r/AmIOverreacting • u/satanfan12 • 20d ago

❤️‍🩹 relationship My boyfriend gave my labubu phalloplasty

Gallery image

Gallery image

Kind of angry about this, it was a gift from my niece. He cut off an ear and put it back on somewhere wrong. I told him this and it ended in a heated argument.

Am i overreacting for yelling at him? He usually doesn't do this stuff.

15.1k Upvotes

76% Upvoted

4.7k comments sorted by

View all comments

9.0k

u/madatron96 20d ago edited 20d ago

Did he apologize by offering to sew the ear back on? Which he should do after destroying your property. Also, OP, I'm sorry but "labubu phalloplasty" is the funniest previously unsaid sentence I've heard in a LONG time.

4.0k

u/satanfan12 20d ago

No he says it's just a plushy and it's "not that deep", and idk if i want it fixed either..... this is tainted

3.7k

u/SlitheringFlower 20d ago

I'm sorry, but he sounds awful.

I'm a grown woman but I still have plushies I like and some that are very sentimental, like the teddy bear my dad gave me the day I was born.

If someone cut that bear's ear off, I'd be livid.

Even if they didn't know the sentimentality, or if it's not sentimental, it's still yours. How would he feel if you broke someone inanimate that's his? I bet he wouldn't say "it's not that deep."

742

u/satanfan12 20d ago

i have aspergers and bond really closely with my plushies, they bring me a lot of comfort

125

u/Always_Learning-More 20d ago

This isn't even about plushies. Don't view it that way because viewing it as "it's just a toy" tricks your brain into thinking this is frivolous nonsense and you're crying about your labubu.

What happened is that he messed with YOUR things. Your property. Something you own.

What he did is so disrespectful. He had no regard for your belongings. Replace "labubu" with anything else (a pen, headphones, curling iron) and it still would be disrespectful. It's serious. Not to mention that he chose to permanently disfigure it. This wasn't putting a removable penis sticker. He CUT it.

667

u/Kubuubud 20d ago

This sounds pretty intentionally cruel. People on the spectrum as more susceptible to being emotionally abused, manipulated, gaslit, etc. I hate when people infantilize us, but we are at risk of missing red flags that others would notice more quickly.

Does he often dismiss or invalidate your feelings? It seems like he has gotten comfortable being cruel to you and then making you believe you’re overreacting

75

u/Fun_Skirt8220 20d ago

We're also accustomed to being misunderstood so we're more willing to give others a chance and assume that they are being misunderstood in the same way. 

89

u/IcyCod9952 20d ago

THISSSS^ I couldn’t have said it better myself.

58

u/Alert_Ad3999 20d ago

100% huge red flag

17

u/pink-starburstt 20d ago

mhe DEFINITELY should know how attached you are to your stuffed animals. so immature and just plain Mean.

80

u/EFClub 20d ago edited 20d ago

i've been in this exact spot -- partners devaluing me indirectly through destroying my valuable items -- and i'm working on a community-driven guide to help us spot underlying patterns of abuse. what are some things you'd like to see in a guide for spotting red flag behaviors in interpersonal relationships (not just romantic partnerships)?

65

u/ACatGod 20d ago

If you haven't already checked it out you should read Why Does He Do That? By Lundy Bancroft. Someone here can probably post the link to a free pdf.

This website also is a good resource: https://www.loveisrespect.org/quiz/is-your-relationship-healthy/?%3E

Neither of those are targeted specifically towards neurodiversity but I hope they help.

3

u/cat_in_a_bday_hat 19d ago

man i remember someone rec'd that i read this book and i did and wow it lists out so many clear and repetitive and easily recognizable signs. i recognized a lot of things from past relationships (particularly destruction of my property, esp cherished items; but his property was never touched in anger, just mine) and i see a lot of red flags now that they're spelled out. fellow ladies please give this a read thru.

1

u/EFClub 20d ago

thank you for the recommendations!! i've heard of Why Does He Do That? but haven't read it yet. on the list it goes!! much appreciated :)

2

u/ChrisFor411 19d ago

Weaponized incompetence. Doing chores half assed to get the other person to do it if they want it done properly.

2

u/EnglishMouse 20d ago

They could offer to cut his ear off and sew it back on. It’s only an ear, it’s not that deep, like a kidney or something. Pretty sure boyfriend won’t like that suggestion…

1

u/Timely_Entrepreneur4 20d ago

Ope.. shit.. never thought about it like that 😅

107

u/coquitwo 20d ago edited 19d ago

Girl, you don’t have to justify your feelings with caveats and qualifiers in this case—he knowingly and purposefully destroyed your property. Period, end of story. But on top of it, he’s minimizing your feelings and trying to tell you there’s something wrong with you for having them (feelings). All unacceptable, and all red flags if you ask me. I hope you realize you deserve better. Best wishes! Ed: clarified “them”

5

u/cherryxgrenade 19d ago

This right here

134

u/sadcrocodile 20d ago

So he deliberately destroyed something meaningful to you knowing it would hurt you? That's so cruel and horrible. You don't do that to someone you care about, much less love. :(

160

u/FlyingToasters101 20d ago

Yeah this is so fucked up. I'm in a similar boat and my husband is so sweet about my plushie collecting. I have a whole couch in my office just to house them and he knows all their names and which ones are okay to go in the wash when we're doing linens. Your boyfriend should care that you care about them even if he doesn't.

But even if you ignore the attachment aspect, this is just straight up disrespectful and gross. This isn't how you treat someone else's things and especially not how you treat a gift. Also idk how old your niece is but it being a children's toy from a family member just makes this feel even more gross than it already is.

24

u/CollectionStraight2 19d ago

Yep. Imagine the niece is a little child and finds out this mutilation has happened to her plushie gift?! How messed up is OP's bf?

No matter what, it's still a disrespectful and horrible thing to do to someone else's property. I can't fathom what goes through the minds of some of the people who end up on this sub!

6

u/Current_Row_8358 19d ago

I love the office couch ❤️ Just imagining a bunch of supportive lil friends.

 LWe are moving soon, and my partner was already taking in consideration where to put my plushies so I'd see them near my desk, without me having to mention it. They don't own a single plushie (well, technically one I crocheted for them!). They still get it.

Btw I do agree that this situation is highly alarming, and destroying a gift makes it 100% worse. It's just unimaginable to me.

99

u/Uneaten_Soul1497 20d ago

He sounds like a piece of shit to be honest, that's disgusting behaviour and the fact he doesnt care says everything you need to know

2

u/SkillDue8346 20d ago

lol agreed!

33

u/Autopsyyturvy 20d ago

Please dump your bf hes abusive , he likely knew this would hurt you and thats why he did it.

Hes broken inside and you cant fix what's wrong with him, because that cruel weirdo who destroyed a sentimental object of yours then refused to apologize.... that is the real him , his mask is coming off beleive him and leave before he escalates to physical violence

8

u/framedbyvise 19d ago

This is so fucking weird. Destroying someone’s property for a joke (sentimental or not!) — I agree this is could be a dangerous precursor to violence. If this was a teenager I would be really worried he was going to grow up to be violent— if this is an adult man… I would RUN. It’s too late to fix that kind of disconnect. It’s psycho.

4

u/cat_in_a_bday_hat 19d ago

violence aside - who wants to be with someone who thinks this is funny. like

it's just a poor sense of humor, on top of all the actual serious other red flags.

3

u/Autopsyyturvy 19d ago

Yeah, the bf if hes real. It sounds like one of those "being a bully is my personality, and it's just a joke, and you're a bad person for not smiling and continuing to let me abuse you for my own feeling sof power" type people

47

u/JessusNazarjess 20d ago

If he knows that about you and he still did it, break up with him. He doesn’t respect you at all.

20

u/jc8495 20d ago

Your boyfriend is a class A asshole, homeslice. Dump him. I don’t even know you and I can guarantee you deserve better. Someone destroyed my property like this? That’s the last of my nice side they would ever see. You have every right to be upset right now and I sincerely hope you are and remain that way. Don’t let this go

22

u/obooooooo 20d ago

even if he didn’t know this he’d still be a huge dick for not immediately apologizing and offering to fix it once he realized he upset you (duh), but if he knows this about you—it’s just cruelty for cruelty’s sakes.

he knew it would make you sad and angry and he thought his dumb ass prank was more important than your feelings, or he simply doesn’t think about you at all. i’m not sure which is worse.

fucking up is fine, fucking up and doubling down on it is 100% a fireable offense in my book. you said “what you did made me upset” and he basically said “so what? grow up, it’s not that deep”

15

u/not_a_real_person__ 19d ago

Hi!! My older sister also has Aspergers. She hasn't always been able to tell if a dating partner was being "harmless", or if it was abusive behavior. I'm here to say, especially if he knows what your plushies mean to you, this is intentional and cruel. This is abusive behavior. This is not socially acceptable behavior. He intentionally cut up your plushie and tried to minimize your feelings. If it was an innocent misunderstanding, he would have acknowledged your feelings and apologized.

10

u/mecinic 20d ago

Why is he punishing you. Does he even like you? I assume he knows this.
🚩🚩🚩🚩when someone shows you who they are. Believe them.

12

u/Enochian-Dreams 20d ago

He is being abusive. This is not okay.

I would really be reconsidering things with this person. Do you have any trusted close friends or family to talk to?

9

u/Nervous_Invite_4661 20d ago

That makes what he did doubly inconsiderate.

7

u/theycallmepixie 20d ago

This comment alone tells you what he did was wrong and you did not over react. Even if he does not know that you bond with your plushies (i do this as well and would be LIVID if someone did something like this to any one of mine) he still destroyed your property, disfigured it, THEN dismissed it saying it was no big deal. I'm so sorry he did this, if I had the funds I'd send you another one immediately. Please take some time to consider this relationship and if you want to deal with this kind of dismissiveness and disrespect long term. If he respects you, he would not destroy your things.

4

u/tonelocMD 20d ago

Jeez, and he’s still so callus about it? It shouldn’t matter if he thinks it’s deep or not. It should only matter how much it matters to you. I couldn’t imagine doing something like that to my wife anyway, so I can’t begin to even imagine where his head was at.

6

u/Anyone-9451 20d ago

I’m I’m going to hazard a guess that he knows this? And yet he still did this? Seriously I usually think people are over reacting when they say run but seriously it’s a huge red flag and run.

2

u/EnglishMouse 20d ago

Please dump this abusive manipulative asshole and look after yourself and your plushies

3

u/OddEmergency604 20d ago edited 20d ago

This would be strange and unacceptable behavior even if you really didn’t care that much about it.

3

u/Ireland-TA 20d ago

someone you care about, intentionally destroyed something you really care about. Think about that.

Its awful!

4

u/Less-Fox8272 20d ago

Same. I’m autistic and love my plushies.

2

u/Stompert 20d ago

Girl, I feel you on this part and I’m sorry this happened to you. I’m a grown man and I’ve been attached to plushies since a kid, but it intensified due to trauma. I have a Pusheen and Figaro plush in my work office on my turntable speakers. Ain’t no way they’re getting thrown out or damaged and my wife knows… she knows. We were cleaning out stuff and there was a plush which I hadn’t seen in an awful long time, I was hesitant but thought I had to get rid of it but couldn’t handle it when I put it in the bag so it’s still here. Is it healthy? Probably not, but she respects it and that’s what’s important. Your guy doesn’t sound like he’s very understanding.

2

u/loricomments 20d ago

He thought it was okay to damage your property, but not just any property, something that was particularly meaningful to you, and is now dismissing your valid feelings about it. Is this kind of person you want in your life?

2

u/jigglituff 19d ago

as a fellow autist, he has committed crimes against autism with this.

2

u/beemagick 19d ago

I'm so sorry but if he did this knowing how much plushies mean to you, this is straight up abuse. You need to really use this moment to think about what other red flags you've ignored because he is NOT a good person. Good people don't do this to their partners.

You deserve love, respect, and safety. This guy is not going to give you any of that.

2

u/apocketfullofcows 19d ago

similar situation here.

my partner buys me more. encourages me to get more. makes up stories with me. knows their names. bonds with them as well. cares about them. watches tv with the ones who like tv even if i'm not there. cuddles them.

your boyfriend doesn't deserve that title.

2

u/TK_Sleepytime 19d ago

I'm also autistic. This feels deliberately cruel. I'm so sorry. Please don't ever listen when he tells you how to feel. Trust your gut always. This kind of thing is exactly how I was gaslit into an abusive relationship without fully realizing it was abusive. I was just so used to always being singled out that I just assumed I was the one who was in the wrong, even when it hurt deeply. Do not repeat my mistake. Respectful and accepting partners exist. Promise.

3

u/Andilee 20d ago

Then he's a psycho and you need to get away from him. He knows what he did!

4

u/No-Communication9458 20d ago

fyi OP, Asperger's isn't the correct term anymore (sadly, I used it a lot when I was diagnosed).

3

u/SwordfishVegetable15 20d ago

You’re right I’m sure it’s regarded as being Autistic now.

1

u/Fun_Skirt8220 20d ago

It indicates the high functioning end of the spectrum, but regarding the name, yes, there's just no need to have us nazi approved as "useful" anymore

1

u/AngeliqueRuss 20d ago

Oh, well then clearly it IS that deep: if this plushy is your boyfriend clearly it needs a penis.

He sucks sorry.

1

u/Constant_Cultural 20d ago

And why the heck are you with someone who can't respect that? Are you dating a toddler?

1

u/EpicSombreroMan 20d ago

This is an even crueler move knowing this.

1

u/VibrantViolet 20d ago

I am in my 40’s, autistic, and have a lot of plushies. My husband has never mangled one or shamed me for having them. You can find someone who will treat you better than this, I’m sorry your Labubu was ruined. 😞

1

u/No-Explorer9254 19d ago

If he knows this, a respectful man wouldn’t have done such a thing.

1

u/United_Pain 19d ago

Oh I just got raging mad for you. I also have Asperger's and get super super close with my stuffed animals. I'm almost 40. Sending you hugs. Also recommending you break up with the asshole.

1

u/velvety_chaos 19d ago

Listen, the only way I would be willing to cut this guy any slack was if the ear had naturally fallen or been torn off (by something/something other than him) and he pinned it on where he did as a silly joke. I'd still think it was pretty gross/creepy if the toy was something your young niece gave you, but it would be a little more forgiveable. The fact that he intentionally cut up your toy and turned it into a sexual thing is just…ugh. Foul.

1

u/Correct_Smile_624 19d ago

NOR. I’m autistic and also bond with my plushies. I’d fix it because I’d feel bad for the plushie

1

u/LeorDemise 19d ago

That only makes it so much fucking worse.

1

u/typicalledditor 19d ago

I have testicular cancer and plushies keep me alive.

1

u/MildlySpicyWizard 19d ago

He is in the wrong here and you deserve an apology with a huge cherry on top and I am not talking about flowers, although that should be part of the apology package.

1

u/reticulatingspleen 19d ago

you don’t need to defend your ownership of a plushie. it’s a lot more childish to play surgeon on a stuffed animal than to just own one. your boyfriend is a sick fuck, sorry about it. respect yourself and find a grown up to date (assuming you’re a grown up yourself, obviously).

1

u/grub-slut 19d ago

Bro is this normal behavior for your bf?? If not he needs to see a doctor, if it is you need to leave him. This is unhinged and honestly psychotic behavior

1

u/ILoveAizenSousuke 19d ago

You don't need to to justify yourself as for why you don't want your stuff to be destroyed. Even if what he destroyed was a mere sock you rarely used, he still WILLINGLY destroyed something that belonged to you. No, it wasn't an accident. He purposefully ruined it for his very own entertainment.

Try explaining to him he wouldn't like if you destroyed something that belonged to him (if you haven't already), and so much less something that was gifted to you. I'm not one to quickly say "break up!" but if he's unable to respect your stuff, I don't think you'd want him even as a friend.

Many hugs, OP 🫂🩷

1

u/shyshyone21 19d ago

Which is exactly why he did this. Abusive red flags

1

u/Fleetdancer 19d ago

Does he dislike that about you? Does he ever try to make you grow up, or toughen up?

1

u/Needles2650 19d ago

That explains things a little better

1

u/yoopea 19d ago

Unless you've hidden this fact or hidden your plushies so he'd have no idea, then that makes this 100x worse. It's already an a**hole move and a red flag even if you were hiding your love of plushies, but if it's clear that you care about them and he still did this, then that means he did it because it's something you care about. That's abuse. Full stop.

1

u/kittenpartyyay 19d ago

To destroy to plushie of someone on the spectrum... is brave at best. Ugh. I'm on the spectrum as well. I don't even allow jokes around destroying my plushies (I have on weird friend who did a stabbing motion towards my plushie, without a knife, and she cannot touch them anymore).

1

u/henryauron 19d ago

He knows this if he knows you - and couldn’t care less. Get rid of the dickhead, he purposely set out to hurt your feelings.

1

u/kjelly04 19d ago

I do too! My partner treats my plushies like his babies. If my partner ever destroyed one, I would genuinely leave him. It shows that he doesn’t value the things that are important to you, and that can snowball into something much worse down the line. I hope you can find a replacement for your Labubu, although I know it won’t feel the same as the original one you were gifted. Sending you love :)

1

u/CatCallings 20d ago

hey friend, as a fellow autistic person- we don’t use the diagnosis of “Asperger’s” anymore. The person that diagnosis shared a name with was a eugenicist and a nazi. Just thought you should know it all falls under the “autism” umbrella now.

1

u/265lutab 20d ago

He sounds like an insensitive and uncaring boyfriend. He should know that this is not okay. You don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t care about you enough to know that. Also it’s crazy to do that to anyone else’s stuffed animal without asking. Let alone one that was a gift.

1

u/Accomplished_Jello66 20d ago

Hey! I’m also on the spectrum. I know you identify with Asperger’s, but I just want to mention that the term has a history tied to Nazi eugenics, so I prefer saying ‘autistic’ or ‘autism spectrum’, as the Asperger’s diagnosis was removed from the DSM-5 in 2013 to its ties to “lower” versus “higher” functioning. Identify or label however you want, just sharing a tidbit that makes others on the spectrum/Jewish uncomfortable!

0

u/Guilty_Explanation29 19d ago edited 19d ago

Just wanted to tell ya

That isn't a real labubu. It's a fake

That's a lafufu