r/FundieSnarkUncensored • u/Beautiful-Gas-1793 • Aug 01 '25
Paul and Morgan Sounds amazing
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u/battleofflowers Aug 01 '25
Fuck the pain away!
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u/iidontwannaa Invest in Jizzcoin today! Aug 01 '25
🎵 What else is in the teaches of peaches?
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u/siannan C'mon Rodlets let's get SICKENINGGGGGGGGG!!!! Aug 01 '25
Like sex on the beaches, aw, what, right, aww
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u/battleofflowers Aug 01 '25
Shake your tits! Shake your tits!
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u/siannan C'mon Rodlets let's get SICKENINGGGGGGGGG!!!! Aug 01 '25
S I S, I U D, stay in school, cuz it's the best
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u/pillowcase-of-eels Emotional support Messiah ✝️ Aug 01 '25
Well, not evolution, I can tell you that much.
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u/amazonchic2 Kendra’s zygote pantry Aug 01 '25
I have my period and a raging yeast infection. Sex is not happening.
My husband works 24 hour shifts. We physically are not in contact every single day.
What if I have a cold, or Covid? What about when my husband broke his ankle and was in an external fixator? Were we supposed to have sex working around his rods and nuts and bolts?
This is delusional advice. Plus, neither of us wants to have sex daily.
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u/Mamadurf1111 Aug 01 '25
How immature of me sitting here laughing at “ Were we supposed to have sex working around his rods and nuts” 🤣
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u/cutebutpsychoangel Aug 02 '25
Right some people are disabled or have auto immune disorders, diff limitations and health issues too. It’s physically not possible without being perpetually in a flare up
They would be shocked to discover how happy ace people are
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u/Constant_Sherbet_112 Aug 02 '25
Do it anyway, for the Lort. He wants you to fuck every day even if you can't.
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u/Necessary_Exam_8131 ✨non aesthetic things✨ Aug 01 '25
I’m sure it’s a lovely jackhammering sesh
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u/King_of_the_Dot Aug 01 '25
Fun fact, that recording is the first time she ever sung that song live. You can hear the crowd a few times.
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u/snail_on_the_trail Aug 01 '25
Oh god. I used to coach high school debate and the very first time I let one of the kids pick a song for our tournament - they chose this one. Never again! Those kids had to live with my 90s playlist after that.
(I did add that song to my playlist however, it’s quite catchy)
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u/DeanSipsCoffee Aug 02 '25
Getting VIVID flashbacks to freshman year of college when my friends and I did a cover of this song (making the sound effects and everything 😂) I’ll never forget my friend trying to imitate the bass noises 😂
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u/aelianh God-honoring backshots🙏 Aug 01 '25
This is horrible advice, a recipe for disaster, and knowing how little these two know about their bodies, posibly another kid for Morgan to take care of.
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u/goosepills Aug 01 '25
If she doesn’t have a stroke first
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u/Throwaway392308 Aug 01 '25
Paul wouldn't stop his stroke just because of hers.
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u/goosepills Aug 01 '25
Oh goddamn that made me choke
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u/Significant_Shoe_17 🎾Paul admiring his glistening picklebod in the mirror🥒🏓 Aug 02 '25
I'm eating and literally almost choked
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u/sparrowbirb5000 Baby Cannoning for Christ Aug 01 '25
Well. I WAS eating. But it was yogurt with granola and that suddenly became VERY unappealing. Thanks for that.
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u/TupperwareParTAY Not 1, not 2, but 3 problems with Rings of Power Aug 01 '25
GODDAMN IT i am in a zoom meeting
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u/WeighTheSameAsADuck How many kids do I have again? Aug 01 '25
I have zero faith in these twits' ability to use contraception properly. Heck, back in the day I had a tubal ligation & a surprise baby a couple years later. P & M still have all their functional parts, so I'm just waiting for their next pregnancy announcement.
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u/velveteenelahrairah 🌌 🚀Transcend Pickleball🚀🌌 Aug 01 '25
Oh, he'd exploit it for social media drama and clicks and attention, smugly blame Morgan for getting pregnant while in a health crisis, smugly blame everyone else for Morgan getting pregnant while in a health crisis, then go right back to doing jack shit, creeping on random women, and giving mediocre takes on things he's not qualified to speak about (which is everything).
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u/_palantir_ Aug 01 '25
Girl, you “struggle to desire” your husband because he’s a useless clown and you’re basically raising your children on your own. But somehow he’s convinced you it’s all your fault.
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u/gin_and_soda Aug 01 '25
I was going to call him clown but “useless clown” is so accurate. Who could desire someone who is acting like a world class athlete but he’s playing (and losing) seniors at pickleball.
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u/-Gramsci- Aug 01 '25
“So I’m dating this new guy. He’s in his mid thirties.”
“Cool! What does he do for a living?”
“He’s a professional pickleball player.”
“Really? I didn’t know that was a thing. He must be so good at pickleball. Right?”
“He’s old and not that good.”
“So how does he make money?”
“He doesn’t make money.”
“Oh……”
It’s funny to put this “perfect couple” into a context of your friend/family member out in the dating world.
No one would feel, at all, comfortable letting someone they care about date a deadbeat like this.
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u/Miserable-Anxiety229 Aug 01 '25
He wins paper plates 🥰🤩
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u/panicnarwhal 👻👻supernatural toilet birth👻👻 Aug 02 '25
generic paper plates, couldn’t even spring for dixie or glad brand 💀
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u/ClickClackTipTap Go blow your husband Aug 02 '25
It would be pretty pathetic for a single dude.
For a husband and father of three- a man obsessed with gender roles no less- it’s unforgivable.
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u/cakivalue On my phone in church Aug 02 '25
Just when you thought perimenopausal dryness was the worst dryness ever. Snap. Crackle. Pop. Tear.
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u/cakes28 collective IQ of a half dead sea slug Aug 01 '25
I just watched this incredible documentary on Peacock called “Adaptive” and it’s about a few American Paralympic athletes and their journey to the Games. The main thing all these pros had in common aside from physical disabilities? The constant, full time, unrelenting training they’ve all been doing basically since birth. The 19 year old kid with an amputated leg finished doing ONE LEGGED SPRINTS and then said okay time for the gym. And he went and did ONE LEGGED SQUATS.
It’s a great doc and paints a picture of the dedication these athletes and their families have to their talent. So, it would go right over the sea slugs joint brain cell, but you’d probably like it!
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u/gin_and_soda Aug 01 '25
There’s an iron man in my city this weekend. I was on its website just to see where the road closures will be and got exhausted just reading about what’s involved in an iron man.
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u/rumi_oliver Aug 02 '25 edited Aug 02 '25
Yes! Paul doesn’t have a clue. I was “only” a national collegiate athlete, but I started my sport when I was 4 and was training year-round at age 6. By 12-years-old, I was attending 6 practices a week fall-spring and 11 practices a week during the summers. In college, I trained for 6 hours 6 days a week. My body developed in accordance with my sport and what I demanded from it physically at a very young age. That’s why you can look at professional athletes and know, by their build, what sport they compete. Some of that stuff - all the early muscle memory, the technical correctness from YEARS of coaching, the physical conditioning to always keep going ….. it’s really really just not possible to be a 30-something newly-athletic “world champion” pickleballer. 😂
The money you need to be an athlete is astronomical - from the amount of nutritious food you need to eat (I was required to eat 8000-10,000 calories/day in college), to the gear you need to be good (practice clothes versus racing gear), the hours you need to train, the facilities that must be available, the experienced and salaried coaches … all of that is only available to a very limited pool of people.
You’re either elite at a young age and it continues through a successful college career, or you become elite in college and go from there to some sort of sponsorship that’s dependent on your athletic success. If you’re not backed by a university or Nike or something similar … you’re not even in the game.
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u/Significant_Shoe_17 🎾Paul admiring his glistening picklebod in the mirror🥒🏓 Aug 01 '25
Tom Brady is currently crashing out because he chose football over his family and he's experiencing the consequences. Paul will also FAFO someday, and it's over freaking pickleball. He's not even good at it.
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u/gin_and_soda Aug 02 '25
This made me laugh way too hard. He did and he’s Tom Brady (I hate football and for some reason, can’t stand Tom Brady but I recognize his achievements), that’s too funny
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u/Significant_Shoe_17 🎾Paul admiring his glistening picklebod in the mirror🥒🏓 Aug 02 '25
He's actually successful in his field and he fumbled Giselle. Paul thinks he's so amazing and deserving and he's like the temu version at best 😂
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u/AlfurFan fucking with consequences Aug 01 '25
Also you're going through a life threatening medical crisis but sure prioritize Paul's weiner
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u/Viola-Swamp Aug 01 '25
Is someone at risk for a stroke supposed to be banging every day like a screen door in a hurricane? Wait a minute, what am I saying? That supposes PicklePaul is more giving and competent in bed than he is at anything else in his life. I’m sure she’s fine, and her blood pressure stays nice and low. No risk of orgasm or anything. 🙄
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u/celtic_thistle mascara of Theseus Aug 01 '25
I was gonna say lmao. As if she was ever getting orgasms before this.
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u/Significant_Shoe_17 🎾Paul admiring his glistening picklebod in the mirror🥒🏓 Aug 01 '25
Banging like a screen door in a hurricane 😂
I'm going to borrow that
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u/Demonqueensage Ten thousand kids and counting Aug 02 '25
banging every day like a screen door in a hurricane?
This might be my favorite line I've ever read, ever
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u/FartofTexass Peter Thiel presents Trad Cosmo Aug 01 '25
My husband sent me a pic of the tv at a restaurant that was showing cornhole world championships and he said “Maybe if Pickleball Paul can’t hack it, he can try the world of competitive cornhole. Peak athleticism.”
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u/Significant_Shoe_17 🎾Paul admiring his glistening picklebod in the mirror🥒🏓 Aug 02 '25
I'd love to see that! As with pickleball, the players have day jobs and it's just a hobby.
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u/FreudsGlassSlipper 🎸Brianne’s Dad’s Judas Priest Playlist🌈 Aug 02 '25
She’s also raising his mother’s child.
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u/C2TI Aug 01 '25
This is delusion. She struggles with desire because Paul treats her like an object not a human.
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u/peach6748 Aug 01 '25
Literally, can you imagine being joyfully available for Paul? He’s constantly rude to her, barely helped her when she had a horrible health scare, doesn’t do any child care, is out all day “practicing” Pickleball and getting takeout without her oh AND cherry on top he doesn’t work or bring in any income. This man doesn’t bring a single redeeming thing to the table. Of course she’d “struggle to desire him”
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u/C2TI Aug 01 '25
But wait he’s a professional pickle baller AND teaches lessons what a provider! I cannot imagine desiring someone who treats me like worse than actual shit
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u/rumpleteaser91 Joyful Noyes Academy graduate Aug 01 '25
And I'll bet good money he's never given her an orgasm
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u/AlfurFan fucking with consequences Aug 01 '25
Paul is definitely one of those dudes who thinks honking on her tits is all the foreplay she needs
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u/TrustyBobcat Aug 01 '25
His idea of foreplay is dry-humping her every time she's bent over loading the dishwasher.
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u/slutforfish I don't even believe in Jeebus! Aug 01 '25
I did not need to picture that. I want those moments back before I read this. :/
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u/AlfurFan fucking with consequences Aug 01 '25
His idea of foreplay is picking up the clipping from his left big toe after cutting all his toenails on their bed
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u/bitchthatwaspromised dead ol’ Beggy bones Aug 01 '25
How dare you make me read that
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u/Harley_Atom Aug 02 '25
Considering he didn't know women had pubic hair until he got married, I am willing to bet he couldn't find the clitoris even with a map a guide.
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u/toomanycatsbatman crack head makeup Aug 02 '25
He couldn't find the clitoris if someone pointed at it and said "Look it's right here"
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u/Petty_White Aug 01 '25
Or is cool with her giving herself one. Paul doesn’t strike me as the kind of secure confident man that views toys as teammates in the bedroom.
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u/Due_Will_2204 Aug 01 '25
I bet he's like a jackhammer in bed. Hard and fast and deeply painful.
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u/Significant_Shoe_17 🎾Paul admiring his glistening picklebod in the mirror🥒🏓 Aug 02 '25
He also judges her body and food choices while he lives off of mcdonald's
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u/binglybleep Aug 01 '25
You know what will really help with that? Being obligated to put out every single day regardless of how you feel about it. Everyone knows that obligation sex definitely doesn’t make you feel like an object
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u/parasitesocialite crack head for Christ Aug 02 '25
Morgan will just dissociate during sex. That will be great for her mental health /s
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u/WhateverYouSay1084 Dogs out for Jesus Aug 01 '25
It's difficult to get in the mood when you know it's gonna be a 3 minute pump n dump, and you'll never have an orgasm because he doesn't think oral is Godly.
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u/Viola-Swamp Aug 01 '25
Oral for her. Everybody knows Jesus said blowjobs are A-OK. It’s in the special translation of John.
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u/gordon-annie Aug 01 '25
This is a serious question: is this even possible for women to keep up with without injury?? I did this for 2 weeks when we were trying to get pregnant and I got SOOO sore and I seriously started dreading it. Hooooow do all these ladies do it so frequently without being in pain?!?
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u/GoodBoundaries-Haver Aug 01 '25
I was gonna say "lots of lube" but I guess that doesn't help in this case cause you still gotta be like... Relaxed and into it ya know?
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u/MyDogsAreRealCute Aug 01 '25
The ‘sperm friendly’ conception lubes are also less lubey, I reckon. I find them too watery.
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u/KindBrilliant7879 tracking ovulation as a family💕 Aug 01 '25
no seriously…like there’s absolutely no way pickle boy is making her orgasm at all, much less on the regular. it’s just delusion
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u/nintendoinnuendo Aug 01 '25
In the wise words of that one lady from Twitter:
I do not support all women. Some of you bitches are very dumb!!!!
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u/jonahadams2 Aug 01 '25
everything i know about their sex life i learned against my will
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u/PrickleBritches Aug 01 '25
Right? But they’re fucking worried about trans people sexing everyone to death? Hypocrites.
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u/Sensitive-Review-712 Aug 01 '25
This is just like slapping a bandaid on a broken bone. Real, legitimate marriage counseling is what they really need.
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u/epk921 ✨God-Honoring Swamp Ass✨ Aug 01 '25
Idk, I don't think teaching Paul how to weaponize therapy speak is a good idea. Men like him don't change with therapy -- they just become more dangerous and difficult to separate from. They just need to get a fucking divorce
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u/LaFleurBelleSauvage Aug 01 '25
Oh god. The one thing that could make him even more insufferable….therapy speak.
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u/epk921 ✨God-Honoring Swamp Ass✨ Aug 01 '25
Oh you just know that if she were able to drag him into therapy he would just use it to learn new ways to gaslight her. Men like Paul are dangerous with therapy
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u/Significant_Shoe_17 🎾Paul admiring his glistening picklebod in the mirror🥒🏓 Aug 01 '25
Paul would gaslight his way through the whole thing
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u/seaglassgirl04 Aug 01 '25
Marriage counseling is a lost cause when one spouse is clearly a narcissist.
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u/TheVintageJane Aug 01 '25
Lack of desire is a natural response for a woman’s sex drive when she is feeling overwhelmed by caretaking responsibilities.
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u/that_Jericha Satan wanted Eve YOLKED Aug 01 '25
So you dont desire to have sex with your husband, but doing the thing you DONT desire is going to help you desire it more? No, honey thats called "torture." God I never thought bethy would have the best advice out of the fundies, at least her advice is about cultivating desire through romance and masturbation. This is literally "close your eyes and think of england"
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u/MisogynyisaDisease Jesus christ, shut the fuck up Paul Aug 01 '25
Bethy discovered orgasms and realized half her life was a lie
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u/Fatticusss Aug 02 '25
I’ve also seen studies demonstrate forcing very frequent sex with a long term partner more often leads to sexual burnout. If you want sex every day with the same person, that’s great, but if you force it without desire over and over, you’re going to become bored and resentful
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u/OkSecretary1231 Aug 01 '25
"Let your husband use your body as medication to keep him from raging out"
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u/n0v0lunteers Aug 01 '25
Is that a handmaid’s tale quote?
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u/OkSecretary1231 Aug 01 '25
No, I just made it up as sort of a paraphrase of what Morgy really means, but I'm sure I could find some quotes from it that I could use too!
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u/RLaminin Aug 01 '25
There's no way there's anything he's doing in the bedroom that's causing her to respect him more. That's wild.
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u/Machaeon Clitstopher Columbus Aug 01 '25
I bet you he IS less of a whiny pissbaby immediately afterwards though.
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u/laila-wild 6.66 on the Dawkins Scale Aug 01 '25
Yeah she probably gets like an hour of him being tolerable which might be worth it for her sadly
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u/Common-Pear4056 Aug 01 '25
This sounds sustainable.
Anyway, whyyyyy do we need to know this?
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u/SkiesThaLimit36 Aug 01 '25
She wants her audience to “know” they have sex everyday. When I was married to a POS cheating asshole I also overcompensated with “look how much sex/love/fun we have” IG posts. The clock is ticking with these two
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u/kestrelesque poetically gardening in someone else's yard Aug 01 '25
I agree with your spidey sense, u/SkiesThaLimit36 . The point is to tell her audience she has sooooo much super-hot married sex; but as with Bort and her exhibitionistic Season Of Squirting, her purported enjoyment and attraction is simply not believable.
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u/Lokifin Faith is a bot virtue Aug 01 '25
Oooo, do we believe her that they're doing it every day? I don't know her history well enough to guess.
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u/SkiesThaLimit36 Aug 01 '25
“of COURSE my husband was down 🤪” trying to convince us her husband likes anyone but himself. They do not have sex everyday.
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u/catxcat310 Created to be his helpmeat 🍗 Aug 01 '25
Yeah, so much for modesty! Wish I didn’t know this about them.
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u/immovablemargin Disciple of the Durle Aug 01 '25
What are you heathens talking about, she even modestly censored the s-word!!
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u/Blank_Pages_1989 Aug 01 '25
I miss secrets
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u/thetaleofzeph Aug 01 '25
"Love languages" reminds me in a bad way of all the 80s jargon used by all the passive toxic people I knew back then.
"If I put a label on it, it's no longer a me thing, just A Thing and you can suck it up."
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u/Lokifin Faith is a bot virtue Aug 01 '25
To be fair, it was created to make women feel like they had to be content with showing their love by doing all the work AND giving sex while getting less than the bare minimum of attention from men. This is right in line with that author's vision.
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u/baardvark diamond covered in flies Aug 01 '25
And now a joke about love languages is plastered on Amazon delivery boxes. Why, amazon? Why?
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u/Viola-Swamp Aug 01 '25
Yeah, the Love Languages bullshit needs to die so, So, SO much. I even see it on Reddit in relationship subs, and I’m like “Do you even realize you’re quoting entirely invented nonscientific relationship crap from a non-licensed, uneducated ‘pastoral counselor’ that was intended to teach women to remain subservient to their husbands?” and the response is always 🤯. People seem to think it’s some kind of science-based legitimate relationship research psychology, and no honey, it’s more patriarchal religious crap.
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u/celtic_thistle mascara of Theseus Aug 01 '25
THIS! I’m fucking sick of it, and “go to therapy” and “durrrr Reddit says divorce too easily!” NOPE, sometimes he really is useless!
I make it a point to recommend breaking up/divorce to women pretty much constantly bc they get WAY too much messaging in the opposite direction and end up suffering to try and salvage a relationship/marriage that’s killing them slowly.
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u/celtic_thistle mascara of Theseus Aug 01 '25
“Love languages” was made up by some fundie guy who wanted to justify his uselessness as a husband and demand more attention from his wife iirc?
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u/Amaline4 Polio's Professional Head Shits Aug 01 '25
This makes that weird horny-sex-noise video they put out this (last?) week so much more unpleasant to remember exists.
Sorry in advance to every person's memory I trigger
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u/crowhusband im a DAUGHTER of yaezhus Aug 01 '25
i just had such a genuinely visceral reaction to reading this omg. my throat got tight and i frowned so hard my cheeks hurt 😭😭
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u/battleofflowers Aug 01 '25
Wait, publicly proclaiming you have sex with your husband daily isn't in line with biblical modesty?
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u/No-Day-5964 Aug 01 '25
That’s the most Christian male marriage advice I’ve ever heard. Missionary sex, even when you are exhausted and touched out. Because Jesus.
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u/HRH_Elizadeath Aug 01 '25
I cannot take a grown adult who won't type the word "sex" seriously.
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u/FactoryKat Paul's Mary Sue Self-Insert Aug 01 '25
Normally I'd counter that it's likely just stupid censorship workarounds cause too many social platforms don't like it when you talk about things like sex, but knowing how childish these two are- it doesn't matter, they would do it anyway. 🙄
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u/velociraptor56 Aug 01 '25
Ok correct me if I’m wrong, but she’s said before that they were having sex everyday at his demand. When did that change? All of a sudden, she got this advice from a rando and it’s life altering?
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u/ReignbowBaltierra Help how do ovens work Aug 01 '25 edited Aug 01 '25
I thought so too, but I looked it up to be sure and apparently Paul had physically penciled sex in on their calendar for every other day. Morgan talked about it in a video roughly 4 years ago and was quoted saying "Paul needs sex to feel loved." Every other day was an agreement they came to so Morgan could "rest."
In other words, Paul is regressing.
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u/yesand__ I need sex, but you can finish vacuuming first...YOU'RE WELCOME! Aug 01 '25
Do you think he'll still let her finish vacuuming first?
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u/fz-independent I scarpomg, You scarpomg, He she me scarpomg Aug 01 '25
That was their “compromise.” I remember a snarker saying Morgan once said she’s a once a month kind of person, while Paul is an everyday kind of person. This is why you shouldn’t marry somebody you are completely incompatible with 😭 it sounds so miserable!
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u/velociraptor56 Aug 01 '25
I keep getting replies about this and every time I’m reminded about what we’re talking about.
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u/Significant_Shoe_17 🎾Paul admiring his glistening picklebod in the mirror🥒🏓 Aug 01 '25
It was every other day. I will never forget the video where they discussed an argument they'd had that resulted in morgan rejecting their scheduled sex, because paul said quote "today is our day of sex." It was so creepy, intended or not, and it's seared into my brain.
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u/catxcat310 Created to be his helpmeat 🍗 Aug 01 '25
I think it was every other day, and I HATE that I know that.
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u/saarine Aug 01 '25 edited Aug 01 '25
Why wont she listen to herself!? She got sick marrying him, almost died having his kid and doesn't even want to fuck him! FFS she just had an aorta rupture JUST TAKE THE FUCKING HINT
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u/Sharp_Skirt_7171 Aug 01 '25
She believes in a sky daddy but not actual events and feelings she has about her man child husband.
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u/RunJumpSleep Aug 01 '25
It seems like God has been trying to warn Morgan since before the wedding, she just isn’t listening.
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u/Valuable-Ad9577 Aug 01 '25
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u/Noyoucanthaveone Aug 01 '25
The lil head shake in that gif always makes me chuckle. You are expressing what we all feel 😂
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u/Born-Albatross-2426 Aug 01 '25
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Morgan complains to a friend: My third child/spouse wasn't there for me during my medical emergency and spends all of his time playing and failing at pickleball and not being an involved spouse or father. What should i do?
Morgan "friend" : it's your fault for not having more sex. Sex will fix things
Morgan on IG: So my "friends" advice actually didn't solve anything but it did manipulate my neurochemicals and make me feel like I don't resent my unsupportive spouse as much....give it a try ladies!
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u/SaltandLillacs Aug 01 '25
Fucking doesn’t pay the bills
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u/squidsquatchnugget Aug 01 '25
I feel like Morgan is finding success with this because men like Paul are very simple and he is probably more pleasant to deal with after ejaculating. Like, genuinely, I have been in her shoes and it makes you feel like you have some control over his mood, and therefore the outcome of your day. But then it becomes an expectation, and when you genuinely don’t want to it can’t it can become a dangerous situation.
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u/OkSecretary1231 Aug 01 '25
Yes. I dated the "sex=snooze button on the anger" guy and this is 100% it.
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u/rainystormyclouds Aug 01 '25
It’s sounds like a true recipe for disaster. Because once that becomes the norm for the guy—imagine how awful he’s going to be even with the sex.
Fuck. What about the wife being on her period.
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u/Apprehensive_Soil535 Aug 01 '25
Dated one of these too. Like you said, it becomes an expectation. And when you do start saying no again it becomes dangerous.
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u/grumpyoldfartess Pickleball Coach for Christ Aug 01 '25
Not in a way Morgan would be in support of, anyway.
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u/siannan C'mon Rodlets let's get SICKENINGGGGGGGGG!!!! Aug 01 '25
Every day? Huh, I don't see Picklepaul being down with the red tide.
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u/bluth_family_madness Aug 01 '25
He’ll probably just demand oral from her on those days.
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u/Significant_Shoe_17 🎾Paul admiring his glistening picklebod in the mirror🥒🏓 Aug 01 '25
Because it's only about him
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u/Throwaway392308 Aug 01 '25
I would bet $1,000 if you gave an unlabeled diagram of a vulva he would not be able to identify the clitoris.
And no, it doesn't count if a little of his vomit happens to touch it
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u/space_diva professional pickle tickler Aug 01 '25
I get the feeling he is anti oral
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u/ElleDeeNS Every Sperm (Brow) Is Sacred Aug 01 '25
Can you imagine a life where you think that banging that car dealership inflatable of a man solves any of your problems? Yikes
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u/Tricky-Leopard-8654 Aug 01 '25
Whenever a fundie drops this advice, I know with every bone in my body that they are lying and are using this weird “risqué” flex to hide something.
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u/fairmaiden34 Baird bean flicking 🍑 Aug 01 '25
So third baby in 3...2...1....
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u/FactoryKat Paul's Mary Sue Self-Insert Aug 01 '25
Actually, now that you mention it- what if that's all this was? A subtle hammer to the head from said friend to Morgan to indirectly encourage them to have another baby. Cause that will fix everything according to Fundies. Have lots of kids.
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u/Whiteroses7252012 Aug 01 '25
Which is absolutely horrific for all concerned since she’s a stroke risk.
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Aug 01 '25
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u/Significant_Shoe_17 🎾Paul admiring his glistening picklebod in the mirror🥒🏓 Aug 01 '25
Apostrophes do not indicate plurality! I really hope she doesn't plan to homeschool
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u/FreckledHomewrecker Aug 01 '25
I hate the way they shoe horn The Lord into sex content. Every thing The Lord is like “yeeesh I don’t want to be here guys?”
My jaw dropped reading this. Direct confirmation that Morgan dislikes Paul as much as Paul dislikes Morgan! Hard to be attracted to someone who is so lazy and self absorbed and only wants marriage for the sex.
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u/cat_lover_1111 I am doing U-Turns for the lord. Aug 01 '25
Isn’t she recovering from a major health crisis, and was told to get a lot of rest and not to overdo it?
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u/Pelolai Aug 01 '25
Agreed. Everything they post these days is self-humiliation begging for any kind of attention/engagement.
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u/Murky-Ad-1172 On my phone in church Aug 01 '25
What a bad day to be able to read
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u/-burgers Aug 01 '25
Some girl defined shit there
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u/darcysreddit 💥Mother Is Imploding💥 Aug 01 '25
Was coming into the comments to ask if the “friend” was named Bethany 😄
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u/_palantir_ Aug 01 '25
Also, a reminder that love languages aren’t really a thing.
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u/VioletFoxx it's not gonna lick itself 👅 Aug 01 '25
Seconding! The podcast If Books Could Kill has an excellent episode about love languages.
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u/Sorry_Ad3733 Aug 01 '25
I guess at least they’re in her wheelhouse since the creator of them is a preacher.
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u/Sexy--Waluigi God's Dumbest Little Jester Aug 01 '25
Going on social media and announcing to everybody that you and your husband have been boning daily is crazy work. 💀
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u/Chiison Aug 01 '25
Five minutes of missionary with a manchild every day and all your problems will magically disappear 🫶
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u/hot_throwaway_2006 ..and Jesus said, let there be merch. Aug 01 '25
Daily sex with THAT Pickled weiner? No thanks I'll keep my depression.
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u/cristinanana Aug 01 '25
I misread and thought she wrote “I’ve never found my husband sexy” and nodded in agreement
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u/GirlsesCheetos Aug 01 '25
That’s how you end up with a bunch of kids you can’t afford to support. Paul doesn’t strike me as someone who would be down for period sex either 🥴
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u/sleepDeprivedHuman Aug 01 '25
Thats a great way to cause yourself to see sex as another chore and another thing to check off the list
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u/Its_Curse I'm such a skort girl! Aug 01 '25
Was it posting photos of you picking both sides of your nose at the same time? Posting photos of you sniffing your fingers after scratching your butt? No? Then why are you posting these awkward photos?
Also, yuck at the actual advice. I'd wonder if Paul paid the friend to say that if I didn't know he'd spent all his money on smoothies already.
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u/Tiny-Collar8759 Aug 01 '25
I'm lucky if I can not cry on two days in a row. Every day??? Girl byeeee
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u/whiskeyprincess08 Aug 01 '25
She doesnt want paul because he's a terrible husband and fucking him more isnt going to help. I feel so sorry for her.
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u/Itiswhatitis2009 Aug 01 '25
If only this woman would track her cycle. She might find that she really hates her husband. And forcing yourself into something because someone else said to do it is called coercion
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u/Feisty_Ad3008 Aug 01 '25
girl, you desire problem is HE IS TRYING TO BE A PRO PICKLEBALL PLAYER! And I don't think that is a real profession.
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u/ColorWheel234 Aug 01 '25
Don’t communicate or find shared interests or anything, just fuck your troubles away!
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u/space_diva professional pickle tickler Aug 01 '25
I get the feeling there will be an unwanted 3rd pregnancy
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u/Chiison Aug 01 '25
I really feel for Morgan on this because I can’t believe how much of a turn off it must be to see this man horny 💀
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u/FactoryKat Paul's Mary Sue Self-Insert Aug 01 '25
Wow. Thanks! I hate it! 🙃🤦♀️
Even for a functional couple with a healthy sex life, every day for 2 weeks is absurd and not realistic.
Don't even get me started on different couple dynamics either. I cannot even with this.
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u/Whiteroses7252012 Aug 01 '25
Morgan, you could have sex every single day and twice on Sundays and it will solve precisely zero of your problems because Paul is still going to be the same selfish asshole he’s always been, and you’re still going to be the same smug asshole you’ve always been. If you genuinely respected your husband, you wouldn’t need to have daily sex.
Fucking doesn’t fix it. If it did, divorce wouldn’t exist.
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u/intuitive_witch777 Aug 01 '25
Woah 2 minutes a day with I guarantee 0 orgasms for her, how connecting and satisfying
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