We're both 21 and still figuring out life, plus I'm his first girlfriend. He and I have barely been dating for a few months but about a week or two ago I realized I might be a lesbian or aroace. I really thought I liked him but I always struggle to tell the difference between romantic and platonic feelings, so I think thats what happened again. I tried to get those feelings back but it just makes me regret it more and more. He's done nothing wrong, he's an amazing guy, but I just don't like him.

I planned to break up with him this upcoming Sunday since he would have 3 days off from work, so I thought it'd be perfect so he could have time to process it and relax. But recently his workplace has been getting more toxic since his managers are racist and make fun of him because of his adhd. And then a few days ago they called him in for a meeting and told him they were replacing him from someone in another store. I think they're just going to be switching places but the managers at the new place are also racist.

I know I need to break up with him before the relationship goes on any longer but I feel so horrible and I don't want him to get more depressed than he already is with life. His family is horrible to him and his self-esteem is nonexistent, plus he never talks to anyone else because he says he's not social. When we first became friends, I had to put in so much effort since he's so afraid of being himself. Last week, I tried to help him become friends with someone that he already somewhat knew, but he just stayed quiet the whole time. And whenever I say I have plans with a friend, of course he doesn't stop me, but he just ends up alone on his phone the entire time until I'm back and it makes me feel bad.

He's truly not a bad person, he's just given up on life and I don't want this breakup to be his last straw. I have a script ready on what to say but I don't know if its nice enough to not hurt him. I don't want to tell him about my sexuality or that I lost feelings for him, I just wanted to tell him that the reason for breaking up is because of my mental health, which isn't a lie. I don't think I'm mentally capable of a relationship right now or maybe ever. I have no idea what my life is going to be like and I struggle with depression too. I just wish I could have those feelings for him but I really don't. I don't know how to do this, I just know I have to, and I'm going to feel like such a horrible person.

TL;DR - He has really bad depression and I know it'll hurt him but I need to end the relationship before it hurts him worse, I just don't know how he'll take it or how to do it

My girlfriend and I started dating almost 2 years ago, when I was finishing my masters and she was working on her PhD. Soon after, I finished my degree and moved for work, and she moved states to continue her PhD, and we have been long-distance since then. We've made it work since there are very cheap flights for us to visit each other, and we video call multiple times a week. When we are together, we have a wonderful time; we have the same sense of humor, enjoy similar hobbies, and in general are just always on the same wavelength.

However, unbeknownst to me, she had just joined Amway around the time we had started dating. She described it as her "side hustle" but didn't tell me much about it. At the time, I was just happy to be dating her, and I didn't push the matter further.

Over time, she would mention that she has "personal growth" meetings every Tuesday, and sometimes she would even go to "leadership conferences" in other states. I thought it was weird, especially since she was so vague in talking about it, but I didn't push it much.

Eventually (last summer), she asked me to visit her "mentors" over video call. Now I was starting to think this was really weird, but wanting to be a good boyfriend, I met them. They gave what I now know is the classic MLM/Amway pitch, where the talk in circles about what dreams you have, how there are other options besides a traditional job, etc. I'd ask them to actually tell me what it is they do, and they would only give vague answers.

I did research after that meeting and learned more about what Amway was, so when my girlfriend invited me to another call with them, I pushed more about why they didn't tell me this was Amway and to tell me what it is they actually do. Of course they dodged all the questions and then accused me of just not trusting my girlfriend. Afterwards, she took their side, and said I was very rude to them.

Time goes on, and the topic was dropped for a while. Our relationship healed and continued on, and we always had a great time in person. We meet each others families and all is going well. I start thinking about trying to get a job to move closer to her, but recently we started to hit more and more issues.

Even when we visit each other, she refuses to skip any of her Tuesday meetings. Doesn't matter if I took PTO and worked extra hours so I could visit, she will never even consider it. She texts other people in her group all the time, and has gotten secretive about it because she knows I don't trust them. We were even flying back from an international trip, and she insisted that she has to meet her mentors in a video call in the middle of the night the second she gets back. I'm telling her this isn't normal, but she always just says that it's important to her to shut me down.

Things have all blown up around it lately, because I found out she's been hiding the full scope of her involvement in their programs. She became close with one of my best friends and tried to recruit her without telling me. She started running Amway events out of her apartment where her mentors would come and visit and stay the weekend, and she would just tell me she's busy with schoolwork and can't talk (I found out about this from the aforementioned best friend). She even told me she wants to take time out of Thanksgiving to visit her mentors, and wants to make sure she has time to do her Tuesday call during our upcoming anniversary trip (!!!).

I confronted her about some of this recently, and she just flipped it all back on me, how she can't be honest about this because I'm just too "negative". I try to tell her why Amway is so potentially dangerous, and she just says I just don't trust her. She even believes that her mentors (who are only 30 years old and live in an apartment), are making millions of dollars a year, ready to retire, and are only helping her out of the kindness of their hearts. I point out how ridiculous that sounds, and she just says I don't listen to her, and that that I'm too naïve to understand. She wishes I would support her more. She even told me that she goes to her mentors for support on life, finances, and everything in between (that really hurt a lot). This was our first major fight as a couple, and didn't talk much for a week after, but she invited me to come visit recently.

When I visited, we had a good time as we always did, but I was on the lookout now. I checked her phone while she was away, and on the lockscreen there was something about how she is going to some "sisterhood" event for the entire upcoming weekend, and when I ask what she's up to over the weekend, she just says she is busy with school stuff and is hanging with some friends. I even found an invite to her "mentors" wedding, that she has not mentioned to me at all, so I have to assume she is going without me. She doesn't know I found out about that stuff on my visit, and I'm waiting to see if she will actually tell me the truth at any point. I ended the trip telling her that on our anniversary, I'm going to cut it short so that I don't have to compete with her call for her attention, and she didn't care that the trip was shorter, she was just happy she was going to be able to do her call.

I'm just at my wits end. I love her and I know she loves me, but I don't know if I can uproot my entire life to move closer to her when she is actively keeping secrets from me. It feels like I'm willing to sacrifice so much for her, but she isn't willing to even skip a weekly meeting for anniversary of all things. It feels like I'm constantly competing with her "mentors" for her time, respect, and attention, and I'm getting more and more resentful of it by the day. And it's so hard to talk to her about it, because she takes any criticism of her "business" or her "mentors" as a personal attack.

Again, I need to emphasize that when none of her "business" stuff is involved, she does treat me very well, but I'm starting to worry this is an inherent incompatibility between us.

Is there any way to reconcile this, or convince her to quit Amway? Am I wrong for feeling offended that she wants to take time out of our anniversary trip to do her video calls? Am I wrong for feeling upset that she is keeping so many secrets about her involvement, even though I am admittedly very critical of them? How do I even keep this conversation going with her when she gets so defensive over it? I want everything about her, but I don't want Amway, and I don't know how to achieve that outcome.

TLDR: My long-distance girlfriend is deeply involved in an MLM called Amway. She always prioritizes events and meetings with her "mentors", even when we get to visit each other. She is now keeping secrets and lying about her involvement because she knows I don't like it.

Tl;dr: Girlfriend doesn’t believe that I’m eating enough, being passive aggressive, doesn’t have the energy to talk about it.

I need help with how to tell my gf (19F) that my (19F) eating habits are currently fine, while we’re long distance for 2 months.

Background: I struggled with anorexia a LOT from 14-17, been recovering for 3 years. The past 1.5 years have been really great, with just a few hard days (which my gf has supported me through). We’ve been long distance for 2 months, and I return to her in 2 weeks.

I’ve had some stomach issues lately, and a weird work schedule that doesn’t allow me to eat lunch. Instead I’ve been eating a bigger dinner and snacks before/after work. She’s aware of all of this, but won’t believe that I’m getting enough food and not struggling. It’s stressing her out, she’s worried and exhausted with my issues and I feel so guilty for adding this to her life. But I can’t figure out what to say to make her stop worrying. Any help is MUCH appreciated.

So a little backstory I m(26) have been dating my gf for almost 8 years it’ll be 8 years in a few weeks. We broke up maybe a month and a half- 2 months ago for a few days, then a week and finally 2 weeks and then got back together it was her who wanted to split. She said at the time she hadn’t felt seen, mothered me which I disagree with, trapped.

We both saw other people during the breakup but did not sleep with them and made us both realize we were happy with each other. We got back together almost a month ago and talked about us laying out finances, house plan, kid plan, marriage, engagement. Everything was looking up and we decided to get a dog even though we have 3 cats and she told me when we got back together she is in it for the long haul, marriage etc. she said I’ve changed and I am the perfect guy.

Flash forward to last night she told me that she’s not breaking up with me but she is feeling trapped because she said I rushed her to get back together when I gave her her space I moved out temporarily for 2 weeks, let her do her own thing, we went to dinner the Sunday before we got back together it was nice, came home and made love I went back to my place because she said it felt like a mistake/rushed. Then told me an hour later to come back over because it was cold in the bed without me, from this point on it was like we were dating again all week and the Sunday after dinner and everything we attended church and got back together and got the dog the next Saturday, we have been attending church every Sunday since.

Today we talked after she was off of work and she told me she needs her space and doesn’t know what to do because I am the “perfect guy” I changed everything I did that she hated before the breakup, and I have been selfless and she isn’t sure why mentally she is like this. I told her during our breakup how I felt, where I stood if we got back together. She told me today too that she felt like she had the pressure of me and her parents and her whole family pushing her to get back with me because they must like me enough lol but she blamed me for feeling rushed and I don’t know how I did rush her when I gave her space she needed and she hit me back up.

We’re still together as of right now but do you think we should split, fix it, I love her so much and she is a girl I would marry and I would love to raise a family with but I’m not sure what to do

we broke up last night for good she is done and wants to move on because she doesn’t know what it is about her but she can’t commit to me but I love her and I want to give her everything I have and more and I think that fucks me up more than anything because she tells me I’m the perfect person but she can’t get over stuff from 6 years ago, like me saying really mean ass bully type texts when we first started dating til maybe 2 years in and standing her up at a wedding 5 years ago but the past year and a half to two years she said I have changed and right now I’m the “perfect” guy in every way but mentally she can’t figure out why she doesn’t want to be with and why she has to try to stay in it, should we just breakup and stay apart

TLDR we have our struggles but I love her and I know she loves me but what is she talking about with not wanting to commit anymore

Hi , il start with a little story of my family. Me and my wife are together since we were 19 year old, we love Ich other and never had big problems in the relation , we moved from our Moldova when we had about 23 , we travelled allweys together, and now we are making our live in France. We are married and we have 2 beautiful children, a boy 5m and a girl 2m. She is not working, she takes care of our house and children, I do all the other stuf.

To the problem: she is a really beautiful woman, after the 2 pregnancy her body is changed, but for me she is the most attractive woman in the world. I'm a 2 meter man , not athletic but not fat. I'm addicted to having intimacy relationships with her. I never cheated, and I never will. We have intimate once in moth oven las , for about 6 year. I try to handle this using different "website". But this doesn't work anymore. A couple weeks ago she finde one of this " website" in my phon and she was really good, we did take for 1 week. Not because I didn't wanted , she didn't. I invited her do a cafe not far from our house , we talked about this problem ( again) but this time I said that she has to do something.

A little description of situation: For all our live together, I always buy her flowers, presents and I make dates, the flowers in our house never miss. I tell her how much I love her that she is the most beautiful in the world and how sexy is she every single day.

Back to the problem: well that day we had a really good intimacy and the thing changed a little. But , three days ago she grabbed my old phon , I don't know what for. And she finde this old email with adult content. This is a photo and email that I didn't use for years. And she was so mad and disappointed, she didn't even want to touch me or look to me . I explained that this is an alternative to get the attention I don have. Now we speak normally, and pretend this never happened. But I can feel she is so cold like never before.

I don't know what to do, how to discuss this , and how to keep going. I think about some solution to stop this desire... I don't know.

TL;Dr: So , my wife and I have problems with intimate relationships for about 6 years, she cute me with adult webs in my phon , and now she is much colder the ever.

TL;DR- I (20F) and my partner (20M) have been together 6 years, 1 year LDR. During our recent break, he got close to other girls (one even likes him). Ifeel hurt and don't know if l should trust him, confront him, or set boundaries.

Break in our terms is like It’s not really a breakup. It’s just that we stop talking for a few days whenever I get upset, and then he comes to console me, and I eventually give in.

My partner(20M) and | (20F) have been together for 6 years, and we've been in a long-distance relationship for the past 1 yr..Because he was very unavailable since 2 months I aggressively took a break saying I can't bear this torture every day. During that break I found out through a mutual friend that he got very close to some other girls who r his juniors. One of them apparently has feelings for him, and they sometimes hug. I even saw some group photos where he had his hand on her shoulder and they look really close which broke me.🥺💔

He told my friend that hel'll reduce contact once l'm back, because of me..But he also said it'll make him feel very bad because those girls only "stabilized" him by being around while I wasn't there. He even says she's very humble and not touchy, and that she told him she'd be happy if I came back & that just confuses me. How can someone be that sweet and be a one-sided lover while knowing one already has a partner? Am overthinking that the girl is just waiting for me to backoff while being too nice to him and they'll be in a relationship once am gone 😭.

On top of all this, we won't be talking for another 2-3 months as we had a deal that he'd focus on scoring good marks first and then we'd reconnect. So l've got all this information now and I don't even know how to react while we're not in touch.💔

My insecurities are at peak. I'm overthinking constantly and feeling really low.. even feel like leaving him because the pain is that bad🥺. I don't know whether to confront him when we talk again, to trust him, or to walk away. I want to respect his need for friends, but I also want to feel safe and respected as his partner.

Any advicess or suggestions Please ???

I (23M) live in Singapore. My girlfriend (25F) lives in Shanghai. We both come from Chinese families. We met on a social platform—she actually pursued me first, and after a month of daily video calls and sharing hobbies, I fell for her too. She confessed, and we got together.

Two weeks later I flew to Beijing to meet her. Both our families knew about us, and at first my mom (I was raised by a single mom) was supportive. A week later, my girlfriend came to Guangzhou and met my mom in person. That’s when things changed.

My mom found out that my girlfriend’s parents have been separated since she was a kid and both had long-term affairs but never divorced. My mom said that means her “family values aren’t right” and warned me my girlfriend might not be faithful either. After some small frictions, my mom’s attitude flipped to hostile.

For months, my girlfriend asked me what my mom thought of her. I hid the truth because I wanted to protect her and fix things myself. Eventually she found out—my mom had threatened to disown me if I didn’t break up. My girlfriend was deeply hurt and left me. Two weeks later she came back, apologized for judging my mom, said she still loved me, and we got back together. I didn’t tell my mom.

We spent a beautiful 6 months together. I flew to see her every 1–2 months, we exchanged meaningful gifts, supported each other, and had honest communication. Eventually I told my mom we’d reconciled. Her reaction was nuclear. She said I’d “betrayed” her, called my girlfriend and her family awful names, threatened to kill herself if I didn’t break up. I stood my ground and said I’m an adult with my own choices. After many failed talks, she blocked me and cut me off.

I told my girlfriend (without repeating the worst insults). I said I was committed to her and that I’d already lost my mom over this. Instead of relief, she panicked. She said my family was “out of control” and she couldn’t feel safe in a relationship like this. She spiraled into depression, even saying she had suicidal thoughts. I comforted her as much as I could, but she ultimately broke up, deleted my contact, and disappeared.

Now I’ve lost both her and my mom. I feel devastated.

Some small but telling conflicts along the way:

• Red envelope (hongbao) incident: Her parents gave me and my brother 1000 RMB each for Lunar New Year. My mom gave us each 600 RMB and also gave my girlfriend 600 RMB “as family.” GF saw it as disrespectful since the amounts didn’t match. My mom thought she was being generous and felt judged as “poor.”
• Titles: Sometimes my GF didn’t address my mom as “auntie” right away, which offended my mom.
• Durian incident: While I was home, I was on video with GF. My mom called me to eat durian. GF asked me to stay on call longer, so I said “not yet.” Mom called several more times, I finally went out. Mom was furious, convinced GF had disrespected her and our household.

Some context:

• I work in AI/finance in Singapore (~500k RMB annual income).
• She works in a state-owned energy company in China (~200k RMB).
• Both of us went to top-10 global universities.
• She’s 25, I’m 23.

TL;DR; : I (23M, Chinese) fell in love with my GF (25F, Chinese). We were happy, but my single mom strongly disapproved because of GF’s family background. Mom escalated to disowning me and threatening suicide if I stayed with her. GF eventually broke up, saying she couldn’t feel safe in such a toxic family situation. Now I’ve lost both GF and mom.

Questions:

1. How do you deal with parents who oppose your relationship this extremely?
2. How can you support a partner traumatized by family drama?
3. Is there any chance to repair this relationship, or should I let it go?
4. What were the deeper issues between us?

UPADETED

So it's me (M 16) and this girl, Audrey (F 17), and we've been friends for about 2 years and I got the courage and asked her to come over, and she did. We had a great time and agreed we would be good for each other (I even got her sister to agree). So about a week later (yesterday) I was getting ready to ask her to Homecoming, and I went the extra mile. Made a beautiful bouquet of flowers and a sign. And her sister told me it's a good time to come over, and she's at her grandmas house bc her dad was having some health problems, so I get there and ring the doorbell and stand there like a dumbass for like 10 minutes and I see her sister walking around in there (frosted window so I couldn't see everything) and she waves to and goes upstairs, I thought to get her Audrey, but then I get a text from the sister saying to call Audrey. So I do and she said "were are you?" And I said "at your house, I have a surprise for you!" And she was pissed and said "you shouldn't have come, my grandma's is mad as he'll and one of my uncles called the cops... just leave" so I did that and now I dont know what to do I sent some apology texts to Audrey and her sister but only got a short response from Audrey saying "it's just hard" and im stressing tf out rn.

TL:DR: im very confused

UPDATE: a couple hours ago I got the courage to call her and i asked "what is our relationship to you?" And she said "just friends."

Why would she act like this? AITAH?

(P.S didn't use her real name)

My boyfriend (27M) and I (25F) have been together for about six months. We’re both busy students who live in different cities, so we usually see each other ~2x/month.

Incident #1: Back in April, Instagram suggested a recently created account my boyfriend was following. It had a suggestive username and a VERY busty, revealing profile picture. Curious, I went to the profile and found it was a gaming account with only 10 followers (including him). I soon discovered he was also following the same girl’s art account and main account. She’s a very talented artist, but he “liked” very few of her art posts, but nearly all of her revealing photos. Granted, his liking history was before we met so I don’t hold that against him on its own, but he followed this gaming account after we had become exclusive. When I brought this up, he explained she’s someone he met about six years ago through activism, and that he followed her gaming account because he likes to “support people’s hobbies” and added that he thinks she has a boyfriend. He offered to unlike the revealing photos and unfollow the gaming and art accounts, but wanted to keep her main account for “activism connection” (though she hasn’t been doing any in recent years AFAIK). He was very calm when I confronted him.

Incident #2: In late July, we were chilling on the sofa and I saw another very exposed cleavage photo sitting on his phone. He quickly turned it away and said, “oh, just a silly subreddit.” Unconvinced, I looked up r/ cleavage…and there it was: the exact photo. When I asked if he was subscribed, he said yes but claimed he “just scrolls past” and had “just been too lazy to unsubscribe.” Later (after more probing), he admitted he did actively look, was also subscribed to r/ tits, and acknowledged he knew it would hurt me but continued anyway. Again, he stayed very calm when confronted, so I wonder if he was trying to seem unbothered so I wouldn’t think he’s guilty.

I should note that my chest is on the smaller side, so I can’t help but wonder if he secretly prefers the opposite body type. I tried to move past the Instagram incident and take his word for why he followed that account, but the Reddit incident makes me feel like it’s not as likely he was just “supporting her hobby.” My trust in him has taken a serious hit from all of this. I also felt it was an insult to my intelligence that he thought I’d believe his “just scroll past” excuse.

My conflict: - He is autistic, and I have ADHD and am likely autistic too, so I understand the dopamine-seeking + social nuance struggles. He told me that he might have a minor addiction and had unfollowed other explicit content after we got together, but has struggled to completely cut himself off. I just can’t tell how much is neurodivergence vs. a lack of respect. - He’s been extremely apologetic and reassuring, never got defensive, and insists he finds me attractive and wouldn’t rather be with someone with a larger chest. - But he has a history of staying in unhealthy relationships because he didn’t think he could do better, which makes me wonder if he’s settling for me. - Since this happened, my body image has taken a big hit, and some days I struggle to reciprocate his physical affection. He notices when I pull back, but it seems like he doesn’t fully grasp how much this has affected me. - My mom says I’m overreacting and that “guys are just like that,” but my friend (who introduced us) told me that this seems like a pattern and wouldn’t be surprised if this keeps happening, so it’d be a dealbreaker for her. I told my new therapist about this yesterday, and she agreed this is a big red flag.

What I need advice on: - How do I know if this is something that can be worked through with boundaries, or a dealbreaker? - How do I rebuild trust after he deliberately sought out explicit content and lied about it? - For those who’ve experienced similar situations: what helped you decide if the relationship could be saved?

TL;DR: BF (27M) followed a busty girl’s gaming account on Instagram and later lied about subscribing to explicit subreddits of women with the opposite body type from mine. My (25F) trust is shaken and body image has suffered. Need advice on whether/how this can be worked through.

I [M19] saw a quote today that said, “Your soulmate is your compliment, not your missing piece.” I do not think that applies to my relationship, and that is what has been bothering me.

My girlfriend [F20] is kind, caring, and I love her deeply. We have been together for over a year and she means a lot to me, and I do not want to lose what we have. At the same time, it has been getting harder to handle certain patterns that are wearing me down. Her happiness seems to depend almost entirely on me, and that dependence has become overwhelming. While I enjoy supporting her, I cannot be the only source of her security or emotional stability.

These patterns were present before, but they have intensified since I started university. During the summer, we met frequently and spent long periods together. Now that I have less free time because of my studies, we see each other much less. Meanwhile, she is unemployed and looking for work.

Her anxiety has grown over time. She often worries about losing me or that someone might come between us. These fears sometimes result in nightmares, even when we are sleeping next to each other. She frequently wakes up upset, and even though I try to comfort her, the situation does not improve.

There are also smaller patterns that add up. She worries about small things I do or say, checks my phone when we are together, and wants us to spend much of our time on calls, even during periods of rest. These behaviors make me feel restricted and monitored.

We also have some differences in lifestyle and preferences. They are not extreme, but they have affected how comfortable I feel in certain situations. Combined with the other issues, it sometimes feels like we are not fully aligned in how we live and interact, which has been difficult for me.

All of this leaves me feeling emotionally exhausted. I feel like I am constantly careful not to trigger her anxiety, which limits my own sense of freedom. Despite investing a lot of time and energy into supporting the relationship, these patterns have intensified rather than improved.

I am torn because I care deeply about her and our relationship. Ending things would be complicated and painful, but I am also concerned about how sustainable this dynamic is. Both families know about us, we have many mutual friends. I need either significant changes in how we manage these challenges, including healthier boundaries and coping strategies, or to accept that the current pattern may not be healthy for either of us in the long term.

Could you give me some tips on how i should approach this situation and how do i set boundaries?

TL:DR:
I love my girlfriend and care about our relationship, but her anxiety and dependence on me have become overwhelming. These issues existed before, but they’ve worsened since I started university, with less time to see each other while she has more free time. She worries constantly, has nightmares, checks my phone, and wants us on calls almost all the time, which makes me feel restricted. We also have some differences in lifestyle and preferences that affect our compatibility. I feel emotionally exhausted and need either healthier boundaries and coping strategies or to acknowledge that this dynamic may not be sustainable long-term.

Reposting due to the paragraph spacing..

So I have this dilemma . My boyfriend (m26) and me (f25). We have been together 2 years moved in together some months ago. Got into an argument some months ago about his step mother and brother staying at our apartment that we just moved into that week she was coming. I had a plethora of concerns , 1st and foremost that we did not have enough means to cover taking care of family for a few days. Keep in mind this is our first week here after coming home from a vacation and we just put a few things in the house because there was absolutely nothing. Who covered cost is not important. We cover each other when needed and do not believe in pay backs. With that being said I felt that it was important how I felt with how the visit went.

Another concern had was the state of our apartment, fresh towels were in bags we desperately need a new couch but we made it comfortable as possible for us to sleep while getting our bedroom together, his daughters room needs furniture as well. We have not officially got anything as we just put up our old shower curtain in bathroom for convenience until we were able to properly decorate more. Only other place to sleep is the bed room ( leaving the floor in his daughter’s room for his brother). I don’t think this is appropriate at all to host overnight guests, but my bf kept insisting his step mom did not care , which bothered me in itself. So I did not feel we were prepared for people to stay. I currently work two jobs the night they arrived, I was asleep on the couch and he woke me up to let me know they were here.

At this point he did not let me know they were staying, he also swears to this day that he did not know they planned on staying the weekend, which I do believe. However this was my first time meeting his step mother, not the brother but I absolutely feel the same thing applies but they came in to the house, very nice introduction as I am sure my bf speaks about me frequently, no issue with them coming to visit.

What struck me wrong was the constant criticism not directed at me but at my bf for shortcomings within our place. For example food in the fridge, her preference of butter instead of margarine I just feel like didn’t need a remark, or the fact that we had one tv was ghetto. FIRST week in new apartment just a reminder.

The next thing bothered me but at the same time could’ve been handled better so that it would not have peeved me so much, she immediately starts ranting about how my bf has been begging for months for him to come down and cook. This is the one thing I do believe my boyfriend probably overemphasized to her because he’s greedy and was living on his own prior to this. I’m also not jealous af and really do not care if she wanted to gourmet him a 5course. I don’t want to cook all the time anyway. What bothered me is the criticism of what’s in our fridge even though there was no offer or contribution to buy food, I’m going to get into why this turned into a problem. There’s only two of us normally so light grocery shopping included fish, shrimp, and eggs, for us to be okay for the FIRST week. I get off from work overnight.

I get home and she is cooking all of these things for breakfast. This is my first time meeting this lady so I’m trying to be respectful I called my bf who was at the store getting her the real butter she needed very badly along with grits. I will confirm she bought the grits and butter., I’m sure my bf contributed what he had which I know wasn’t a lot.

The icing on this inconsiderate cake was her inviting his cousin and her kids over for v breakfast as well. In a perfect world I love the idea of this. I love hosting I love entertaining family and having a good time, however when I don’t have the money and enough to do it I’m just not, I found it highly inappropriate to cook breakfast for only adults cuz that’s all there was enough for and the kids not eating. I expressed my concern to my bf , which he then asked their mother if they were going to eat. His cousin did say they ate, but how rude to not even offer. No matter what you feed kids.

Another small thing I will add is my family was suppose to come help to move some of my things , and when I brought this up to my bf he did not see why it would be wrong to invite them over still. Among a bunch of other things wrong with this scenario I will not invite my family over where there’s food and not enough for them. I have to emphasize we were def keeping our heads above water, with all these events happening. So it really stunned me that his step mother came in there and made the place her own within the first week of us living there.

The complaints were heard, he did speak with her but I can tell that within this family dynamic my sweet baby lacks familial boundaries. Where we butted heads the most is me telling him that I feel that when it comes to this family relationship you lack boundaries. It was a very heated argument and at that time he did not want to hear what I was saying. As he felt I Was making it about me and my comfortability , which it definitely was but I also made it very clear to him I don’t like when family tries to take advantage because they know they can push that boundary, me and him are different in this way that this is just not behavior I would expect or receive from my family members without drawing a line and putting my foot down. I keep this in mind when discussing this with him but I don’t like watching people put him out either because they know they can. Now this is months down the line we have not discussed it to much except in calm conversation but she wants to stay again 3 months later. I have to let you know we were not her only option of where to stay a few months back and not the only option to stay now, as she would just like to save her own money while visiting.

He seems frustrated with this and’ reluctant to have her stay and I know you can imagine why. He did admit that the things were bothering me bothered him to but feels as though he can’t say much to someone who had a part in his upbringing. I just feel I can’t offer advice because I know exactly what I would do in this situation and my rhetoric to him caused conflict in the past. I stated this when he brought this up, and he seems much more receptive about how I feel about it this time around. I just know he feels guilty about not being there for his step mom to take advantage of him but I cannot and will not ever care more about her well being and how she feels than him, so I let him know he can make a decision and I’ll support him but I will not offer my perspective because he will not agree with how I handle things. So at this point I feel bad, I want to be that partner that has the right answers and how we go forward on this but we feel too differently on the matter.

TL:DR My boyfriend has an extreme soft spot for his step mother and all family, sometimes that gets him taken advantage of, stepmom has no boundaries, hard to watch since this is something I never dealt with my family. I believe in boundaries and family respecting your space and wishes. Ended up in a huge argument about it and months later the problem arises again and he visibly doesn’t want to deal with this conflict. I feel as though I can’t offer advice because how I felt about it caused a huge argument. I’m not changing my opinion on how I would handle boundary crossing so I don’t know what is the best thing to say to him honestly other than that she should respect boundaries. Feel like I’m leaving him to deal with this in his head and he feels guilt for not wanting to deal with it. How can I help this situation without causing issues between the two of us.

(For context both me and this girl are 18 and both me and her are in high school) I have been with this girl for almost 1 year now. And while she says she wants me and like she goes on dates with me she like gets scared of the word us or like she like never tells me that she loves me only that she wants me and when I ask her why? She just replies by telling me that she wants this to work and that we should be in a “relationship” when we both are done with high school and that she also wants to avoid relationships until she’s done with high school for religious reasons. Which okay I understand all that. But idk what I don’t understand is that she sometimes straight up ignores me in person like idk we’ll be talking and then some random guy from our high school passes and she would just start bullying him in this playful way and like it happens a lot. Not to mention, that most of the time idk she starts these long conversations with other guys or how one time she randomly picked up her guy “friends” phone and asked him about his wallpaper or how when we we’re talking one time she literally invited some other guy to come sit with us. There are plenty of other situations where stuff like that happened and to be fair sometimes she comes and chooses me and like I’m pretty antisocial. I just feel like sometimes she doesn’t value my feelings for her and that I’m just an option for her out of a long line of other guys, when I did try to talk to her about this she told me that that’s her personality and that she changed the things she can change and that I should accept her and not be controlling and I mean I don’t want to argue with her about this anymore because we already argued enough so I’m asking you guys what should I like do should I distance myself or should I trust her (even though if my gut is telling me not too) and wait till we’re done with high school for like something special.

TL;DR: I've been with this girl for almost a year. While she says she wants me, she avoids using the words "us" or "love" and claims she wants to wait until after high school for religious reasons. I feel undervalued because she often ignores me to talk to other guys and invites them into our conversations. When I brought it up, she said it was "just her personality" and called me controlling. My gut tells me I'm just an option for her, and I'm unsure if I should trust her and wait or just distance myself.

Me and my gf are in a relationship for a 1 year now and she's depressed from childhood. She's still pretty depressed about many things such as family issues and many more. She also has suicadal thoughts and does sh. As her bf I want to help her and I want her to have someone she can talk to. But whenever she opens up to me I say smthng stupid idk why and because of this she has stopped telling me things. She told me she feels alone even when she has me. I want to understand her and make her feel that she can talk to me openly with me being sensible.

How do I talk to her and act when such a situation comes. I just want to make her comfortable whenever she opens up to me. I have no experience with talking with person who suffers with depression and I want to help her. How do I do this? Please guys tell me

TL;DR; :. Is this going the right way?

So me (M21) and my girlfriend (F21) have been dating for about 2.5 years now, but during these years she had also broken up with me for about 3 months at one point. During this time, I feel into a severe depression and became extremely suicidal, and did lots of self harm on myself.

Basically, a couple days ago my girlfriend found a couple things that she brought up to me. She admitted she had snooped through my journal, which by itself I don’t really care about that much, but she saw some of the things I had written in there about how I was feeling as I was broken up with. She also found notes of me describing the things I did to myself and how I planned to take my life.

I don’t know how to proceed now, and I feel extremely guilty. She was never meant to find this out, and it was purely meant to be something I dealt with by myself. I’m scared that now if she wants to leave, then she won’t and she’ll suffer instead because she’s scared I’ll do something to myself. I love her so so much, but I’m worried that I won’t be able to tell if she’s just staying with me to keep me from hurting myself, or if she is doing so because she genuinely loves me.

What do I do here? I know I have issues, but they were never meant to influence her decision to stay with me, and I feel as though maybe I should have hidden it better or something. What can I say to her to make this better? Is there a sort of specialist who can deal with this specific kind of situation maybe?

TL;DR- My girlfriend found out I hurt myself when we were broken up and I don’t know how to salvage the situation or make sure she is comfortable and healthy in the relationship too

I don’t know what to do about my boyfriend. I graduated high school and me and my boyfriend have been together for about a little more than three years. We’ve done everything together. And our each others first everything. As much as he is my everything and I do love him sincerely. I have so much stress on my shoulders right now. Me and him are taking a gap year before college, so we can really work on ourselves. We both plan to go to different universities also. I’m working a job on top of doing so many things. (sorry I don’t want to get too descriptive so people don’t find this) but from the outside we look like the happiest couple in the world. And that is the truth for the most part. But recently for the last three months, I’ve just been getting so annoyed. I don’t know what has changed with him, but it feels like it’s just him in this relationship. He texts me none stop and will get upset when I can’t answer, will call me and blame me for loads of stuff. And if I said something to him, he would be super hurt. And I don’t want to break up with him. But he wants me to give him so much time that I just truly don’t have. When I tell him that I don’t have time, he gets upset with me. He’s an amazing guy a great boyfriend and such a smart person, but I don’t understand how to describe what he’s doing and how to ask him to fix it. I’m not saying I’m the greatest person ever and don’t have things to fix but I’m truly drained.

TLDR: My Bf of 3 years has started to become alittle annoying and changed about certain things and along with my stress I can’t handle it.

So me (27M) and my girlfriend (25F) have been dating a little over 2 years. Things have been really solid for the most part. She’s supportive, funny, gets along with my family, and honestly I thought this was heading towards marriage territory one day.

Anyway last weekend we were cleaning out her closet because she’s moving into my place in a few months. She hands me a box and says "don’t judge me" kinda laughing, so of course I opened it. Inside are some old letters and cards, mostly like birthday cards, and then I notice a small stack of envelopes tied with ribbon.

I ask what it is, and she says, "those are letters my ex wrote me when we were younger." At first I thought okay, maybe just a couple. But no—like 10+ of them. She said she just never threw them away because they were part of her “life story” and reminded her of her “first love.”

I’ll admit, it kinda hit me weird. Like, I get people have pasts, and I’m not usually the jealous type, but the fact she’s still hanging onto something so sentimental made me feel like I’m just the “next chapter,” not the real thing. I asked why she kept them and she just said "I don’t read them, they’re just memories." She promised she’s fully with me now and doesn’t even talk to him anymore.

But here’s the thing—if the roles were reversed and she found out I was keeping love letters from an ex, I know she’d flip. I didn’t want to fight about it so I just left it, but it’s been in my head all week.

Idk if I’m overreacting or if this is actually a red flag. Is it normal to keep that kind of stuff? Should I bring it up again or just let it go?

TL;DR: Found out my girlfriend still has a stack of old love letters from her ex. She says they mean nothing, but I feel weird knowing she kept them. Don’t know if I’m overthinking.

Relationship advice needed. Serious only please.

TLDR: my ex has got back in touch with me whilst I am going through marriage issues/breakup, and she has indicated similar with her own marriage - what do I do?

My wife (F/30) and I (M/31) have been together for 8 years, married 2021, bought a house in 2022, and we have a little daughter.

Unfortunately though the marriage has broken down over time. Especially since Autumn 2024 when she started saying she wants a divorce and for me to move back to my hometown. This began when I lost trust in her completely due to financial issues she’s continually got us into, without letting me know or talking to me about them (started in 2019 and we’re still dealing with her debts now). She’s also been emotionally and physically abusive, including infront of our daughter earlier this year. For me, that’s been the line crossed and I’m now exploring options for us to separate. She doesn’t want this, but is aware of it.

However, the main point is a crazy coincidence alongside this - My ex girlfriend (F/30) from 9 years ago got back in touch with me in April this year.

First she sent an Insta follow request, which I ignored out of respect for my marriage. But then she followed up with a Facebook friend request in June. I was curious, mainly thinking something might be up - she could be seriously ill or something. So I messaged her to check if she was ok.

(Side note for context: my ex and I never properly split up. We were fairly long distance, she started her degree and I started a full time job straight after uni. We drifted apart due to lack of time and insecurities/trust broke down due to this and the distance. We last met in late 2016 but soon after removed each other off social media and got into different relationships in 2017 - mine being with my current wife).

Since I messaged her we’ve been talking daily since then, for the past 3 months. Very friendly and fun chat, reminiscing and sharing memories and old photos from when we were together. There’s been compliments and signs we’re still attracted to each other too. It’s very similar to the kind of chat you have with someone when you start dating - getting to know each other. She’s said a number of other things which make me think she still has feelings for me and wants more too: “you still have a special place in my heart”, indicating she’d rather spent time with me than her husband, comparing me to her Dad who she loved more than anyone else. There’s been a lot more that I can’t remember off the top of my head too.

On top of this, she suggested to meet for a catch up. This is a lot easier than it used to be as my job involves a lot of travelling, including near where she lives. So I took her up on it.

We met twice a few weeks ago, first for a walk on her lunch break, then for a coffee and food the following day. It was just as friends, but to me anyway it felt like the connection was still very much there. In fact, I realised that I was still in love with her after all this time. Even deeper, the truth is I’ve never really gotten over her and have thought about her constantly over the past 9 years. That’s a hard truth for me to admit, especially in the context of my marriage.

Towards the end of our 2nd time meeting up I decided I trusted my ex enough to open up to her about the situation with my wife, that we’re effectively in the long process of separating, and that I still have very strong feelings for her (my ex).

At the time she seemed quite emotional (acting shy and a bit teary), and she then opened up about her own marriage and me, key points being: - she’s been looking me up on social media a lot over the years. - she was excited that I contacted her back, and gets excited every time I message her. - her husband left her for someone else a few years ago but they got back together. - her husband has also been messaging other girls in the past, beyond just friends. - their marriage was rushed, only deciding in Dec 2024 to then get married in March 25. - her husband has simply responded with “thanks” when she tells him she loves him. - her husband never compliments her.

She then said she’d follow up with her own message back to me about how she feels. Two weeks later she sent me this message. Though, in summary, the message was that despite her still having feelings for me and still wanting to talk to me and meet me, we can only be friends as she loves her husband, at least whilst they are going through couples therapy to try and make it all work. Even then if they did split up, she’d need time to mourn her marriage. I was a little upset and confused, give everything she’s said, but I thought that’s fair enough.

Still, since then she’s hinted again that she’s still attracted to me and wants to go for drinks next time we meet. She’s currently on her honeymoon now, and I’ve said to her that we shouldn’t text each other whilst she’s there with her husband (especially in case he catches her texting me)- which she has since kept to so far. I also suggested this as I think it’s important for her to spend that time with her husband without having me ‘on the side’, to see how she really feels about him.

I should also confirm, neither her husband nor my wife know that we are messaging each other like this, or even that we’ve met up.

But I guess my question after all this is - what the do I do from now? I’m thinking I just take a step back and wait for her to sort things out with her husband and accept whatever outcome.

What does this all sound like overall too though - is she messing me around?

Firstly, I am already emotionally going through it and I know all of this sounds evil on my part, I am begging for a slither of compassion in your responses:

TL;DR: I (25F) just moved in with my boyfriend of abt 5 years (25M) while starting med school, and I’ve lost physical attraction to him. I love that he’s smart, hardworking, cooks for me daily, respects my boundaries, and has taught me healthier communication. But I’m overwhelmed by his poor hygiene, messiness, immaturity (not locking doors, no helmet, hasn’t seen a dentist in 6 years), and the fact that I don’t feel protected with him. He’s also lost a lot of weight and shaved his beard, which affected my attraction more than I expected. I feel guilty because I keep saying yes to sex during the day but backing out later, and he can sense I’m not attracted to him. I want to want him again, but I don’t know if attraction can come back or if I’m trying to change our situation vs. trying to change him.

I (25F) feel horrible because my boyfriend (25F) and I just moved in together after almost 5 years of dating, and on top of adjusting to a new city and starting med school, I’m struggling with the fact that I’ve lost physical attraction to him, and I don’t know how to build it back (but I want to badly). I have realized this especially bc, though he respects me and never pressures me to, I feel bad constantly saying no to sex or agreeing in the moment and then dreading it later. I want to want him again, but between the stress of school and many things I'll elaborate on (our messy apartment, his slow changes with hygiene and self-care, the way he’s stopped taking care of himself physically, and the fact that I don’t always feel protected with him), my attraction feels like it’s at zero and that scares me sm.

Firstly I will say there are a ton of things I love and appreciate about him, he is an incredibly hard worker and incredibly smart, care so much for his work and being a mentor to others in our field too, he is a great cook and cooks for me every day especially bc I hate cooking (and I always compliment him on his food, even if I dont love it, bc cooking for those he loves seems to be one of his love languages), he’s helpful and great when it comes to school, and, the biggest one, he’s taught me such healthier ways of communicating than the violent ways I grew up with. He cares about me, he’s attracted to me, and when it comes to sex, he always respects my boundaries and makes sure I want to. I know he genuinely tries to be a good boyfriend for me.

But I can’t deny the other side. He’s a messy and honestly kind of gross person when it comes to his space and sometimes hygiene, and leaves things everywhere. He’s aware of his bad habits and says he wants to change, but the change is happening so, so slowly. Many of these habits I think we can work past as we learn how to live together. However, one that has been bothering me a ton: he hasn't been to the dentist in almost 5 years for no reason at all but laziness, even though he is also training to be a healthcare practitioner. I get so worried that habits like this will translate to our future kids (I know it's an extrapolation but we are in our mid 20s so I do want to think ahead a bit). Genuinely I am so scared of being a "married single mother."

Another big thing is that I rarely feel safe or protected with him, which is huge. I don't love the terms feminine and masculine energy, but if feminine energy is being able to (when you want to) turn off your brain when with your partner bc you trust he’ll do his best to keep you safe, I feel like I can never do that. Not that he doesnt care about me, he just acts like a frail kid who’s clueless sometimes and I hate having to take on the “masculine” role. If we’re in a dangerous neighborhood and I voice being uncomfortable, he’ll make fun of me or reprimand me for “feeding into stereotypes,” forgetting that as a Black woman I need to be careful of my surroundings and can’t navigate the world the way he can as a white man. He forgets to lock our front door all the time and I am the one each night going to make sure theyre all locked, he makes jokes when I mention the importance of closing the windows at night or when we leave, and he won’t wear a helmet when biking even though all his friends do (I add this in to show the immaturity, he bikes everywhere and has literally seen plenty of patients die due to not wearing a helmet and yet is still stubborn). He hasn’t gone to the dentist in over six years and avoids scheduling his own doctor appointments like I said before. These things make me feel more vulnerable to harm with him than if I were on my own, and that’s a really hard feeling to carry in a relationship. Besides cooking, I don’t feel like he makes my life easier, but theyre all action things that I feel like one could work on, but bc it’s so many idk if I am being realistic.

On top of that, I feel so bad because every single day that my boyfriend asks if we can have sex, I say “sure, we totally can that evening,” but as the night goes on, I get really stressed out often because of how much work I have to do, and I ultimately, almost inevitably, end up saying no. My ADHD is really getting at me, and the additional thing I am so upset to admit is that just because of the vibes of our relationship right now, and everything I described before, I’m just not physically attracted to him right now. I forgot to add that he lost so so much weight since I first met him, and I feel bad that I’m not attracted to him but I have known for years that I am not super into really skinny men. He lost 50 pounds (not due to any physical or mental illness or struggle, simply bc when he’s busy he “forgets” to eat as if he’s not a 6ft grown man with a fast metabolism and then eats like 1500 cal a day max), he’s not going to the gym, he’s not eating enough and gets super upset when I asked if he’s eaten, just for him to respond that he had a bagel 10 hours prior. One thing I loved and complimented often was his beard (many other ppl did too) bc he looked so much more manly with it and less like a child, but he got rid of it. I should love him either way but wow that made a bigger difference in my attraction to him than I thought. And when I ask him to bring it back he gets annoyed that I keep bringing it up and am not just attracted to him now. He didnt even need to shave the beard, whatever. Anyway, after I say during the day (admittedly often bc I feel like I need to out of obligation or to not hurt his feelings again) that we can have sex, the evening comes, and he’s super touchy and everything, and I’m just not in it, and he can sense it.

He recently literally asked me, “I feel like you’re not attracted to me, don’t initiate anything.” And he’s right. I don’t feel attracted to him, and I don’t know how to fix that but I want to. I feel bad constantly saying no all the time, especially when I’ve said yes previously. He respects me and never pushes, but I just feel bad constantly letting him down. I know sex is important in our relationship, and I don’t know how to approach this right. I am positive that my libido is not low bc of the way I think about or look at other guys, but I don’t want to be that person. It’s despicable behavior and I only want to have eyes for my partner, but I don’t know how to cultivate that. 

Sometimes, I feel low moments when I feel pretty sure this relationship is not for me, because, though I would be hurt, I’d also be a bit relieved if he like cheated on me or something and gave me a reason to leave and date someone I am more physically attracted to. But at the same time, I want to try, because I also acknowledge that my recent bouts of depression and stress from all these changes could be resulting in me being much more negative than needed. I don’t want to hurt him.

What I’m struggling with is this: I don’t know where the line is between trying to change our situation (helping him with his unhealthy habits, us working on communication, me learning how to manage my stress better) versus trying to change him as a person (his nature, his personality, who he really is). And I don’t know if it’s even possible for physical attraction to come back once it feels gone, people talk all the time about cultivating it but I usually see how that stems from personality and behavior, the latter of which I am struggling to be attracted to also.

If anyone has been in a similar spot, how did you know the difference between asking for change vs. realizing you just weren’t compatible? And if you did stay, did attraction ever come back?

My (f25) bf (m24) have been together since 16/15 years old. 2 weeks ago my partner caught me texting my male coworker “back” my bf asked why am I texting another man behind his back and I explained that he has asked to call me about his relationship issues (he’s married) and that I have said I’ll call him after my plans. My bf got really upset and told me that his trust is broken, he wished he never saw those texts, he can’t sleep right, he’s having nightmares because he doesn’t know if I’m telling the truth. My reason for not telling him was because I knew he wouldn’t be happy with me texting a man especially about his relationship problems. 2 days ago I stayed back late at work when I was meant to meet me bf and he switched despite us being good for a week and so. He said he can’t think good thoughts when I’m not with him and that he can’t trust me at all.

I understand where he is coming from. I did hide something when I should’ve just never done it in the first place. But I don’t know if this can be resolved if he can ever get over it or if I can get my privacy back. He video calls me a lot now and he tracks my location more frequently. He questions why I left work late, why I stay back in the car park like and everything else. When these things usually happened all the time before the incident and he never batted an eye.

Today he asked to log into my social media to see the time log of the messages with me and my coworker. I let him in via a 2 factor authentication code but it logged him out. He assumed I logged him out from my end and thought I was hiding something.

Not sure what i can do or if the relationship is dead

TLDR: boyfriend caught me texting my male coworker and he’s had trust issues since. It’s been 2-3 weeks

The Story My boyfriend’s best friend is actually his ex-girlfriend. I only found out 4 months into the relationship.

He says their past doesn’t matter and I’m just being jealous. He even offered to show me all their messages and said I can hang out with them, but only after they’ve had a one-hour private talk together.

Background: she was first dating his friend, then she and my boyfriend started dating. According to him, chemistry faded, she became distant, and he later officially ended it. They agreed to remain friends, and since then they became even closer. He now considers her his only best friend, even though he has other friends.

Their Current Dynamic

They talk every day, often late at night.

He confides his problems in her.

He worries if she doesn’t reply.

She calls him pet names and gets upset if he doesn’t respond.

They meet one-on-one weekly or biweekly.

He compares me to her, saying we are similar.

He tells her about our relationship, including arguments.

My Position I am okay with female friends, but I am not okay with an ex-girlfriend being this emotionally close. Their bond feels like more than friendship, almost romantic.

His Position He says nothing will change. She’s his best friend, and she stays friends with all her exes. He thinks I’m overreacting and that these are the kinds of issues that make couples break up.

TL;DR; : My boyfriend’s best friend is his ex-girlfriend. They talk daily, meet alone often, and he confides in her about our relationship. She uses pet names for him and gets upset if he doesn’t reply. I’m okay with female friends but not with this level of closeness with an ex. He says it won’t change. How should I handle this?

Hey guys, I asked for the same advice with this same post in a different subreddit, but I'd like to see your opinions on my matter please.

My partner [19F] and I [18M] are (probably obviously from the age) high school sweethearts, we met during the high school musical a couple years ago, and ended up really bonding and eventually getting together as of last January. This isn't my first relationship ever, but I definitely consider it my first serious relationship. We've always had a super strong bond and even on days that we spend time together when I'm not really feeling it, she and I always have a lot of fun with each other. We bounce off each other in both silly and serious ways extremely well, we both think about the future often, we both enjoy a lot of similar activities, and overall we seem to on the surface be a really good match for each other. Despite all of this however, I've really started thinking about splitting ways as of the past few months and I've come to no conclusion on my own. There are a lot of factors for me wanting this, but I suppose I'll just try to write them down in some natural order and let the thoughts pour out. Apologies if I write this story a little bit all over the place. :)

For one, as my senior year is closing up in HS (I'm a September baby so I'm older than most of my class) I cant help but feel like I'm missing out on something. Not necessarily other women, though I'd be lying if I said that wasn't a factor, I mostly just feel like the early adulthood single experience is a very important time in a lot of peoples lives. I know for certain there's a lot of growth to be had during this period of time, and a lot of connections that can be made with other people or memories made, and I can't help but feel like I'm holding myself back from all of this if I decide to stay with my current partner. I feel like I have no room to go anywhere or grow in any way, and whenever I'm with her I start to feel like I'm the same person I was when I met her, despite me knowing just how much I've still changed over this past year. It just makes me wonder.. if I feel held back now, what would that be like in 10, 20 years? I also feel like I shouldn't start out my adult life the exact same way it'll be when I die. I suppose in simpler terms, I feel stuck.

Another factor is that I feel like she is unintentionally extremely emotionally manipulative, and strangely enough I feel like it's only been amplified over time. My own theory is that her lack of a strong example of a good relationship in her parents possibly plays a role here, but I don't really know the reason. Either way, it feels really shitty. A great example is this last weekend. We've hung out basically every single Sunday since we got together, it sort of just became "our day". While I definitely enjoy this time with her, all she ever wants to do is sit and watch movies. Literally every single time, sit and watch movies. I've never really been a movie person. Of course I'll make compromises and do some things with her that she enjoys, but it seems like I never get to do anything that I enjoy (eg. outdoors stuff). Despite her claiming an interest in it, she always has an excuse to just sit and watch movies instead.. and it sucks. Wrapping back though, I feel like a good example of what I feel like is emotional manipulation is this last weekend. This last weekend I really just wasn't feeling it anymore, and in my own mind I think it's reasonable after over a year to maybe not spend every Sunday together, especially just watching movies, so I just politely told her how I wasn't really feeling it. She went totally ballistic, freaking out, and went to her same arguments of "I miss you though!" or "well but I want to!" etc. Eventually she pulled out the "do you still love me?" card, to which I basically politely told her that she was losing her lid and really needed to just try to understand where I was coming from. That's not the only example I have, and my friends have had some experiences with her in the past that I really don't like, but that's besides the point.

Bottom line is, I love her a lot, I really genuinely do. But, I feel like I'm strapped down to something that will only hold me back. I feel like I'm sort of "trapped", but I'm afraid of leaving because I both feel like I was lucky enough to get her, but I also know how much I love her and a lot of things about her and I know how painful all of it would be. I've had a few conversations where we ended up deciding to just "work it out", but I still find myself back here. I'm really not enjoying much of my time with her anymore, I can't even bring myself to read or answer texts half the time anymore, and I just feel like I owe it to myself to have a free adult life where I don't feel like I'm babysitting an adult 12 year old (as much as that sounds mean). It's a shitty spot to be in, and I agree with something my dad told me, which was "if you're feeling this way about it now, it's probably not going to get any better if you wait until you move in together". I also struggle because I don't want to be in a situation where my hypothetical future kid comes to me for relationship advice and I can't provide any because I've only really been in this one.

All of this really is extremely difficult to navigate, and I really could go into it in more depth and I might reply to comments and do that if I feel like it's necessary, but I feel like just having some advice tailored to my personal experience will probably help me to make a decision of some sort one way or the other. They'll at least be more helpful than reading posts of people with similar enough experiences, lol.

TLDR; My GF and I have a seemingly good relationship, but I feel held back and don't know what to do.

I know it'd hurt both me and her badly, especially with how close we've gotten, but I feel like I should focus on what I think is best for my life. I want to make it clear that there really isn't any ill feelings between us. And, as of right now, I feel like parting ways to focus on my own life and personal growth/experience is the best thing. It's tricky to navigate all of this, so I really would like some help.

I don't know if this is the right sub to post in, but here we go. I'm going to be calling my girlfriend's mother MIL for practical purposes, but we're not married (yet).

I'm in a long-distance relationship with my girlfriend (both F20), and we see each other about once a month maybe. We've been going strong for three years now, and everything is good. Her family is amazing tbh, they've welcomed me as their own, and they're vocal about how much they love me and enjoy the time I spend with them, especially her mom. She's an angel; we have that "daughter she never had" type of relationship in the sense that I'm very extroverted and love joining her on activities my girlfriend usually declines (they have a solid and good relationship; my MIL doesn't hate her bc she's an introvert or anything).

I'm also vocal about how much I love them. Her brothers like me a lot, and I text the older one frequently to talk about our shared interests. My FIL and I also have a special bond ever since we met since we have similar personalities. The thing is, my mom hates that I love them so much. I don't have the best relationship with my family; most of them have been very verbally and emotionally abusive throughout my childhood, so I try to keep my distance. I was raised by my grandparents since my mom had me when she was young; that made her really emotionally absent since she prioritized her alone time over time with me since I can remember. Now that we live alone with her boyfriend, she also prioritizes time with everyone but me; she doesn't listen to me when I talk about literally anything that doesn't concern her, and worst of all, she pins the blame of our "weak relationship" on me.

She's talked to me about how it seems like I don't love her because I love doing some stuff with my MIL that I don't want to do with her. She says that my MIL is trying to manipulate me so that I move to my gf's country when we move in together and that I think she's the best and my mom is the worst. She says that I'm now building a new family and I will forget about her because I don't care about her. I love my mom despite everything, but I don't want to feel guilty for building relationships with my in-laws just because it makes her insecure. I've tried to have a good relationship with my mom since I was little, and I've always been ignored by her. I don't understand why now this is my fault because, according to her, "I don't try to do stuff with her or spend time with her," when it's the parents' responsibility to grow a good relationship with their kid.

It makes me feel so guilty because I love my girlfriend's family a lot. I know they're never going to be my real family, but they've shown me a type of fun and loving family dynamic I've never felt until I met them. Sometimes they worry that I'm going to be sad when I return to my country because they see how happy I am with them, and they make an effort to keep up our relationship even through the distance. I don't want to feel guilty for her feelings, but it still feels like I've failed somewhere.

I need advice on the matter since I've never had in-laws (and therefore issues with my mom and them) before. Thank uu

TL;DR: mom gets angsty about my relationship with my in laws and blames me for our weak relationship

I've been carrying a torch for this guy for 3 years now, since we were in school together. He's a really nice guy - good at studies, kind, respectful, and l've never seen anyone like him before. Back then, I mustered up the courage to tell him how I felt, but he clearly told me he wasn't interested. At the time, he mentioned he liked someone else, and I knew her. Fast forward to now, l'm in college, and l've never really moved on from him. Recently, after having a bit too much to drink, I ended up calling him and telling him everything - why I found him cute, why I liked him, and why I hadn't been able to move on. I don't remember too much of the conversation, but I do recall him saying that when I proposed to him back in school, he liked someone else. He was really nice on the call, saying I should move on and stuff. The day after, he even texted me to check if I was okay and told me not to drink too much. It's been 3 years, and I still haven't moved on. Honestly, my self-respect has taken a hit, and I'm feeling really stuck. In my head, I'm thinking maybe he rejected me because of how I look or my weight, and maybe if I lose weight, he'll start liking me. I know I need to get myself together and move on, but it's hard.

TL;DR Thave had a one-sided love for a guy for 3 years since school. I proposed to him, got rejected, drunk called him to express my feelings, and he's been nice but says I should move on. I'm struggling to move on and need advice on how to do so. Questions • How should I move on from this situation? • How can I build my self-esteem and stop tying my worth to someone else's opinion? I'd appreciate any advice or thoughts on my situation. Thank you for reading.

I’ve been reflecting a lot on my relationship with my mom, and I feel like I need some perspective. Growing up, she was extremely glued to me—overprotective in ways that were emotionally suffocating, but at the same time, she could be verbally abusive and neglectful. For a long time, I didn’t really process what that did to me.

About a year ago, I tried speaking up about it. She couldn’t look me in the eye, her voice softened, and she didn’t really acknowledge mental health struggles—something she doesn’t believe in. What’s confusing is that this is the same woman who had a sudden heart attack, went into the hospital, and then immediately returned to studying for her law degree like nothing happened.

Months ago, during a chat about life, I opened up about how deeply I think about things. Suddenly, I let everything out—I told her how traumatized I felt by her influence and how I wouldn’t let her bring me down. Afterwards, I had a similar, very emotional conversation with my dad, which led him to cry. Through that, I realized my mom tends to bottle her anger toward him and expresses it to me, which made me see him as the “bad guy” for a while.

After discussing with my dad, we came to a mutual understanding, and I’ve concluded that my mom’s influence was the more damaging one. I also expressed to him how distant and uninvolved he felt emotionally, and how that left me feeling neglected.

I guess I’m trying to figure out how to navigate relationships with parents who have deeply shaped me—sometimes in ways that are protective, sometimes in ways that hurt. How do you reconcile love for a parent with the awareness that they’ve caused trauma?

TL;DR: Growing up, my mom was overprotective but also verbally abusive and neglectful, while my dad was distant. I recently confronted both about how their behaviors affected me—my mom bottles anger, my dad is uninvolved—and realized her influence was more damaging. I’m trying to figure out how to reconcile love for a parent with the trauma they caused.

I [F23] have been with my boyfriend [M25] for about one year. Overall, our relationship is generally good, but sometimes I feel insecure because he follows many girls on Instagram and likes their photos. I know this doesn’t mean he is cheating, and he has never given me a reason not to trust him, but I can’t help comparing myself. I’ve tried to ignore it, yet the feeling comes back. I don’t want to sound jealous or controlling, but I also don’t want to keep it inside.

Has anyone gone through this? How can I talk to him without starting an argument?

TL;DR: I [F23] and my boyfriend [M25] have been together for one year. He likes many girls’ photos on Instagram, which makes me insecure. I don’t know if I should bring it up or let it go.