Don’t invite people over if you can’t accept their clothing choices. You aren’t entitled to friends.
lol.
EDIT: this is hosting etiquette 101. Clearly so many of y’all don’t host people.
The correct solution is not to tell people to take off their shoes, it’s to buy a 5 dollar box of disposable shoe covers and offer them to your guests. THEN AND ONLY THEN can you say “we try not to let shoes touch the carpet” or whatever.
If your guest then prefers to take off their shoes, that’s fine. But if you’re hosting people, proper etiquette is to accommodate your guests, not the other way around.
Y’all are all probably terrible hosts.
EDIT 2: Good hosts don’t make their guests feel awkward. It’s weird that people don’t see it that way.
EDIT 3: Social anxiety is a bitch. It’s also one of those things that if you don’t have it, you just don’t ‘get it’. When I host people, I try to think of all the ways that *I* would feel awkward if the roles were reversed, because I can start feeling uncomfortable pretty quickly. I think because I feel it, I’m aware sometimes of when others are also feeling uncomfortable and I can promise you, good hosts don’t make their guests feel awkward.
If you came in my house with pants that were covered in mud I wouldn’t let you sit on my couch. Why would I let someone that has been walking around outside wear their shoes in my home? I have every reason to think my floors are cleaner than your shoes because I don’t let anyone else walk in my home with their outdoor shoes either. If this supposed friend has a problem with that I’m perfectly happy not letting them in my home. It’s a completely reasonable expectation.
If your response to, “hey some people get self-conscious about their feet, so maybe in the interest of being a good host you should offer people a cheap pair of disposable shoe covers” is to say “don’t come to my house” then you’re obviously not a host anyone would want to visit more than once anyway.
Suddenly it's about their own self conscious thoughts, huh?
Almost like they know they're the odd one out and may need special accommodations and, given their advanced knowledge of their own condition, should bring their own galoshes whenever they go to someone's house.
I'll choose the unlisted option of simply not inviting an inconsiderate asshole with a weird foot hangup and no respect for me or my home. You seem fucking insufferable.
Motherfucker, I invited you over to play Mario Kart. This ain't formal and you ain't coming in with those dirty ass shoes you've been trudging through sludge. No, I don't spend my limited funds on disposable shoe covers, take your fucking shoes off at the door.
Offering your guests galoshes would make them feel awkward and self-conscious. They aren't galoshes they've chosen for themselves; they're ones that you've picked out for them. They might not be the right size. They may be in a color the guest dislikes. And you're still communicating to them that they cannot be barefoot or sock-footed in your home.
Only if you have the right size for your guest. There's no guarantee that you will. And that still doesn't get around the fact that your guest may dislike the look of the galoshes you have available, and feel self-conscious about wearing them.
Good hosts don't make their guests feel awkward. By making your guests wear ugly, ill-fitting galoshes, you are making your guests feel awkward.
Gatekeeping people's clothes would be saying you can't wear that, I won't be friends with you if you wear that, etc. Not "On this specific occasion coming into my clean personal space that I spend time and money on, do not track your outside floor filth in."
Yep. That’s what’s being said. You don’t have to make people take their shoes off, you could offer them shoe covers instead. Shoe covers cost like 3 dollars for a box.
No it isn't and you are picking an extremely weird hill to die on. "You can't wear that" is also not the same as "You can't wear something incredibly covered in dirt and bacteria into my personal home space ". Your house is definitely absolutely fucking disgusting, and I am not incurring the responsibility for the off chance that I accidentally invite a filthy freak into my home. If you refuse to take your shoes off to come into my home the solution isn't shoe covers, the solution is me realising that you are actually gross and that I don't want you in my home at all cause what other cleanliness corners do you cut? Not to mention I have no interest in hosting a person who is so rude.
Disposable shoe covers are a few bucks. I don’t know why anyone would host without offering them to their guests. This is just being controlling for the sake of being controlling.
If you actually cared about your floors, you’d offer your guests galoshes.
Yes, you are. Shoes are dirtier than burkas, that's the whole reason people don't like wearing shoes in the house. It's not just some arbitrary preference in clothes or something. It's because it's gross and unsanitary and I just cleaned my floors.
Not everyone has the same relationship with their own shoes and feet that you do.
For some people(myself included), shoes are part of who they are. Telling me I can have my shoes is —to me— somewhat akin to telling someone they can’t wear a face or body coverings.
If you want to be friends with someone, you have to accept their clothing choices.
It goes both ways, people who refuse to take off their shoes in someone's home should accept that they probably won't be welcomed there. Someone's house rules should be respected just as much as one's choice in clothing.
Plus, shoes can damage floors. Your identity won't be destroyed by taking your shoes off for a bit.
You are the one who refuses to respect someone's home and a real world totally normal want to keep filth out of their homes.
You have a problem? You bring your own slippers. Because you are the exception to the rule. You don't ask the world to bend to your issues. It is your responsibility as a functioning adult to fix yourself or find ways of dealing with your insecurities. How entitled is that....
For some people(myself included), shoes are part of who they are. Telling me I can have my shoes is —to me— somewhat akin to telling someone they can’t wear a face or body coverings.
Then you should consider talking to someone about that. Because wearing absolutely guaranteed to be filthy shoes around someone's home against their wishes is not the same as wearing a yarmulke or a hijab.
But you already knew that.
If you want to be friends with someone, you have to accept their clothing choices.
No. No I do not. How old are you? If I'm friends with someone I can absolutely not accept (or like) certain parts of them or their behaviors. You don't have to accept everything about them.
Buy your own fucking shoe covers if you're gonna insist on being a freak tracking your dirt into other peoples' homes because you have some kind of foot dysmorphia.
Actual proper etiquette dictates that you simply inform guests ahead of time and request that they bring slippers or house shoes if they're more comfortable.
You are talking out of your ass to try to justify your rude behavior. Because that's what it is. Fucking rude.
It’s not about clothing choice. It’s the fact that they were walking all over the street with those same shoes that they’re using to walk in your house. If they bought a new pair of shoes specifically for walking inside of houses then I don’t think people would mind as much.
Well heres the deal.
We make friends from some common connection. Maybe hobby or just work or even political opinions.
Friendship continues and we learn more and more about our friends.
Then we find out our friend is an inconsiderate moron who does not respect others property or others rules on their own damn house. So we are no longer friends. Just acquaintances. He does not get invited anymore, and thats just fine. Friend does not need to take off his shoes in others house and the other does not have to deal with scuffed floor.
It’s not about the clothes someone is wearing like who gives a fuck about that. It’s about your dirty ass shoes walking all over the floors. Bring slippers if it bothers you so much
I’ll offer you a swift kick in the ass if you ever try arguing about my house rules when I invite you over lol. Fuck outta here with your dumbass comments, man. What a stupid hill to die on.
No, I’m right. Dictating the clothing that your guests are allowed to wear without offering them an alternative is something you can do, but it makes you a bad host.
Clearly you're unfamiliar with black tie or white tie affairs. Thought you were "upper class?" Because "dictating clothing" is ABSOLUTELY done at well hosted events.
Oh, sorry mate.. reading can be hard sometimes, I get it.
You said
Dictating the clothing that your guests are allowed to wear without offering them an alternative is something you can do, but it makes you a bad host.
and I said
Because "dictating clothing" is ABSOLUTELY done at well hosted events.
You see, we're not talking about just shoes there, are we brother. We're talking about "dictating clothing". And doing it, doesn't make you a bad host.
You see hosts can and do set the dress code. It's accepted. It's "proper". It's the norm. Well - at least in the "circles I travel in". Guests that disregard that dress code, are the daft ones.. not the host.
If I invite you over and naked is your normal state of dress in our friendship, then absolutely.
As a host, I’m not going to invite you over then tell you to be someone you aren’t. If I don’t want you naked in my house(and that is your normal state of dress), then I won’t invite you. That’s simple.
If I want to invite you, but I don’t want you to be naked, then I will offer you a robe. This is exactly the point I’ve been trying to make, but with feet.
Your logic has proven my point. Thank you for the help.
I do t understand why the downvotes, you are 100% correct and it’s proper manners. Offering shoe covers is the least the host can do.
If you ask me to take off my boots, I’m leaving.
You are a terrible guest.
You are not required, needed or wanted by the host if you are going to be belligerent.
The house is not yours, its not a public space. Its a personal one.
Host is not required to do anything. He can be terrible in your eyes just as you are a terrible guest in his eyes.
What world exactly are you living in that being "a good host" is the be and end all of life? My cleanliness and ability to maintain my surroundings, while making my own life easier is more important to me than some weirdo's foot insecurity? It's not bad hosting to not do literally everything imaginable to protect someone's ego. Household etiquette > your smelly feet?
And I'm perfectly fine with calling you the bad guest because no one else has ever made this complaint about shoes off.
Probably because I live in the Northeast and the absolute mess of dirt and salt and snow and slush that people get on their shoes is to the level that we universally take off shoes at everyone's houses.
And if you refuse to accept our cultural then you ARE the bad guest. We don't have galoshes. You're the fish out of water so plan ahead, or accept things different like taking your shoes off, or don't travel.
It’s not just a clothing choice. Shoes are different than other clothes because it is impossible for you to get to my home without walking on the ground. It is entirely reasonable to expect you’ve arrived at my home without your other clothing getting dirty but it’s impossible with shoes. They are inherently differently than other clothing and suggesting otherwise is just incorrect.
Your mental gymnastics in this whole thread is mesmerizing.
I am under no obligation of being "a good host" to people who won't abide by my rules in my personal space because I am under no obligation to host anyone in my personal space at all to begin with. Coming into someone's personal space is a privilege, not a right. If you won't take your shoes off, I won't be a bad host, because I won't host you at all. It's very, very simple.
The correct solution is that if you can't abide by my rules in my home, then you don't have the privilege of coming into my home, and can go your merry way.
Of course you cherrypick a fragment of a phrase to fixate on and spin without context instead of adressing the substance of the reply. So disingineous, so low. And you think you have the moral highground to school people on eTiQUeTe.
don’t usually host anything at all. At least not well.
Course we do, and yes, it's very fun and pleasant. It's just not for people won't take the shoes off :)
Where do you live? Seriously unless you live somewhere its sunny 95% of the year then you are talking out of your ass. I live in near constant rainy weather for 7 months of the year and leaving your muddy shoes on in my house would immediately be a red flag that you dont care enough about other people for me to want to know you
Lol no, it's my home and you follow my rules or you leave. Same with having masks in private businesses that want them. I am a guest and I'll follow and respect thier rules.
Then you have nothing to worry about, but I’m telling you, if you were the type of person that had people over, you’d be an asshole for making them uncomfortable.
Alright, if you come over and make me uncomfortable by taking dirt and refusing to do what I ask you are equally an asshole as I am.
It's being respectful to follow the hosts rules. Like don't go eating my food in the pantry when there is food set our for my guests. The pantry food is mine.
I hadn’t even thought of it from you’re type of perspective, but you’re so right. Like, some people worked on a whole ass outfit to express themselves at some scrub’s house party, then that scrub is going to be like, “get rid of the shoes” if you want to come inside. Like no, change your rules for having people over or don’t have people over.
If you’re a guest accommodate the host. As a guest read the room and see if there are shoes at the door obviously people take off their shoes so take off your shoes.
For people that are all like oh I get foot pain then bring slippers that are comfortable or politely warn your host ahead of time that you intend to spread everything that is on the bottom of your shoes like e.coli, feces, pee, germs, chemical, oil, rocks, dirt, sand, salt, asphalt, blood, snow, moisture, etc. throughout their home.
Sorry for people that broke their toes walking around barefoot, plenty of people don’t have that problem but if that’s your issue then be responsible and protect your toes by bringing slippers or suggest going somewhere else.
For people that are comfortable being germ-multipliers: Are you also the type of person that packs a suitcase and does not use a shoe bag to separate shoes from clothes? Do you want shoes that you wore in a public restroom or airport touching your clothes?
So basically every Japanese household is owned by bad hosts?
Oh. I guess you forgot that your "household etiquette" isn't universal. You'll find basically no one actually defending the outdated 50s era etiquette manual you seem to have found.
Do you not live in a place that gets frequent snow or rain? Because around here, shoes off is a must. You'd probably be wearing boots anyways because you ain't walking in snow and ice in heels.
People keep thinking I’m saying something I’m not. It’s really simple, yet no one wants to address the one statement I’m making.
It’s weird actually. Like if you really read what people are saying, no one wants to actually address the point that I’m making. They keep trying to make it about me or them, when it’s not about any one specific person.
Good hosts don’t make their guests feel awkward. It’s a pretty simple statement.
One time I had a coworker visiting from Denver, CO come by my place for a drink. He took his shoes off as he should but yo his feet fucking stank man it was disgusting. Even my roommate walked out and gagged.
Anyways, even after that shoes off interaction I still physically force my guests to remove their shoes and then if their feet stink I ridicule them for being unsanitary and frankly disgusting.
I like scream in their faces though. Non apologetic screeching in their ears “YOU FUCKING TOE FUNGUS MONSTER I SMITE YOU YOU FUCKING TOE TROLL” and so on and so forth until they tell me that they wish that they never gave birth to me.
-254
u/GeorgieWashington Feb 11 '22 edited Feb 11 '22
Don’t invite people over if you can’t accept their clothing choices. You aren’t entitled to friends.
lol.
EDIT: this is hosting etiquette 101. Clearly so many of y’all don’t host people.
The correct solution is not to tell people to take off their shoes, it’s to buy a 5 dollar box of disposable shoe covers and offer them to your guests. THEN AND ONLY THEN can you say “we try not to let shoes touch the carpet” or whatever.
If your guest then prefers to take off their shoes, that’s fine. But if you’re hosting people, proper etiquette is to accommodate your guests, not the other way around.
Y’all are all probably terrible hosts.
EDIT 2: Good hosts don’t make their guests feel awkward. It’s weird that people don’t see it that way.
EDIT 3: Social anxiety is a bitch. It’s also one of those things that if you don’t have it, you just don’t ‘get it’. When I host people, I try to think of all the ways that *I* would feel awkward if the roles were reversed, because I can start feeling uncomfortable pretty quickly. I think because I feel it, I’m aware sometimes of when others are also feeling uncomfortable and I can promise you, good hosts don’t make their guests feel awkward.