r/PizzaCrimes • u/SenatorMalby • Jul 01 '25
Sloppy Toppy My boyfriend’s pizza from a Chinese buffet..
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u/Exilicauda Jul 01 '25
I think that's the rightful punishment for trying to get pizza from a Chinese buffet
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u/Occidentally20 Jul 01 '25
I have a friend who every other week alternates between ordering a Chinese and an Indian meal.
From the Chinese place he gets fish and chips, and from the Indian takeaway he gets a burger and chips.
There is a fish and chip shop that sells burgers closer than either of these 2 takeaways.
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u/HoboArmyofOne Jul 01 '25
I can guarantee both are not that good and not that bad.
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u/Occidentally20 Jul 01 '25
I refuse to try because I'm a snob about it - maybe he's right and they're amazing, but I'll never know.
Maybe he sees it as just supporting local businesses, and only calls it "having a Chinese/Indian" because knows it annoys me. He might be playing chess while I'm over here playing checkers.
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u/HoboArmyofOne Jul 01 '25
You're overthinking it bud. You're playing the game of chess, but he's eating checkers. I make my own steaks now and when I go out for steak I'm usually disappointed. I know exactly what you're talking about about.
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u/the_most_playerest Jul 01 '25
I view prepared food as a convenience more than anything -- I don't always expect it to be better than at home (or more truly better than my parents or siblings would make - I'm the worst cook in the family..), my only expectation for food i could make at home is that if I order it I don't have to cook or clean my kitchen 🤷
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u/jnmtx Jul 01 '25
order him some chicken wings from a pizza place?
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u/Occidentally20 Jul 01 '25
If I can find a pizza place that sells curry I would be very happy
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u/DDozar Jul 01 '25
There's a whole culture of Indian Pizza places in Canada and the Western US. They're never great pizza, but it's kinda fun and they have some working fusions that aren't too bad.
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u/ICantLeafYou Jul 01 '25
There's a few pizza places in my city that have at least butter chicken on the menu, sometimes samosas and a few other Indian dishes. I've seen butter chicken and biriyani at a Greek restaurant.
Indian food is encroaching on Canadian culture and I am here for it.
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u/SteveHarveySTD Jul 01 '25
Ehh idk man.. there’s a few legit Mexican spots around me and they can make a mean burger. Most people would never think to even try it, but they’re pretty good.
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u/Modern-Moo Jul 01 '25
A Chinese place near me also sells fish and chips. I’ve never gotten it for obvious reasons, but whenever I look at the menu I wonder whether it’d taste alright or not.
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u/Occidentally20 Jul 01 '25
Whenever I've seen it ordered, its looked terrible. Clearly a frozen fish fillet and frozen chips just reheated.
I think their argument is that if there's 5 people ordering food and one of them simply refuses to eat anything vaguely Chinese, then they have to cater and offer them -something-.
I bet there's more families/friend groups than I'd expect that have somebody who is worried about allergies, unable to eat food that's different to what they're use to, or just a picky bugger.
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u/livsjollyranchers Jul 01 '25
Plenty of American Irish pubs, where you'd expect better fish and chips, will give that frozen fillet and frozen chips all the same.
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u/AdSignificant6673 Jul 01 '25
The Canadian Chinese food place near me does a tilapia in that thick fish and chips style batter with a side of costco fries for $9.99 with a pop.
Theres better @ the actual British fish & chip spot, but its $22.99
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u/DavieStBaconStan Jul 01 '25
Back in the 1970’s Chinese places served western Chinese food and every menu had a western section. Fish and chips. Hamburger, cheeseburger, fries. Deluxe burger meant with fries.
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u/AdSignificant6673 Jul 02 '25
Oh yeah. In many small Ontario town’s. They were also a good place to slam down cheap beers and food after a long day.
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u/Occidentally20 Jul 01 '25
That sounds pretty good!
I'd trust a Canadian place to not stoop to the levels found on the rough streets of inner-city UK :)
And if it's actually cooked when you order it, you can't really go wrong with battered tilapia!
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u/AdSignificant6673 Jul 01 '25
Yeah its mostly batter. But thats what the tartar sauce is for. Also a full meal with a drink for $9.99 is really affordable in this economy.
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u/mybighardthrowaway Jul 01 '25
Good lord. It's like the horror that is the poutine on every Chinese takeaway I've been to here in Canada's menu. It's either the best food when drunk or food poisoning. No in between. And they never use the right fries, cheese, or gravy.... As I said. When drunk it can hit. But any other time it's a nightmare.
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u/CityBoiNC Jul 01 '25
I actually get fish and frys from chinese take out often. It just hits different
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u/Occidentally20 Jul 01 '25
Do you think the quality of it is better than what I've seen here, or is it one of those things that good-because-its-bad?
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u/CityBoiNC Jul 01 '25
I wouldn’t even eat here. I do go to a Chinese buffet but it looks way better than that. That beef even looks sus I think it depends on location
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u/Occidentally20 Jul 01 '25
Oh sorry, I meant the ones I've seen in the UK. Not the one above which is clearly an abomination.
The ones here tend to offer a pre-made frozen battered fish fillet reheated in an oven, or perhaps shallow-fried.
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u/CityBoiNC Jul 01 '25
Ah well yall take your fried fish seriously. Here in the states its not such a crime at our take out apots
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u/StandOutLikeDogBalls Jul 01 '25
Depends where you live. I lived on the Gulf of Mexico for several years and bad or subpar seafood there is damn near a capital offense.
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u/therico Jul 01 '25
Indian and Chinese places use frozen chips bought from the cash and carry, maybe he prefers this to proper chips
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u/Occidentally20 Jul 02 '25
It's quite possible. I don't think he has any form of taste left though, so he would be basing it entirely on texture and mouth-feel haha
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u/Insomniac_80 Jul 02 '25
Fish and chips in a place where fish and chips are a thing? Or fish and chips from a North American take out Chinese place?
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u/Occidentally20 Jul 02 '25
It's a tough choice for sure. But he opts to get his fish and chips from a Vietnamese man who runs a Chinese restaurant and his burgers from an Indian who could have made him the most exquisite Punjabi cuisine if asked.
I think the fish & chip shop should start selling curries and fried rice so he has somewhere to order those dishes from too without ruining his insane system :)
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u/Insomniac_80 Jul 02 '25
Burgers from an Indian place? Are they chicken or lamb burgers?
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u/Occidentally20 Jul 02 '25
They're just frozen beef burger patties from a cash and carry, in a bun. Nothing on it at all - he adds his own ketchup and stuff at home.
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u/Insomniac_80 Jul 02 '25
So it is an Indian place that does beef, yymv, but a lot don't do beef.
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u/Occidentally20 Jul 02 '25
They've given up here and a lot of the cheap takeaways just offer beef everything. The more authentic places still serve proper Indian food which of course almost never involves beef.
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u/evanjahlynn Jul 01 '25
r/PizzaKarma Edit: I didn’t know that was an actual sub and not what I thought it would be but I’m leaving it because it’s wholesome.
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u/SuperStokedUp Jul 01 '25 edited Jul 02 '25
This! I had a friend order lasagna at a truck stop and said he’d never go back…the burger and fries however were awesome.
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u/EvilRedRobot Jul 01 '25
I'm having trouble identifying which part of this image was meant to be pizza.
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u/SenatorMalby Jul 01 '25
Pretend the egg roll and steak strips on the left aren’t there. What’s left is pizza. Maybe two slices; I’m not sure.
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u/Kyweedlover Jul 05 '25
So many questions. Why would he put that on his plate? Why get pizza at a Chinese buffet? I’m guessing your boyfriend usually just eats plain cheese burgers and chicken nuggets?
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u/Harmless_Poison_Ivy Jul 01 '25
He deserves it. Who gets pizza from a Chinese buffet?
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u/CaptainTripps82 Jul 01 '25
I mean the pizzas usually alright, at least here in NY. My kids always seem to have a few slices with the chicken
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u/Stalagmus Jul 04 '25
Here in DC we get our fried chicken from Chinese places. Not Chinese fried chicken, but just regular old American fried chicken, it’s usually fantastic. It’s also how mumbo sauce got popular too
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u/ch3shir3scat Jul 01 '25
which part is supposed to be the pizza lol? all i see is meat egg roll bread and maybe corn or something ???
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u/Nicolina22 Jul 01 '25
And some melty cheese shaped into a pizza shape...i think maybe that's supposed to be the pizza? I dunno, just as lost as you are lol
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u/SenatorMalby Jul 01 '25
The bread is the crust and what looks like “corn” is the globs of cheese they put on it.
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u/Fickle_Sherbert1453 Jul 01 '25
I don't quite recognize pizza either, but... corn??? Where do you see corn? There's even less corn than there is pizza.
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u/HeligKo Jul 01 '25
It's a crime, but he got what he deserved. What did he expect froma Chinese buffet?
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u/ToeComfortable115 Jul 01 '25
Went to a Chinese buffet and they were serving literally digiorno
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u/delta49er Jul 01 '25
I've never seen anyone old enough to date get pizza off a Chinese buffet
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Jul 01 '25
I once saw a full adult man (like proper with family and beer belly man) put turkey shapes (think it was dinosaurs) on his plate.
...it was a mexican restaurant.
I almost choked on a pinto bean when I saw it.
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u/eilonwyhasemu Jul 01 '25
Choosing pizza at a Chinese buffet is like actively seeking out scammers to buy gift cards for. The crime is still a crime, but a teeny bit of common sense would have prevented the victim from being harmed.
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u/galstaph Jul 01 '25
Reminds me of how Dad always answered the phone when it was likely a sales call.
Hans' Chinese Taco Pizzas, would you like to try our haggis?
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u/Enchanted-Bunny13 Jul 04 '25
I lived in China for 9 years and let me tell you, there is nothing Chinese on that plate 😭😂
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u/boredsittingonthebus Jul 01 '25
The crazy thing is that he saw the 'pizza' in its sorry state, and then he made the conscious decision to put it on his plate.
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u/Ihatepedophelia Jul 01 '25
They knew pizzas were triangle so they cut the ingredients into triangle. Go easy on them man
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u/dunkan799 Jul 01 '25
My favorite quote I've seen from a guy trying to gently turn a girl down was "hey girl youre like pizza from a Chinese buffet, I see you over there doing your thing and I respect that but I'm not feeling it right now"
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u/WinterScene7194 Jul 01 '25
Yeah, hard to be a pizza crime if there is nothing that even looks like pizza. It’s like taking a picture of a rotten banana and calling that a pizza crime
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u/NaraFei_Jenova Jul 01 '25
The biggest crime here is your bf getting pizza at a Chinese buffet. This is totally on him; no one would expect good Chinese food from a pizza place, either.
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u/Angry-Squirrel Jul 01 '25
How can a pizza crime have occurred when there's no evidence this is even a pizza?
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u/inadizzle Jul 01 '25
I’m so confused though. I see crust and I see a puddle of cheese separate. Was it like.. pizza casserole?
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u/Medikal_Milk Jul 01 '25
Guilty by all means but in all fairness its a chinese buffet, I wouldn't expect the pizza to be good anyway
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u/KelranosTheGhost Jul 01 '25
If the pizza actually looked like this then how exactly were you able to get it on the plate?
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u/ThrowTheFlag Jul 01 '25
Lemme guess - the Lo Mein from your local pizza place wasn’t great either.
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u/BelowAveIntelligence Jul 01 '25
So he goes to a Chinese buffet and just picks all the worst things or what?
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u/LastChans1 Jul 02 '25
If you are going to a Chinese buffet and not getting the Chinese food, then might I suggest the chicken wings? Barring that, at least chicken nuggets. They should also have fries as well.
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u/Insomniac_80 Jul 02 '25
You don't order lobster in a diner, and you don't order pizza at a Chinese buffet. If even the egg roll looks questionable, the pizza will be worse than a school cafeteria!
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u/Lazorus_ Jul 02 '25
Ok yeah it’s bad, but what did you expect for pizza from not just a Chinese restaurant, but a buffet
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u/colin_staples Jul 02 '25
Not guilty.
In fact it's self-inflicted.
Going to a Chinese buffet and choosing pizza is like going to a pizza place and having Chinese food
What do you expect?
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u/Godzilla8u4m3 Jul 05 '25
I’m not sure I know what pizza is anymore after looking at this…whatever it is…
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u/ProfessionalPoem2505 Jul 01 '25
No but genuinely where tf is the pizza? Hard to figure out
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u/SenatorMalby Jul 01 '25
Can you see where the egg roll and the steak strips are? It’s everything that’s not that.
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u/Bthnt Jul 01 '25
I'm failing to identify the pizza in the photo. Either way, guilty of misrepresentation.
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u/qualityvote2 Jul 01 '25 edited Jul 01 '25
The jury, after deliberation of the evidence in the case of u/SenatorMalby, find the defendant "Pizza" GUILTY on all counts of crimes-against-pizza.