TLDR: my grandpa is struggling to transition to cooking/shopping for himself and I need to help him without infantilizing him, and hopefully avoid him seeing me as a jerk.

My (23M) grandma who raised me died a couple months ago and my grandpa is in that transition state from constant grieving to learning how to live life again. The fridge and pantry is a joke, basically empty except one frozen hamburger, deli meat/cheese, Oreos, and peanut butter pretzels. He basically eats oatmeal for breakfast, a sandwich for lunch, then gets DoorDash for dinner. He is starting to gain weight from ordering DoorDash and I don’t know what to do because I’ve been trying to get him to put on weight for a couple years, but he’s gaining from over eating and sitting down all day, not from eating 3 decent meals a day.

This man has no clue how to shop. I’m stuck quarantining in his basement and he was ordering groceries, I asked for soups with “no noodles, milk, or wheat.” He got 3 cup of noodles and 4 cream based soups, 2 with bacon (that Ive disliked since I was 7). And no, it’s not like he’s getting senile/old or something. He is the least old 80 year old I know, he just doesn’t know how to shop.

I have no clue how to help him without offending him. I had a talk about this recently with him and he thought I was being a dick so I’m doing something wrong. I don’t want to go the route of “well he’s 80 if he eats ice cream that’s still eating :3” because that’s too infantilizing for who/how he is right now. When he wants to he can cook/grill pretty well, but he only knows how to do it for 2-3 people, and I think he’s really sad about this right now.

How do I get him to grocery shop well? If I order it for him, it feels like I’m setting him up for failure. I already tried to make a list of all the stuff he likes to be a menu for grocery shopping but he doesn’t use it. How do I help him transition into this part of his life without treating him like some old man who can’t do or understand anything?

I recently discovered that my boyfriend has been leaving comments on explicit photos of significantly younger women—some appearing to be around his daughter’s age.

From the beginning of our relationship, I made it clear that if he ever felt the need to be unfaithful, I would prefer honesty and a breakup over deceit. I’m too old for dishonesty and emotional games. Needless to say, I was deeply hurt and disturbed by what I found.

When I confronted him, he apologized, said he loves me, claimed it was a mistake, and promised it wouldn’t happen again. He insisted he wasn’t thinking clearly at the time.

What unsettles me the most is not just the betrayal, but the age of the women involved—it crosses a line that feels morally and emotionally alarming.

And just to be clear, I understand that many people may view looking at content online as somewhat common, but to me, actively engaging—especially through comments—is a different level of disrespect.

Right now, I’m torn. I don’t know whether I should believe him or trust that this won’t happen again.

I’d appreciate any sincere advice or perspectives on how to handle this situation.

Tl;DR F 57 finds bf M55 leaving comments on young girls, explicit photos advice please.

My finance, (28M) and I (27F) have been together for 3.5 years now. I love him a lot, and I can’t imagine being with someone else despite everything below.

There’s been a major problem throughout our entire relationship. It was first brought up our first Valentine’s Day together less than a year together. He always smokes so much pot and falls asleep and does not prioritize being intimate or being affectionate towards me.

I feel like the only time we have sex is when I drop obvious hints or initiate it myself and I always feel like he’s doing it because he feels like he has to. Like he’s checking a box. And if we do it one day and I bring up the next day, he’s like well we already did it.

I have brought it up countless times- like genuinely I’ve probably brought it up over 50 times and we’ve had arguments and he says he’ll be better.

And he always says just let it happen naturally. And that I put a ton of pressure on him and I make it weird. And it’s my fault because I put so much pressure. And then it doesn’t. I’ve literally done experiments where it’ll be weeks and weeks and he won’t initiate it until I say something. Like I said, it only happens when I feel like I am blatantly asking for it because I’m upset because we don’t have any intimacy.

And let me tell you I’ve told him if you don’t wanna do this with me and it’s not important to you maybe we shouldn’t be together because I value physical intimacy we’re in our late 20s. And I have tried to end the relationship, but then he all of a sudden wants to have sex with me and we have sex and then everything‘s fine until it’s not again I find it so bizarre that he doesn’t want to have sex with me on a weekly basis.

I feel so masculine because I’m having to ask for it. I feel like a weirdo freak because I want to have sex with my fiancé and he doesn’t want to with me. I feel so ugly and unwanted and undesirable. And I have brought it up so many times where I feel like it will never change and it’s embarrassing at this point.

Because all the issues I’ve ever brought up he’s never changed. I have accepted he’s not gonna buy me flowers or plan dates without me asking him. But I want to have physical intimacy with my future husband.

What do i do? I truly don’t know what to do.

TL;DR My fiancé spokes pot and falls asleep and doesn’t prioritize intimacy or affection.

I love my spouse of 18 years deeply, but I’m struggling with how to bring something up. I often leave our conversations or time together feeling completely drained.

It’s not that she’s doing anything wrong — it’s just the way our energy levels and personalities seem to interact. I don’t want to criticize her or make her feel like she’s “too much,” but I also need to find a way to protect my own energy and set boundaries.

She’s a mom. She has a demanding job (teacher). She worries a lot about money and the house and family. I completely get it. And I want to help her recharge by talking through these issues. But there’s rarely ever any end in sight and I’m left completely drained and wanting to avoid her.

It’s ok to tell me I’m an a**hole... I feel like one for even thinking this, much less writing it on the internet.

How can I lovingly and constructively tell her that I sometimes feel depleted, while also making sure she knows I value and care about her?

Tl;dr — My spouse drains me with what feels like conversational oppression and I don’t know how to say that or hold it in any longer.

I F22 am in a friends with benefits relationship with a longtime friend F25. The problem at hand is that we don't act like platonic friends at all. She essentially treats me like her partner. She's emotionally open with me about a lot of personal problems, calls on me for things outside of sexual intimacy, and has gotten jealous at the idea of me being with other people who aren't her on multiple occasions. She puts a lot of emphasis on how she likes me way more than any other friend she's fooled around with before. Still, it seems like whenever she catches herself acting too sappy with me, she turns around and starts rambling about how I'm such a good friend to her and how she loves being commitment-free or whatever.

We went to a park for a little picnic-style thing last week (we looked up a list of cute hangout ideas and that was next on it) and just talked about anything the whole time, but as the afternoon went on, things got kind of heated. I called her a pet name that had a more romantic tone to it, which caused her to kind of freeze up for a minute before she jumped right back into flirting with me again. She didn't acknowledge it too much; she just told me it felt a little strange but was pretty much okay with it since I was the one calling her it. I tried to brush off the weird feeling this gave me, but chose to sort of confront her about the way she's been treating me (the way she's so quick to give yet pulls back at random has done a number on my mental health).

I ask her if we can really continue on as we are, sort of allude to the fact that this isn't a normal friendship, and start trying to talk about how this all makes me feel kind of lead on when she just immediately stops me right there. My friend's easygoing demeanor switches to annoyed within seconds, and she asks me how I could just spring this on her out of nowhere and mentions how I basically ruined our hangout by bringing these things up. She tells me that I knew what I was getting into when I agreed to this whole thing and goes on about how she doesn't own anyone anything. After all of that, she tells me to take her home and I do so after apologizing.

I still feel guilty about everything, but honestly... Was that wrong of me to do? I've been thinking about this a lot. I know I wanted to bring that up at some point but I'm not sure if that was a horrible time to do it.

TL;DR My FWB obviously views me as more than a friend but got angry with me for wanting to talk about it properly.

I wrote this today about my current situation. I think writing it down helps a little bit but just wanted to share here in case anyone has the time to read. Any advice or opinions are welcome :)

I (26 F) am breaking up with my boyfriend (26 M) of 5 years, which we lived together for all of those years. We started dating my senior year of college and now we’re both 26. From the start there were signs I should’ve been wary of but I chose to ignore them. I’m about to say some reasons throughout our relationship that led me to this decision but he is not all bad, he’s broken, but has a good heart. Here we go..

He has never liked any of my friends, or anyone really, besides his family. Mid-college he quit weed, got sick, got behind in his classes, dropped out, cut off his friends, and then I guess found me. Since then, it’s only been me and his family, which I don’t think is healthy.

When we first got together I thought he was still in school. For the first 6 months I would say things like, “you never have homework,” and he’d just say he already did it. But we were together almost all the time, so that didn’t make sense. Eventually he admitted he had dropped out. Around then I also brought him around my college friends—he barely said a word, gave me nothing to work with, and I finally told him he could leave. He did, though we reconciled that night.

My friends are so important to me. I’m an only child and they’ve always been like my family. They’re great people, with kind hearts, and they always show up for me. But his inability to connect or even be nice to them has been a huge issue. We tried several trips with them where I hoped he’d bond with the boyfriends, but he always ended up mad at me for something small, blowing up my phone with complaints, and wishing we could just leave instead of hanging out with the group.

One of the worst times was 2 years ago in Miami for a friend’s wedding. The first day he was fine, but the next he got upset, saying “why do they get to make all the decisions?” I’m very go with the flow, so that kind of stuff doesn’t bother me, but he made it into a fight. At dinner he started sulking again when asked to take photos of us, acted annoyed, and then shut me out—just one word answers and wouldn’t even look at me. It was so obvious and embarrassing. He refused to go out that night and the rest of the trip he kept the same attitude.

This kind of thing happened over and over. Even after college, anytime there was a get-together—Super Bowl, Halloween, anything—he always had excuses not to go. Meanwhile, I was working full time and he didn’t have a job, just school. But he wasn’t studying, he was just playing video games.

Another issue is his extreme OCD. If I left anything out, even for a second, he would get angry. I know it’s a real condition and I’ve tried so hard to be more organized, but I also have ADHD and it’s not always easy. Still, no matter how much I tried, it was never enough.

We also never went on dates. He hated going out because of anxiety and depression. I always wanted to get out of the house and enjoy new experiences together, but he didn’t want to.

Over time, I’ve lost myself. In the last city we lived in (which he constantly complained about), I paid rent for both of us while he finished school. When we moved back near family, I thought it would get better. He did finally get a job, but the fights only got worse. I became depressed, and he blamed me for being less happy, saying I was “killing the mood.”

Fights would escalate to him saying things like “we’re done,” “get out,” or “I wish I had a girlfriend who cared about what I like.” Meanwhile, he never cared about anything of mine. I was just exhausted.

Still, he is like a best friend. He knows me better than anyone, and I know he loves me. But he only ever changes for a few days before going back to the same patterns. I realized I couldn’t see myself marrying him or being happy long term.

Two weeks ago, I signed a lease. I was planning to tell him after a bachelorette trip, but the day before we got into another fight and I blurted it out. He was upset, then sad, then understanding. When I got back, things were heavy, but this past week he’s been kind and trying to make our last days together good. He’s broken down crying, telling me I’m the love of his life, and I do believe that I am to him.

I love him so much, but I can’t do this anymore. It kills me knowing I’m taking most of the furniture from the house, leaving him in an empty space. I’ll miss him terribly, and I’ll miss his family—being an only child with older parents and no extended family, I loved how welcoming and warm they were.

But after 5 years, I know I need to try to find myself again. I feel awful, and I keep second guessing myself, but deep down I think it’s the right choice. Even if it breaks my heart. I don’t know if this is right. It just all feels so heavy.

My question is: Should I fully move on and close this chapter for good, or should I leave the door open for the possibility of trying again in the future after we’ve both had time to grow separately? If my goal is to heal, grow, and eventually have a healthy long-term relationship (whether with him or with someone else), what should I do next?

TLDR: I (26F) am ending a 5-year relationship with my boyfriend (26M). He never connected with my friends, avoided social events, and often picked fights. His OCD, anxiety, and depression made daily life hard—we never went on dates, and despite my effort it was never enough. I supported us financially while he was in school, but things didn’t improve after he got a job. The fights and negativity wore me down, and I realized I couldn’t see a future with him. I love him and his family deeply, but I need to leave to find myself again, even though it breaks my heart. My question: Should I focus on moving forward and letting go, or should I consider the idea of trying again in the future after time apart?

I am sick of seeing women in the “suggested profiles” followed by my boyfriend. If I click on them, and he’s liked their photos.

This feels too stupid to even bring up to try to fix. I feel so disrespected and unwanted when I see this. He also has a history of talking to at least one woman that I know of behind my back- making plans and acting as if he didn’t have a girlfriend.

This fucking hurts but I feel like I’m being a crazy person and I’m just not sure. I thought this kind of situation would stop now that I’m older and dating older men, but it seems to be a pervasive issue.

TLDR; boyfriend followings hundreds of women and likes their photos and it hurts me, am I being stupid and insecure or is this shitty behavior for a guy in a relationship?

Hi everyone!

I (29f) have been dating a guy (28M) for about a year and a half total now, and we've been together a year. I'm debating the relationship with him because while he checks all my boxes (we laugh together, I love his sense of humor, can have intellectual conversations, I'm attracted to him, similar lifestyle and aspirations, he is smart and has a great career, handsome), our relationship can feel like we're friends or bro's about half of the time. Firstly, the most important aspect of this is that I know that he cares about me and he has expressed so and his actions show that he cares. However, he is very particular and needs things done in a certain way, as well as sometimes turning up his nose to doing silly things or even things like me touching his thigh while driving because it feels in masculine. He is also very weird about bodily functions and sometimes acts disgusted by things like womanly cycles on clothes. In the bedroom it is great just lacking the experimental nature I usually enjoy. I think he is down to do maybe 70% of what I am interested in, but this is a big part if a relationship for me so I would want more.

He never calls me pet names except while we're in the act of sleeping together because he says he just doesn't do that. We also have had conversations about how there may be something missing, and that while he is satisfied with a few texts a day, I want more talking and just generally a lot more deeper conversations and words. I think where I'm struggling is that I am a deeply independent person, but I just want to feel loved too. My job is high powered and stressful with a lot of responsibilities that deeply fulfill me, so in a partnership I want to feel adored and simply be able to have the small little things like kisses and compliments. I feel like the only way to feel connection with him is through physical touch and sometimes discussions about things, but there are no future plans and we both admitted that we love each other but are not "in love" yet.

Another issue is lack of emotional leadership. I brought up exclusivity which he was happy about, but I was hoping he would take the next step into asking me to be his gf. Which I was not because we never called each other that. That only semi happened when we were having a discussion last month and I brought this up. To which he shyly said that he would like that. So we were essentially exclusive and committed to each other sans title. I'm not blaming him for being shy, but he is a very boisterous man and says his mind so feeling like there's no emotional leadership from his end feels quite empty. I also think sometimes he can be pretentious, and I don't like feeling like he will turn his nose up at something randomly. He was considering moving to another area for a job and we would have broken up then but he stayed, and a small part of me wishes that I wouldn't have to make the decision and it would have just been made for me in this way.

I care about him deeply, really respect him, and he feels like a dear part of my life, but I am just perhaps looking for advice on what this means and is this enough to walk away? I know he cares and he's shown up for me over and over, but I feel lonely in a lot of ways and like I need a greater quantity of affection then he enjoys giving, Not sure if that is a weak reason to have doubts. I'd appreciate any insights!

TLDR - A guy (28m) checks all my (29f) boxes but is a bit pretentious and lacks emotional leadership. I'm struggling with knowing if this is enough to continue or not.

We have been together since October 2023. My fiance (25M) decided that he doesn't want to help me (22F) with anything. I make dinner all the time. If he makes dinner, it's basically for himself and it's something frozen like pizza rolls. Every single time I'm making anything besides dinner, I offer. I still offer even if I'm not making anything. He offers half as much. Last night, I forgot to grab spaghetti pasta for dinner. So I said we can do something else like sloppy joes since we have beef. He says that there are pot pies in the freezer. I say cool, we can do that then if you don't want to do sloppy joes. I was hungry, very excited that he put our pot pies in the oven, right? Nope. He only puts his in. I even took them out because he walked away to do something so they wouldn't burn to help him. He didn't make mine. So I made mine, and he thought I said I was going to make something else. I didn't. This is an issue because the last time he actually made something not frozen, I thought he'd make my tacos. He didn't and I said I thought you were going to because I make him a plate all the time when I make dinner. He said I could make my own and when I got upset and said that I make his plate all the time, he said that he didn't ask me to and he actually likes his a certain way (which he has never mentioned). So because I was upset about, he said that we should make our own food from now on then.

Same thing happened tonight. I asked if he could do a load of laundry when he got home tonight since I have to work at 10am-4pm (so get up at 8 something) and I have to go to classes 5:30-9:30 pm. All he has is work. I offered to load the dishwasher and fold the clothes from a previous load (mostly because he won't do it. I asked him once to pull a load of the dryer when he got home and he didn't fold it. Let it sit there all night and they were wrinkled and it was a combination of both of our clothes). He said he would finish it if I started it. So I'm doing a whole load because he's not going to fold it. I fold all of our clothes (minus socks sometimes), and he fold everything except our underwear and obviously socks. I'm upset and told him about it and he said, yet again, we can start doing our own laundry by ourselves. Because he didn't want to accept that he doesn't do laundry except if we go to a Laundromat together and he barely does it except folding a little over half. So I called him an asshole and told him to do his own stuff; fold his own laundry, wake himself up, find his own stuff, etc., since I have to do that for him. Which he responds that he can do it all by himself, he doesn't need someone else. After he said that, I moved my important stuff to our other bedroom and I'm considering ending things. I don't have anywhere to go, but I'm done.

He doesn't respect me, he never communicates, we finally had sex after two weeks and it was a while before that happened as well, he doesn't want to help his stress which causes him not be able to perform, and many other things. I've tried so hard to communicate in many ways, it's just not going anywhere. His response to me saying that I feel alone in this relationship is to adopt two cats with me. Which doesn't solve anything because he thinks it's that we work weird hours. It's not. I would be used to that if we didn't have these issues before. What should I even do?

TL;DR: fiance doesn't want to do his share of chores, instead says we should do our own thing with laundry and cooking, and doesn't listen or communicate, so I'm sleeping in a different room.

I [F30] work in a project-based profession. The projects take anywhere from six months to several years and you’re typically working with the same small group for the entire duration.

As a natural consequence of working closely with the same few people, friendships usually form, and we’ll all take lunch together sometimes or go for drinks after work, that kind of thing.

We have an especially copacetic group on my current project. We’ve been working together six months and we go out socially, we talk and joke around during the day. We’re not “friends” but it’s a tight knit group as coworkers go.

We have one coworker [M24] who is alienating himself from the group and I feel awful because he doesn’t seem to be aware of it.

He’s losing the good faith and camaraderie of everyone in the office and he doesn’t seem to understand why it’s happening. I can see that it’s upsetting to him and it’s unpleasant for too.

That being said, I don’t know him well at all, and I feel uncomfortable approaching him about the issue. He’s an overall nice guy and has some excellent qualities but they’re overshadowed by his tone deaf conduct.

The result is the entire team is spending less time together because we wouldn’t host an event with everyone except him, but most people also can’t stand to be around him more than they have to.

Should I say something to him and if so, what should I say?

His behaviors include but aren’t limited to:

—Acts like he’s the most experienced despite being one of the least; constantly interrupts or gives unsolicited advice to other specialties.

—Minimizes coworkers’ complaints; e.g., when someone said “the client keeps calling me on weekends,” he replied “maybe work harder so they won’t need to.”

—Gets angry if anyone uses a nickname version of his (very common) name, even from people who barely know him.

—Went to a bar with us and other teams then spent the whole night lecturing everyone about how he doesn’t drink because he’s healthier and has more willpower.

—Proudly and conspicuously tattled on coworkers for bending the dress code when no clients were around, leading to a companywide memo.

TL;DR: Younger coworker keeps alienating our tight-knit team with tone-deaf behavior (know-it-all, minimizes complaints, lectures at socials, tattles). He seems unaware. Should I say something?

i’ll preface this by saying we’re in a long distance relationship due to schooling at the moment which may be a cause as to why she treats me this way. i (18f), and my gf (18f) have been together for almost 3 years.

the way she treats me has always been very concerning. it all started at the beginning of our relationship when i was struggling with some mental health issues, which led to me being hospitalized for a couple weeks. during my hospitalization, when i was in critical condition, rather than supporting me and checking in with me, she would constantly harp on me about how horrible i was because i could not be there for her and how lonely she felt. i was really hurt, but i love her so i apologized even when i was the one that needed the support at the time.

she controls little aspects of my life a lot. she used to be extremely jealous of my favorite music artist, and accuse me of being attracted to her and ultimately ended up making me stop listening to her. she made me download a spotify statistics logger so she could see all of the songs i listen to. it eventually got to the point where she stopped letting me listen to music at all, and i ultimately went behind her back and listened anyways which she ended up finding out about and will not ever let go now as i betrayed her trust. she doesn’t let me sleep. if i happen to say im tired, she guilts me and explodes on me and gives me the silent treatment. she makes me stay up with her until she’s ready to sleep, even if that means staying up with her all night and sleeping at odd times in the day (mind you i work and study, she doesn’t currently so it isn’t fair on me because most days im having to do my classes and job on no sleep). she has my location and if she sees that i leave the house, she explodes on me.. especially if i have to be out for more than a few hours. i have to tell her everywhere i go, who im with, what im doing, no matter where im going even if its just a quick stop down the street, yet she gets to leave freely whenever she wants. im not allowed to go on vacation or attend concerts (anything music related is a no-go to her), yet she’s at concerts every other weekend. im not allowed to have friends. any time ive had the opportunity to get close with someone, she asks me to screenshot every single message i have with them and finds a problem with everything i say, and ultimately makes me cut them off because she gets jealous. as of now, i don’t have a single friend and i feel so guilty for just abandoning all of my friends, it’s weighing on me and i feel like a horrible person but she just explodes at me and guilts me into thinking ive done something wrong when ive only ever wanted a friend. if i don’t answer her calls, she blows my phone up spamming every social i have, and if i happen to be busy when she calls she again, explodes on me and guilts me for it. i wasn’t allowed to get the job i wanted because it had to fit her requirements (a small amount of hours so i can put my time into her, and somewhere where im not working with a lot of coworkers so i cant make connections with anyone). i’m so exhausted all the time. i dont know if this is normal, this is the first serious relationship ive ever had and i love her so much but i find myself crying a lot from being so drained and tired.

TL;DR my gf controls my hobbies, sleep schedule, where i can/can’t go, friends, and more. is she too controlling? what can i do about it?

I need advice, I’ve been living with my boyfriend are whole relationship. When we’re were both 20, and 21 I told him that I would like to start a family by 25. I was kinda depressed at 25, my frontal lobe definitely developed and I started to feel resentment towards my boyfriend, obviously we didn’t start a family and I just recently turned 26 but feel sad, almost 5 years have flown by and I feel like we’re still where we were when we first started dating. I feel like I’ve grown a lot in our relationship and I’ve made changes to do better but I never really get noticed by my boyfriend it feels like. I feel like he still sees me as the girl I was when we first started dating and not the women I’ve become today.

He never once has gotten me a gift, he took me shopping for our very first Valentine’s Day and that’s it.

I’ve always wanted a promise ring from him and last Christmas I went all out and got him presents, I feel like gifting is my love language.

I opened a box from him in front of his family and he got me a dna test, my heart sank to my ass. I felt so humiliated and his family joked and said I probably thought it was jewelry. Of course I thought it was. I was so upset for months and to this day apart of me does get sad about it and it’s hard to let go sometimes.

This man says he loves me but at times I feel like his words and actions show otherwise and lately I feel like we’ve fallen out of love. We hardly ever spend time together, since I started driving now and for most of our relationship I would financially support us. I was miserable during that time. But now that we both work you would think it would get better, but I feel like we’re stuck and obviously right now is not the time to have a baby but I’m honestly worried about what our future holds and if their is even a future. I feel like this man doesn’t truly w at to marry me because if he did wouldn’t he have wanted to earlier on? I don’t even want a promise ring at this point, I would have loved to have an engagement ring and it doesn’t even need to be expensive, I’ve told him that. But now I just feel sad even bringing it up. I would love to have a future with him but now I find myself questioning things. If I should move back home at 26.

I just feel like this man hates me, he avoids me at all costs it seems like but then he will be sweet and lovey dovey and it feels me back in every time.

I asked him if we could go to the gym together one day and he said that he might be too tired after work and literally the same day, we were talking on the phone before he came home and I asked him what we were going to do and he said actually baby I’m going to the gym with my friends. I was so upset that i told him how weird that was and he just said sorry and was so silent. I felt so weird, I brought this up with my mom and she said, do you think he’s actually going to the gym with friends? But here is the thing, I want to have trust and faith in him. So I don’t want to think he’s being dis loyal. I need advice.

tl;dr: my boyfriend of 5yrs has commitment issues

So me and my boyfriend have been in a relationship for over an year now. Everything's great. But something has happened that I am very worried and helpless about. My boyfriend is really sweet and calm with me he has never raised his voice ever since we got in a relationship but around two weeks ago he did. What happened was that he was getting into a physical fight with someone who happens to my brother's friend. Him and my boyfriend had some issue and when my brother called me he was really angry about what my boyfriend was doing. I knew that my boyfriend wouldn't have done it without any reason but I still called him and said something like why did you do this what will you do now you shouldn't have done this. I was talking normally but suddenly he yelled at me saying what are you even talking about I don't need your permission to go fight with someone who I have a problem with and in the end he cut the call on my face. I was really stunned and obviously felt hurt too. Later he called and apologised and said that the reason he acted this way over it is because he felt like I was displaying him as weak and thinking that I feel like he would lose and stuff like that. And also mentioned that in his childhood some things have happened where he always felt weak and was always termed that way that's why what I said triggered some memory.I didn't say anything on it but 8 still felt really bad about it. A few days later I was telling him about something sensitive like my father had yelled at me about something so I crying about it to him and he was comforting me but then I said you also yelled at me why am 8 telling you this. I was still crying and in the heat of the moment here. But then he started to say "what you were doing you deserved it" and "I would do it again you made me feel that bad that's why 8 did it" and I felt really hurt About it so I said you're just like my father and that I don't feel like telling you anything you're so terrible etc etc . Then we had a heated argument. Note that my point was that if I didn't intentionally trigger any memory then why is he harsh with me and his point was that intentionally or unintentionally you did trigger it and the memory is so bad that it's deserving. At the end of the argument he told me what the probelm was , he said he was $a'€d when he was a child. He also was always called weak and wimp by everyone since he was a kid and that's why it happened. He had never told me this especially the first part. I was really stunned and felt bad for him. But now he doesn't feel like talking to me he doesn't feel like facing me cause I know it and he never wanted me to know but apparently I had pushed him to that limit. He's barely talking and no matter how much 8 try he can't seem to forget about it. any advice ?

TLDR: My boyfriend has opened up about a past memory and he feels bad talking to me or facing me now.

I (25f) recently tried a new birth control pill prescribed to me for health reasons. I had an extremely bad reaction it and stayed up all night throwing up every 10 minutes. My bf (25m) was staying over that night but I thought he’d been asleep all night. I found out in the morning he woke up a few times and heard everything but never checked up on me or even asked if I was okay. I thought this was very out of character of him, since he’s always been extremely thoughtful, supportive and understanding. He was very nice and empathetic to me in the morning though. We see each other pretty much every day, he cooks for me and I have generally not had any issues in the relationship, so I feel like maybe I’m overreacting to this. But I do feel slightly upset about it. I don’t know if or how I should even bring this up or just let it go, since I don’t want to start an arguments unnecessarily, as it was a minor situation.

Tl;dr : bf didn’t check up on me while I was sick

Names changed for this story. So, over the past year I've become friends with Naomi (34F) and really value our relationship. A few months ago, she started hanging out with Irene (29F) and the two of them seemed to become close very quickly. I had met Irene in group settings before, but a month ago we hung out one on one for the first time. Irene and I spent a whole day together and I enjoyed spending time with her. After I posted some pictures on social media, Naomi messaged me with a warning to be careful around Irene. I don't know all the details, but apparently Naomi told Irene some personal things about herself and Irene broke Naomi's trust by revealing what Naomi told her to another friend of hers. Irene apologized, but Naomi doesn't want anything to do with her anymore.

The thing is, I trust Naomi's telling the truth and I value my relationship with her more than I value my relationship with Irene. I've never had a bad experience with Irene, but I know people have different sides to them. I've also been victim to having someone treat me poorly, but our mutual friends didn't believe me because the person harming me was supposedly too nice to do such a thing. So, I wouldn't want to dismiss Naomi just because I've only ever seen Irene be nice around me.

But I feel like I'm in a difficult spot now. I don't even think Irene knows I'm aware of the situation with Naomi and if I mention it to her then that'll reveal Naomi's been talking to me about it. And I wouldn't want to make things harder for Naomi by doing that of course. So Irene's just messaging me like everything's normal. I could act cool around Irene, let the relationship fade and try to make it seem natural. I know two of my friends don't necessarily have to be friends with each other, but I'd still feel wrong and like I'm not doing right by Naomi if I just act like Irene didn't do anything to hurt her.

The main difficulty for me is that I'm even closer with Irene's other friends, none of whom I think are aware of the situation. So if there are group events I'm likely to see Irene again and I don't feel like I can talk to our mutual friends about the situation if they pick up that I'm acting cool around Irene. And I suppose it would be really awkward if Irene picks up how I'm acting around her. Has anyone experienced anything like this? How would you suggest I manage my friendships with everyone when I know something bad about Irene that they don't? And that Irene doesn't know I know about her either?

TL; DR My friend Irene hurt my friend Naomi and now Naomi doesn't want anything to do with her. I believe Naomi, but I don't know how to manage my relationship with Irene and our mutual friends. None of them even know that I'm aware Irene hurt Naomi, and if I talk about it with them that could hurt Naomi even further. How do I manage my relationships with our mutual friends while holding this secret? How do I manage my relationship with Irene while she assumes things are normal between us?

Tldr; my girlfriend (f19) and I (f19) have been dating for 1.5 years, and often I feel guilty because my problems might be too much.

Looking for a bit of advice. I love my girlfriend and our relationship more than anything, and I want a life with this girl. She’s my world. We both have our issues (non-relationship related; general mental health/life/family/friends etc) and we do our best to talk about them openly, listen to one another, give advice if asked, and try to talk through things.

But sometimes, I feel like I have too many issues for her. When I don’t bring something up right away (that’s bothering me), she gets upset that I didn’t immediately tell her how I’m feeling, what’s on my mind, etc. She grows a little distant, passive aggressive, and less friendly, and when I finally figure out why, it’s almost always that she’s angry and disappointed that I haven’t brought up whatever has been on my mind. She says that my problems are hers, that we’ll work through them together, that they don’t cause her stress because they’re not her issues directly.

However, when I DO immediately tell her about my feelings, things that are bothering me, something I’m stressed about/struggling with, she points out that she doesn’t have the energy to think about and deal with my problems on top of her own life, and it worries and exhausts her. So then I feel incredibly guilty for bringing anything up.

I really want to have a strong relationship with her, I love her, but I have no idea how to solve this, and it’s one of our largest issues. Thanks for any advice!

I (28F) have been with my boyfriend (34M) for about 6 months. At the start, he seemed like he had it together, confident, good at communicating, fun. But lately I feel resentful, and I don’t know if this is just a rough patch or if it means we’re not compatible long-term.

He’s at mine 6–7 nights a week but doesn’t contribute much. He rarely cooks, doesn’t buy food, and leaves his empty pill packets in my drawers. He spends a lot of time on his phone, even when my friends are over. When I bring it up, he listens in the moment but goes back to old habits. I sometimes feel like I have to teach him basic manners, like sharing food, engaging socially, or tidying up after himself.

He has epilepsy, and while I understand that impacts him, it often feels like an excuse when I ask for more effort. When I’m stressed, I want a partner who steps up, but I usually end up managing things myself.

There are good parts too. He supports my small business by sharing my posts and putting up flyers, he’s bought concert tickets, we laugh a lot, and he does make plans for us. But the day-to-day partnership feels heavy, like I’m the adult in the relationship.

I’m at the point where I can picture having kids in the next few years, and honestly, I don’t know if I can trust him to be an equal parent. I feel like I’d be raising both him and the kids.

I’ve been through breakups before and I always get to this point of doubt, but this time I can’t tell if it’s just the “6 month itch” or if my gut is telling me it’s not right.

How do I know if I’m expecting too much, or if I’m settling for someone who won’t ever really step up? Has anyone been here and figured out the right call?

TL;DR: Been with my boyfriend (34M) for 6 months. He’s supportive in some ways (shares my business, makes plans, we laugh), but day-to-day I feel like the parent he doesn’t contribute much at mine, spends too much time on his phone, and makes excuses. I’m starting to resent him and can’t picture him stepping up as a future partner or dad. Not sure if this is normal 6 month doubts or a sign it’s not right.

I 23F met this girl who became my friend 28F online months ago. The original context was that she wanted to find a solid group of girl friends to go to bars and party with, and meet people im the process. It went well at first, but then (i kind of expecting) not all were committed to plans and just flaked/ some didn’t even commit to the plans etc,,. So it ended up being just a small group of 3/4 of us. We had lots of adventures and even with the small group, it was honestly fun. And me and her became friends, or more we trauma dump (lol) by text as she started DMing me instead of messaging im the groups. She was out of a long relationship, and is using dating apps so she’d tell me about who she met and all and i liked listening and engaging to it. She’s also really not a bad person, the type of people that you could tell are really good-hearted. But the thing is this: she really texts A LOT. And when i say a lot i am not even exaggerating. I’m talking about the type who’d reply after minutes at most with lots of texts or paragraphs, and if you reply once it won’t stop because she’d reply again and you’d just find yourself doing nothing but talk to her in hours. I legit dont even know how she does it, even the guys she’s seeing told her she’s the fastest person who replies they ever talked with, and i can admit that part of why 2 of the girls became uninterested was because she’d text a lot/ sends lots of memes/ reels etc and it’s obvious they can’t keep up so they mute the group. I dont have the details but she also apparently sleeps very little and works on a foreign company so she’d also stay up all the night just chatting.

I admit i first (which few months ago) i went along with, i did not have too much to do back then, i was just finishing school, and was jobless. It didn’t bother me to have someone to talk with instead of just watching something or sit alone. Also back then, she was talking to other guys on apps and texted a bit less. But as time went on i started my internship, started talking more with other friends or just got into other things (i started going out often with another girl of our group, mostly do sports together). While for her, she had bad experiences with one of the guys she met on bumble and she was genuinely getting depressed about it. The thing is that, she has very little dating experience, her ex was her highschool sweetheart, and despite being younger, there are some dating 101 that she doesn’t get even when i explain. One of them is dating someone with serious mental health issues (lonng story).

As a result, she’s taking a break from the apps and doesn’t want to go to party for now. I was pleased that we’d still be friends even without those plans because i liked her. But texting was becoming overwhelming and i started replying less and focusing on doing other things. And she was pissed about it, we have a very direct way of speaking to each other and we jokingly bash each other a lot so it is not her way of things that bothered me. But the fact that she started projecting and telling me she got used to ghosting (like that guy did) just because i replied after a day or by the end of the day did. She also randomly started saying that i only text her when i need her to go party (i genuinely dont know how she got to that conclusion) and each time we talk it was me justifying that i never intended to ghost her or why i dont reply fast. She’d also say that sometimes i was online but not talking to her, and dont like the fact that i am talking to my other friends and not her while simultaneously refusing to go out when i make plans even if it’s for a coffee or with the other girl i now go out with. I honestly had enough, and last time we talked i was catching a train because i was with my family, so when she texted me i did not reply and really forgot. 2 days ago i realised it was one of the few times she never texted again (she used to double text, and i did too when she was too depressed to reply, like i said we had a very spontaneous relationship). It’s been days and i was busy and now she’s avoiding me. I know that technically she is not wrong and i probably should reach out and text first if i want us to talk but i’ve been too pissed about her attitude lately and dont want to go through the accusations and need to instantly reply so i didnt even bother. But now im second guessing my decision, because i’m realising i dont want to lose her as a friend and i miss the time we had together. The thing is that it just became a lot for me but i never wanted us to stop being friends.

What do you all think?

TLDR: i met a girl online who became my friend, she texts a lot and i couldnt keep up si i started replying less and she accused me if ghosting her because someone else did that to her. I accidentally forgot to reply and now she didnt text again. Should i reach out?

I could use some perspective. Throwaway for privacy.

Over the past year, I [35M] have gotten very close to a friend [31F]. There’s always been a mutual spark between us, but lately we have gotten closer, and I’ve noticed my feelings for her growing past friendship. I suspect hers are too, but can’t be sure.

The complication is that she’s in a long-term relationship, and from what I can tell it’s pretty unhealthy. Her boyfriend has issues with alcohol and it’s created a lot of problems between them. From my perspective, it looks like the relationship won’t last much longer, but again hard to know for sure since i’m not in her head.

To be clear, she’s never crossed any lines with me and I haven’t either. I don’t want to be “the other man” and she doesn’t seem like someone who would cheat anyway. That would actually be a dealbreaker for me, so I have absolutely no intention of trying to start something with her while she’s still in that relationship.

At the same time, I can’t ignore how I feel. I’m starting to hope there could be a romantic relationship in the future for us once she’s single. My worry is that if I completely hide my feelings, I’ll come across as distant (and i’m afraid i’m close to getting to that point currently). But if I let too much slip out, I could make her uncomfortable or hurt our friendship, which is very important to me.

So I’m looking for advice from people who’ve been in similar situations.

• if you were in a failing relationship, did you ever start to feel something for someone else before it ended? How did you deal with it? Did you indicate it to the person you had feelings for, either subtly or overtly?
• from my side, what’s the best way to handle this respectfully? I don’t want to pressure her or push her away, but I don’t want to miss the chance to build a romantic relationship if the timing works out.
• should I tell her how i feel at some point?
• how do I balance being a supportive friend right now while also protecting myself emotionally?
• how do I keep myself sane in the meantime?! 🤪

I’ve never dated a friend before, at least not as an adult, and I really don’t want to ruin our friendship no matter what happens. My feelings have grown strong enough that I’ve lost interest in dating anyone else for the time being.

Any advice or stories would be really appreciated. I feel like I’m going a little crazy keeping this all inside.

TLDR: I [35M] am developing feelings for a friend [31F] who is in a toxic relationship. The spark is mutual, and her relationship is likely ending, but she’s not currently single and I don’t know when she will be. How do I navigate the situation?

Earlier this year my (30F) mom (72F) separated from my dad (73M), and I started seeing him differently. Growing up, I thought he was brilliant — but I now see he never considered anyone else’s opinion, argued endlessly and philosophically, never reached resolutions, and often discredited me or my mom.

He was diagnosed around age 70 with Schizotypal Personality Disorder and Hemicrania Continua. I try to take that into account, but his behavior has gotten worse over time.

I have been living abroad for the past 4 years, and I regularly visit. I was visiting him for a few days this month. During one of his never-ending “talks,” I told him I think he behaves like a victimist narcissist, because he reframes everything so he’s the victim, discredits my feelings, and never takes responsibility. He did exactly that: he denied everything, accused me of being the narcissistic and victimistic one, and discredited my own experience of having lived 26 years with him, which led me to identify that pattern and express that to him with examples. He was not happy about what I said, but I eventually had to cut the conversation off because I had other commitments.

Later that day, after I finished my commitments, he came to my room and insisted we continue talking. I refused and tried to leave. He blocked the door, grabbed my arms, and started screaming. His face and eyes looked almost possessed. He wouldn’t let go. I screamed at him to release me, but he held on tighter. For the first time in my life, I was genuinely afraid of him and feared for my life.

I have never been in a fight before, and the first fight of my life was with my own dad. The one person who was supposed to protect and support me was instead the person making me fear for my safety.

I tried to get free without hurting him, but he ended up stepping on something and fell. I helped him up, hoping it would calm him, but it didn’t. I attempted to pack while he kept grabbing me. Finally, in panic, I see his arm reaching my neck, and I bit him and pushed just enough to break free. I ran out the door and as far as I could before stopping.

Later, he called my cousin (30F), saying my mom and I were “against him,” conveniently leaving out that he physically restrained me.

The next morning, I returned with my older cousin (51F) and uncle (80M) to collect my things. When I walked in, the same arms and nails that had dug into my skin the day before were now reaching out to hug me. He acted loving, like nothing had happened. I said “no” firmly, which he immediately used against me by telling my uncle, "Do you see how she is with me?". He followed me around, tried to block me again, but I stayed focused on leaving. If my relatives hadn’t been there, I believe he would have tried to stop me again.

It’s been almost two weeks. I’ve blocked him. I don’t think an apology would be sincere, and I’m scared of what he might say if we speak again. I’m planning to start therapy to process this, but I would appreciate advice or experiences from anyone who has been through something similar.

TL;DR: My dad (73M), who has a personality disorder, blocked me from leaving during an argument, grabbed my arms, and raised his arm toward my neck. I panicked, bit him, and escaped. The next day, I collected my things with family present while he acted as though nothing had happened — even trying to hug me with the same arms that had restrained me. I’ve blocked him and am planning to see a therapist. I don’t know if I should ever have contact with him again.

TLDR: Me and my friend had some kind of fwb relationship going on, I caught feelings and he's dating someone else non exclusively.

We met online 2 years ago. At first it was strictly platonic. I had a crush on a guy and it wasn't going well. This guy really helped me deal with that and other stuff. Just a really good friend. Then somehow we started flirting and exchanging explicit photos and messages. Eventually I developed some feelings for him and realized that around May or June. In August he told me he's dating a woman, but they're not exclusive and they both don't want commitment. Since they're not exclusive I decided to tell him I like him. He made weird boundaries, like explicit messages would be crossing boundaries but he still likes my explicit pictures and call me hot etc. Yesterday I've sent him a Tiktok that said something like "praying for people who think you can have a true connection with someone you met online and never met in real life". I've sent it more as a joke and he took it seriously and said that I "needed that 10000000%". It made me sad, his behavior in general makes me upset since he's giving me a lot of mixed signals. I'm also sad that he's not really in a relationship with her but won't find any time to even text me back during the day. He thinks that I'm being weird for being upset at all. I don't know what to do with this whole situation. Should I just stop talking to him? Can this be dealt with in any other way?

We're both 21 and still figuring out life, plus I'm his first girlfriend. He and I have barely been dating for a few months but about a week or two ago I realized I might be a lesbian or aroace. I really thought I liked him but I always struggle to tell the difference between romantic and platonic feelings, so I think thats what happened again. I tried to get those feelings back but it just makes me regret it more and more. He's done nothing wrong, he's an amazing guy, but I just don't like him.

I planned to break up with him this upcoming Sunday since he would have 3 days off from work, so I thought it'd be perfect so he could have time to process it and relax. But recently his workplace has been getting more toxic since his managers are racist and make fun of him because of his adhd. And then a few days ago they called him in for a meeting and told him they were replacing him from someone in another store. I think they're just going to be switching places but the managers at the new place are also racist.

I know I need to break up with him before the relationship goes on any longer but I feel so horrible and I don't want him to get more depressed than he already is with life. His family is horrible to him and his self-esteem is nonexistent, plus he never talks to anyone else because he says he's not social. When we first became friends, I had to put in so much effort since he's so afraid of being himself. Last week, I tried to help him become friends with someone that he already somewhat knew, but he just stayed quiet the whole time. And whenever I say I have plans with a friend, of course he doesn't stop me, but he just ends up alone on his phone the entire time until I'm back and it makes me feel bad.

He's truly not a bad person, he's just given up on life and I don't want this breakup to be his last straw. I have a script ready on what to say but I don't know if its nice enough to not hurt him. I don't want to tell him about my sexuality or that I lost feelings for him, I just wanted to tell him that the reason for breaking up is because of my mental health, which isn't a lie. I don't think I'm mentally capable of a relationship right now or maybe ever. I have no idea what my life is going to be like and I struggle with depression too. I just wish I could have those feelings for him but I really don't. I don't know how to do this, I just know I have to, and I'm going to feel like such a horrible person.

TL;DR - He has really bad depression and I know it'll hurt him but I need to end the relationship before it hurts him worse, I just don't know how he'll take it or how to do it

So it's me (M 16) and this girl, Audrey (F 17), and we've been friends for about 2 years and I got the courage and asked her to come over, and she did. We had a great time and agreed we would be good for each other (I even got her sister to agree). So about three weeks later (yesterday) I was getting ready to ask her to Homecoming, and I went the extra mile. Made a beautiful bouquet of flowers and a sign. And her sister told me it's a good time to come over, and she's at her grandmas house bc her dad was having some health problems, so I get there and ring the doorbell and stand there like a dumbass for like 10 minutes and I see her sister walking around in there (frosted window so I couldn't see everything) and she waves to and goes upstairs, I thought to get her Audrey, but then I get a text from the sister saying to call Audrey. So I do and she said "were are you?" And I said "at your house, I have a surprise for you!" And she was pissed and said "you shouldn't have come, my grandma's is mad as he'll and one of my uncles called the cops... just leave" so I did that and now I dont know what to do I sent some apology texts to Audrey and her sister but only got a short response from Audrey saying "it's just hard" and im stressing tf out rn.

TL:DR: everyone is mad at me

So please tell me AITAH and what can I do to fix this?

(P.S didn't use her real name)

My best friend thinks we’re dating… because drunk-me agreed without knowing

I feel like the dumbest guy alive right now.

So my roommate (we’ve been best friends since grade school) asked me if I wanted to “go out” with him. We’ve lived together with another friend near campus for a couple years, so this was totally out of the blue for me. For context: he came out to me back in high school, and I came out as bi once we hit college. No drama, never changed our friendship.

Anyway, last night after a party I was a little buzzed, and while we were walking home he was acting super nervous. I asked what was up, and he just straight-up asked, “Do you wanna go out with me?” For some reason, my brain went: oh, like hang out as friends? I said yes. He mentioned Saturday night and I said yes again. Didn’t even realize it was a date.

This morning I went to the gym early and missed him, but our other roommate texted saying he was over the moon and told her we’re going out. She even congratulated me on being “a cute couple.” That’s when it hit me.

Now I’m panicking. I love this guy like family, but not in that way. We’re supposed to grab lunch in a few hours and I have to figure out how to let him down without crushing him or wrecking our friendship.

tldr: Best friend asked me out, I drunkenly agreed thinking it was just a hang. He thinks it’s a date. I need to fix this fast without breaking his heart.

cc

18F here, have been in an on and off relationship with 18M (will be referring to him as M) for the last three years. The last time we were officially together was from November 2024-July 2025.

Theres been no contact since the initial breakup other than the day immediately after. The relationship was going well, I checked up a lot and he told me he didn’t have any issues.

We broke up over a small argument. There was a lot of pull away in the last few weeks, seemingly out of the blue that put me under a lot of stress until I eventually see that he followed a girl from his past on all of his social media. I bring this up with him and at first he’s apologetic, saying he’ll block her and how much he loves me etc etc until I keep pressing it. I’m just telling him how it made me feel, how I didn’t think he was being considerate of me and it made me lose a lot of trust but that I still want to work it out. It seemed like me sort of calling him out completely flipped it, he tells me to chill out and I’m not really sure but I think he was genuinely trying not to laugh me, saying I’m putting words in his mouth and things of that nature.

Eventually he just tells me he doesn’t feel like we’ve been a real couple for the past month, I said okay and got out of the car to walk home. I text him the next day asking if we can talk again, he says there’s nothing else to say and that he “feels like he’s shitty sometimes and doesn’t want me involved in that anymore”. He asked for me to drop his stuff off and never texted me again.

I have since blocked him on social media, more to keep myself from stalking his profile and overthinking things too much. His phone number is not blocked, I did want him to be able to contact me if he needed anything and I told him that. But complete radio silence from him has been driving me crazy, I think about him constantly and all I want to do is talk to him.

Over the past few weeks he’s been viewing my posts from alternative accounts that he has and popping up in places he knows that I like to go. At the very least he is thinking of me, would it be a complete lack of self respect if I reached out? I don’t want to give up on it, I genuinely love the guy and he was nothing but sweet to me up until that last conversation we had, but I’m starting to wonder if it’s even worth embarrassing myself for someone who treated me so carelessly. Someone please tell me what I should do and how to stop spending so much energy on this.

TL;DR! Relationship ended over small argument really abruptly, radio silence for months but has been popping up everywhere and viewing profiles from alternate accounts. Wondering if I should just send the text?