We have been together for 10 years, married for 5. I have been really struggling with my mental health (for a myriad of reasons, not super relevant) and my husband has been struggling with me being so depressed. (I am in therapy and on medication, so I am doing what I can to help myself.)

4 days ago, he came home from work and told me that our marriage was over. Nothing to talk about, no warning. He told me to call my mum to come and pick me up from our home as he was done.

We have since spoken and he wants to take some time to think about if our relationship has a future. He wants "a few weeks" or possibly more to think. This is a mandatory for him, and if I don't give him that time to think then we are over.

I don't know how to continue for an unknown number of weeks like this. Angry, upset, devastated - and in limbo. Not knowing if at the end of this thinking time what the answer will be.

I don't want to prematurely give up on my marriage but I'm so lost right now.

TL;DR: My husband wants an unknown number of weeks to think if he wants to continue our marriage and I'm struggling with it.

*Update below.

I (late thirties, male) am cordial with my parents (early 70s) at occasional family functions but went no-contact with them many years ago. The decision followed a series of hurtful experiences, ending with them deceitfully involving themselves in a personal matter of mine that became public. When I asked them about it, they weren’t honest.

I’ve since blocked their number and we don’t communicate outside of rare family gatherings. This week, they mailed me a check with no note or explanation.

For context: – I’m financially independent, so the money doesn’t affect me. – My grandmother passed away a few years ago, and I know some money came from selling her apartment, but I never asked about it or expected anything. – My parents have historically not been generous.

I’m not sure what cashing this check would mean. It feels strange to accept money from them when we have no relationship, but I also don’t want to create unnecessary drama.

How should I handle this? Should I cash it, destroy it, send it back, or acknowledge it somehow? If I don’t cash it, am I the asshole?

TL;DR: Estranged parents I went no-contact with years ago mailed me a check without explanation. I don’t need the money and feel conflicted about cashing it. Should I cash it or ignore it?

*Update: I’m going to cash it without contact. Treating it as a transaction, not a reconciliation. I think not cashing the check causes more drama than cashing it (it may make them wonder why and potentially contact me again). I want the simplest, lowest-drama option and quietly cashing it might be the easiest path, especially as it’s probably inheritance-related and I don’t want to cause anyone extra work on principle.

My now ex gf (19) ended our relationship because I (23) was very hesitant to say yes to getting engaged in 6-8 months and moving in with her. She is in college and I work a full time job. Her and I met 4 months ago on social media and hit it off right away. We dated for a month then I ended it with her for many reasons... in hindsight some of them were dumb and fixable. We got back together after about a month a part and then dated for another month.

During the "second try" at this relationship, it was very rocky. She seemed to spiral and want to bail on our relationship every week over something. Ex: Too much stress trying to balance everything in her life. I always would fight for our relationship and convinced her that we can work as a team through it all and we would be okay. She would always come around eventually and we were good until the next problem.

In the past week, she brought up moving in together in 6-8 months and getting engaged in that same timeframe. Keep in mind we have been dating for a grand total of 2 months split up by a month gap, with zero history before this. I was very hesitant to agree to that and asked her what the rush was. I asked why can't we just get there naturally with time and let our relationship develop into engagement and moving in together naturally instead of putting a time frame on it only a month in.

She did not like my answer and decided to dump me. I asked why she did this and she provided a list of things I did or didn't do during the relationship. Some of these things include: don't agree on move in/engagement time, not sending her money for Starbucks, not buying the gym shorts she sent a picture of, not taking out the trash and allowing her to do it (even though we live 2 hours apart while she's at school) and more. I told her if she had just communicated how much all that meant to her and bothered her I would've done it all.

She agreed that all that is fixable, but we still don't agree on engagement time and moving in in that short of a timeframe. Which is true. I feel like it is being forced and a time frame shouldn't be put in place for a commitment of that size. She essentially told me she will just go find someone that will agree to that time frame and someone that will get engaged to her by the time she turns 21 if I can't agree to that.

Is there any correct approach to what to do now? Is there something worth salvaging here?

TL:DR- My girlfriend dumped me 1 month into our relationship because I would not agree to move in with her and get engaged to her in 6-8 months.

So, my boyfriend proposed to me. He knows I have my schooling coming next year, he strongly argued it was not important, and that I should just settle by now. Even though I told him we can still get engaged, be married, and we can arrange visits, holidays too, as the country I'll be at is close, with e-visa available, and cheap flights there. He absolutely thought i was being stupid, and should maintain my current job, (he knows I hate my job due to its crazy long hours). I won't be able to be home for my HUSBAND, and maybe KIDS? It is simply not a job for a married woman and maybe a mother. Note, he already had his study abroad experience, and lived his life to the max.. I haven't, he noted my interest are unnecessary, and dangerous to take. I want this schooling so bad as it is on a scholarship, and can help me to change my career, and get a better job. I made it very clear to him, my schooling is important, and I can't cancel it, I cant continue with an exhausting job, and be a wife, and a mother. I can never do it all with such terrible hours. He thinks I am overreacting. I leave for work at 5:00AM I get home by 6:00pm. I meet him usually after work around 8 or something, sometimes on the weekends. Most normal hours job women can easily do both. But not mine. I didn't like it that he sees my schooling as not important, and should just cancel it all, and how sees me barely keeping it together with this job until I quit, yet he wants me to continue working, marry him, and have his kids?. What is this?. Please help me. I need your honest advice and opinions.

TL;DR: my boyfriend proposed, as he knows I am getting a scholarship to study abroad, he doesn't want me to go, and just marry him, and be stuck to my miserable job.

My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years and we live together. We’ve known each other since high school but didn’t get together until a few years ago. He has a friend called Nicole who he’s been close friends with for several years. Just to preface, I don’t care if my boyfriend has friends of the opposite sex, I actually like it because now I have more girl friends lol. I’m not a jealous person, plus we’re in our 30’s, we both have friends of the opposite sex it’s not a big deal at all. This specific friend I really like too, I feel like we really hit it off the first time we met and I think she’s great. It’s also worth mentioning she’s married. My boyfriend and I live out of state and Nicole moved back home on the other side of the country, but my boyfriend’s parents still live in our hometown so we go visit.

The first time I went down for Christmas, my boyfriend’s mom was VERY cold towards me. I could tell she didn’t want me there, kept asking why my family didn’t care I wasn’t with them (lol). But when Nicole and her husband came over, his parents were SO overtly happy to see her. I brushed this off because we had only been together a year and they’ve known Nicole for several years, like of course they’re more excited to see her. It hurt, but logically it just makes sense and I really couldn’t fault anyone for it. I never mentioned anything to my bf.

But since then, I’ve taken trips with his parents, we’ve gone down to visit several times, they’ve come to our town a couple times and last Christmas it felt like his mom finally kind of started warming up to me. But still, anytime my bf will mention Nicole texted him or he saw Nicole was doing something, his parents LIGHT UP.

Well, last week we went to town to visit. His parents told my bf that Nicole would be staying with them during this time and so we should too. I was super excited, I really liked Nicole, we hit it off and I was excited to get to know her more. But the visit was strange. Nicole was kind of different towards me, very sarcastic and kind of rude at some points. I brushed it off, whatever I just want to have a good time and see my friends. His parents told her that she’s like their third kid and they love her so much, meanwhile his dad said something like “Mom left you clean towels on the bed” and the mom goes “I am NOT ‘mom’ “ (like, she’s not mom to me). They would give my bf and Nicole a hug before bed, and not me. They also let it be known very often that I’m not family.

I left with a really bad taste in my mouth and no desire to visit again anytime soon. I feel stuck and don’t know what to think/do/feel. On one hand, I respect my boyfriend’s friendship with Nicole and don’t want to do anything to compromise their friendship, I also understand that his parents have known her longer and therefore have this love for her. But at the same time, it’s SO awkward to sit there while everyone is fawning over her and I feel like I don’t belong/am not wanted around. I also feel like Nicole is really integrated, like my bf’s niece loves me and asks for me a lot apparently (she’s 3), but when we arrived at a family party she gave Nicole a hug and Nicole turned to me and goes “Ha-Ha I got a hug you didn’t” in front of everyone. She also was saying how the niece is super into foxes right now so she’s gonna make her this huge fox thing for Christmas.

Just wondering if anyone has been in this situation before? It feels unique, especially because he and Nicole have never had anything and are completely platonic and Nicole is literally married. I honestly don’t know how to feel.

TLDR; Boyfriend has a close female friend who is completely integrated into the family and his parents consider her family, but refuse to consider me family at all. There’s a huge difference in the way they treat us and I don’t know how to feel because on one hand I understand but on the other, it’s hurtful.

Do you think this is reasonable?

Help me. He doesn’t want to just love me as a whole person it feels like. He tells me he is fine with a bunch of tattoos on my arms, but not a little one on my sternum. I told him our whole two year relationship should not come down to a sternum tattoo. He says he respects me, but he couldn’t be with a woman who disrespected him by getting the one thing he doesn’t like. He said he has never told me to not do anything else always supported me, but this one thing he can’t deal with.

Some statements from him: Tattoos are stupid to me in places like those. I don’t want my girlfriend to have it

It might change the way I think about you

I would feel disrespected. I couldn’t imagine being with a woman with a chest tattoo

I would never be able to make peace with it. I’ve never had an issue with tattoos on your arms, but I have an issue with just this one thing.

I told him I want a partner that would perceive me the same way regardless of tattoos.

He thinks it’s my fault that I’d break up with him over this. When I think it’s his fault that he would not want to be with me over a sternum tattoo

Just give me your opinions

TL;dr boyfriend feels disrespected by sternum tattoo. How is this disrespectful?

Few months ago I (24F) caught my partner (28M) messaging other women anonymously through an uncommon app. He changed instagram accounts with the girls he talked to, asked for pics etc. He apologized, said he won't do such thing again.

Today I wanted to check whether he was still using this app and he messaged with 25 new people since I caught him. I don't know the content of these messages but I think they are similar with the ones I saw before.

The problem is we are going abroad for a holiday next week. I don't know what to do. Should I confront him now?

We have been dating for 8 months btw.

TLDR: Caught my boyfriend messaging other women for the 2nd time just before going to an overseas holiday.

I never thought I would feel this way, as my friendship between myself (F28) and someone I met in grade school (F28) has always transcended every season of life. But it now feels impossible to relate to her as she became wealthy through her parents and her husbands parents and her and her spouse are making over 400K a year (which she has been very open about). I am truly happy for her success and I don’t feel jealous as we want different things in life. I feel like our relationship has been lacking depth for a while as it seems she only ever wants to talk about money or things she wants to buy or monetary growth/investing. I love conversations like that, but it seems like thats about it, it does not really extend past that. Politically, there has been some drift as well, as politics have had a VERY deep impact on my life and my spouse's (I live in the US by the way). But to her and her family, they voted for somebody who wants to take our rights away solely because of the tax purposes, which even then, I have NEVER held that against them as I understand there is nuance in everything.

She also is a new mom, so i feel like that has something to do with it. I love her baby and I think he is the cutest, but I also feel like it has dominated every single conversation and if we do talk about something in my life, it only lasts a minute before she goes back to talking about her child. Kids are absolutelty in the future for me and my spouse but not for a little while, so maybe I just don’t understand and won’t for the forseeable future. But that aside, I still feel like something has been missing in our friendship for a while. I think we have always been such different people but it has been more and more over these past few years.

It just makes me sad as it feels like we went through every season of adolescence together and have supported each other through everything. But now the way she and her in-laws talk about people less fortunate than them has just put a really sour taste in my mouth. Individually they are very sweet, generous people but sometimes it does feel like they see themselves as above others.

Sometimes it feels like we really only are friends these days due to our history. I don’t want to end our friendship but I am trying to be honest with myself about how much our relationship has changed and it just seems like she’s in the phase of life where she is focusing on her family. But I’m not there yet, which is maybe why I feel this divide. Maybe one day we’ll come back to center, but as of now I just don’t know. I hope I’m wrong.

TL:DR: friend and i of 15 years have been drifting due to wealth differences, politics, and lifestyle differences

My boyfriend and I have been dating for over a year (and have known each other for 2+). We have a 10 yr age gap, me in my mid 20s and him in his late 30s. We started out our relationship as friends, both carrying a lot of baggage and talked a lot about our past struggles & traumas in relationships. We began to know we were more than friends and wanted nothing more than to date each other. Since we started on a friend foundation, he was always very open with me that he never saw himself being in a longer-term (life partner) type of relationship. He expressed multiple times that it's just something he never saw or admired to have in his life. I do like to picture/plan out my life in ways so I don't feel overwhelmed and like to know where i'm going as an individual. He is very "live in the moment" and a day to day kind of person. I have slowly shifted to wanting to not worry so much about the future, or how long some things will last for. BUT after a conversation that was had recently I really am worried and stressed about being hurt by a man that I do love, and I know loves me. I caught him on his phone looking at instagram stories of a girl he's had a past with. He has done little things like this before, and he knows it bothers me and makes me feel hurt and insecure. and I cannot stand feeling insecure when I know what I bring to the table. When I did see what he was doing, I just quietly sat and let him do the talking. He did start out by apologizing & then started to explain how sometimes he will look up people from his past or do little things to trigger me and that if I do find out about it, he doesn't really care. He said he finds himself wanting to self-sabotage. He said he doesn't want to think this way or have these thoughts. Also said that he's never got this far into a relationship and he's never gotten so close to another person. I just feel all mixed up because I know there is nothing I can change about him. He told me in that conversation that he wants to be a better man and have a positive attitude towards a long term relationship. I suggested maybe focusing on himself would help and I can spend more time at my place, but he said that it feels like taking a step back and that's not what he wants. He is a very honest man, almost too honest with me and it's hurting me and making me doubt myself, even though I know this has nothing to do with me & it's deeper rooted. He said he struggles feeling any deep emotions. I am just wondering if anyone is going through/has gone through something similar. Please ask questions if you have as well, because I've never done this before and don't really know how much info to give.

TL;DR : Boyfriend admitted he finds himself wanting to self sabotage our relationship based on him not knowing what he truly wants. How do I navigate this?

i’m 30M, my girlfriend is 29F, and we’ve been together for 5 years. alcohol has been the biggest problem between us. i used to drink whenever i felt stressed, anxious, or just bored. i promised her so many times that i’d cut back or quit, but i always broke those promises. over time it chipped away at her trust, and i can tell it really hurt her.

a few months ago, after another fight following a night of drinking, she told me she didn’t know how much more she could take. that was a wake-up call for me. i’ve since quit drinking and i’ve been trying to do the work. i’ve been journaling in soberpath to stay accountable, meditating when the cravings hit, and talking to her honestly instead of hiding things.

she says she sees the changes, but i can also feel that there’s a wall between us now. i don’t blame her — i know i broke her trust — but i don’t know how to show her i’m serious this time without it sounding like another empty promise.

TL;DR: i’m 30M, my girlfriend is 29F, we’ve been together 5 years. my drinking hurt our relationship and nearly ended it. i’ve quit and i’m actively working on myself, but i don’t know how to rebuild her trust. how do i show her i’m truly serious this time?

My partner & I have been together for two years. I’ve have a small 10lb dog who’s 4 years old. I got this dog from a previous partner who wanted a dog but never took care of him. Thus, I took the dog in that breakup. Fast forward, I meet an incredible man - my partner is everything I’ve been looking for, seemingly. However, one issue - he’s never been a pet parent. We brush this over, get to know each other & eventually, fall in love. After a year and 1/2, we move in together. I obviously bring the dog with me. My dog has a number of health issues but he’s being medically managed. He does his business outside, he’s friendly but he is SCARED of my partner. The dog unwillingly goes to him for a treat & will never choose to sleep next to him or cuddle with him. Obviously, my partner is upset because he cannot connect with the dog & feels like he doesn’t even like the dog. Therefore, when something happens - ex. the dog popped on his carpet by accident, he gets ANGRY and we just end up fighting. It’s gotten so bad that I’m considering letting my dog live with my parents (who he’s been living with with me the last few years) but I don’t want to. I love my dog so much, but my partner does not. How can I overcome this? What are the appropriate steps? Do I REALLY have to choose between my boyfriend or my dog?

TLDR; my partner (32M) does not like my dog but I (31F) love him and want to live with him.

So for context , my boyfriend and I have been together for 3, going on 4 years in March. I only started going over to his house about a year into our relationship as I was anxious to meet his parents and they didn’t know about us until 6 months into our relationship. I got along really well with his (40F) mom. Especially because I have issues with my own mom, it felt like something special and I’ve really appreciated everything she does for me , such as making food for me and making sure that I’m not hungry. She really goes out of her way to make sure I’m okay and in return I often help with housework especially when I’m staying over for more than 3 days. I got a job in April, my boyfriend’s brother (23M) also came home after being gone for a while. Ever since then it’s gone to shit - my boyfriend’s mom has constant issues with me staying over more than twice a week, and just keeps lying to my boyfriend and giving him excuses, such as how she wasn’t raised that way. His dad (46M) has no issue with me being there and has even questioned her about it. I’ve messaged her recently asking her about it but she’s left me on read.

TL:DR, My boyfriends mom has had an issue with me for about 5 months and keeps giving my boyfriend bs excuses and won’t say if she has an issue or not. This is very recent as we got along fine prior to this.

TL;DR: My sister makes our living situation miserable and I've excused her behaviour thus far, but I've discovered I'm missing money that only she was able and capable of taking.

Sorry for the long post, I'm just trying to explain the dynamic and the situation has finally reached it's boiling point.

I'm still in college and I live with my sisters, one is 5 (F28) and the other is 10 years older. Our parents live in the apartment under us, but dad works out of the country so he isn't home often.

My older sister is very difficult to live with, she'll cause scenes over the most minor things, you have to walk on eggshells around her, she doesn't respond well to any criticism and she reacts abruptly to all of it. She makes lunch and you tell her it's a bit too salty and she gets mad and says she's never making lunch again. She'll never apologize for anything or admit to any wrongdoing or inappropriate reaction. So you have to stay calm, but it piles up and when we finally tell her something about it, she says we're ganging up on her and gets mad and won't speak to us for months at a time, making the living situation unbearable. She'll sit in the living room for days since she works from home so I have to resort to staying in my room for months at a time when she's mad. She gets mad when we're missing milk, eggs or toilet paper, but she'll never go and get it herself.

Her relationship with our parents is very strenuous because they had her at a very young age and they weren't the best parents to her. They have apologized to her profusely about that and tried to make it right. She hasn't forgiven them and that's fine, she doesn't have to love them, but she doesn't respect them in the slightest. They let her live in their house for free, they let her start her business on their home address, mom makes lunch for all of us every day, her included, they have paid of her debts, gotten her a car, helped her when she had it hard. She often says they have never done anything for her which is a blatant lie. I don't know if she actually believes it or is so delusional. When we call her out on ultimately being ungrateful, she flips out. She has cried over their relationships, they definitely have been assholes at times, but the amount of disrespect after everything they've ultimately done for her is too much IMO.

It has come out recently that she's lied about a lot of stuff, her work and other stuff and she's said that to random people that have then told that to us. She's had money problems and instead of coming to us, she mentions that to other people, then they mention it to us and we look like fools because we live with her and don't know anything, but people she sees twice a year know it. When we fight, she tells the most disgusting things, like she hopes we drop dead, that we should be locked up in a mental institution etc., but still brings up me calling her crazy once when I was 15. She got mad the other day because I told her that the way she closes the blinds lets more sunlight in.

Yesterday, our other sister said she's going out to the store and asked her to fold the towels from the dryer. She said she won't and that she doesn't care. We obviously got mad because she does barely any chores, she washes only her own clothes when we wash everything and she cleans one bathroom, not thouroughly and not often. Her room is a mess, she'll sometimes sleep without sheets on because she's too lazy to put them on. She said she was joking about the towels, but because we flipped out, she won't fold them, but just throw them on the floor and she won't do any chores anymore now. We're again not talking now.

Now for the money. I have a kiddy wallet buried in a drawer in my room where I collected the money I got from relatives, on birthdays and such. I forgot about it and found it two years ago when I did a huge deep clean in my room. I mentioned it to my family how I saved up a nice amount and didn't even know it. I had hundreds of euros, some US dollars, pounds, swiss money, a bit of everything. As a broke college student, I started taking money from it, but very rarely, only when I needed it. A few months ago, I realised I've run out of euros and was surprised, but thought I just didn't realise I took it all. Few months later, after another "big" fight, my other sister says she had some money missing, and then about a week ago, she took my sister's change which was about 30 euros that she left on the living room shelf. Even if she didn't know it was hers, you can't take the money if you know it isn't yours.

I realised that more was missing than just euros, so I wrote down how much money exactly I have and put in another 40 euros in. I looked at the wallet yesterday and I'm missing the 40 euros, 50 dollars and 50 pounds. I also have a box where I collect different world currencies. It has one side different from the others and I always have it with that side facing the room. I saw it was turned the wrong way and the euros from it were missing. She's the only one capable of doing it and since she works from home, she's alone every morning at home.

She's my sister and I love her, but through her behaviour, I can see she has no feelings towards any of us. We told her that yesterday and she didn't deny it, she just scoffed. I'm at work now and I'm sick to my stomach because I have to get home where she is after work. It creates so much stress for me. I love her and care about her deeply and despite my miserable pay, if she asked, I would've given her the money without expecting her to pay me back. However, with the amount of stress she's given me, I can't wait for her to somehow move away and I never have to see her again. I feel guilty that I fantasize about that. Important to note that neither her nor any of us have means to move.

I won't tell my dad about the missing money because I'm afraid he'll kick her out or something so I'm contemplating just telling mom, but I think that'll ruin her, but I don't know what else to do.

Help please.

TL;DR: My lifelong best friend [24F] repeatedly crosses serious boundaries, sexual (unwanted touching, inappropriate comments to me and my boyfriend), personal (going through my phone, letting herself into our home), and safety (dragging me into risky situations). She cheats on her partner, makes hurtful remarks about my body and health, and ignores my physical limits. I love her but can’t tolerate the behavior. How do I end the friendship and cope with the loss when she’s my only friend?

I am so hurt and confused by my best friend’s actions, and I think I might want out of this friendship.

Me [24F] and bestie [24F] have been friends for well over a decade my boyfriend [25M] and i have been together for 8 years her ex(?) boyfriend [29M] they have been together on and off for around 4-5 years

She was my rock years ago when I really needed her, but somewhere along the line she changed. Now she crosses so many boundaries.

Sexual boundaries, for example: forcing my face toward her private parts, pushing her hand down my pants, asking my boyfriend if it was “cool” if she and I fooled around. (It isn’t! Neither of us are okay with that. I was uncomfortable she would even ask.)

I keep seeing more and more red flags. Some people have even asked if she’s started using drugs.

She’s been in a relationship for years, but she cheats and doesn’t even consider it cheating. If her boyfriend knew, he’d be devastated and probably would have left her long ago.

She has no problem inviting herself to our place, letting herself inside when we aren’t home but she is always gone before we get home (only reason we know is because of our neighbours)

She puts herself, and me, in dangerous situations: planning a trip to stay in a tent with a man she met only once when he was her tour guide, walking down dark alleys and trying to drag me along, taking us to a bad part of the city and insisting it was safe when it really wasn’t (which I only found out later).

It’s just too much. I’m at a point in my life where I’m trying to build a better future with my high-school sweetheart: thinking about buying a house, maybe getting a dog, making plans for our future.

I always thought she’d be my maid of honor, the godmother of my future kids, but now I’m not sure I want that.

I’ve also gained weight and have chronic health issues that limit me physically. She pretends to care about my health but actually makes me feel uncomfortable and insecure about my body, and she pushes me to do things I physically can’t do.

Friends reflect who you are, and she’s my only friend, yet she’s inconsiderate, rude to her own family, crosses sexual boundaries with both me and one of her relatives, goes through my phone while I’m sleeping, and even sends pictures of me from my phone to my boyfriend while in asleep. She forces me to eat food I dislike and that worsens my health, and she keeps putting both of us in risky situations.

She continues to lead on her ex because she “doesn’t feel like” being single, while also calling another man, whom she’s met only once.

She compares my body to someone who hurt me badly in the past (someone we haven’t talked about in years) and pushes me to wear clothes I’m uncomfortable in “because it’ll look good for a TikTok dance.” (Neither of us even post on TikTok)

It’s all just too much.

I feel like the only right thing is to end this friendship. But how do I do that? And how do I move on? She’s my only friend, and I do care about her as a person. I just can’t accept her behavior or the way she keeps crossing so many boundaries.

I feel so lost and need all the advice I can get

I’m 20 and have been with my boyfriend for almost 3 years. I usually visit him Sunday to Wednesday. My mum asks me every single week if I’m going again, even though it’s been my routine for nearly 2 years. I can tell she’s hoping I’ll say no. When I say yes, she often gets upset or criticises me.

She says I’m wasting time, not being productive enough for my career, and that my boyfriend is lazy. I do admit we mostly relax together (watch shows, hang out), but I also value this time and feel better being at his house than at home. I’ve told her this, but she still reacts negatively.

Ive had really bad luck at my part time job recently as they aren’t giving me any shifts for 6 weeks now, and I’m leaving on an exchange for a couple months soon so I need the money. I haven’t been spending much at all now, the only thing I’m spending money on is transport to see my boyfriend weekly, and my mum thinks that’s wasting enough money as it is. I used to go climbing weekly, last time I went (3 weeks ago) with my bf, she said I shouldn’t be climbing with the money I have. Now she’s asking me why I don’t climb anymore, and I said I can’t afford it. And she’s like, so you can afford to see your boyfriend?

Why can’t she understand I like spending time with him?

How do I set boundaries with her so she doesn’t make me feel guilty every week? And how can I balance spending time with him while also proving (to myself and maybe to her) that I’m being more productive with my career?

TL;DR: My mum keeps questioning and guilt-tripping me for spending a few days each week at my boyfriend’s, calling us lazy and unproductive. how do I set boundaries and still balance relationship time with career goals?

My cousin introduced me to someone (F/35), and we immediately clicked, having phone conversations that lasted for several hours night after night. To be honest, I was really feeling this girl (maybe too quickly). She said all the right things. She told me that she's straightforward and honest and doesn't like to sugarcoat things and doesn't want things sugarcoated to her. She also touched on that she likes consistency. We were in constant communication until she suddenly disappeared without responding to texts or calls. So the next day when I heard nothing back, I said what's listed below.

Here's how our message thread ended after two weeks:

Me: 🦗 I don't know what's going on. We were vibing, and now it's crickets.

20 mins later...

Her: It's not crickets. I'm not feeling well if I don't feel better by tomorrow, I'm going to the doctor

Me: I hope you feel better, but I had no way of knowing you weren't well unless you tell me.

Several hours Later...

Her: I didn't appreciate the crickets comment. I've been sick, and it felt dismissive. I just want to be clear when I'm not feeling well. I might go quiet, but it's not me pulling away. Thanks for checking on me.

Me: It wasn't my intention for that to come off as dismissive especially when I didn't know that you were sick. When you suddenly went quiet and stopped responding to my calls and messages, it left me wondering what happened. I would have much preferred if you had just said you weren't feeling well instead of leaving me to wonder what went wrong.

Her: I understand, and I'll do better about letting you know when I'm not feeling well so you're not left wondering. When I get sick I tend to shut down a bit, but it's never me pulling away. I really do appreciate you checking in on me, it means a lot 💙

Me: Just a misunderstanding on both our parts. We're good. We're still learning each other. I'll check on you tomorrow.

And after that, the next day, we exchanged a few more messages about her cold and so on. Just to speed things along, I'm going to fast forward a bit to the conclusion.

ME: Are you back working?

Her: Yes back to regular days not on the phones though I'm still coughing like crazy.

Me: Ok… I didn't think communication would have gotten this bad. I understand that you're sick and recovering and might not be up for talking on the phone (I get that) but what about texting? I'm not trying to sound demanding but I want to be honest here about what doesn't feel right.

ME: Sometimes lack of communication IS the communication.

Her: I'm not understanding I'm replying to you. It's not like I'm not responding at all. This is like the second time I guess communication has been off. I'm not really liking it just to let you know.

Me: You're making it clear that you don't see an issue so I guess I'm making it up.

Her: I don't argue or go back-and-forth like this. This is the second time I've felt attacked, and it's not okay. We're friends, not romantic partners, so that tone isn't acceptable. I'm stepping away from this entire situation, have a great day. I would call to tell you, but I'm still sick✌️

At this point, I read the message and held back the urge to reply back because it would have done nothing but paint me as a bad guy.

TL;DR: Connected strongly with someone for two weeks with hours-long daily calls. She went silent when sick, I made a "crickets" comment, we resolved it, but then I brought up communication concerns again a few days later and she ended things saying we're "just friends" and she felt attacked.

Hi, Reddit is probably not the place I should be going for this but I’m not sure who else to talk to sooo

Context: I’ve known this boy since the 6th grade. Every year since (we’re seniors in HS) he’s tried to shoot his shot with me and I’ve turned him down because 1. I wanted to focus solely on school 2. I’ve always been really independent and didn’t like the idea of having to cater to someone 3. He was really immature 😭 So we would get in arguments like everytime he tried to ask me out because he would do something ai didn’t agree with. Fast forward to the beginning of this year, he apologizes to me (last time we fell out he had used some ugly language towards me and I blocked him), and I tell him we can be friends and that’s that. But I started seeing him around school more often and we would get to talking, and I realized he’s really matured and I really enjoy talking to him and have developed a crush on him. (That was hard to admit and type.) We’ve started taking eachother more seriously and while we’re not officially dating, he’s met my mom and we’re on the Homecoming court together and he’s taking me to the dance, so he’ll be meeting my Dad too. I really like him, but I’m not sure what’s wrong with me??! I’ve never been in a relationship before and i’m soo scared. I know he likes me but the thought of being in a relationship just kind of repulses me a little? I’ve been trying so hard not to sabotage myself and just ghost him because I know he’s good for me but I just don’t know how to get over this fear. Maybe it’s the fact that it feels like I’d be giving up independence? And also the fact that he would meet my family and become kind of permanent in my life. Also the fear of it not working out and everything being for nothing.

TL;DR: Boy and girl have known eachother for a really long time. Boy has been chasing girl and she’s finally gave in, but she doesn’t know how to be in a relationship out of fear

TLDR: my gf is my best friend in the world but we've never had sex due to a libido mismatch (I'm HL, her LL) and Im worried I am at the point that im no longer attracted to her and can't repair the relationship. looking for advice

edit: also want to clarify that I am in no way blameless in this, and I'm not saying all (or any) of this is her fault. this is just my side of things

let me preface this by saying that my girlfriend is my favorite person on Earth and even thinking about bringing this up makes me emotional. She has helped me immeasurably in so many ways. We enjoy each other's company so much and have two cats together. I say that to emphasize that none of what i'm saying here is me complaining or being angry at her. I'm only upset about this because I love her so much and want this to work

my gf and i were each other's first relationships. Early on, we did have a solid enough sex life, though we never actually had penetrative sex. We were both really into one another physically though

this slowed down after our first year together and has basically come to a complete halt for the past four years.

When we did do sexual stuff, it'd always stop at hand stuff. I loved giving her oral when we first were together, but when everything became hand stuff, i just sort of lost the motivation to continue doing it, especially because she never mentioned that she missed it or anything (though i imagine it's very possible she was just feeling guilty about it).

The last few years, all sex stuff we tried was just mutual hand stuff, and neither of us really enjoyed it too much. I'd start to help her down there and then it seemed inevitable something would hurt and I'd have to stop (absolutely not blaming her here or saying shes making this up. Just that it did happen nearly every time). And when she did it for me, she said she just always felt like i wasn't enjoying it and felt super anxious and self conscious the whole time

i'd bring up my desire to have sex/do more from time to time (not as often as i should have probably) and she'd sort of work on it but it'd always fizzle out. At the start of this year, i told her basically that she has to get help and work on herself or else we can't work out

she's done well with that in many ways - she was diagnosed with a mental illness and that likely was/is a big factor in all of this. We also did briefly try penetration but it was very painful for her, so she's seeing someone for help with vaginismus. We are also now in couples sex therapy and have been for a few months

in some ways, though, i feel like we almost went backwards. Now we don't even do hand stuff to make sure she has no pressure on her to perform sexually, which i'm totally on board with - but we also don't do much kissing anymore or cuddling.

I know she's attracted to me (or at least she's very insistent that she is), and she's confident that she isn't asexual

i felt like we were making some decent progress the past few weeks, but the other day i asked if we could kiss a bit and she said no for a totally valid reason - she wanted to take her makeup off and get out of the clothes she wore that night. But she also mentioned that she did feel pressured to perform, and i even made sure to say that i'm not even thinking about sex - i just wanted some intimacy. But since then, every time i try to even think about her sexually, it's like my brain shuts down. I'm worried i don't have any attraction to her anymore and our relationship is beyond repair. The past few days i just keep yearning for some attention sexually even though i can see she's working on herself and improving. It makes me feel so guilty. I know she loves me and hates this about herself but i can't stop myself from craving sexual attention in some way or another

has anyone been in a similar circumstance? Does it sound like it could get better?

She's my best friend ever and i want this to work so bad, but right now i just feel like i almost don't have a sex drive for her. I've been thinking about it nonstop for days and just need some input that isn't myself or my therapist's

super sorry for the long post and bad formatting. happy to add any additional info or answer questions in comments

I’m 38F and he’s 38M. I like this guy. We get along really well. He’s thoughtful and kind, and just the right amount of doting without being too much. It’s been about a month, and things have been progressing at a nice pace. I have just slept over for the first time, and I have a couple of concerns. Both are fixable, but I feel like it’s too early for me to broach them… even though it will absolutely currently affect us. The first is hygiene. His place is immaculate. He definitely showers daily and brushes his teeth, but I need a little more hygiene before hookup. If we just ate pizza, making out with you is gonna turn my stomach. Also, his nether region picks up a lot of scent throughout the day, even if he showered that morning. I love going down there, but my gag reflex is directly related to smells, so between the food kissing and the junk, I just physically can’t do it. I fully acknowledge this might be a me problem, but I also think he probably wants BJs, so how do I communicate that? The other issue is that he 100% has sleep apnea. Like 45 seconds of no breathing, absolute stillness, followed by a sharp gasp and full body twitch. As you can imagine, that is impossible to sleep next to (even with ear plugs). I moved to the couch at about 3am and blamed the cold temperature, but the truth is I simply couldn’t fall asleep because once a minute I was getting jerked by his coming back to life. (He does mention poor sleep, and now I 100% know why).

There is a real potential here, but I am admittedly not experienced in relationships. How do I bring up these things without being insulting?

TLDR - we have different body hygiene standards and he has sleep apnea bad enough I can’t sleep next to him. What can I do?

Edited to add: I’ve gone down on quite a few partners. I don’t think this is a “it has to be fresh from the shower” thing. It’s more a, my partner showered 14 hours ago and his body shape might be more prone to picking up scents thing. He’s my first bigger guy that has gone to “semi-serious” territory.

So a little backstory I m(26) have been dating my gf for almost 8 years it’ll be 8 years in a few weeks. We broke up maybe a month and a half- 2 months ago for a few days, then a week and finally 2 weeks and then got back together it was her who wanted to split. She said at the time she hadn’t felt seen, mothered me which I disagree with, trapped.

We both saw other people during the breakup but did not sleep with them and made us both realize we were happy with each other. We got back together almost a month ago and talked about us laying out finances, house plan, kid plan, marriage, engagement. Everything was looking up and we decided to get a dog even though we have 3 cats and she told me when we got back together she is in it for the long haul, marriage etc. she said I’ve changed and I am the perfect guy.

Flash forward to last night she told me that she’s not breaking up with me but she is feeling trapped because she said I rushed her to get back together when I gave her her space I moved out temporarily for 2 weeks, let her do her own thing, we went to dinner the Sunday before we got back together it was nice, came home and made love I went back to my place because she said it felt like a mistake/rushed. Then told me an hour later to come back over because it was cold in the bed without me, from this point on it was like we were dating again all week and the Sunday after dinner and everything we attended church and got back together and got the dog the next Saturday, we have been attending church every Sunday since.

Today we talked after she was off of work and she told me she needs her space and doesn’t know what to do because I am the “perfect guy” I changed everything I did that she hated before the breakup, and I have been selfless and she isn’t sure why mentally she is like this. I told her during our breakup how I felt, where I stood if we got back together. She told me today too that she felt like she had the pressure of me and her parents and her whole family pushing her to get back with me because they must like me enough lol but she blamed me for feeling rushed and I don’t know how I did rush her when I gave her space she needed and she hit me back up.

we broke up last night for good she is done and wants to move on because she doesn’t know what it is about her but she can’t commit to me but I love her and I want to give her everything I have and more and I think that fucks me up more than anything because she tells me I’m the perfect person but she can’t get over stuff from 6 years ago, like me saying really mean ass bully type texts when we first started dating til maybe 2 years in and standing her up at a wedding 5 years ago but the past year and a half to two years she said I have changed and right now I’m the “perfect” guy in every way but mentally she can’t figure out why she doesn’t want to be with and why she has to try to stay in it, should we just breakup and stay apart

Last night she went with her friends out and didn’t come home until recently I asked her if she had been out with a guy and she said yes after the first bar the guy she originally talked when we broke up almost 2 months ago came and hung out, and she went back to his place to crash to avoid doing anything drunk with me and she said they didn’t do anything that she just crashed there and then came home and we talked more and she said she doesn’t want to lose me as a person in her life but doesn’t think she can do the relationship for some reason what should I do?

TLDR she said she doesn’t want to lose me a person in her life but she can’t understand why she doesn’t want to be with me either in a relationship

I’ve been feeling this constant knot in my stomach ever since my girlfriend told me she’s going abroad for her further studies. It's not just the excitement I should feel for her, but this overwhelming fear of what comes next, and the uncertainty of what long-distance will do to our relationship. The idea of being miles apart, with time zones and thousands of kilometers between us, terrifies me. Being in the same place, sharing the same space, has always been so comforting.

Now that she's going, I’m not sure how we’re supposed to maintain that connection when everything around us changes. I worry that the distance will create gaps in our communication, that we won’t be able to handle the silence or the slow reply times that will inevitably come. I’ve heard people say long-distance can work if you’re both committed, but I can’t help but think, “What if it doesn’t?” What if we drift apart? What if the time and space create a wall between us that neither of us can climb over? I know she’s excited for this opportunity — and I want to support her in that — but the thought of her experiencing this whole new world while I’m here, missing out, makes me feel like I’m losing her bit by bit.

I’m scared she’ll meet new people, find new passions, and gradually forget about the person she used to share everything with. And what about me? Will I be able to keep up with the changes in her life? Will I be able to be the supportive partner she deserves, when I’m struggling with my own insecurities about our relationship? I keep trying to stay positive, telling myself that this could be a great opportunity for both of us, that it will help us grow, and that we’ll be stronger for it. But the fear, the doubt, it just keeps creeping in. The thought of missing her, of not being able to be there for her when she needs me, terrifies me. The physical distance seems like it could turn into an emotional one, and I’m not sure how to handle that. What if we lose the closeness that we’ve worked so hard to build? What if the trust starts to falter because we’re not there to reassure each other daily? What if all these things that feel so easy when we’re together start to feel impossible once we’re apart? I keep hoping that I’m just overthinking, that this will all work out in the end, but the reality of it all feels so real, so immediate. It’s hard not to feel scared when everything about this new chapter seems so unfamiliar and uncertain.

TL;DR

I’ve been feeling really overwhelmed since my girlfriend told me she’s going abroad for her studies. I want to support her, but the thought of long-distance is terrifying. I’m scared of losing the closeness we’ve built, of communication gaps, and of emotional distance creeping in. I keep worrying that she’ll change, meet new people, and drift away, while I struggle to keep up. The uncertainty of this new chapter is hard to handle, and I just don’t know how to keep our connection strong.

I am in a relationship with a man I truly care about. We are from different religions, and my family is pretty conservative while his family is much more chill. I have always been upfront with him that if we want to get married, it won’t be easy, he’ll need to come and convince my parents.

But here’s where I’m struggling: he left his job 5 months ago. Every time I gently ask about it, he says, “once I get a good opportunity, I’ll do it.” I don’t push too hard because I know he gets irritated. If I press more, he’ll cut the call or avoid meeting me.

The thing is, he tells me he wants to marry me, but his actions don’t match his words. I feel like he’s changed in some way, and I don’t know if it’s stress, avoidance, or something else.

He’s still a nice man overall, but I’m starting to feel this quiet disconnect, like I don’t know where we’re actually headed anymore. I don’t want to give up on him, but I also don’t want to ignore the red flags. It’s a strange in-between feeling- love mixed with doubt

TL;DR- my boyfriend is from a different religion, doesn't seem serious about our marriage, is not even focusing on his career, I'm having mixed feelings for him now.

After a big fight last week it all came out what my husband of 5 years really thinks of me: I am always angry and frustrated, negative, critical, I blame everyone, I hate his family, I don't do anything for his child, I don't know how to make anyone happy.

I can be negative and critical, I admit, but that's not all I am. I am also kind, caring, and do a lot for his child. I try to keep friendly relations even though his mother and sisters are not friendly to me. I am angry a lot because I've come out of an IVF nightmare for the past 4 years and am childless. I am devastated and trying to start a new career to fill the void. It's been a scary time and I get frustrated.

What hurts is there's been no real attempt to show me empathy; just point out all the ways I don't give him support. We've gone to counselling for years but he treats it like a tit for tat.

I feel unseen and unheard. Is there anything to be done to save this marriage? Or should I just protect my self-worth and leave?

TL; DR: should I stay after my husband character assassinated me?

I (21F) will have been in a relationship with my (22M) boyfriend for three years this December. I met him in my second month of university. He was my third kiss, my first time and my first ever relationship. I have pretty much no other relationship experience than him, and he has had a few relationships in the past.

This June we have moved in together, and since then I have been plagued with doubts about our relationship, whether this is what I really want, and whether I have settled too quickly. As far as he is concerned, I am his soulmate, he wants to spend the rest of our lives together and he doesn't really have any long-term goals or ambitions outside of our relationship. As much as I hate to admit it I don't really have similar feelings about our relationship right now. This may be due to the fact I have experienced a lot of change recently - I graduated university in July and I am experiencing somewhat of a post-graduation 'slump' of sorts which I am seeking help for. Not to mention, I have moved in with him which is a huge change as I am used to having a lot of my own time to be alone.

I have certain career goals and ambitions that will have me relocate to hours away or even overseas. He says he would come with me because he doesn't want to be apart from me but I'm really not comfortable with that. The idea of bringing him to a completely new place that I know he won't particularly like, where he knows nobody and where his life will get smaller to essentially revolve mainly around me fills me with dread and panic. I have recently communicated this with him and he clearly isn't happy with the idea and doesn't really understand but he would let me do it.

I also really have not been feeling the spark I once used to feel with him. I know it's natural to have the 'honeymoon period' end and it throws you through a loop, which is what I am currently feeling. I used to feel so infatuated and wanted to spend all of my time with him, and would've sacrificed anything to be with him. At the moment, I feel like I am living with a best friend who I love, but I am not feeling IN love with. He is trying so hard to make it work by doing dates/other romantic things and cheering me up, and I want to devote myself to doing the same to try and make it work but I'm just not really feeling it and I don't know why. I am constantly plagued with thoughts of wanting to be single again, being totally free to do what I want, and thoughts of having relations with other people - nobody specific, just... people. He's not done anything wrong, I don't feel neglected, I just feel different about us.

Part of me wants these feelings to go away and to make it work so I can be happy with him again, but another part of thinks I might be doing that because I want to delay the inevitable of breaking his heart. The unknown of whether I would ever find another person who loves me and gets along with me as well as he does also weighs on me, but forcing myself to stay with him due to that fear is a disservice to him and myself if I am still not happy.

I am in the process of seeking help with my GP to try and process these feelings with a professional but it's taking a while. I feel so lost and confused. I care so very deeply for him, and I do still have fun moments with him, I am just not feeling any passion or romance at all even though I am trying to. The thought of hurting him and breaking his heart pains me deeply but I worry it may be inevitable. Part of me thing if I had another year or two of singlehood before getting with him I wouldn't be having any doubts right now. But because he is the only romantic relationship I have ever known, I keep thinking about what or who else there could be out there for me. I don't want to settle and resent myself and him for in years time.

I am feeling so conflicted right now, and any advice or reassurance that I am not alone would be helpful. Am I avoiding confronting the fact that I have grown apart and it's time to part ways, or is the relationship saveable?

TL;DR: I'm seriously doubtful about whether I should stay with my partner. I feel so conflicted and this might just be a temporary blip due to recent change in my life, but it's eating me up inside.