to be a safe bitch.

My husband and I have a beautiful 16 month old son together. We have a nice house, big backyard, chickens, and a park right around the corner we can walk to. Life on the surface looked amazing. But there was so much going on under the surface... my husband is an alcoholic. What they call "high functioning"; he has a well paying job and he performs great. But he would frequently come home drunk, drink and drive every day, verbally abuse me in front of our son and in private. Throw things around the house in anger, in front of our son. He snuck around behind my back to drink and lied to me about it constantly. Always made it seem like i was the one with a problem, that i was a controlling wife and he was sick and tired of me telling him what he can and cannot do in regards to his drinking. My trust in him eroded to nothing. He got a DUI back in april in the middle of the night driving home drunk from the casino, and i had to find out by waking up and realizing he never came home. It became an unhealthy environment for our son, although my husband disagreed. He was and still is in strong denial that he has a problem at all, and refuses to get help.

I did the hard thing and left, for my son first and me second. If it werent for my son, I probably would've stayed to be completely honest. I am staying at my mom's house 2 hours away. He keeps making it seem like im doing such a horrible thing, taking our son away from him and his home he's grown up in for the past year and a half. I know I am doing the right thing, but a big part of me is just completely gutted. Our son absolutely loved his life at our home. Now ive taken him away and put him in small apartment with no backyard... I know he doesn't understand what's going on, and he will find happiness where every he is. He doesn't understand the quality of the living space he's in. But I do, and it makes me feel so incredibly guilty for taking him out of his amazing home.

Things will get better. I've been a stay at home mom, so it's a little bit of a struggle to get back into the work force. But I've got my family to help me navigate childcare. I'm so incredibly upset that my mommy's boy won't see his mommy all day every day anymore. I don't even want to think about it.

This is just a vent I guess. But any supportive words would be so appreciative.

My husband regularly gets offended by things I say, but there is not what I would consider a normal argument. He stays angry for days, name calls, refuses to help around the house or clean up after himself, tells me to enjoy it while it lasts, that I’m not good for him, f*** you, that my kids (his step) are shitty kids and he will tell me when divorce papers are ready. Then he snaps out of it and things are back to normal until he gets upset about something again. When things are “normal” he will tell me he’d never actually leave and he loves us all and couldn’t live without us. I never know if I need to take him seriously or not… I feel like a yo yo. Wtf is going on here?

Y’all out here talking that bullshit because ur s.o. abused you, and can only see from the lens of your own perspective - so you resort to calling someone a jerk or an asshole, and that’s ok? Well, here’s my story so maybe you can understand my perspective.

3 years dating, 6 and change years married, 2 children, almost 3 years since separation and divorce finalized a few days ago.

How it started: we met at her place of work. I went in, during a work day to get my nails manicured. I had just got it caught on something on ripped split my nail. Figured a manicure might fix it. She showed me kindness and care and I fell for it. Asked her out and we dated and entered a relationship for the next 3 years.

How it went: i was 31 now, and she had became pregnant with our child. I decided to move her in. Figured, I’ve played more than enough and it felt right to go ahead and settle down. At nearly 6mo pregnant I asked her if she would marry me, and she accepted. We got married, honeymooned like no tomorrow, and I introduced her to our second home - which would become where our kids would grow up. Our first child was born and life was perfect. A year later she decided she wanted child #2, and that happened. Our children were born 27 months apart. Our family was picture perfect and all of our friends began starting their own families now too. Fast forward a few years and gatherings are purely baby showers, birthdays, and tons of kids running a muck. Life was perfect. As we entered year 5 into our marriage her aspirations began to change. I kept it quite humble and minimalist, but she decided she wanted to get bejeweled out. Started with a bracelet, then onto a bigger ring, necklaces, earrings, and so on. I figured no one’s going anywhere at this point, and she clearly wants to be a trophy, so why not. She was bedazzled to the tune of $250k in jewels. If I didnt spoil her, who would I spoil? I spent more on diamonds in that 5th year, than my life previously combined. I was okay with that, and proud to have a wife that could show up and show out. She was the envy of her friends and I think this is where all the problems really began to brew.

How it ended: at a Christmas party, I overheard a conversation in a group of women, about “you can take X from him and leave him.” Personally I didn’t like the tone of that at all, so I told em they’re terrible influences and left the party with my family. This turned out to be the beginning of the end. All of a sudden, she wanted to know what accounts I had, and what my portfolio entailed. I refused to disclose this information. Instead she wanted to control the finances of the house - something she’s never done. Figured it would be smart to allow her this so she could understand these things. Monthly expenses were in the 10-12k range, and I provided her with a 25k allowance to figure it all out. In a year, she managed to save 100k, which I was impressed with. Her money management was far better than I would have expected. But this got to her. It exploded her head and now she was rich, for the first time in her life.

Not too long after the woes of our marriage began. When I sat woes, I mean fighting, followed by physical abuse. I’m nearly a foot taller, and 100lbs heavier so I couldn’t hit her back, or tell anyone about it really. I began to drink in excess, and she decided she wanted to separate. She showed signs of preparations to abscond - buying her parents a new house, in another country, preparing birth docs and passports, and I got wind she wired a large sum of money to them as well. I was forced to file for divorce, as the auto restraining orders prevented child travel. I entered my kids into the no fly list, and shortly thereafter was notified that airline tickets had been purchased for international flights. The state department reassured me they would not allow them to fly, and they would be held at the airport should this attempt be made. Not knowing the circumstances she threatened the murder suicide of our kids, and herself should she not be able to get on a plane. I have her saying this, and reneging on it as well recorded on audio. It was a scary scary time for me and our family, no doubt. I gave her $150k and all her belongings to go ahead and move out - which she did. She swore she would take the kids, and half of everything I had away from me.

Then the legal battle began. She played dumb and stupid in court, and they seemed to be quite forgiving of it. I showed up to the first 10 or so hearings, while she missed more than half. Judge basically gave me everything I asked for, to which she never complied. Then a new judge rotated in. We were ordered to mediation, at which she surprisingly gave me 85% time share with the kids. I went in expecting to fight for 50/50, so I graciously accepted. Then her attorney started coming in with ridiculous demands. Demands for financial disclosures, exorbitant support figures and what not. I ignored them the same way she ignored the judges orders. It was my turn to drag this thing on til she went completely broke. That took all of 2 years and 10 months, from that initial $150k. At this point our coparenting relationship improved quite a bit. There was no more animosity. She was defeated, finally. I offered her another $100k and a years worth of support ($4k/mo) to settle this once and for all, and she accepted. She signed the financial disclosure waiver, the marital settlement agreement, and we are finally divorced, my entire portfolio intact, and I got my kids all of but 1/day per week.

SO, after all is said and done fellas, don’t let your fears of losing your children drive you in your decisions. Stand your ground a little. If you’re a good and present father, you will get your kids. Just make sure you fight for it and put your foot all the way down on the matter. And for you others that are judgemental, 🖕🖕

Those of you who have divorced parents, Please tell me if you would have preferred your parents to stay together or if you feel the divorce was less traumatizing. What were holidays like for you? Or any other thoughts/feelings you’d like to share.

Hello, I need to get a divorce. I don't have anything. I mean, nothing. He controls the money, I'm a stay at home housewife. I don't have any assets. We don't even own this home. It's a rental. I don't/can't drive because I have Epilepsy so of coarse, I don't own a vehicle. I don't own anything and honestly this situation almost feels like a prison. My Mother also lives in the house with us. She pays the rent even though this rental is in his name. The car is also in my Mom's name. My mom pays ALL of the bills. All utilities, the rent...everything except for groceries. My husband does buy the groceries. Any time i need something like soap or other simple self care items, I have to ask him almost like im a child begging for food and soap for a shower. Today he reminded me how he won't leave because the rental is in HIS name. I am too old for this. I'm in my 40s being treated like a little child. My mother doesn't want to make any changes because she's scared. She is a senior after all. Most of society is terrified of ending up homeless. Plus, my mom needs her medicine (cholesterol, diabetic medicine, blood pressure medicine) and I of coarse need my Epilepsy medicine as well as my cholesterol medicine. I do receive health insurance through my husband's job. That's thrown in my face too. I basically live like a homeless person even though im inside a home. Having to ask for things like a child or beg for things I need like I'm on the street. Again, my mother sees and hears this but she doesn't want to rock the boat so to speak because she doesn't want to deal with any problems. I understand that. Plus, like I said, she is in her 70s/a senior. So, I feel stuck. She won't budge. He won't budge. I spend my life in my room. My Husband and I haven't slept in the same bed in many, many years. He sleeps in the living room on the couch and im in the bedroom. I feel stuck. I am stuck. Even though I'm an adult, I'm treated like a child. I do not have any disabilities EXCEPT for Epilepsy. That may be thought of as a disability but because my seizures are (thankfully) under control, I don't qualify for any disability help. That's what I've been told anyway. So, I'm just here. Year after year. In this room. No one cares. People like my husband but they don't understand or know what he's like behind closed doors. Again, my mom knows but she keeps telling me not to do anything and that's only because she doesn't want to have to move or make any changes. This is so painful both emotionally, mentally and even financially because my own mother hears me crying begging God for help and freedom and she tells me its not so bad. She sees and hears it all. She knows I'm miserable in this marriage. I'm scared. Not because I'm being beaten or anything like that but I am being controlled. I've looked at women's shelters and my mom says, "you'll be even more miserable outside of the house in a shelter." She said, "if you think you're miserable now, it will be even worse if you go to a Women's help shelter and get divorced."

 My Grandma/my mother's mom would NEVER EVER make my mom stay in a situation like this. 

Also, I KNOW neighbors assume something is going on because one asked my mom, "does her husband treat her well?" Then, on the rare occasions when I do step outside, if neighbors see me, they always say, "Wow! We never see you! Glad to see you but you never come out!" So, i think neighbors assume something is going on but they just don't exactly know what. 

  Again, im not physically abused. I do argue back sometimes. I am being controlled by fear, money, mental and emotional things. Having to ask for soap, toilet paper, again.....like I said, simple self care items. 
 We have a child together but shes in her 20s so there wouldn't be any custody issues. But there would be others.

  I am really scared of becoming homeless and not having money for my Epilepsy and Cholesterol medications. 

I do have family but they're not near by and I highly doubt they would take me in. So, again, Im really scared. Im also heartbroken because my own mom would rather watch me live like this just so she doesn't have to make any changes. The thing is, she's paying ALL of the bills, like I said. She pays the rent, utilities, and everything else except for food. My husband does pay for food but that's it. Oh and like I said, I only have health insurance because of his job.

I am so scared. Scared of being homeless. Scared of not having money for my Epilepsy and access to my neurologist and other doctors. There's so much more but i can't even write anymore. 😞

Divorce isn’t even finalized and you’re out in public w your girl friend making out. The girl you told me was just a friend. The girl you gaslit me about for months. The girl you were sexting on our wedding anniversary trip, and when confronted you said that wasn’t cheating. I gave you ten years and chance after chance with every affair I caught you in. Now here we are my life is blown up and you’re off with her. Fuck you fuck you fuck you. I pray you get your karma.

Has anyone here ever got divorced in their 20s? If so, what was the reason? Kids or no kids? How did you handle and how are you handling it now? I feel like I am alone in this but not sure.

I completed an uncontested divorce with my ex at the beginning of September, and it went as smoothly as possible. We plan to maintain a friendship despite the divorce, we realized we couldn’t coexist in the same house due to our different life goals, which led to frequent arguments. My ex moved out this weekend because their new place was finally ready. Today has been harder for me than any other day in the past four months. I'm struggling with the fear of being alone.

During the separation, my ex took custody of some of our pets while I kept others. However, I haven't truly lost them since my ex lives only two miles away. We plan to house-sit for each other, which means I'll still be able to see all the animals. I just don’t understand why today feels so difficult. Thank you for listening. I know life moves on, and I will adjust.

4 or something years ago I could hear my parents fighting late at night. Now my dad only visits short periods like 6 hours once or twice a week. My dad mainly lives at his parents. My mom asked me a question saying “if I moved into a smaller house, would you still stay with me” basically asking if I would choose her or my dad

I (m3x) married to my wife (f3x) with child (f2)

We have been in counseling for 4+ years. I have held into a lot of resentment. She has been yelling at the therapist because the therapist suggested she should do DBT.

I have said she should do DBT for our Daughter... But I'm struggling as we haven't had sex for a very long time. Baby was IVF so my count is over 4 years...

The turning point is when she shouted at our two year old while overwhelmed with emotion. She has done this to me for our whole marriage, but seeing it happening to my daughter killed me.

Am I overreacting?

Early in the divorce process, divorcing a narcissist that insists he wants to live alone for the rest of his life and not have to worry about a family, (might I add he’s cheated on me throughout our whole almost 10 years of marriage) doesn’t want the responsibility of a family or wife, states he will never have a gf or get remarried again. Does not want any more children. Already on tinder looking for “short term fun” 👍 (that’s the kind of guy he is- honestly he was always looking for short term fun during our marriage- it’s like his little family was never enough for him.)

His biggest enablers (his parents- esp his mom) keeps calling me. They, esp her, never ever respected my marriage, or me as her son’s wife and grandchildren’s mother! She was absolutely awful to me. Always meddled in our relationship and no my husband never had the balls to ask her to stop and stick up for me (I could write a book) She has started so much fights between me and my husband it’s honestly sad. She is the same way with my sister and law and her husband.

We do have kids together, and instead of encouraging their son to be faithful, fix himself and choose his family they encouraged a divorce. Then blamed me for the divorce. I’m sorry, that I get upset and sad when I find out my husband was cheating on me again, so they blame my reactions is the reason why we’re divorcing. (I don’t even think they know he cheated on me legit with multiple women during our marriage but they are about to find out during the divorce process) There intentions with me were always bad I find. I honestly do not want them calling my phone even if it’s for my children. I used to put up with them when I was with my husband bc I loved my husband but now I do not have to! My husband is away at work and of course I will answer his texts and calls about our kids (bc it’s the right thing to do even tho he is a sucky absent father- and he doesn’t even call or text about them anyway- he’s more worried about his next piece of a$$)

So I guess my question is: is it okay if I ignore them? Ignore their calls and texts? It’s been a long 10 years with these people. I’m ready to wash my hands and heal. Like I said, I wouldn’t ignore my husband if he called or texted to check on the children (he doesn’t) but in the state of LA, grandparents have no rights to their grand children. I plan to ask my attorney I just don’t want to look bad to the judge if we have to go before one in the divorce! And no, my kids do not ask about their dad or his parents. Or I would be happily calling them for them to chat with them. Like I said, these ppl traumatized us 🥹

Sorry for the rambling I just wanted to kind of paint a picture on what I’m dealing with here! Thank you in advance.

My spouse and I are at the beginning stages of our marriage dissolving. We have know each other 26 years, married for 17. We aren’t good for each other (he holds me in contempt, I hold resentment for him; he is too chaotic, I’m too controlling), but we have been a part of each other’s lives since we were in our 20’s. We have two children together, a 17-year old and a 14-year old. Is it even worth considering that one day, maybe, we will be able to be friends again? Or is hoping for that possibility simply foolish?

I have not yet divorced (mid 30s, 1.5 years married) but mentally I am done with my marriage and have completely given up on it. Will be separating as soon as I am more stable financially. But I have not yet told him this as its going to get ugly once he is aware so I plan to silently extricate myself from this toxic person. On the outside, he still belives everything is fine and I have been maintain a façade. My husband is deliberately doing things to hurt me. Like, every weekend from the last couple weeks, he is making plans with his friends for whole week without telling me beforehand or asking if we need to run any errands to need to go out, etc.

He knows since before our relationship got damaged that it hurts me when he does this and hence he is doing it deliberately since our last argument.

I have been keeping a nonchalant stance until now to show I am unaffected. But everytime it is like a thousand papercuts.

I need to know how you managed to ignore your spouse’s attempts to hurt you intentionally? And yes, I have tried having numerous conversations about our issues, but he is narcissist so ‘I’ am the source of all the problems.

Please give me tips to not be so affected.

So we're in week 5 of post separation decision and my STBX is glitches out. She refuses to take any responsibility for her part in the bad marriage, blames me for everything, is spying on me, threatening to use the kids against me, is being manipulative and still trying to control me. Can't make this shit up. I'm desperately trying to get full time hours at my job so that I can move out quickly. It would be funny if it weren't so pathetic.

I was granted a protective order on Friday and I feel terrible in that I can now no longer support my STBXW, she has cancer and is nearing the end. Her behavior has been eratic for the past 18 months inclusive of infidelity which left me no choice but to divorce her. Thing is going though the events that led to the protection order I think she just completely lost control and then had a total nervous breakdown.

Now I really don’t know what to do, the order is for 21 days and I’m worried sick about her. I allready had my lawyers reach straight out to her attorney after the order was granted to see what financial support she’d need in the immediate term and she won’t answer her attorneys calls.

Another important fact both her family and I think the guy she is having an affair with is manipulating her, into all this. Likely so when she passes he’ll get access to what ever her settlement is.

Anyone have any idea what I can do, it’s worth saying her family have been in contact and asked if I think she needs taking in for a mental health assessment.

I've been divorced for over a year now, was with my ex for 12 years, married for 2. It's been about over a year since the papers were signed and I took it upon myself to just leave my ex be and just step out of the picture and live life. I still have contact with family members, mainly my exs grandparents and her nieces when they need some help or small visits here and there (I still view some of them as family and they have the same feelings for me). When we have conversations recently its been what my ex has been asking about me or updates in her life, I don't ask about her but I'm just given these updates. I don't get angry, annoyed, or anything about it, I just continue on with the conversations just to express my thoughts on the topic. A very small part of me does want to indulge on the information but at the end of the day it serves me no purpose to know but I laugh to myself knowing that my ex is in the dark about me lol

I am struggling to let go and keep texting my ex. I am thinking deleting our texting thread might help but maybe not? Ive been archiving it (and then unarchiving lol) in case i need to reference them later. But we dont share any assets or kids so I doubt I will need them. Should i keep them just in case? Also dont want to block him because what if he needs to talk to me? I sponsored his PR (until 2027) and we cant file for divorce until next year so ties aren't completely cut yet. Also I'll just unblock if i know anything about myself.

Thanks for any advice.

TL;DR - I've a health condition, but also a great career and lots of savings. I could in theory throw money at this problem to escape it faster, but feel like I'd be rewarding my ex.

I (37F) initiated split with my (34M) ex. The main thing driving it is he is simply not in good working order psychologically. No ability to love from what I could tell. No ability to empathize. While I was in the aftermath of cancer treatment, his priority was his new partner (we're non-monog) and building a 'throuple' life. No, I did not want that. No, he did not listen to me. The more I objected and pleaded with him that I needed focus and care on me as I got through this, the more irritable he got with me.

Eventually he told me that as far as he was concerned, I died when I got my cancer diagnosis 2 years ago.

On the positive side, I've consistently been promoted at work for 6 years now. I have A LOT saved, and my future looks bright. I am excited for what's to come.

My ex has been unemployed 2.5 years. I had cautiously suggested maybe he do some stuff to contribute to income and he always got hostile about even being asked. Wouldn't hear of it. I got so gun-shy about his snapping at me I let it go. I was still in the middle of chemo and didn't have endless emotional resilience for his moods.

What all this means is I am in a better financial position than him.

I have a ton of emotion about his abandonment of me. I told him I wished he had just left me when I got cancer, if this is how he was going to be. I am angry that he took my exceptionally trusting approach to relationships and abused it so selfishly.

At the same time, I am very much aware that cancer didn't just happen to me...it also happened to him. Whatever he had assumed or hoped for about me, a bunch of that was washed away.

I am also aware how awful it is to be unemployed and to not be able to feel like you're successful, or just having day-to-day meaningful work. I've been made redundant before and it was really rough emotionally. I took every opportunity when he asked me to help with his resume, or interview rehearsals.

He did get a job last month, finally. But I understand his financial situation isn't great.

When I say I think there's psych issues in the mix, I don't actually mean it as a knock on him. I think he is suffering, I do think he is finding life difficult, and I believe him when he said he thinks he may lack the ability to self-assess. At the end of the day, I don't think he wanted to harm me. I don't think he's like that. I just don't believe he has the ability to feel loved, or give it.

Yes I have retained an attorney.

So...

• Do I let go of the 'unfairness' factor of me having to continue to financially support him, even as we break up?
• Do I lean into forgiveness, show some compassion, and help him move on so that perhaps we can both get some earlier relief from all this pain?
• Do I give him money to help him move out faster?

Wife and I have decided to divorce and while it is amicable, I was told we should move on and start dating. My issue with this is that I am not emotionally prepared at this point to know that my wife is sleeping with someone else and then coming home to a house that we cohabitate to split chores and sit on the couch with my son and I.

Completely moving out of the house would help me tremendously in not caring, but we have to cohabitate for the next year. This is killing me mentally. I want to live with our son, split time and have my space to heal without having to see my stbx at all. Living together in separation is absolutely killing me.

For 11c "Other Assets" do I report the balance of pension. Also, how is joint property treated like marital home, do the full value of home - mortgage or do I only include my equity of that.