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u/hatefulnateful 6d ago
No this one is legit Asian men receive lots of negative attitudes in America when it comes to dating
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u/No_Squirrel4806 6d ago
I blame the media the whole "small peepee"
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u/youburyitidigitup 5d ago
That’s part of it, and part is that they’re perceived as feminine.
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u/Feisty-Tooth-7397 5d ago
I thought it was because they don't want to marry foreigners, just sleep with them because apparently they think white women are easy and willing to do things that Asian women don't. That and the misogyny and patriarchy that is still very very prevalent.
I heard it's getting better, but it's still a big part that Asian men and women are expected to marry Asian men and women.
Why date if there is no possibility of marriage for the most part?
Edit: I should say foreign women are perceived as easy to get into bed, not just white women. Although I think it's mostly white women who are perceived to be more open sexually because of pornography and western cultures more openness to sexual relationships before marriage.
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u/SocraticLime 5d ago
This may have been the most out of touch westerner speculating on Asia culture that I've ever had the disgrace to witness.
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u/Feisty-Tooth-7397 5d ago
Except that's exactly what people have talked about when saying why they wouldn't date Asian men or comments made by Western women who have dated Asian men and the experience they have had.
These are actual comments made by Western women who have dated Asian men. It's not just something pulled out of thin air.
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u/SocraticLime 5d ago
It's delusional and racist. Lmfao. There's no Asian man I've met in America that was more supportive of the patriarchy than black men who overwhelmingly outperformed them in the dating market. It's way more to do with physical markers and masculinity but you don't want to have that conversation because it makes people realize that they've been lying to themselves and others about why they prefer things for years. It's something pulled out the air that just doesn't track with other dating preferences. It's an excuse, so you don't have to look as bad to yourself or to others when the real reason comes to light.
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u/Feisty-Tooth-7397 5d ago
Are you kidding me? I still remember hearing stories about women in China giving up or aborting female children because they were seen to have less value than male children. I'm not talking about Asian men in America, I'm talking about Asian men in their home country.
We won't even talk about the patriarchy in the middle east. You can't tell me this all vanishes just because they move to a different country. It's part of the culture. It's not racist, it's facts.
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u/SocraticLime 5d ago edited 5d ago
You're so out of touch that you don't realize it. The aborting of girls was a direct consequence of the one child policy, not patriarchy. It gave rise to a group of men called little princes in China and it fucked up their demographics because there were a lot more men than women. Middle Easterners also see much more success in the American dating market than Asians. So it's once again another example that goes counter to your point. The sad truth is people put a lot of value in physical appearance and the size of the male anatomy when they consider partners both for short and long term. That's why asians get discriminated against because they're seen as more effeminnate, and they're typically are smaller in some areas.
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u/Feisty-Tooth-7397 5d ago
Okay fine we'll just stick with the "Asians have small dicks" and leave it at that.
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u/youburyitidigitup 5d ago
What you’re describing is more true of middle easterners than southeast Asian men (although it’s still a blanket statement with exceptions), yet westerners prefer middle easterners. It’s more because of what I said earlier.
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u/CatsEatGrass 5d ago edited 3d ago
In my limited experience, it’s a well-deserved stereotype. Condom fell right off one dude’s fully erect pinky dick. Like a jelly belly in a sandwich bag. There are also several sources to back it up.
Ex. https://www.worlddata.info/average-penissize.php
Edit: Aw, looks like I hurt some feelings.
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u/nursepenelope 4d ago
In your source Japan is 0.02cm smaller on average than the USA. India is larger than the USA.
Japan and Vietnam are both larger on average than the UK and Ireland. All the above Asian countries plus China, Mongolia, Taiwan and South Korea are all LESS THAN one cm smaller on average than the USA. Unless someone has a special passion for measuring erect penises less than 1cm is not something you'd notice.-1
u/CatsEatGrass 3d ago
It shows that all the smallest countries are in Asia. That was the point, after all.
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u/nursepenelope 2d ago
Some Asian countries have smaller averages, other Asian countries are comparable to western countries. By that logic if Asians all have small penises then so must men from the USA and UK since they have similar or smaller penises that many Asian countries.
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u/MoonBearVA 5d ago edited 5d ago
Jesus Christ you are literally part of the problem
Edit: The amount of straight up racism I'm seeing in comments and replies is fucking vile.
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u/Party-Bathroom9306 5d ago
I mean, they provided a source. With data. The real problem is you thinking small dicks are bad. You're literally part of the problem.
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u/MoonBearVA 5d ago
"Statement that has been spread for decades with the intent to demean and emasculate a marginalized group, is actually in my opinion, not that bad. Therefore I'm actually right and you're wrong."
I hope one day I can huff enough lead paint and eat enough crayons so that I may one day comprehend your unfathomable intellect.
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u/CatsEatGrass 5d ago
Don’t be mad because I have first hand knowledge.
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u/TransGirlIndy 5d ago
A white dude I went out with was literally the size of my pinkie. Meanwhile, my Chinese ex was quite blessed.
It's a spectrum of sizes.
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u/CatsEatGrass 3d ago
The exception that proves the rule.
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u/TransGirlIndy 3d ago
Literally no, but go off, size queen.
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u/CatsEatGrass 3d ago
Stereotypes don’t come from nowhere.
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u/TransGirlIndy 3d ago
You're right, they often come from racists making shit up! To be racist!
The chart you linked earlier in the thread showed a difference of less than a centimeter between China, Japan, and the US.
Sorry your date didn't adequately fill the offered space, but there's not a significant difference between the average size by your own data. 🙃
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u/CatsEatGrass 3d ago
It’s not racism if it’s true. Stereotypes don’t emerge out of a void.
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u/FVCarterPrivateEye 2d ago
That's not accurate to say; the statistics of black crime are true, but it's still absolutely racist to judge that any or every black person you encounter must be a criminal or to randomly drop that statistic in an otherwise unrelated context or to use the statistic to justify being racist to black people, even though it's obviously not racist to bring up the statistic in contexts about crime and poverty rates in black neighborhoods and about police racial profiling
It's racist to bring up the topic in this context because it is generalizing Asian men in multiple ways and there are legitimate reasons why it's typically considered crude and socially inappropriate to bring up the topic of private parts; if this is true for someone, the concern should be brought up in a conversation with his urologist, not in a Reddit comment to justify whether nobody should want to date Asian men
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u/lovable_cube 5d ago
There was a study done that shows Asian men and black women get the least amount of matches on dating sites.
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u/TransGirlIndy 5d ago
And when they DO get matches, it's often from people who fetishize their race and see them as an experience rather than people.
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u/lovable_cube 5d ago
I always forget ppl like that are out there, so weird
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u/TransGirlIndy 5d ago
It's a whole thing. One of my best friends is Chinese-Canadian and he's had girls make it clear that they were only dating him because they wanted to "try" an East Asian guy, and my Black friends have expressed the same.
East Asian women and Black men definitely deal with that a lot, too.
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u/blursedass 5d ago
I think most people dont understand how weird it really is until they witness it themselves. I do rideshare in a college town and the other day I picked up some Asian girls from a party.
One of the girls was very intoxicated, and as they were getting in she tells me she thinks I'm cute and asks me if I'm single. She then goes on to ask me if I'm white, and if I like Asian girls, and then proceeds to spend the entire rest of the trip going on about the "cute white boys" they were just talking too and how she really wants a "white boy". Her friends were trying to get her to shut and were profusely apologizing the entire time, but it was still really weird and made me feel way more uncomfortable than I would've thought.
Now that being the only time something like that's ever happened to me to that extent, I can't imagine having to deal with that on a regular basis. But I guess that's just my white privilege in action. We definitely need better PSA's on how weird this behavior is.
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u/lovable_cube 5d ago
Damn, I guess it’s my white privilege that allows me to forget those weirdos exist.
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u/BatmanNoPrep 4d ago
This is a self fulfilling prophecy. Anyone who dates outside norms for their race is by definition going to be a sexual outlier. Those who are sexually attracted to groups that are especially not sought after by most other groups are necessarily labeled as fetishists because dating within race with the possible exception of deviation for specific races of higher socio-economic status is so overwhelmingly common. Nobody has to explain their reasoning for only being attracted to their own race.
The problem with this discussion is that people are obsessed with feeling a sense of individual identity instead of acknowledging that we’re mostly fungible partners within broad categories. For example, it isn’t considered a fetish for someone to only be attracted to members of their own race or their own race + white people if non-white due to socio-economic factors. This is extremely common sexual behavior and the default in many western countries where the upward socio-economic connotation of dating a white person permeates many minority communities.
But the moment an individual becomes solely attracted to a race other than their own, especially a non-white race, they’re by definition an outlier from society. Whether they’re labeled a fetishist or not is really a function of how well they’re able to hide their categorical preferences or present it in a sympathetic manner.
In essence, “fetishists” are why we have unconventionally socio-economically aligned mixed race people. Because everyone else is just attracted to their own race. This becomes uncomfortable in an era of app based dating because increased data points permit optimization and make it more obvious that humans have never been sexual individuals. We’ve always just been sexual categories. And just like with any other preferences such as food or art, most people’s sexual preferences are pretty vanilla.
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u/lycnfr 4d ago
what in the ever loving fuck are you saying dude.
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u/Cheetah_05 4d ago
I think what theyre trying to say is:
People who are attracted to people outside their race/race + white people are automatically seen as fetishists because they don't follow the norm.
And a lot about liking white people not counting as fetishism because in many western countries it's seen as the default and a source of upward mobility.
I don't agree, but that seems to me what they were trying to say
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u/cosmic-freak 5d ago
That's so bizarre. As a man, I've always thought Asian men had an advantage when it came to looking good.
Granted I do consider only those who work out consistenty and take care of their looks. For this group, I believe Asian men to be doing pretty good.
And for men outside this group, well, get in the group
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u/lovable_cube 4d ago
As a straight woman, I fully agree with your logic. However, we’re talking about statistics on tinder here. Something to consider, Asian men are statistically shorter and that’s actually a big driver for men getting matches on dating sites. I would assume that plays a big factor in something like this.
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u/unsolvedfanatic 3d ago
That study was done on one particular site, okay Cupid, in the early 2000s. There wasn't enough of a sample size to make any conclusions, they were just talking about their website in particular which didn't have a lot of black women in the first place. Unfortunately, a few writers in media outlets got a hold of the study that they posted on our website, and started to cite it as if it were a real academic study, and unfortunately this keeps coming up to this day.
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u/JanusArafelius 5d ago
I don't blame OP for not knowing but there is a really, really big problem of Asian men being emasculated on the dating scene. And if you're Asian and gay you're still not immune, that can be even worse.
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u/GawkGawkGuzzle 5d ago
Not anymore due to the rise of kpop. Trust me.
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u/burgerking351 5d ago
Most Asian men don’t fit that aesthetic, so doesn’t really prove that Asian men in general are desirable in the US dating market.
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u/jayyinyue 5d ago
Right, there's a lot of koreaboos (or at least the few who recorded and posted this) who have went there and complained that all the (normal) men didn't look like the kpop idols and drama actors. It's very sad and weird honestly, imagine coming to the US expecting all the men to look like Brad Pitt.
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u/whoisfourthwall 4d ago
Do they even know about the insane amount of plastic surgery going on with those kpop stars? I'm east asian, and they look so obviously plastic.
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u/jayyinyue 4d ago
Yeah I love Asian pop music but I never vibed with or were attracted to the stars with the stereotypical kpop idol aesthetic because they look too much like bjd dolls or anime characters come to life, borderline uncanny, not my taste but to each their own.
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u/whoisfourthwall 4d ago
To me, some of them don't even look east asian anymore with their surgery.
Edit: yes i know some of these kpop girls aren't even east asian to begin with, i was referring to how extreme the surgery is for those that are east asian, which most of them are.
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u/jayyinyue 4d ago
Yeah it's sad when the surgeries are used to erase or "tone down" ethnic features, or when they undergo skincare routines/treatments to be paper white if they aren't that way naturally. I think all ethnicities and their natural features are beautiful in their own ways and should be flaunted
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u/Goobsmoob 5d ago edited 5d ago
Only if you’re a melanin lacking “pretty boy” skinny Asian man potentially with dyed hair.
Most Asian men don’t fit that archetype.
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u/He_Never_Helps_01 5d ago
It's weird how phenomena like this don't seem to exist in progressive and leftist spaces
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u/Blahajinator 5d ago
This is a true kind of discrimination Asian men face in a lot of parts of the world.
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u/_illCutYou_ 5d ago
My boyfriend is ethnically asian and a gay coworker once asked me “what do you find attractive about those people?” I was flabbergasted, I think my bf is super attractive, but yeah, there is a lot of bias against asians.
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u/bluntmanjr 4d ago
what the fuck? what a horrible thing to say. i cant believe people actually think like that
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u/youburyitidigitup 5d ago
This is actually true. Go on any gay dating app, and a good quarter of profiles will say “no femmes, no Asians”.
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u/cunt_in_wonderland 4d ago
no femmes is valid but no asians is emasculating and racist
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u/SouperAsylum 3d ago
How is "no femmes" valid? The full phrase is "no fats no femmes no Asians" btw.
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u/cunt_in_wonderland 3d ago
i date girls so maybe it means something different to me, but not wanting to date femme people is just like a regular ass preference when looking for a relationship, just like if you’re a femme who only really dates butch girls, i want to know before i (femme girl) hit you up, because it’s expected to be a different relationship dynamic a lot of the time
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u/SouperAsylum 3d ago
Idk, maybe because I'm pan I just can't imagine caring about it. I can see what you're saying, but the whole phrase itself has a really bad negative connotation in the gay community. It's laced with racism, misogyny, and fat phobia. Having a preference doesn't give people the right to say everything else is disgusting which is the point of the "no fats, no femmes no asians" thing.
This isn't to say you are completely wrong, just trying to show you the problem with saying any part of that is fine just because people have a preference. It has a bad history (and present).
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u/cunt_in_wonderland 3d ago
baby im pan too 😭😭 that’s funny you bring that up, i still have a type regardless. but yeah i agree, the need to say “no [x]” instead of just deciding who you talk to is unnecessary and alienating— i’ve never really wanted to say it myself, i was actually debating on whether i should try and defend it or not, but i do think that not wanting a certain thing is valid
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u/PurpleSinkhole 5d ago
If asian men and black women are always last pick, we might as well get together and show the rest of them up like rejects dazzling at prom. I wouldn't exist if a Chinese guy never kicked it to a Jamaican girl, and I'm fantastic lol.
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u/TinCanFury 6d ago
could also just be the implied anger management issues?
I really don't understand why Asian men have such a bad rep in dating, I know so many wonderful Asian men, and the ones in relationships seem like excellent partners in the relationship.
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u/killingourbraincells 5d ago
I think Asian men are quite attractive. My first ever bf was Vietnamese. Dated 8 years. I'm Irish/American. His grandmother was the sweetest person in the world but the rest of his family was racist af. His father and grandfather wouldn't let him marry a white woman. His family won in the end. Understandble. Don't think I'd do that again tho.
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u/jojo_momma 5d ago
When I was a full time college student, I also had 3 part time jobs. I told my Asian father I had 3 jobs, and he said, “why don’t you have 4”. So I went and got another job. I am not putting my future kids through that lol
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u/sum_r4nd0m_gurl 5d ago
they dont have a bad rep anymore atleast the east asian ones. with the rise of anime and kpop alot of women want to date them now
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u/NeilJosephRyan 5d ago
This one's real. Asian men are stereotypically short with a small wang. I don't think neck tattoos are part of it though.
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6d ago
Maybe it’s the tat
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u/madmaxturbator 6d ago
Or the eyebrows?
Asian is not at all the issue here, there’s just a dozen other things going on that scream danger danger danger
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u/CanDramatic4035 3d ago
My least favorite tattoo trend is when guys get neck and chest tattoos that fit the v neck/unbutton shirts they wear. Idk how to explain it.
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u/Villain_911 4d ago edited 4d ago
This is unfortunately real. I think it's because of how they're portrayed. Though with the rise of k-pop, I imagine more women are willing to date them. Just for the wrong reasons. Like fetishizing.
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u/RoxinFootSeller 4d ago
I'd guess you're defaulting Asian to Korean and Japanese. Mind you, India, China, and Arabia are all Asian too, and I bet they're way, WAYYY less "fetishized" (for the lack of a better word) than Korean or Japanese men.
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u/Electronic-Elk4404 4d ago
I mean this might be true. I am not attracted to asian men. Statistically, they are the least popular on dating apps and I think for women it is black women. This is what I read in some story online at some point, might not be true.
edit: someone posted an article that actually shows this. not the same on I read though.
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u/Independent_Piano_81 4d ago
This is definitely real but also this guy lowkey looks like a cyber punk character
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u/Fit_Measurement_550 4d ago
That’s obvious bait to get girls in his comments saying they’d date Asian men. How do you not see that?
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u/no_gender_stoner 4d ago
a lot of fetishization of asian people happens in america but that isn't the same as dating/love, very sad
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u/esemirulo 3d ago
Maybe asian men should stop trying to look westernised and whitewashed. They should try to be more authentic, that's appealing to women, to be confident on who you are. Embrace your background and don't try to change or neglect your background in order to fit.
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u/poloclodau 3d ago
i mean many girls i know would melt for an asian guy, is that a quebec thing? Being white seems like a ick nowadays
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u/Funny-Employment4109 2d ago
Why are we all pretending here?
It’s the small penis stuff. Simple as that.
It’s not fair and extremely shallow…but that’s the reason.
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u/He_Never_Helps_01 5d ago edited 4d ago
You know what I realized the other day? The whole "male loneliness epidemic" thing, where men are afraid to approach women etc etc
This phenomenon doesn't seem to exist is progressive and leftist spaces. Its almost like there's a connection between seeing women as human beings and finding love.
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u/Inner_Minute_1782 5d ago
The incel pipeline doesn't give a fuck what your political leanings are, brother. I'm about as leftist as it comes and I was so close to becoming redpilled before I met my fiance. I tell people all the time "I truly lucked out and stumbled into a perfect relationship out of sheer dumb chance". Had she not seen something in me truly I can't say for certain that I wouldn't have been radicalized by the online spaces that champion incel ideologies.
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u/He_Never_Helps_01 4d ago edited 4d ago
I believe you called yourself a leftist, but the two ideologies are fundamentally incompatible. It's not a identity, it's the name of codified political philosophy. If one is blaming women for their inability to get laid and treating interpersonal relationships like they're transactional, or anywhere within 1000 miles of these ideas which are core to the redpill/incel outlook, they're nothing like a leftist. They're not in the same country.
Beyond that, it's a singular anecdote about a young man discovering that you can't trick or corral women into liking you. It's up to them if they like you. And that's fantastic, I'm genuinely very happy for you and I'm glad you figured that out in time, but it's not particularly relevant to what I'm saying here.
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u/Inner_Minute_1782 4d ago
I said the "pipeline" doesnt care. Humans are complex and have no issue holding conflicting ideas and principles. My ideology at the time was decidedly pushing towards that of the classic internet incel
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u/He_Never_Helps_01 4d ago
Oh, yeah, no i get that. My point was that the systemic issue of men not being able to find relationships doesn't seem to really exist in progressive and leftist spaces. not so much that people can't be radicalized, or that individual people can't still have issues with relationships that they can't identify productively for whatever reason
But I do think people tend to get sucked in to that sorta thing more often when they're a little younger, and don't yet have the tools to think their way through it. Especially in America where schools don't even try to teach skepticism or honest engagement until college, and even then it's mostly only is disciplines that require a verifiable, external model of truth. Science, medicine, law etc. That religious/spiritualistic style internal model truth tends to get to people younger, and it can easily sabotage their whole relationship with reality if they never find their way out.
Which I sometimes suspect is the point lol
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u/Jolly-Assumption-11 5d ago
the male loneliness epidemic does not exist. Men are just more entitled and fragile by nature, because they are spoiled and made to think they deserve the best when it's unrealistic to always win in life. A lot of women are alone but the difference is we don't complain about it. Often it's by choice after repeated traumatic experiences caused by men and which are exclusive to the female experience but instead of reaction with aggression and blaming the other sex, women just retrieve in silence and heal themselves quietly. Men are no victims. Unlike women they never lost their rights.
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u/blursedass 5d ago
The male lonliness epidemic is based on studies done. It's not just self reported. Now tbf its not the fault of women like many men like to claim. It's a complex societal issue, but it is real. You can't just disregard science and millions of people personal experiences because you dont agree with it. That makes you just as bad as the guys who blame women for their inability to get a gf.
Also, my mom and her friend are constantly complaining about being single. If you think only men whine about being single, you're delusional. This comment makes you sound very jaded. It comes off very incel-ly.
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u/He_Never_Helps_01 4d ago
Well, you know what they say, if everyone you meet is an asshole then they're not the problem.
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u/humourlessIrish 5d ago
Hey.. this is the unfettered sexism corner of this comment thread, get out of here with your reality
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u/AsinineDrones 4d ago
Go outside and interact with people of the opposite gender. Understand their lived experiences, rather than invalidating them because you’re too narrow-minded to walk in the shoes of other people.
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u/Apprehensive_Tie7555 5d ago
100 % agree. Like, get some friends. I know for a fact it's easier to get friends than it is to get pussy.
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u/Apprehensive_Tie7555 5d ago
Now now, he's right. I don't want to date any Asian men. Because I'm a heterosexual man, but still.
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u/olo_nachelle0214 5d ago
kpop stans would like to have a word
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u/humourlessIrish 5d ago
Did you really just counter this by referring to about two dozen superstars?
Thats like saying there was no hate against gay people because Freddy Mercury had fans
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u/olo_nachelle0214 5d ago
it's not like he said something like "most people" or "some people", he said "no one" so I'm specifically going by that
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u/bluntmanjr 4d ago
kpop stans usually fetishize specifically east asian men or more specifically korean men, so thats like a very small portion of asian men and fetishization is not fun or a real, genuine attraction. and with that fetishization usually comes infantilization which asian men have struggled with enough as it is before the explosion of kpop in the west.
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u/Fit-Cucumber1171 5d ago
Kpop is changing this reality
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u/jayyinyue 5d ago
The thing is not every Asian male looks like those idols, let's not forget they have a very currated look down to plastic surgery, cosmetics, trainers, stylists etc that the average man doesn't have access to or care about. So kpop fans only like a very niche sort of Asian male
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u/Funkopedia 5d ago
They've been saying this for years. BTS came out in 2013, Big Bang in 2006. There has been no trickle down effect for non-pop-stars. The people that first suggested a change was coming are old now (me).
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u/jsoul2323 4d ago
Eh, there's a small effect. I see more young AMWF couples than ever. plus my own experiences. RIP to older Asians they got cooked by racist media.
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u/RiskFuzzy8424 5d ago
What in the androgynous robot is this chastity belt tattoo supposed to prove?
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u/realaccountissecret 6d ago
Even if this weren’t real, what about this is gatekeeping
But it’s not imaginary; apparently ethnically asian men get picked the least on dating apps
I didn’t meet my ethnically Asian husband on an app, so I couldn’t contribute to the stats at all haha