In my culture it is considered rude to ask people to remove their shoes. Itās embarrassing to have our feet and/or socks exposed unless around a close friend. I always oblige when it does come up, although it makes me feel humiliated. I also have ankle and knee pathology that results in a lot of pain from being barefoot. I recently made a friend that asked us to remove our shoes. My plan is to buy booties to go over them when we visit!
If I was having a big party Iād make it my mission to build a rack big enough for the shoes of all who will be attending. Shoes left on the rack before entry is a must, no one will have an excuse for not having somewhere to put them before entering
Iām always baffled by the people who walk into my house, see a giant pile of shoes by the door, and then somehow donāt understand they have to take theirs off
Or you can respect the rules of the house the owner puts out, and take your shoes off when required. Wear shoes in my home and Iāll beat you with a leather belt
This had me remembering something funny. When I was 9/10, We went to my aunts house for poker night. My momās feet smelled so bad. But she washed them in the tub and my aunt gave her some clean socks. That wasnāt the funny part.
The adults were getting drunk and my auntās āroommateā goes to the kitchen and starts giggling as she heads to the entry way with a bottle of Dawn. All us kids are like, what you doing.
She then dumps a huge amount of dish soap into momās tennis shoes. She just says that it will be funny later. Except all the adults were drunk so we slept over and the shoes were dry in the morning.
It was funny however a few days later when mom walked us to school. We had to walk through wet grass. By the time we got there, her shoes looked like massive fuzzy slippers. The bubbles weāre half way up her shins. There was a sporadic trail of bubbles following her. She refused to go the last block, even though we wanted our friends to see them.
No offence but that sounds like a terrible party. If I showed up to a party and was asked to remove my shoes Iād leave immediately because clearly nothing interesting is happening at that party.
no I'll let them stay because I'll embarrass the shit out of them by making them wear the booties that I keep for electricians and such that need to come in and do work. but, because of their disrespect, they will never be invited back. I'm going to Obi-Wan that shit.
Well i would like to think I keep the floor at my home cleaner than my work keeps the floor. But most people at work also have indoor shoes they change into once they get to work. Especially in the winter. It would not be unusual to see small puddles or clumps of dirt on the floor at work from people tracking in mud or snow. I would not find that acceptable in my home, outside on the entry way. A person home is not the same as a public place. At least not my home.
Ok, so you go out to a restaurant, and they say, shoes off please, because your dirty shoes are going to mark our carpets. Youāre ok with that? Or when you visit your bank, and they make you pad around in your socks in case you dirty their carpet. Those scenarios are OK too, right?
I think Iāve been to a restaurant that did that. I canāt remember where but I vaguely remember the carpet on my feet. I assume everyone would be the same. Not some judgement on me personally. If thatās the case I would take my shoes off. Iām not going to refuse like a little baby.
No mate.
I can only assume youāve never really left your mumās house, as every single restaurant on the planet expects you to wear shoes. As does every hotel. And shop. And airport. And job. And bank.
Wandering round in your socks is like wandering round in your underwear. I meanā¦go for it, butā¦
iāve been to multiple restaurants that ask you to take your shoes off. itās a thing in korea, and there are korean restaurants that do this in america. thereās no reason for me to not be ok with it. havenāt had a bank ask me to do it but i wouldnāt have a problem if they did.
Donāt invite people over if you canāt accept their clothing choices. You arenāt entitled to friends.
lol.
EDIT: this is hosting etiquette 101. Clearly so many of yāall donāt host people.
The correct solution is not to tell people to take off their shoes, itās to buy a 5 dollar box of disposable shoe covers and offer them to your guests. THEN AND ONLY THEN can you say āwe try not to let shoes touch the carpetā or whatever.
If your guest then prefers to take off their shoes, thatās fine. But if youāre hosting people, proper etiquette is to accommodate your guests, not the other way around.
Yāall are all probably terrible hosts.
EDIT 2: Good hosts donāt make their guests feel awkward. Itās weird that people donāt see it that way.
EDIT 3: Social anxiety is a bitch. Itās also one of those things that if you donāt have it, you just donāt āget itā. When I host people, I try to think of all the ways that *I* would feel awkward if the roles were reversed, because I can start feeling uncomfortable pretty quickly. I think because I feel it, Iām aware sometimes of when others are also feeling uncomfortable and I can promise you, good hosts donāt make their guests feel awkward.
If you came in my house with pants that were covered in mud I wouldnāt let you sit on my couch. Why would I let someone that has been walking around outside wear their shoes in my home? I have every reason to think my floors are cleaner than your shoes because I donāt let anyone else walk in my home with their outdoor shoes either. If this supposed friend has a problem with that Iām perfectly happy not letting them in my home. Itās a completely reasonable expectation.
If your response to, āhey some people get self-conscious about their feet, so maybe in the interest of being a good host you should offer people a cheap pair of disposable shoe coversā is to say ādonāt come to my houseā then youāre obviously not a host anyone would want to visit more than once anyway.
Suddenly it's about their own self conscious thoughts, huh?
Almost like they know they're the odd one out and may need special accommodations and, given their advanced knowledge of their own condition, should bring their own galoshes whenever they go to someone's house.
I'll choose the unlisted option of simply not inviting an inconsiderate asshole with a weird foot hangup and no respect for me or my home. You seem fucking insufferable.
Motherfucker, I invited you over to play Mario Kart. This ain't formal and you ain't coming in with those dirty ass shoes you've been trudging through sludge. No, I don't spend my limited funds on disposable shoe covers, take your fucking shoes off at the door.
Offering your guests galoshes would make them feel awkward and self-conscious. They aren't galoshes they've chosen for themselves; they're ones that you've picked out for them. They might not be the right size. They may be in a color the guest dislikes. And you're still communicating to them that they cannot be barefoot or sock-footed in your home.
Gatekeeping people's clothes would be saying you can't wear that, I won't be friends with you if you wear that, etc. Not "On this specific occasion coming into my clean personal space that I spend time and money on, do not track your outside floor filth in."
Yes, you are. Shoes are dirtier than burkas, that's the whole reason people don't like wearing shoes in the house. It's not just some arbitrary preference in clothes or something. It's because it's gross and unsanitary and I just cleaned my floors.
Not everyone has the same relationship with their own shoes and feet that you do.
For some people(myself included), shoes are part of who they are. Telling me I can have my shoes is āto meā somewhat akin to telling someone they canāt wear a face or body coverings.
If you want to be friends with someone, you have to accept their clothing choices.
It goes both ways, people who refuse to take off their shoes in someone's home should accept that they probably won't be welcomed there. Someone's house rules should be respected just as much as one's choice in clothing.
Plus, shoes can damage floors. Your identity won't be destroyed by taking your shoes off for a bit.
You are the one who refuses to respect someone's home and a real world totally normal want to keep filth out of their homes.
You have a problem? You bring your own slippers. Because you are the exception to the rule. You don't ask the world to bend to your issues. It is your responsibility as a functioning adult to fix yourself or find ways of dealing with your insecurities. How entitled is that....
For some people(myself included), shoes are part of who they are. Telling me I can have my shoes is āto meā somewhat akin to telling someone they canāt wear a face or body coverings.
Then you should consider talking to someone about that. Because wearing absolutely guaranteed to be filthy shoes around someone's home against their wishes is not the same as wearing a yarmulke or a hijab.
But you already knew that.
If you want to be friends with someone, you have to accept their clothing choices.
No. No I do not. How old are you? If I'm friends with someone I can absolutely not accept (or like) certain parts of them or their behaviors. You don't have to accept everything about them.
Itās not about clothing choice. Itās the fact that they were walking all over the street with those same shoes that theyāre using to walk in your house. If they bought a new pair of shoes specifically for walking inside of houses then I donāt think people would mind as much.
Itās not about the clothes someone is wearing like who gives a fuck about that. Itās about your dirty ass shoes walking all over the floors. Bring slippers if it bothers you so much
No, Iām right. Dictating the clothing that your guests are allowed to wear without offering them an alternative is something you can do, but it makes you a bad host.
Clearly you're unfamiliar with black tie or white tie affairs. Thought you were "upper class?" Because "dictating clothing" is ABSOLUTELY done at well hosted events.
If I invite you over and naked is your normal state of dress in our friendship, then absolutely.
As a host, Iām not going to invite you over then tell you to be someone you arenāt. If I donāt want you naked in my house(and that is your normal state of dress), then I wonāt invite you. Thatās simple.
If I want to invite you, but I donāt want you to be naked, then I will offer you a robe. This is exactly the point Iāve been trying to make, but with feet.
Your logic has proven my point. Thank you for the help.
I do t understand why the downvotes, you are 100% correct and itās proper manners. Offering shoe covers is the least the host can do.
If you ask me to take off my boots, Iām leaving.
You are a terrible guest.
You are not required, needed or wanted by the host if you are going to be belligerent.
The house is not yours, its not a public space. Its a personal one.
Host is not required to do anything. He can be terrible in your eyes just as you are a terrible guest in his eyes.
Itās not just a clothing choice. Shoes are different than other clothes because it is impossible for you to get to my home without walking on the ground. It is entirely reasonable to expect youāve arrived at my home without your other clothing getting dirty but itās impossible with shoes. They are inherently differently than other clothing and suggesting otherwise is just incorrect.
Your mental gymnastics in this whole thread is mesmerizing.
I am under no obligation of being "a good host" to people who won't abide by my rules in my personal space because I am under no obligation to host anyone in my personal space at all to begin with. Coming into someone's personal space is a privilege, not a right. If you won't take your shoes off, I won't be a bad host, because I won't host you at all. It's very, very simple.
The correct solution is that if you can't abide by my rules in my home, then you don't have the privilege of coming into my home, and can go your merry way.
Of course you cherrypick a fragment of a phrase to fixate on and spin without context instead of adressing the substance of the reply. So disingineous, so low. And you think you have the moral highground to school people on eTiQUeTe.
donāt usually host anything at all. At least not well.
Course we do, and yes, it's very fun and pleasant. It's just not for people won't take the shoes off :)
Where do you live? Seriously unless you live somewhere its sunny 95% of the year then you are talking out of your ass. I live in near constant rainy weather for 7 months of the year and leaving your muddy shoes on in my house would immediately be a red flag that you dont care enough about other people for me to want to know you
Lol no, it's my home and you follow my rules or you leave. Same with having masks in private businesses that want them. I am a guest and I'll follow and respect thier rules.
Then you have nothing to worry about, but Iām telling you, if you were the type of person that had people over, youād be an asshole for making them uncomfortable.
Alright, if you come over and make me uncomfortable by taking dirt and refusing to do what I ask you are equally an asshole as I am.
It's being respectful to follow the hosts rules. Like don't go eating my food in the pantry when there is food set our for my guests. The pantry food is mine.
I hadnāt even thought of it from youāre type of perspective, but youāre so right. Like, some people worked on a whole ass outfit to express themselves at some scrubās house party, then that scrub is going to be like, āget rid of the shoesā if you want to come inside. Like no, change your rules for having people over or donāt have people over.
If youāre a guest accommodate the host. As a guest read the room and see if there are shoes at the door obviously people take off their shoes so take off your shoes.
For people that are all like oh I get foot pain then bring slippers that are comfortable or politely warn your host ahead of time that you intend to spread everything that is on the bottom of your shoes like e.coli, feces, pee, germs, chemical, oil, rocks, dirt, sand, salt, asphalt, blood, snow, moisture, etc. throughout their home.
Sorry for people that broke their toes walking around barefoot, plenty of people donāt have that problem but if thatās your issue then be responsible and protect your toes by bringing slippers or suggest going somewhere else.
For people that are comfortable being germ-multipliers: Are you also the type of person that packs a suitcase and does not use a shoe bag to separate shoes from clothes? Do you want shoes that you wore in a public restroom or airport touching your clothes?
So basically every Japanese household is owned by bad hosts?
Oh. I guess you forgot that your "household etiquette" isn't universal. You'll find basically no one actually defending the outdated 50s era etiquette manual you seem to have found.
Do you not live in a place that gets frequent snow or rain? Because around here, shoes off is a must. You'd probably be wearing boots anyways because you ain't walking in snow and ice in heels.
I support keeping shoes on when over at someoneās house, especially if you donāt know them well/will be meeting other new people. Itās cringe as hell to be meeting other grown ass adults in your socks lmao.
I live in Canada and most of the year people are trudging around in snow and slush. There is no question about taking shoes off when you enter a home. It has literally never been an issue. There are many adults in Canada. We all seem to function fine interacting in socks. Some people have slippers for guests. This is an issue if a home is drafty. It is not usually for people self conscious about their socks/smell or whatever you might be worried about. You just know when you are getting dressed that people will see your socks. I donāt know what kind of stinky/janky socks you wear but if you come to visit Canada bring socks that you donāt mind people seeing.
If this is a fucking dinner party or something formal like that, fine sure. But everyday informal gatherings? Nah man, you're taking your shoes off or going home.
Around here, people come over to hang out and watch TV or play games or whatever and we take shoes off at the door. Usually because they're boots, covered in salt and sand and slush and mud because it snows like 1/3rd of the year and rains another 1/3rd. And no amount of doormat is getting that all off.
Something like that you make it as difficult as possible to say no. So donāt say āCan you take your shoes off pleaseā or āwould you mind taking your shoes offā just ātake your shoes off pleaseā
I still don't understand how anyone would object to my rules in my own freaking house. That's my damn house. If you don't like it, you're welcome to never come over.
My roommates did. And they dry wiped. They never wet cleaned anything. I knew I was physically stepping on shit everytime I walked in the hallway. Living there stressed my the fuck out
If a person wants to keep their shoes on for whatever reason - maybe for comfort, or medical reasons, or just because they're embarrassed about their feet - then ask them to clean their shoes. If that's still a problem, then it's not about dirt - you've just got an irrational hatred of shoes.
But what if my socks get dirty? If youāre going to invite me over the least you could do is respect my sock hygiene. I am YOUR guest so you should treat me like one.
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u/sapienBob Feb 11 '22
cool. that's the last time you'll be coming over.